Author: Roscoe Tims

The Quade Cooper saga is over for at least another year. He’s signed on the dotted line with the ARU for the next 12 months. So suck on that you Parra fag…. muppets! Not that they would have seriously contemplated he’d have been playing for them next year. Surely? After the 2011 RWC, well who knows? I guess his price will head north if his potential keeps being realised. You can imagine that when we win the Rugby World Cup in Enzed next year on the back of his game management, a small remuneration increase would be anticipated? If that was the case (that…

I’m sure that the Wallabies will overcome the (supposed) hoodoo voodoo and defeat the All Blacks sometime soon.  However, I have my doubts whether it’ll be this weekend or even this year. I reckon the smart money would be on 2011. It would be a seismic 7.1 on the Richter scale if the Wallabies actually got home over an all-conquering All Blacks in Sydney this Saturday. The Kiwis have been a 15 point better team than the Wallabies so far this season (that’s the aggregate points difference between them). The unknown is: how much better have the Wobblies become since they’ve been on the road and can their past inconsistencies…

What are we going to be doing differently this week that we didn’t do last week? The answer to that is ‘to ring the changes’ which is a 17th century term (related to bell ringing in belfry’s) that means to employ alternative methods. The selectors have finally decided to employ alternative players and dumped some under-performers. The casualties are Dean Mumm, Richard Brown and Saia Faingaa. Two of the three have been copping criticism for quite some time for a lack of form and impact. I think the changes are deserved – I mean, what have we got to lose.…

Are one of the reasons why the Wallabies haven’t been successful lately due to the preponderance of players selected out of their specialist position? I mean, it’s becoming more common place for us to use the same group of players but shuffle them around and the ‘where is he going to be playing this week’ feeling is becoming apparent. It seems to me that the Eddie Jones concept of ‘total rugby’ is back in spades. Anyone can play anywhere? I suppose one of the reasons that’s happening is a lack of player depth in certain positions. The injury toll of…

And the winner is? History. This is the 12th loss in a row on the highfeld since we last beat the Bokke three months before President John F Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas in 1963. Our execution last night by the Springboks extends this less than impressive record but there were a few positives to it. What were those you ask? Well, if you actually paid to get in you certainly got your money’s worth. Tries galore, full-on running rugby from both sides (more from the Wallabies actually) and a pretty exciting spectacle, despite some empty seats in the…

Quade Cooper is back from suspension and returns to his rightful five eighth position for this weekend’s Springbok challenge at Loftus Versfeld. The QC/Will Genia coupling needs to be revitalised if the Wallabies are any chance of overturning 47 years of history on the highfeld. A return to Queensland Reds scintillating form by these two would be a start and maybe have the team ‘moving forward’, not crabbing east/west like the Wallabies did in the last test. Sanchez hasn’t looked 100% fit recently so it’s hoped that the break has given his dodgy knee some respite and aerobically he’s improved.…

The All Blacks finished with a flourish against a vastly improved Springbok combination and came away with a 29-22 win, snatching the Tri-Nations Trophy back. The match was played this morning in front of an exuberant 94,000 crowd in Soweto. Funnily enough, there didn’t actually seem to be too many Sowetans in the stands and not a vuvezela in sight. Soweto is not an African name – it’s a shortened version of South Western Township. This Jo’burg satellite city is where blacks were required to live in the apartheid era. Times have certainly changed but I guess they weren’t too…

A bit of advice son: (1) Nobody is bigger than the game, and (2) You need to pay a few dues before you start making inflated demands. I say call his bluff. I suspect that’s all it is but if it was anything deeper than that then so what? Some people seem to think Quade Cooper is the only talent we’ve got as a play-maker and it would be a disaster of Titantic proportions if he slunk off to the mungos. Some even think that QC holds all the cards? Sorry, but I just don’t go with that at all.…

When was the last time the Wallabies were a force in world rugby? It’s hard to remember isn’t it? I’d say around 2003 and before that, the golden years of 1999-2001. That’s seven bloody years ago. A couple of times in-between you could say that we were on the up but it only came crashing down again due to inconsistency and a lack of depth. A good example of that is 2008 where we defeated the All Blacks in Sydney 34-19 and the Springboks a couple of times as well. However, that was followed up with a disgraceful 53-8 snotklap…

The All Blacks have retained the Bledisloe Cup and won the Tri-Nations Trophy in a dominant performance against the Wallabies in Christchurch tonight. You’ve got to give them their due, the final scoreline of All Blacks 20 Wallabies 10 was to some extent an accurate reflection of the game although they were always threatening and you felt that they could break out at any time. The All Blacks scored two tries in the first half (Muliaina and Smith) against the Wallabies one (Beale). All were converted and a couple of Carter penalties in the 2nd half rounded it out. The…

