Greetings all and welcome to Friday’s Rugby News. Another fantabulous rugby news day awaits, so off we go.
First up a quick review of last week’s game in ‘Confused Am I’. Take a look into our chances across the dutch tomorrow, with ‘The Duke, at Wellington’. Pack your bags as we head to Argentina and preview their clash with The Dutch Dirt Farmers in ‘Viva Los Pumas’. Look at our ladies chances next up for ‘Wallaroos v Wales: The Sequel’. We then look to put a G&GR candidate into the corridors of rugby power in Oz with ‘#yourcodeneedsyouNutta‘. Before putting the full stop in your rugby week with another bursting ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss’, singlehandedly lowering inflation by making rugby lovers completely unproductive on a Friday. You’re welcome, Australia.
Confused Am I.
I have to admit I haven’t been that confused after watching something since the end of The Crying Game. Just what exactly had I just witnessed? And is a boner a natural response to it?
At first I thought I was confused, well I was live blogging through the match (providing brilliant commentary, too. Although Mrs Hoss had a hint of sarcasm when she said ‘I bet you’re providing brilliant commentary, too’) so maybe my take on the match itself was a touch askew? Maybe I’d missed some subtlety and nuance. So a few days later I went back and watched it again. Now I’m even more confused. My final take? It was a game won by a side that sucked marginally less than we did. I hadn’t missed a trick at all.
Sure, there were good moments from our team. Dirty Harry had his best game in gold, offset by the Exocet having his worst. Tom Wright was solid and composed, The Ginger Ninja missed more tackles than he made. Our defensive lineout was again excellent, our own lineout was shite. The Squatter set up a try for them before scoring one for us. Three of our players stood round and just looked at a bouncing ball with nobody wanting to touch it, just like a Labor Caucus looking at negative gearing. And on and on it goes.
Then we had a team that for 15 minutes resembled the fabled Nearly All Black sides of yore. All power, pace and precision. Ruthless in their execution, daring in their scope and dare I say, beautiful to behold. And then they, too, became infected with the Wallaby wobbles. From 21-0 up inside 15 minutes to lucky (Three Knees Savea) to hang on and get the result at fulltime. Forward passes, flick passes to no one, rudderless, chaotic, ill-disciplined and very un-NZ.
So I sit here a week later none the wiser. The final score flattered both teams. And I’ve never seen that in a game before. The Minstrels really should have put 70 on the Wallabies, their forebears would’ve. The Wallabies really shouldn’t have got within 3, but they found their mojo and their fight.
Indeed, scoring points isn’t an issue for our side and that’s to be commended. But stopping them being scored. Well, confused am I.
The Duke, at Wellington.
Saturday, 28 September. NZ v Australia. Sky Stadium. Kick off 5.05pm AEST.
My, my. At Wellington, the Kiwis do surrender. Oh yeah.
So moving on from the subliminal rugby mind-fudge of last week, our focus turns to the smouldering dung heap that’s the Hobbits capital city, Wellington. And the home side’s record there makes for some fun reading.
The sides are announced, and while I’d never wish injury on anyone (well, nearly anyone), The Exocet being out does our chances no harm this week. The Lip, well, he maybe got too caught up in himself and his apparent goading qualities and focused on them more than on his own game, he’s also been jettisoned from the 23. The other one, not getting much air time, is Jimmy Slips out. I wonder, though, if that’s player management due to lingering issues from a suspected HIA last week.
The Kiwis have also made a change or two in a bid to discover the elusive ruthlessness that once made them reasonably good at rugby. D-Mac has been sent to the pine highway with little known Japanese import Beauden Toshiba-Yokohama Barrett-san brought into the starting side after missing last week’s game through illness and an unshakeable feeling that his team would blow chunks and he didn’t want to be associated with it.
The game will be held at what the locals call ‘The Coke Tun’, also frequented (allegedly) by a number of NRL players. But here’s the rub Gaggers, the Kiwis are just hopeless at their capital city narcotics centre/rugby ground; they haven’t won a test there since the early 70s, or something like that. And yes, the Wallabies may not’ve won a test in NZ since written records were kept, but again, this Kiwi side ain’t a scratch on those that have come before. In fact, they’re ‘AB-light’. Maybe that’s why there’s so much white on their jerseys now?
Anyhoo. The oversized goblet is secure back at NZR HQ for another year, yet both teams have much to play for. Is one as bad as they showed for 20 minutes? Or are they really the side that put in 35 minutes of endeavour to nearly steal it last week? Is the other as good as they were for 20 minutes? Or as crappy as they played for the final 35?
Fearless Prediction: A famous and drought-breaking Wellington win, finally, to…..us. Wallabies by 9. I also can’t shake the feeling that things might get a bit spicy too. I reckon our lot are done with being brave losers.
And how could I ever refuse? I feel like I win when they lose.
