2. The Venue
There is a reason the ARU scheduled the Brisbane test first-up. We very rarely lose at Fortress Suncorp, and with a packed house of pissed-up Cane Toads I would expect that record to continue. The limey Brits and pasty Irish won’t know what hit them (for the record, it’s a can of XXXX that’s been sucked dry and thrown by the fat, bearded bloke in the Wallaby jersey that’s been converted into a singlet). Our boys will grow an extra inch and take their game to another level.
Meanwhile the Lions will clearly be totally shell-shocked by the occasion, and will crumble like a stale Monte Carlo. So to the Lions I say this:
This ain’t no Gabba, boys. This isn’t some poxy cricket ground you can fill with your boorish fans. This is Suncorp fucking Stadium. And you ain’t walking out of there alive.
