The Newlands Hangover

The Newlands Hangover

Must have coffee

Must have coffee

Just imagine you wake up after the Perth Tri Nations with a massive hangover, and lying in bed you recall the events that transpired the night before….

A big smile comes over your face, after all your boys put on a solid 12 point win and that leggy blonde gave you her number.

Geez, that initial try the Boks put on comes back to haunt you though, it was a very well worked set piece move but your back three should have stopped Francois between them! The embarrasment is tempered however, as you recall the Wallaby response of George Smith showing up at flyhalf and putting through a skillful grubber kick, with the bad bounce elluding Habana to gift James Horwill a meat pie.

The hazy details of the match continue to flow through the headache, and you remember how the boks kept infringing in your half and Giteau’s golden boot builds the score, 3 points at a time. Great accumulation and it’s good to see the Wallabies keeping the scoreboard ticking over.

An important event returns to your thoughts – it’s 32 minutes in when the John Smit hurt his knee, leaving the young Chillyboy Rapelle to play the match out. A good opportunity for the young rake, and it means Victor Matfield has to take over the captaincy duties, a role he’s performed in the past with distinction.

Oh, remember Morne’s yellow, that was funny as! Towards the end of the first half when Fourie Du Preez put up a midfield bomb and Steyn came tearing through after the ball, but had no idea where the ball was. He just jumped up in the air nowhere near the ball and ended up taking out Luke Burgess. Got a yellow for his efforts too, but that was fair enough ’cause Burgo looked hurt (though I thought he took a dive at the time)… but he got the card so it’s all good.

The nurofen’s starting to take effect now, ahhhh, didn’t Juan Smith get a card as well? Oh yeah, he did! Tackled one of our boys then jumped to his feet and just grabbed the ball. Stupid Saffa, you’d think he knows the offside rule by now…

Yeah, there were 15 Wallabies on 13 Springboks, either side of half time.. did we score though? I remember a bunch of attacking phases, and big Cliffy spilt the ball about 5 metres out, then after half time they kicked pretty well and we got stuck in our own half and just couldn’t get out. Those dirty buggers kept stalling for time too, damn ref should have given them a third yellow.

I don’t know the question, but bacon and eggs definately is the answer! Our lineout, oh it was sublime. We won 9 of their throws plus all of our own! Shame about the scrum though, that was a shambles… their young front row was destroying our seasoned campaigners. Baxter got one on them though, whispering in the ref’s ear then pulling off the biggest bore in from LHP I’ve ever seen, AND he won the penalty! That’s where experience pays off. I remember Stirling was so scared of their scrum he conceded a short arm penalty in a great attacking position for a lineout!

Oh dear, the end of the game just came back to me, what a shocker! Those nasty bokke buggers came at us with everything they had and almost snuck a bonus point loss, despite being again down to 14 and obviously exhausted from all the defensive work earlier in the match. They were breaking our line at will, we’re just lucky their young fullback knocked it on at the death.

Now that I think about it, I’m quite dissapointed we didn’t score more points. I mean we had that massive overlap, a favourable ref giving us 13 penalties to their 9, excellent playing conditions, massive supremacy in the lineout and around the field.. yet every time we got into their half we just knocked over another three. I can appreciate that this was our gameplan, it won us the game, and was very effective under the non-ELV laws, but I still regret not going for the jugular, kicking into the corners and pressuring their try line. If we can’t put on 4 tries when everything goes right, we’ll never put on 4 tries.

The preceding story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event.

Moses spends far too long on G&GR, dealing with the totality of the strength and conditioning, the medical, the rugby side of things, strategy, the review, preview of the internet itself and also the individuals. A Waratahs apologist and rib-eye steak enthusiast, he is often found working behind the scenes keeping the G&GR juggernaut afloat.

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