Wallabies (15-1): Tom Wright; Andrew Kellaway, Len Ikitau, Hunter Paisami, Dylan Pietsch; Noah Lolesio, Jake Gordon; Harry Wilson (capt), Fraser McReight, Rob Valetini; Jeremy Williams, Nick Frost; Taniela Tupou, Matt Faessler, Angus Bell
Replacements: Brandon Panega-Amosa, Isaac Kailea, Allan Alaalatoa, Lukhan Salakaia-Loto, Langi Gleeson, Tate McDermott, Ben Donaldson, Josh Flook
All Blacks (1-15): Ethan de Groot, Codie Taylor, Tyrel Lomax, Scott Barrett (capt), Tupou Vaa’i, Wallace Sititi, Sam Cane, Ardie Savea, TJ Perenara, Beauden Barrett, Caleb Clarke, Anton Lienert-Brown, Rieko Ioane, Sevu Reece, Will Jordan.
Reserves: Asafo Aumua, Tamaiti Williams, Pasilio Tosi, Patrick Tuipulotu, Luke Jacobson, Cortez Ratima, Damian McKenzie, David Havili.
Match Officials: Referee: Nika Amashukeli (Geo) ARs: Karl Dickson (Eng) & Damian Schneider (Arg)
TMO: Eric Gauzins (Fra)
Viva Los Pumas.
If you had’ve told me that the FISMs would beat NZ in NZ, beat The Catholics at home, score nearly 70 against us and be playing for the RC championship title (albeit at long odds) in the last match I would’ve thunk you a tad mentally challenged. Or perhaps from the west. Either/or.
For all the talk about the might and power of the Boks, the spluttering attack of the Blacks and whatever it is our side are, nobody is talking about just how good this Argentinian side is. Power, pace and poise, with lashings of South American flair, skill, enterprise and perhaps the most important ingredient, missing from previous years, belief. They belong at the top end of world rugby. They deserve to be pushing for trophies. They are the real rugby deal. Finally.
I was in Paris, at the stadium for the 3rd-4th playoff for RWC2007 and the display by Los Pumas that night was beautiful to watch, and for me heralded what would surely be the rise and rise of the blue hoops. While they sure have improved since 07, the pace of that improvement was perhaps not at the level I would’ve expected.
Enter stage right, new coach Filipe Contepomi (which if my Spanish holds true, translates in English to ‘Quade Cooper’). As a player Filipe could be both brilliant, yet enigmatic. Genius, yet simultaneously awful. Beautiful, yet bad. But as a coach, hasn’t he bought a flair and edge to this team that has them at the pointy end of world rugby rankings, ability and watch-ability?
So to the weekend. Argentina have it all to play for and grab the spoils. The SAFFAs rightfully sit atop the ladder. But, a 38 point victory with no bonus points to the Boks would see Los Pumas win their first ever TRC. And what rugby fan wouldn’t love to see that!
Fearless Prediction: I love the rugby romance of it all. Los Pumas. By 38.
Springboks (15-1): Aphelele Fassi; Cheslin Kolbe, Jesse Kriel, Damian de Allende, Kurt-Lee Arendse; Manie Libbok, Jaden Hendrikse; Jasper Wiese, Pieter-Steph du Toit, Siya Kolisi (capt); Ruan Nortje, Eben Etzebeth; Frans Malherbe, Bongi Mbonambi, Ox Nche
Replacements: Malcolm Marx, Gerhard Steenekamp, Vincent Koch, Elrigh Louw, Kwagga Smith, Cobus Reinach, Handre Pollard, Lukhanyo Am
Argentina (1-15): 1 Thomas Gallo, 2 Julián Montoya (capt.), 3 Joel Sclavi, 4 Pedro Rubiolo, 5 Tomás Lavanini, 6 Juan Martín González (vice-capt.), 7 Santiago Grondona, 8 Joaquín Oviedo, 9 Gonzalo García, 10 Tomás Albornoz, 11 Mateo Carreras, 12 Santiago Chocobares, 13 Matías Moroni, 14 Rodrigo Isgró, 15 Santiago Carreras (vice-capt.)
Replacements: 16 Ignacio Ruiz, 17 Ignacio Calles, 18 Pedro Delgado, 19 Franco Molina, 20 Pablo Matera, 21 Lautaro Bazán Vélez, 22 Lucio Cinti, 23 Juan Cruz Mallía
Match Officials: Referee: Ben O’Keeffe (NZ) ARs: James Doleman (NZ) & Craig Evans (Wal)
TMO: Glenn Newman (NZ)
Wallaroos v Wales: The Sequel.
Sat, 28 Sep 8:20pm. Wales v Wallabies. DHL Stadium Cape Town. Kick off 8:20pm AEST.
Our ladies are in South Africa this weekend for the kick off of the WXV2 competition and will face Wales for the second week in a row. The Welsh stole the cookies after the full time siren last week (and then traded them in for some coal to heat their shanty huts dotted in the hills and vales of that part of England) and will be keen to get only their second ever win against the Wallaroos.
Wallaroos coach (and possible English Manchurian candidate type sleeper cell, Jo Yapp) was disappointed with the loss, yet satisfied with the improvement and trajectory of her troops last week. Although with the Welsh scoring 5 tries to 3 one could reasonably argue that the Wallaroos did well to remain so close.
