Slatts’ Shout: Make rugby morebetter!

Slatts’ Shout: Make rugby morebetter!

What is this search for TBJ all about?

As we are halfway, or just a little bit over halfway, in the search for TBJ, I reckon we need to take a bitta stock. The search for TBJ — what is it all about?

Careful of the pricks!

Is it simply a national and individual pee-pee measuring device? Is it all about promoting/marketing the code to the current and new markets? Is it simply the code’s biggest revenue generator? Well, you’ve probably guessed it: it’s a bitta all of ’em. Well it bloody should be.

This search for TBJ has to be more than just a promotional/marketing tool. And it’s gotta be more than just a revenue stream for development of the game globally. And it most definitely has to be more than just about working out who’s got the biggest pee-pee in world rugby. Though, irrespective of the search for TBJ, we all know who the biggest dicks in world rugby are: The Poms!

Sooooo, we know what the search for TBJ is all about. Now, how is it best produced? Well, two dogs, read on and let Unkie Pete give it a go.

Rugby the Unkie Pete way

First, how does Unkie Pete approach rugby? Well, I’m hard to please and a difficult marker!

I was having a beer with a five-eighth the other day, and he quipped ‘Mate, you have a very rugby league view on rugby union’. To which I slurped a massive take on my schooner of XXXX and replied ‘That’s cause I played far more league than rugby when growing up.’ In fact, there were times when I didn’t play rugby at all, and hung out with my Souths Woodridge leaguie mates.

So I have a view of rugby based on the strong involvement and influence of the game of rugby league, or as it’s known colloquially, the game they play primarily in the penal system! (tsssch boom!)

Henson: rugby meets tango

Anyhoo, Unkie Pete’s thoughts follow.

In the contact, sport-entertainment industry it takes four to tango: players, coaching staff, the refereeing group and the code’s administrators/marketers. And far too often at the top level, the game just doesn’t cut it as entertainment.

But, two dogs, this search for TBJ has certainly been the most competitive and entertaining edition. You’d have to say the four groups should be congratulated.

Now, there is a first-among-equals with the direction of any given contact, sport-entertainment code. And that’s the rules as determined by the code’s administrators/marketers. Coaches and teams will determine playing polices and approaches on the best possible way to win based on the rules and conventions of the game — as it should be. So, when the game was far too defence-oriented, teams kicked the ball as it was advantageous to defend rather than to attack with the jaffa.

When we had the ELVs we had the most entertaining of spectacles as having the ball and attacking with it from anywhere was the best way to win footy. And then came the recent version, wherein we kept a few of the ELVs and then focussed on giving the attacking team an advantage at the breakdown. Sooooo, while it’s not as entertaining as the ELV version, it’s far better than anything prior to it.

Their lives are worth just 3 points

Even though the footy has been pretty impressive across the games in the search for TBJ, I still see too many fluffy puppies dying (as a result of players taking the field goal option), tooth fairies losing five bucks from their bank accounts (from penalties being taken from 40 out), and too many angels have died in heaven (from scrum resets).

So, in summary me ‘ol china plates, Unkie Pete reckons it’s all about the rules and norms of the game. Get them right, and the rest falls into place. We’re close, but we can do, and be, soooooo much better.



Former World Cup winning Wallaby and QLD Reds' Captain, ‘Slatts’, has been very busy (mostly hangin’ out in Far-Northern-Japan, singin’ Karaoke and drinkin’ Nihonshyu) since his retirement from the game in the late 1990’s. Always keen for a yarn, and an opinion or two, Slatts is rugby commentary’s best keep secret. Dashingly HANDSOME and very intelligent-he’s one for the ladies!

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