Welcome one, welcome all to another Friday’s Rugby News. and another rugby good news week. Today we cast an eye northward with ‘Kiss of Death’. You get to vote for your Wallaby Matchday XXIII in ‘Expert Idiots’. Welcome the latest addition to ‘The St Joe Show’. Look at this week’s SRP matches in ‘Cream Always Rises’. Preview the SRW semi-finals with ‘It’s Go Time’. And put the olive in your rugby week martini with ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss’, now close to securing employment with Channel 7 in a role ‘pampering incoming media personalities in need guidance’ or ‘PIMPING’ for short.
Kiss of Death?
Is it just me or did others notice the hashtag #bringbackbrad trending in the QPRQ this week?
‘The February Favourites’, ‘The Suncorp Certainties’, ‘The Kiss Kamikazes’ have appeared a little less 2024 Ferrari SF90 and instead lately more of a 1977 Lada Niva. And the toothless masses north of civilisation seem to be yearning for the olden days of no fluoride in their drinking water and when Brad ‘The Padre’ Thorn led their side to mediocrity.
OK, I grant you the Reds may have amassed three wins against the Tahs two. And yes, one of those was against the Tahs, but the Tahs have two victories against Kiwi opposition. The Reds can’t beat MP! The Tahs have an Aussie coach with the most winningest record ever against the Crusadists. Also the Tahs aren’t a team of heinous thugs, as evidenced by recent multiple red cards during a single game for the Communist side.
For Reds fans, I am truly sorry, the writing appears to be on the wall and for a change it doesn’t just say ‘For a good time call Yowie on 1300 RUB&TUG‘ (although his google reviews are quite good: ‘Our client was fully satisfied’ Sunrise Management Team. And ‘Best money Channel 7 ever spent‘ B Lurrman, no fixed abode)
All good things must come to an end and so it appears up north. Three losses on the trot and spoiler alert, another loss coming this weekend, will see the Reds slide further into the 2024 Super Rugby abyss. Shame too, I even believed there were echoes of 2011 vaping vibing up north this year.
Expert Idiots.
So you fancy yourselves as a selector do ya? Well, here’s your chance to vote for your matchday Wallaby XXIII to play Wales, if the test was being played next week. No more soft options of ‘wider squads’ or ‘training camps’, instead you’ve got to sharpen your pencil, pick on form and pick a G&GR Wallaby XXIII, incumbency be damned.
The selections are set around a 5:3 bench, so choose wisely. I even included the Force players as available for selection, just for a giggle. Share with your rugby mates, polls close this Sunday night at midnight and the official Wallaby squad will be announced on Monday. I know RA will be watching.
The St Joe Show
The man anointed to save Australian Rugby, again, this time for sure, maybe, has announced his latest and last coaching appointment. St Joe Schmidt has added the highly regarded, former FUKIRs lock and current Rebels forward coach, Geoff Parling to the ranks.
A successful player in his own right with 29 tests for the Soap Dodgers and the 2013 Lions, Parling, 40, will leave the Melbourne Rebels at the end of the Super Rugby Pacific season to join coach Schmidt, Mike Cron and Laurie Fisher and Irish analyst Eoin Toolan. Interestingly, Parling, Lord Laurie and Cron are all forward coaches, leaving St Joe to oversee all fairy activities and issue gel rations, lip balm supplies and skin care products.
Full credit to RA and St Joe, that’s a cracking coaching squad. Rugby IP everywhere and grown ups as well. What a novel idea for a coaching team!
Cream Always Rises.
Yep, but so do turds. It’s round #9 of SRP and quite frankly it’s now or never for a few sides to either cement their top spots, battle for the top 8, or start planning their end of season trip and fancy dress themes now.
Friday 19 April 5:05 PM AEST – Fijian Drua v Hurricanes at HFC Bank Stadium, Suva, ad-free, live and on demand on Stan Sport
I was really disappointed in the Drua against the Rebels. The Drua lost their composure and then lost their collective marbles, as evidenced by two vinos to their players. There’s no benefit to be one trick ponies and only capable of winning at home and not on the road as well. I get they’re at home this week, but they’re at home against the best and most consistent side in the comp thus far.
The weather will play equaliser with Suva tipped to be 29 degrees, 85% humidity & 60% chance of rain. But all that will do is narrow the Canes winning margin.