You can catch all the Wallaroo team news in Happy’s Thursday News.
Go well, Wallaroos.
#yourcodeneedsyouNutta
Why stand outside the tent throwing rocks when you could be inside with your snout in the trough! RA is seeking expressions of interest from exceptional individuals to be appointed to the RA Board as Independent Non-Executive Directors.
Now, as many of you would know Nutta is already a corporate titan, a captain of industry, with a career and an empire built by stepping on the backs of the little man (ie, the working class) on his way to becoming a leviathan of largesse. And if you ask me, now it’s time for him to give something back.
Imagine having G&GR royalty inside the RA caravan of carnage? A voice of reason, a voice of practical solutions, a voice of wisdom and vision, a voice of real and visceral malice. Nutta, you are that voice. You are that person, you are our chosen one. Besides, I fancy myself a a puppet master, but a series of unfortunate custodial sentences currently prevents me from holding any official board position until midnight 31 December 2085 (but the clock is ticking). And everybody knows that power, real power, lies behind the throne anyway (insert spooky laugh/Montgomery Burns ‘excellent’ here).
You can and will apply here, Mr N. Your code demands it.
Friday’s Goss with Hoss
Eben Flow.
South African goliath, Eben ‘Flow’ Etzebeth will this weekend become the most capped Springbok of all time, going past another pretty useful lock, Victor ‘the Mower’ Matfield.
Not only is 128 tests something to pay homage too, especially in a physically demanding and abrasive position such as lock, but the bloke seems to be getting better as well! Etzebeth will turn 33 in October, but with the shape he’s in and the form he has few could rule him out of a role in RWC2027. Are we at the point yet where discussions about him being the greatest Bok of all time are starting?
Congrats to Mr Etzebeth.
Cane Able.
In another milestone match, and in what could be a great omen for the Wallabies, the man who cost his country the 2023 RWC chalks up his 100th test this weekend in Wellington. Sam ‘The Sheriff’ Cane will run out for his 100th AB cap, and who would begrudge him. Shocking injuries, dodgy TMO decisions and fickle fans don’t give the man the respect he deserves. It was always going to be a tough gig wearing the hallowed AB#7 after perennial cheat, offside merchant and referee Jedi, Ruchee-something.
Cane has always carried himself with the humility and determination of the great AB players who came before him. The fact he has forced his way back in and earned his 100th cap is testimony to the dedication, sacrifice and ability of the man. And while I sincerely hope his side gets nailed this week, I hope he can find a quiet moment, after his team mates stop crying about the loss, to reflect and enjoy his ABs journey.
Say what you will, Cane certainly has been more than able. Congrats, that man.
BOK Bashing
Springbok fan boy and hopeless ref, Jaco Peyper, has sprung to the defence of fellow pea blower, Ben O’Keeffe. It seems BOK ‘favours South Africa’ or has a ‘bias’ their way. So says usually understated and reserved failed Japanese coach Eddie-san and Frog who’s won nuttin’ at all (7s doesn’t count, it’s the 20/20 of rugby), Antoine Dupont (pronounced, with a snarly attitude, as ‘Doo- ponn’).
planetrugy.com has more.
Cheik-shire cat.
‘I’ve been everywhere man’ rugby coach, Mr M Cheika, got his Premiership campaign underway with a win. Cheik’s Leicester came home with a wet sail (and yellow card to Izzy Perese) to beat the Exeter Chiefs 17-14. Happy with the win, Cheika was equally happy with the mental fortitude shown by his side. Going on to say, ‘I was a better coach than McKellar when he was at the Brumbies too’.
Toole to be kind.
rugby.com.au reports St Joe is nurturing Corey Toole through his progression to international winger. St Joe tells Nathan somebody that Toole is working on areas of his game before he dons the golden Cadbury clobber. Interestingly, he also said the Darby Lancaster, future Tahs Super Rugby winner, has Toole covered for pace at present.
Seems like St Joe is doing things in the right measure.
Gen Next.
Sunday sees the start of the Super Rugby U16s and U19s competitions kick off. Teams from the Waratahs (likely winners), QPRQ, The Ponies, Farce and some side from a place called ‘Melborn’ (we don’t even have a rugby side there!) will slug it our for junior supremacy and future contracts. STAN will have all the games. rugby.com.au has more.
One Shield to Rule Them All.
Just a reminder that the Australian Rugby Shield runs from next Wednesday, 2 October to Sunday, 6 October. Held on the Sunshine Coast in the QPRQ. All matches will be live streamed via rugby.com.au/videos.
It’s this type of carnival that best reflects the true health, joy and passion of our great game. If you can’t get to a match, at least tune in and enjoy. And for the record, go the NSW Country Cockatoos. You bloody legends!
That’s all from me for a couple of weeks as I take a well deserved break from you all. Bris and Yowie have your Fridays covered in the interim.
Until we meet again. Long live rugby!
Hoss-out.
