Greetings one and greetings all and welcome to another bursting Friday’s Rugby News.
We start today with the return and insights from rugby royalty in ‘The King & I’. Pack your best beret and head off on a French sojourn at ‘Pocket change & profiteroles’. Dig around in Yowie’s wallet for ‘What dead rubber?’. Then attempt to chase shadows and lasso whispers with ‘Sign it & they will come’. We then support a worthy cause in ‘The Golden Tonsils’. Scratch your head and stare in wonder with ‘Dumb & Dumber‘. Before putting the cherry on top of your rugby sundae with ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss‘, now one of Australia’s most trusted brands. God help you all.
The King & I.
Too old, too slow, out of nick and generally had enough. Now before you shoot the messenger, they’re more or less the actual words Wallaby legend and former skipper Michael Hooper used about himself. I really enjoyed watching Mick Hoops interview on Stan’s Inside Line on Wednesday. The Wallaby great was candid about playing in the ANZAT match and the physical and emotional shift it would require from him to play to the standard he would demand of himself at that level. And with his candour, honesty and insight, my respect for him only grew.
It was an engaging insight into the life of a professional athlete, the emotional investment to get into the right shape over 6-8 weeks, the sacrifices, the workload and the emotional desire and discipline required to get to the level expected of themselves. Succinctly summed up by Hoops when he acknowledged he had no more to give and when it came to his desire to continue, the ‘juice had all been squeezed’.
The fact he is sufficiently self-aware to put the game and the players’ interests forefront speaks volumes for the man behind the player. I look forward to hearing the chubby one in his commentary during the Lions tour and beyond.
Pocket change & profiteroles?
Breaking news from the SMH on Wednesday night that our best player, bar none, Mr Sideshow Bob Valetini, looks likely to enact the sabbatical clause in his contract and head off to France for a year, as soon as 2026.
Known as ‘Tahiti Bob’ in France (as their English is completely shite), big Bobby V is signed with RA until the end of ’27 and those with knowledge of the situation who can’t speak publicly (as they aren’t really living or breathing individuals and are just fabricated entities by journos to create a story), suggested he’s keen to test himself in the lands of the everlasting surrender, earn some pocket change and try a profiterole, maybe even a French tart or two.
Sideshow Bob told the SMH: “It’s in my contract [a sabbatical], like a refresher, just to experience something else — a new environment, a new culture, a different team culture — and I guess to see what else is out there as well. The Top 14 has always been a big competition, and it would be awesome to play in that, but also just travel-wise as well to get to see some cities and playing in some cool places as well.”
Twice the John Eales medallist, and possibly one of only two Aussies who would make a World XV (Angus Bell the other), I say good luck to him and enjoy the experience. Besides, being based in Canberra for seven years who can blame him for wanting to get out and mix with humans for a while, even if they are French.
What dead rubber?
It’s week one of Super Rugby finals and the last for some sides. For all team details see Happy’s Thursday News, for utter bollocks, read on:
Friday June 6, 5:05 pm AEST – Crusaders v Queensland Reds at Apollo Projects Stadium, Christchurch
So for all the BS, expectation and hope, the Communist teams’ season hinges on these 80 minutes. Win and the season can rightfully be regarded as successful. Lose and they’ve played one more game than the Tahs with a season considered average at best, underwhelming at worst.
The game itself should be a belter. Two sides who love to attack. Big athletic and skilful forward packs, crafty #9s, good young #10s and outside backs who can tackle and jackal, but also carve you up with ball in hand. But for mine, the Crusaders have one absolute advantage that was really illustrated last week. Their general kicking from hand, especially from Noah Hotham. That kid has a cannon for a boot and as big a Sleepy Lynagh fan as I am, Hotham has him covered.
I expect this to be a high scoring game, but with a tight margin. I expect multiple lead changes, long range tries, turnovers and a frantic affair. But just who do I expect to win?
Fearless Prediction. Crusaders by 5 at home.
Referee: Paul Williams Assistant Referee: Angus Mabey, Mike Winter TMO: Richard Kelly
Saturday June 7, 5:05 pm AEST – Chiefs v Blues at FMG Stadium Waikato, Hamilton
Let’s be clear on this point, Auckland Blues are the great pretenders of 2025. They are entirely underwhelming. You can talk All Black forwards and dangerous backs and blah-blah-blah, they’re in the finals to make up the numbers. It will only take D-Mac to play at 7/10 level and the Chiefs will romp home.
Fearless Prediction: Chiefs by 23.
Referee: Angus Gardner Assistant Referee: Damon Murphy, Matt Kellahan TMO: James Leckie
Saturday June 7, 7:35 pm AEST – ACT Brumbies v Hurricanes at GIO Stadium, Canberra
So to the game that matters, but doesn’t, but it does. Before this match starts, both these sides will already have made it through to the semis. But here’s where there’s still much to play for: should the Brumbies win they head off to Christchurch next week. Should they lose, they head off to where ever it is the Chiefs call home. Waikiki I think? So dead rubber, methinks not. You can look at all finals permutations at nine.com.au.
The Ponies welcome back talismanic skipper 7As to the starting side for this one, his return is very timely as the Canes are without Asafo Aumua, who will miss the rest of the SR season after injuring his hammy at training. Advantage Brumbies.
