It’s the rugby whodunit of the century.
Like most Aussies, the first thing I do every morning is check the Waratahs twitter feed. It’s the perfect way to start my day. But this morning I was confronted with something abhorrent, so much so that it forced me to spit my morning beer all over the floor:
In the wake of Warner-gate and Beale-gate, this seemed like yet another ill-advised (presumably drunk) tweet from the fingers of a wayward media staffer. It raised plenty of questions, the first of which being ‘what do we call this scandal?’ It could be Tah-gate, Hack-gate, or my preferred Tah-Hack-Gate (although cunt-gate has a certain profane charm about it).
I didn’t waste any time in calling Michael Cheika. His response shocked me:
“It’s pretty clear isn’t it,” he said. “Some cunt’s hacked our twitter account!”
Whoa up. So what we all thought was a mere act of drunken foolishness has now turned into an international espionage investigation. After a few hours of surveillance and reconnaissance work, G&GR has narrowed down the list of suspects to the following:
Michael Foley – The jaded ex-lover. Fed up with Cheika and the Tahs getting an armchair ride in the media, he took action and trashed their brand with a single word and red-herring link. Although the tweet went out around 4am NSW time, that’s only 2am in Perth.
Van Humphries – The man with the track record. The only person in Australian rugby who is PROVEN to love using the c-word. Maybe he wanted to roll Cheika and the Tahs like they were going to roll the Blues that famous ‘next week’.
Tah Man – The inside man. Everyone knows Tah Man’s had his eyes on the media manager job for ages, and it looks like he may have turned to subterfuge to get his way. The included link was only accidental, as it is tough to tweet properly with those giant gloves on.
Ewen McKenzie AND Quade Cooper – The Northern foes. They both typed two letters each of the offending word. The Reds are clearly desperate to destabilise the Tahs before their clash in a few rounds time.
Tom Carter – The forgotten son. He decided he’d remind the Tahs of the mongrel they are missing out. This is another great example of how TC put’s opponents off their game – the Rebels won’t know what to do now.
Julia Gillard – Maybe this goes all the way to the top. With an election looming she needs a crisis to solve to show she is a woman of action. What better way to do it than by tarnishing the image of the biggest sporting franchise in Australia, and possibly the world – the Waratahs.
Robbie Deans – The godfather. Because everything that goes wrong in Aussie rugby is always Robbie’s fault.
Who do you think committed this most heinous of crimes?
