After another round Tahs supporters can finally say they didn’t lose a game. In fact, they didn’t miss any tackles either. But alas, that comes courtesy of a bye. Anyway, enough flogging a dead horse, regardless of how much fun it is.
What another cracking round of rugby! I must say as a serving army officer, I was really impressed with the quality of the pre-game ceremonies. To all who gave their life in service of their nation, and all those who fought to serve and all those still serving our nation, thank you for your service.
So let’s get into the game-by-game review, Brisney style. Grab yourself a big cup of☕ (maybe with a shot of rum in it), and let’s talk rugby.
Super Rugby Pacific Round 11
Waikato Chiefs 56 defeated Western Force 22
Chiefs Belt the Force, stay top of the pops – The Chiefs have given the Force a good old fashioned paddlin’, running out 56-22 winners and keeping themselves atop the Super Rugby Pacific table. It was the first time the Chiefs had played at Blake Park in 12 years, and they celebrated like it was schoolies week, piling on the points despite a few early hiccups that had their fans nervously reaching for the Waikato Draught.
Early on, it looked like the Force might actually be up for it. Minus their skipper Jeremy Williams (late scratching), the Sandgropers turned up with a bag of tricks and gave it a real shake. Flyhalf Ducky Donaldson pulled out some backyard footy, catching the Chiefs napping off a quick restart. Harry Potter (“You’re a wizard, Harry”) took off like he was late for potions class and scored one of the easiest tries you’ll ever see, while the Chiefs stood around scratching their heads and looking for the butter they’d dropped.
The Force led 12-10 at that point, but it was about as stable as a Jenga tower in an earthquake. Cue the turning point: Force centre Sio Tomkinson got a little too enthusiastic and clipped Shaun Stevenson high, earning himself a serve of 🧀. Chiefs’ wrecking ball Samisoni Taukei’aho celebrated his 100th cap by thundering over the line and the Chiefs took back the lead quicker than a tradie grabbing the last sausage roll.
Then came the most Super Rugby moment of the night. Chiefs flanker Kaylum Boshier looked to have scored only for the Force to run 100 metres the other way and nearly snatch a try of their own. In scenes that would make your nana’s bingo night look organised the ref blew his whistle, changed his mind, looked at about 37 replays, and eventually decided the Chiefs’ try did count after all. Absolute chaos, and Doleman doing what Doleman does best making a total meal of it.
Second half? Well, that’s where the Force’s wheels really fell off. Ollie Norris bulldozed over about three minutes after the restart, and then Cortez ‘I have the most Kiwi name in history’ Ratima, backing up like a good halfback should, dotted down after a Boshier break. Potter kept the Force flickering with a second try, but Stevenson and Ratima combined beautifully for another Chiefs special, and Luke Jacobson sealed the deal, smashing over for the bonus-point cherry on top. Daniel Rona added a late one to bring up the Chiefs’ half-century, by then the Force players looked like they were counting down the minutes to the full-time hooter and a cold one.
Final score: Chiefs 56 – Force 22. Chiefs roll on as title favourites, while the Force will be wondering where it all went wrong — and maybe reviewing some defensive drills during the week.
Three things we learned: Chiefs v Force
- Chiefs: still the team to beat – The Chiefs are like that one bloke in your touch team who’s too quick, too strong, and somehow still chirpy after the game. They had a couple of brain farts early — including a snoozefest off that quick restart — but when they decided to flick the switch, it was game over. Their depth, pace and power are scary good. Finals footy is looming, and the Chiefs are sitting in pole position.
- Force: some guts, not enough gas – Full credit to the Force, they had a crack. Some trick plays, some clever thinking… but injuries and depth are cruel mistresses. After about 50 minutes, the Force looked like your mate after three schooners too many at lunch, trying hard, but it’s all a bit wobbly. Defence is an issue, and without their key blokes firing they just couldn’t stay in the arm wrestle.
- Refereeing: welcome to chaos ball – Look, we don’t like bagging the refs (too much), but jeepers, that first-half decision train was a doozy. Try awarded, then not, then maybe, then yes? At one point, I reckon even the TMO was googling the rules. We love a bit of drama but, surely we can tighten things up before finals time, lads.
Queensland Reds 35 defeated Auckland Blues 21
Reds rain on the Blues parade as Lynagh goes BANG BANG! – It was dripping wet at a soaked Suncorp Stadium where our mighty Queensland Reds have handed the reigning champs, the Auckland Blues, a proper lesson in wet weather footy. Final score? 35-21 to the good guys.
Tommy Lynagh, our baby-faced assassin, has just about booked himself a golden ticket to Wallaby camp after tearing the Blues a new one with not one but TWO early meat pies. That’s right, before you could even finish your first cold beer Lynagh had crossed twice and was already polishing the inaugural Sellars Dixon Medal for Player of the Match.