The Wallaby team has been named for Saturday’s test. This is an opportunity to storm the Kiwi beachhead in a do or die effort to remain alive in the Tri-Nations and Bledisloe Cups.  In the real world most will say that this is an impossible task. Is the best that we can hope for an honourable defeat and strategic withdrawal à la Dunkirk?  Or can we steer our undermanned battlegroup through the obstacles of Juno, Omaha or Gold Beach and give Jerry (or Smug Ted in this case) a bloody nose?  Perhaps a win is beyond us but let’s go down fighting in the process. Although Dunkirk was a loss, at least…

In 1972, the Wallabies toured New Zealand and lost the three test series by an aggregate of 23 points each game (6-29, 17-30 and 3-38). So poor was the Wallaby team regarded that they were referred to as ‘the Awful Aussies’. Fast forward to last night and to Christchurch next week, and I think we may have a competitor for this tag. This comprehensive rout will probably have won the All Blacks the Tri-Nations Trophy and retained the Bledisloe for another year. The Wallabies really had nothing in response. Expectations raised last week were dashed in the usual manner by…

You can build all you like but there comes a time when you have to stand and deliver. Now is that time. The Wallabies did deliver in Brisbane against a misfiring Springbok side who had been twice beaten up by the All Blacks in the previous few weeks. There’s no doubt that this was our best chance for a win in the Tri-Nations and we played somewhere near our potential to grab it. And let’s not downplay our efforts because it was pretty damn good on the night and reinvigorated the side. That was then, this is now. It’s our…

The big talking point in the Wallaby team named to play the All Blacks this weekend is the move by Matt Giteau back to five eighth. Robbie Deans decided to use him as the playmaker instead of leaving him at inside centre. Giteau replaces the suspended Quade Cooper – whose suspension is currently being challeged although that’s unlikely to affect the outcome of this match. As expected, Berrick Barnes comes into the run-on team in the centres although there was speculation that he’d replace Cooper in the No 10 role.  Saturday night will be the first time that Gits and Sookface have been combined since the final…

I can’t wait for the books to come out after Snor de Villiers is given the arse. They’ll be a real cracker and reveal exactly who did coach the team and what the dynamics were. If the Springboks were to lose their home tests; notwithstanding the political factors at play, there’s every chance the Clown would be shown the door. PdV would be crying into his Castle Milk Stout. Inexplicably, his Springbok battle cruiser seems to have sprung a leak as fortuitously, the Wallabies seem to have righted theirs. Of course, we’ve seen this before and the real test comes…

Latest: Matt Hodgson ruled out – Ben McCalman now on the bench Robbie Deans has named his first Tri-Nations test team for 2010 and it’s much as expected containing only the odd positional surprise. There is one test debutant, Rob Simmons from Queensland, who features off the bench. Drew Mitchell has regained his wing position due to injuries to Peter Hynes and Digby Ioane. He had been dropped after the Irish test for defensive lapses. Much speculation has centred on Cameron Shepherd to make a return after last appearing for the Wallabies against France in June 2008, when he broke his leg. But that is not to be. He was…

LATEST: ALL BLACK SQUAD FOR MELBOURNE NAMED –  John Afoa, Anthony Boric, Tom Donnelly, Corey Flynn, Ben Franks, Owen Franks, Jerome Kaino, Richie McCaw (captain), Keven Mealamu, Kieran Read, Brad Thorn, Victor Vito, Samuel Whitelock and Tony Woodcock. Daniel Carter, Jimmy Cowan, Aaron Cruden, Israel Dagg, Cory Jane, Mils Muliaina, Ma’a Nonu, Josevata Rokocoko, Conrad Smith, Benson Stanley and Piri Weepu.  Alby Mathewson will also assemble with the squad as cover for Weepu who is preparing for the arrival of his first child. All Blacks 31 Springboks 17 In a match with some eerie similarities to last week, the All Blacks…

Crikey, where did that boat in my garage come from? It just seemed to materialise out of nowhere. Not forgetting the $25,000 shopping vouchers given to me by my manager. Choice, aye? Did you think we came down in the last shower? For those that think the ‘big four’ Melbourne Storm rugby league players didn’t know about their ‘second’ contracts and potential salary cap breaches, think again – most of them actually signed off on them. There is some speculation floating around in the media that Greg Inglis, Cooper Cronk ( a former schoolboy rugby union player) and others are potentially considering a move to our game. Like Izzy,…

Ground Control to Major Bakkies: Take your protein pills and put your helmet on. Ground Control to Major Bakkies: Your circuit’s dead, there’s something wrong. Can you hear me Major Bakkies? Can you hear me Major Bakkies? Apparently not. It’s obvious his team mates were mightily pissed off with him after last week’s debacle. Bliksem, a yellow card which turned the game and nine weeks chewing biltong on the sideline. There’s some speculation that Butthead might be gone forever but I think that’s wishful thinking. Anyhow, Danie Roussow is a pretty handy replacement and at least poses less risk of 14 man rugby. I’d imagine he won’t be…