Fearless Prediction: Canes by 25
Referee: Paul Williams Assistant Referees: Dan Waenga, Mike Winter
Friday 19 April 7:35 PM AEST – Queensland Reds v Highlanders at Suncorp Stadium, Brisbane, ad-free, live and on demand on Stan Sport
Loving the Reds ‘ol school’ front row of Alex Hodgman, Matt Faessler, Jeffery Toomaga-Allen for this one. But, no McReight, no Joe Dirt McDermott, and Tom Lynagh whispered to have a shoulder injury. No Flook or Uru both out injured all means the Reds have too much cattle missing for this one.
A loss of form, injury and suspension have come at exactly the wrong time for the Commies.
Fearless Prediction: Landers by 13, but a Reds win could do wonders for their season.
Referee: Jordan Way Assistant Referees: Nic Berry, Damon Murphy
Saturday 20 April 5:05 PM AEST – Blues v ACT Brumbies at Eden Park, Auckland, ad-free, live and on demand on Stan Sport
Ali v Frasier, Sleepy Joe v The Criminal, Good v Evil, Bruce v Channel 10. This one has it all folks.
The Ponies are fresh from a week off. I recall Bernie Larkham saying he’d send some players off for a well deserved rest and others without a lot of rugby miles in their legs back to club footy to get them match fitter. And that might have been a great call, for the Auckland (welfare) Blues have the biggest pack in SRP.
There are mouth watering match ups all over the field:
- Ofa Tu’ungafasi, Ricky Riccitelli, Marcel Renata v James Slipper, Billy Pollard, Sefo Kautai
- Akira Ioane, Dalton Papali’i, Hoskins Sotutu v Rob Valetini, Jahrome Brown, Charlie Cale
- Taufa Funaki, Harry Plummer, Caleb Clarke, Bryce Heem, Rieko Ioane, Mark Tele’a, Cole Forbes v Ryan Lonergan (c), Noah Lolesio, Corey Toole, Tamati Tua, Hudson Creighton, Ollie Sapsford, Tom Wright
For mine the equation is simple. Whichever loosies win the battle of the breakdown, win the match. Really interested to see Charlie Cale go toe to toe with the Blues loosies. I’m a fan of the kid; he brings skill, pace and temperament (as evidenced of his wonderful post game interview after the Tahs match) and this match will be the litmus test to see if cream truly does rise.
Fearless Prediction: Brumbies by 1 on the strength of their better bench.
Referee: Ben O’Keeffe Assistant Referees: Stu Curran, Jackson Henshaw
Saturday 20 April 7:35 PM AEST – Western Force v Crusaders at HBF Park Perth, ad-free, live and on demand on Stan Sport
Who cares, battle for 11th and 12th anyway.
Fearless Prediction: Draw.
Referee: Reuben Keane Assistant Referees: Graham Cooper, Jeremy Markey
It’s Go Time.
It’s finals times already for SRW and to be frank, that’s hugely disappointing. In 2024 (1995 in Qld and 1986 in WA) how is it not a home and away season at the very least? We want these players developing skills and fitness to start both improve SRW and make those picked for the Wallaroos seasoned and match hardened athletes.
Come on RA, it’s not like your paying them much anyway….