First, he spotted a gap bigger than a Waratah fan’s hopes at the start of each season and barged over. Then, after Jock “Silky Hands” Campbell broke the line, Lynagh turned on the dancing feet, ghosted the fullback and crossed again. Forget your silver spoons, this kid’s got nerves of steel nerve. If that wasn’t enough, young Lynagh showed he’s not just a fancypants attacker by teaming up with Tate “Halfback Houdini” McDermott and the unstoppable Tim Ryan to hold up a rampaging Kurt Eklund right on our line. Defensive ticker, tick.
Meanwhile, Blues winger Mark Tele’a got his marching orders after an absolute brain fart, picking up Ryan and dropping him on his noggin. Initially just a 🧀, it was rightly upgraded to a 🍷 after a quick judicial check. Off ya pop, son! To be fair to the Blues (ugh, painful to type), they still bossed territory and should’ve had a few more points at halftime. But what’s the old saying? “Shoulda, woulda, coulda.” The Reds made them pay when captain Tater peeled off a ruck, shrugged off three Blues forwards like they were Christmas decorations and slid over for a vital try that steadied the ship.
The second half was all Reds domination with two more tries sealing the deal despite a late wobble and a consolation try for the visitors. To cap off a horror night for Auckland, Corey Evans dropped the ball cold in the in goal, blowing a crucial bonus point that could haunt them later.
Special shoutout to young Dre Pakeho, the 20-year-old Reds centre, who had All Blacks big dog Rieko Ioane in his back pocket all night. I don’t know what’s more impressive, the performance or the fact that Dre’s old enough to still be living at home and getting Sunday roasts cooked by Mum. Vern Cotter? Mate, he looked like he needed something a hell of a lot stronger than a Powerade after that one.
Final word: The Reds are rolling, Tommy Lynagh is growing into a weapon before our very eyes and Blues fans are crying into their flat whites. Could a top two finish be on the cards for our boys? Stranger things have happened, cobbers.
Three things we learned
Moana Pasifika 34 defeated Fiji Drua 15
Moana Magic: Pasifika thump Drua to stay in finals hunt – Moana Pasifika have hauled themselves back into finals contention with a comprehensive 34-15 thumping of the Fijian Drua. It wasn’t always pretty, but it was tough, spirited footy, the kind that gets the heart rate up and the blood pumping on a cold night.
The Drua came out early, all guns blazing. They had the ball, they had the field position… but they had about as much luck crossing the chalk as a drunk tourist trying to find his hotel at 3:00am. Moana just bided their time, soaked it up, and then bang! First real crack they got, Danny Toala finished off a silky move after Lalomilo Lalomilo (how good is that name?) punched through the line like a bowling ball through wet cardboard.
Next thing you know, Miracle Fai’ilagi (seriously, these names are top shelf) burrowed over from close range, and just like that Moana had a handy lead. They weren’t done, Semisi Tupou Ta’eiloa powered over to make it 17-zip at oranges. Drua? Nowhere. Moana? Grinning like a bunch of kids with free passes to Wet’n’Wild.
Moana picked up where they left off after the break. Fai’ilagi grabbed his second try, and it looked like game over. To their credit, the Drua finally woke up when big Tevita Ikanivere trucked it up the guts and put them on the board. Cue the Savea brothers trying to rescue the party: Ardie had a crack at Try of the Year with a cheeky kick-and-chase, only to be cruelly pulled back for a knock on. That’s rugby karma for you.
But brother Julien showed how it’s done a few minutes later, strolling in untouched like he owned the joint. That’s now 63 tries for Julien Savea, folks; only Sevu Reece and TJ Perenara sit ahead of him on the all-time list. Legends. The Drua did give the scoreboard a little polish when Taniela Rakuro scored straight after the restart but it was always a bridge too far. And right on cue, Moana iced the cake when Tevita Ofa dotted down late to seal the deal and bag the maximum points.
The win sees Moana slide into eighth spot, breathing down the Tahs necks for sixth while the Drua sadly look like they’re stuck in the cellar with a full carton of losses.
Three things we learned
- Moana’s finals dream alive – They might have taken the scenic route this season but Moana Pasifika are coming home like a freight train. If they can bottle this performance, they’ll cause headaches for whoever faces them next.
- Drua need a compass – Early territory? Tick. Ball control? Tick. Points? Errr… no. The Drua were all huff and puff, but couldn’t blow the Moana house down. It’s getting desperate times for the Fijian flyers.
- Savea brothers are still freaks – Even when their team’s under the pump the Saveas still find a way to light it up. Ardie’s almost try would’ve broken the internet, and Julien just keeps adding to his ridiculous try tally.
Canterbury Crusaders 43 defeated Otago Highlanders 10
Crusaders crush clueless Clan in Dunedin drubbing – In a game that could only be described as a lesson in rugby ruthlessness, the Crusaders gave the Highlanders a good old-fashioned pantsing, waltzing out of Forsyth Barr Stadium with a 43-10 bonus point win. And if you’re wondering how a team can make 120 more tackles and still come out smelling like roses, well, pull up a chair and let’s get into it.
The Highlanders hogged 66% of the territory like a seagull clinging to a chip, but every time they thought they were close to scoring, they ran headfirst into a wall of angry red jerseys. You could almost hear the Crusaders giggling as they knocked them backwards over and over again.