I must say though, the Canes are perhaps the form side of SRP heading into this one. Cam Roigard is a superstar and their two loosies, Kirifi and Lakai, are simply outstanding. A few spots wider you have probably the best centre pairing of the whole season in Umaga-Jensen and Billy Proctor. Both are large units but still possess speed and skill that belies their physical nature. Add to that the Canes will hold no fears playing at GIO stadium, having beat the Brumbies their on 26 April. And I reckon they’ll target one Corey Toole in a move known as ‘Lionel Ritchie’, for it will be all night long. As quick as the Toole can motor he’s little more than a speed bump in defence.
I think these sides are so evenly matched to make this is the match of the weekend. One concern I have: Aussie Nic Berry has the conch. He always refs the home Aussie side harder, to show he’s not biased, which can in effect be biased towards the visiting side. Hmmmmm.
Fearless Prediction: I hate to say it, but Canes by 9.
Referee: Nic Berry Assistant Referee: Jordan Way, Jeremy Markey TMO: Brett Cronan
Sign it & they will come.
Another week, another new competition gets floated. This time it’s rugby’s reverse ‘field of dreams’ moment by former ‘Kiwi throw a dwarf’ franchise owner and royal rooter, Mike Tindall, as well as some other nefarious scallywags.
Sure, these pied-piper rugby entrepreneurs don’t actually have any teams, or sponsors, or funds, or facilities or anything they can realistically point to as having the slightest semblance of a genuine competition. But they have an idea and that’s all that matters in these days of zero substance sugar hits, charading as real news.
Various agencies report the rebel consortium are attempting to sign numerous players to a contract, including Australian players, so that they can then attempt to secure funding and everything else required to actually start a competition.
As every Australian rugby fan knows, you should never trust something with ‘rebel’ in its name. It always ends in tears. And usually insolvency.
Photo by Keith McInnes
The Golden Tonsils.
G&GR was approached by Christopher Thomas yesterday to see if we’d help promote an interview he did with the voice of rugby himself, Mr Gordon Bray. And who could say no to that?
Who among us didn’t grow up with the great man’s voice in our ears with those wonderful insights into players’ backgrounds or indeed the actual jobs they held, when rugby was still ‘shamateur’.
The interview with Gordon and Chris is on Youtube. You can also purchase Gordon’s book ‘The IMMORTALS of Australian Rugby Union’ with a forward by yours truly. Well, there would’ve been had I been asked. All proceeds from sale of the book go to ‘Hearts in Rugby’.
Personally, my love of rugby was forged in those early years listening to Mr Gordon Bray on the ABC. And what an honour to promote his works and the worthy causes they support.
Dumb & Dumber.
If ever you needed proof that stupid, genuine bone-deep, authentic stupidity walks among us, don’t just look at the National Party but take a look at this article on ABC News about the the new and and growing craze of Run It Straight.
Apparently the death of a young man in NZ isn’t enough to dissuade JQ Citizen from participating. Indeed to help feed the frenzy, ‘promoters’ are offering sizeable chunks of cash to attract even more flies to the festering dung heap that is Run It Straight.
What will it take before some government agency decided this ‘sport’ needs to be duly regulated or, better still, eradicated entirely?
Show me the mini.
The NZR has announced a new multi-year sponsorship with US Insurance giant Gallagher for rights to jersey sponsorship. Gallagher replaces for sponsor Ineos, pronounces ‘Inemas’ in NZ as they were a pain in the ‘uss’. Not to be confused with ‘Iminim’, an angry white billionaire rapper who sings angry songs about his upbringing that allowed him to become a billionaire rapper.
In other good news for NZR, Toyota NZ have replaced Ford as naming rights sponsor for training kit. This reporter couldn’t test the veracity of rumours that the new catchcry for NZ Toyota would be ‘oh what a fleecing’.
Not that Richie, a different one.
The good news re-signings continues apace at RA. Reds rake Richie Asiata has inked a new deal for a one year deal until the end of 2026 with the northern Communist side. Some scribes have Asiata as a bolter for the Wallabies, but some also think Elon Musk is a switched on really decent guy, so there you go.
SAFFA beef wins.
Former Free State Cheetah, Rayno Nel, who only took up Strongman two years ago, has won the 2025 World’s Strongest Man Title (after self-proclaimed in perpetuity trophy holder DJ Trump). He credits his win and his strength from years playing rugby. At 6’3” and 326 pounds (lightweight! I lift more than that getting outta bed) Nel took out the SA Strongman comp in year one, won the international contest on debut and in doing so became the first non-Seppo or European to win it. planetrugby.com has more.
Tell us what you really think!
So much for the order of the Whistle Whisperers and the unspoken rule that you don’t throw a fellow member under the public bus. Former Irish ref, Owen Doyle, unloads on current Scottish ref Mike Adamson over his handling of last week’s URC quarter final between the Sharks & Munster. planetrugby.com has more.
But wait, there’s more.
KARL will have an autopsy of the Brumbies v Canes clash. Tune in from full-time and catch unbiased and objective content from KARL (well, the next best thing) as he reviews the game and what it means for week two of the SRP finals series.
Until next week: come on Aussies
Hoss – out.