Friday 19 April 5:45 pm AEST – NSW Waratahs v ACT Brumbies at Allianz Stadium, Sydney, ad-free, live and on demand on Stan Sport
WARATAHS (1-15): Brianna Hoy, Brittany Merlo, Eva Karpani, Kaitlan Leaney, Atasi Lafai, Leilani Nathan, Skye Churchill, Piper Duck, Layne Morgan, Arabella McKenzie, Desiree Miller, Katrina Barker, Georgina Friedrichs (c), Maya Stewart, Caitlyn Halse
RESERVES: Siusiuosalafai Volkman, Emily Robinson, Bridie O’Gorman, Annabelle Codey, Sera Naiqama, Tatum Bird, Waiaria Ellis, Jade Sheridan
BRUMBIES (1-15): Sally Fuesaina, Tania Naden, Iroha Kisimoto, Kate Holland, Ash Fernandez, Siokapesi Palu (c), Lydia Kavoa, Tabua Tuinakauvadra, Kolora Lomani, Faitala Moleka, Jemima McCalman, Kayla Sauvao, Harmony Ioane, Biola Dawa, Ashlea Bishop
RESERVES: Erika Maslen, Allana Sikimeti, Iris Verebalavu, Jess Grant, Loretta Mailangi, Bonnie Brewer, Kyah Little, Chioma Enyi
Fearless Prediction: Tahs game to lose. And they won’t. Tahs by 19
Friday 19 April 2:35 pm AEST – Fijian Drua v Western Force at HFC Bank Stadium, Suva, ad-free, live and on demand on Stan Sport
DRUA (1-15): Salanieta Nabuli, Keleni Marawa, Anasimeci Korovata, Jade Coates, Asinate Serevi, Nunia Daunimoala, Sulita Waisega, Karalaini Naisewa (c), Setaita Railumu, Jenifer Ravutia, Adita Milinia, Merewalesi Rokouno, Vani Arei, Merewairita Neivosa, Atelaite Buna
RESERVES: Litia Marama, Bitila Tawake, Vika Matarugu, Mereoni Nakesa, Fulori Rotagavira, Evivi Senikarivi, Salanieta Kinita, Repeka Tove
FORCE (1-15): Alapeta Ngauamo, Hera-Barb Malcolm Heke, Natsuki Kashiwagi, Michaela Leonard, Rosie Ebbage, Lucy Dinnen, Anneka Stephens, Tamika Jones, Samantha Wood, Nicole Ledington, Siutiti Ma’ake, Trilleen Pomare (c), Sheree Hume, Brooklyn Teki-Joyce, Renae Nona
RESERVES: Misaki Suzuki, Hannah Palelei, Harono Te Iringa, Libya Teepa, Keira MacAskill, Dallys Tini, Haylee Hifo, Georgia Cormick
Fearless Prediction: I’d like to pick the Force, but travel and conditions would seem well against them. Or would they? Drua by negative 6.
Friday’s Goss with Hoss.
Bathroom Bandit Bounces Back
After 4 years away from Super Rugby, Mr Kurtley Beale is back on the paddock this week when he takes the field at fullback for the Force. The 35 yo, 95 cap Wallaby veteran was picked up by the Force for the remainder of the 24 season. The Force also welcome back Izaac Rodda and Michael Wells for this one.
Friday’s Rugby News‘ questions regarding a rumoured erotic movie joint-venture between Mr Beale and Mr Aaron Smith as producers, with a working title of ’50 Shades of Toilet Paper’ has yet to receive a response.
Shot Clock Show Stopper
Two seconds to change your life. Not only words of encouragement to Mrs Hoss on my birthday, but what could have been for the Crusaders.
A lot of conjecture about whether or not Bez would have allowed/enforced a restart to the Tahs/NZ Force match last week and I guess we’ll never know. I could’ve sworn Nic Berry said the Saders kicker could wind the clock down and there would be no restart. BUT: when the kicker moved in to take the kick with 2 seconds to go, a restart was a formality and the rest is history!
As for that drop goal, well what theatre! What a deserving end to great entertainment but, ultimately, it wouldn’t’ve mattered had it missed. Replays show Mr Berry lifting his arm a few seconds before the kick to play advantage for the Tahs anyway. But I’ll take both the win and the theatre thank you very much.
Either way, the Saders have been all class with their response. stuff.co.unzid has more.
Make up your bloody mind!
Three weeks back Aussie teams were only winning because NZ was so bad and they had ordained us mere mortals might win a wee game or two, or so said Paul Cully of SMH fame, But now, as Bob Dylan sang (how can someone be so famous for singing when they can’t actually sing?) ‘the times are a changing’. Mr Cully’s latest bit states:
‘There have been 12 encounters between the five Australian sides and the five New Zealand ones this season, and at the midpoint of the season the outcomes point to a not insignificant swing away from Kiwi dominance. It is an enormous boost for tournament organisers, points to rising belief levels in Australia and, probably most importantly, gives Rugby Australia a credible product to sell to broadcasters’.
Croc JOC?
The forgotten man of the Reds, 86 year old James O’Connor has missed his planned round 4 comeback, but remains confident that he will be back soon and also back again next year.
Still recovering from a hamstring injury late in pre-season, JOC is confident he can still help ‘pilot a Reds finals push’ (yeah I laughed too, or is there a final series for teams 9th – 12th?) and with a desire to push for Wallaby honours, JOC is a man on a mission, as the SMH reports.
Can’t handle the heat?
Interesting read from stuff.co.nz sparked by the near hospitalisation of some Crusaders players with heat stroke after their recent match against the Drua in Fiji.
Until next week. Go the Tahs Women
Hoss – out