And then there was Will bloody Jordan. Sweet baby Jesus, what a player. He carved them up like a Christmas ham, first slicing through the line in the ninth minute for a pearler of a solo try, then setting up Macca Springer for an easy second. At that point, Highlanders fans were contemplating whether the bar served anything stronger than beer.
The Dunedin mob thought they were back in it when Crusaders captain Codie Taylor got 10 minutes in the naughty corner for some over-enthusiastic shenanigans. But even down a man, the Crusaders didn’t blink. They just doubled down, held out, and when Taylor came trotting back on he immediately rubbed salt into the wound by smashing over for their third try.
It was 21-zip at half time, and the Highlanders were already looking like a busted flush. Despite camping on the Crusaders’ line for large parts of the second half they just couldn’t crack the code. Finally, after about 837 phases and most of their dignity gone, Jonah Lowe squeezed over for a try to avoid a donut on the scoreboard.
Any hope of a fairy tale comeback lasted about as long as a politician’s promise. Two minutes later, Crusaders backrower Corey Kellow said “cheers for that” and went over himself to snuff out any whiff of a revival. Then young Chay Fihaki came off the bench, touched the ball once, and promptly scored a blinder. Talk about impact! Veveni Lasaqa got a late consolation for the Highlanders, but it was all a bit ‘meh’ by then. Codie Taylor then popped up again to complete his double to hammer the final nail into the coffin.
The Crusaders’ machine, it seems, is alive and well. And very, very scary.
Three things we learned:
- The Crusaders’ defence is a weapon – Seriously, 66% territory against them and still blitz it? Their ability to absorb pressure and then counter attack is world class. Other teams: be afraid. Be very afraid.
- Will Jordan is a cheat code in rugby boots – When this bloke is healthy he’s just taking the piss. Two touches, two moments of magic. If he stays fit the rest of Super Rugby might as well pack up early.
- The Highlanders look lost when plan A doesn’t work – Credit for effort, but when the pick-and-go train got derailed, they had no Plan B. Or C. Or D. Need a rethink, and fast, or it’s going to be a long winter down south.
Wellington Hurricanes 35 defeated ACT Brumbies 29
Brumbies slip up as Canes crash the capital – A night of high drama at GIO Stadium. Our beloved Brumbies have copped one square on the chin, going down 35–29 to a Hurricanes side that decided tonight’s the night to remember how to play rugby. Bloody typical! Coming into this one, the Brumbies were perched nicely in third, sniffing around the top two spots like a dog at a BBQ. Meanwhile, the Hurricanes, bless ’em, were eighth and hadn’t tasted success in Canberra since Malcolm Turnbull was PM. Yet, somehow, despite the weight of history and form, the men from Wellington turned up, played some razzle-dazzle footy, and pinched the chocolates.
The Horsemen started like a house on fire with Big Bad Allan Alaalatoa bulldozing over for an early try. But every time the Brumbies scored, the Canes hit straight back. It was like watching a pub brawl — punch for punch, and no one backing down. The Hurricanes’ backline, marshalled by Callum Harkin and Ruben Love, was slicing through the Brumbies like a hot knife through butter. Billy Proctor and Ngantungane Punivai dotted down early while Kini Naholo — built like a Mack truck and twice as scary — just steamrolled anything in blue, bagging a double.
Despite Noah Lolesio doing his best to steer the ship (and playing with a noticeable ‘freedom’ since announcing he’s off to Japan, funny that), the Brumbies just couldn’t wrestle back the momentum. Len Ikitau’s try gave us a sniff, and Andy Muirhead’s late dive in the corner had the home fans roaring, but it wasn’t enough. Poor decisions, unforced errors, and some bloody awful management of the final 10 minutes killed off any hopes of a late comeback.
To rub salt in, Hurricanes co-captain Du’Plessis Kirifi was grinning like the cat that got the cream post match. Fair play to them — they wanted it more. Final whistle blows, and the Brumbies are left ruing what might have been. An opportunity to push for a home semi-final? Gone begging.
Three things we learned:
- Kini Naholo is an absolute wrecking ball – The Brumbies backline had no answers to the big fella. Every touch he had felt like a heart attack waiting to happen.
- Possession matters (shock horror!) – When you’re playing with only 32% of the ball and 23% of the territory, you’re basically trying to win a marathon while hopping on one leg. Brave? Sure. Smart? Not so much.
- Game management? Still a work in progress – With the game on the line, the Brumbies looked like a headless chook. Bad kicks, rushed passes, and poor decision-making cruelled any chance of stealing it at the death.
Super Rugby Pacific 2025 – ladder
The Chiefs and the Dark Saders continue to look comfy in the top two slots. The real fights for this, remembering the Top 3 team get home finals, and home games are what really count for most teams at the moment, is position 3. The Reds and the Ponies will probably be the ones fighting that out til the end of the season. 5th and 6th slot, look achievable for everyone bar the Drua. Who are having an absolute Barry Crocker of a year.
Anyway, enough of this old man crapping on. Over to you, G&GRs! Have at it.
