Greetings, salutations, and welcome one, welcome all to another Friday’s Rugby News. And not just any ol’ Friday but the Friday before a Bledisloe!
First up today let’s all take a knee for ‘The Forwards Prayer’. Preview the big game in ‘Nobody beats my team 22 years in a row. Do they?’ Then concentrate on solutions rather than problems with ‘Giteau’s Gotta Go!’ Pay G&GR homage to an absolute Australian rugby legend in ‘Golden Slipper’. Get the inside word from Kiwi rugby royalty for ‘Shag on a Ruck’. Drop in on our golden girls up north for ‘Wales Awaits Walloped Wallaroos’ before pulling up the strides on a mammoth news day in ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss‘, now better comprehending the third degree chaffing and permanent limp contracted at all those Puff Diddy parties.
The Forwards Prayer.
It’s a FRN ritual that before the first test against the Darkness each year, that we all take a knee:
‘Our saviour, who ain’t our seven,
hollowed be our game.
The Kiwis come, their will gets done,
on turf, as if from rugby heaven.
Give us this day, some bloody plans,
to help roll these Kiwi bastards,
as we forgive those useless backs,
who stuff up their kicks and passes.
And lead us not into frustration,
but deliver us from Kiwis.
For theirs is the kingdom, the power and rugby glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen’
Nobody beats my team 22 years in a row. Do they?
Saturday, 21 September. Wallabies v All Blacks. Accor Stadium Sydney. Coverage from 3.00pm. Kickoff 3.45pm AEST.
It’s that time of the year again where hope springs eternal for Oz rugby fans. Yep, it’s Bledisloe time. Where the old foe, the Minstrels, take on their greatest rival. Well behind South Africa, Ireland, England, France, Georgia, a New Hebrides Invitational side, U17 Taranaki Second XV, Portugal, Spain and the Jindabyne Bush Pigs, that is, our very own Wallabies.
And with our side already named, just what are our expectations for ending the 21 year Bledisloe drought? Well, if I were a farmer, I wouldn’t be planting a crop and expecting rain just yet.
The mutton molesters arrive on our shores a touch under the radar. And that worries me. There’ve been few press engagements and next to no noise or commentary out of their camp. There’s been the predictable ‘we love Joe, he’s a good man, we respect him’ stuff, but little else. The Minstrel players have been quiet, eerily quiet, scarily quiet. Confrontationally quiet. And that can only spell one thing, trouble.
Sure they’re 1 from 4 in the RC, just like us. But unlike us, few could argue they could’ve, and perhaps should’ve, come away from the nation of the understated rugby fan beating the World Champs 2-blot. Unusual moments of indecision, poor skill execution and some poor discipline (induced by Bok pressure no doubt) ultimately turned the ledger the other way. And the history books will show it was a failed tour.
But, back to the silence of the lamb lovers. I can’t shake the feeling that they’re seething, have had two weeks to correct their flaws, are settled and are lying in wait, ready to extract more than a modicum of revenge against much the same side who featured in the Santa Fe Surrender that let in near 70 points. 70 goddam points!
To our lot. Just what exactly has, or will change from two weeks back? Will ‘Mr 36 minutes Tupou’ suddenly play out of his skin for 75 and nullify the Aussie born Kiwi props? Will The Lip suddenly have faster clearance, better box kicks and rediscover his running game from a decade ago? Will our #10 control the game better than any of the previous 20 tests he’s played? Will our loosies get over the top of theirs? Will our backs exploit time and space better than theirs? Will our bench finish over the top of theirs? If you answer ‘no’ to any of the above, then the only question that remains is, Kiwis by how many?
So on that front, what does a good result look like? The DKO team dropped a terrific pod midweek and I really liked the theme of: just where is this Wallabies side at? And perhaps Nick W summed it up best: ‘the average side of mediocre’.
To that end I’m of the belief that if our team can keep the Minstrels to under 30 that’ll be a reasonable result. But, if the Kiwis get a fast start and doubt creeps into the Wallabies, and leadership, real onfield take control leadership, goes missing, the Santa Fe Surrender will look like a close run thing.
Fearless Prediction: All Blacks by 19. Come on Wallabies, prove me wrong. I dare you.
Wallabies (15-1): Tom Wright; Andrew Kellaway, Len Ikitau, Hunter Paisami, Marika Koroibete; Noah Lolesio, Nic White; Harry Wilson (capt), Fraser McReight, Rob Valetini; Jeremy Williams, Nick Frost; Taniela Tupou, Matt Faessler, Angus Bell
Replacements: Brandon Panega-Amosa, James Slipper, Allan Alaalatoa, Lukhan Salakaia-Loto, Langi Gleeson, Tate McDermott, Tom Lynagh, Dylan Pietsch
All Blacks (15-1): Beauden Barrett; Will Jordan, Rieko Ioane, Jordie Barrett, Caleb Clarke; Damian McKenzie, Cortez Ratima; Ardie Savea, Sam Cane, Wallace Sititi; Tupou Vaa’i, Scott Barrett (capt); Tyrel Lomax, Codie Taylor, Ethan de Groot
Replacements: Asafo Aumua, Tamaiti Williams, Pasilio Tosi, Sam Darry, Luke Jacobson, TJ Perenara, Anton Lienert-Brown, Sevu Reece
Match Officials: Referee: Karl Dickson (RFU) Assistant Referee 1: Nika Amashukeli (GRU) Assistant Referee 2: Damian Schneider (UAR) TMO: Stuart Terheege (RFU) FPRO: Eric Gauzins (FFR)
Giteau’s Gotta Go!
No, not in an Israel-pager type way, but the law that bares his name. It’s restrictive, unfit for purpose and counter productive. In short, it’s complete and utter shite. Some interesting conversations among the G&GR crapparazzi during the week about the pitfalls and dangers of such a step, but I tells ya Gaggers, it’s basic market economics.
The Hossecution presents:
- The Giteau Law predominantly serves the interests of foreign clubs.
- Perversely, it encourages up and coming talent to leave or being poached.
- It actually works against the interest of the Wallabies and RA. The very organisation who are trying to protect themselves.
Think about this: the GL actually encourages foreign clubs to raid the ranks of Gen-Next, or worse, fringe Wallabies. Say you’re a French club chasing props, why wouldn’t you target those early in their rugby journey, either pre SRP, or early into their SRP or Wallaby careers? You get them cheaper. They don’t qualify for Wallaby honours due to little or no existing rep career and don’t meet the ‘length of service’ KPI either. So you get them below market prices and they won’t or can’t be called in for national duties. So the OS clubs have free reign!
Therefore, we have a law that effectively rewards the poacher and at the same time penalises the game keeper, effectively magnifying the impact. How in the hell is that beneficial in any way to rugby in Australia?
But it doesn’t have to be thus. One simple change that RA controls, will change the course of our rugby future. Scrap the Giteau Law entirely.
If overseas clubs want to poach, pay and grow our players, then let them.
Be my guest, poach away! But poach with the knowledge that at any time, RA can come calling for Wallaby duties. Sure, a Mack Hansen or two will fall through the net and swap allegiances. But so what? It’s pressure from the bottom up, or as KARL calls it, ‘muster time’. As one player heads north, a spot opens up domestically for another to come forward. And on and on and on it goes. Your building depth while simultaneously alleviating salary/inflationary pressures at home and still have more than enough content to keep TV partners interested.
It also becomes a selling point for those young rugby athletes perhaps unsure of what code to pursue, due to limited numbers in Oz SRP squads. How’s this for a pitch: ‘Go and learn your craft in France, Japan or England, enjoy the lifestyle, develop your game and life skills yet still be available for Wallaby selection!’ Or: ‘Travel to Bankstown and have your gear stolen from the team bus if it’s not set on fire while you play gaol ball.’
It also then organically encourages competition between players for spots. All of a sudden the THP for the Waratahs doesn’t have to only outplay the Reds, Force or Brumbies prop, but also must be playing better than the 23yo Australian tighthead prop who plays in Bath, or Tokyo, or Paris, or LA. All this talk about building depth and pathways when the answer AND control is at our finger tips already: let the market do the heavy lifting. Just be smart how you manipulate and move within that market. As Happyman said during G&GR conversations this week ‘Australia is a net exporter of rugby talent’. He’s 100% right. So let’s embrace that, control that and benefit from that. As opposed to kicking stones and restricting our own trade (WTAF?).
My last point is to ask you to look a lot west, to the lands of the Dutch Dirt Farmers and their direct descendants. What more proof do you need? No restrictive selection policies. No self inflicted wounds. Just the best players picked from wherever in the globe it is they play. How’s that worked out for them again?
I know Phil Waugh is an avid reader of FRN (Phil – enough calls already, I’ll interview you on my pod soon. Talk about needy), so come on PW, make it so. As for the rest of you Gaggers, don’t take my word for it. Pick your own answer from the poll below and send a message to RA. Should we abolish the Giteau Law? Every vote counts.
Golden Slipper
At last, a proper feel good Aussie rugby moment. And for one of the great guys of the game at that.
Jimmy Slips, or ‘Big Sexy’ according to Spanners Foley on STAN, will this week break George Gregan’s record for test appearances for our Wallabies. And should/when Slips take the field it’ll be his 140th test cap for our national side.
I don’t profess to know more than you about this man, but what I feel confident to say is that he seems a genuinely decent bloke. A rugby player’s rugby player. The sort you’d love to sit and listen to for a few hours and absorb all he has to say about rugby, life and being a team man.
Regardless of the result this weekend, I invite all Gaggers to rise to their feet and cheer him. For all that ails our game in Oz, James Slipper epitomises what is still intrinsically good and decent about life and about rugby union. The sacrifice, toil, endeavour, humility, teamwork and of overcoming adversity. James Slipper is a rugby player’s rugby player, and we are so much better as fans for having him in our side.
Congratulations Big Sexy. Enjoy the experience and go well.
Shag on a Ruck.
I hate it when Kiwis appear to be right. It’s unnatural, unpleasant, uninvited and unexpected.
Many will recall Sir Steve Hansen was a guest of the poison dwarf during our ill feted impersonation of a rugby side in France last year. Shag was diplomatic and restrained during his association with the stunted one, but this week opened up a bit more on what he saw. And his summation was: ‘Aussies are shite at rugby’.
Hansen is reported to have said: “If you went through and wrote down everything that you would expect a high-performance Test athlete to have, then I would suggest that maybe some of those things are missing. There were things that I saw that surprised me, and I’m not going to go into those things, but if you haven’t got your high performance right, then players aren’t going to arrive at the Test arena with all the things they need ticked and understood.”
“That makes it hard because you’ve got to learn it at the very highest level. And for me, that’s what rugby’s about at the lower levels. You’re preparing people to be better at a higher level. I think good rugby players come out of good high-performance environments. If you allow too many people into those environments without having to work hard, then you get a soft underbelly. I will say though, that Fridays on Green & Gold Rugby are outstanding rugby journalism, and is quite possibly the best thing about Australian rugby at present.”
Wales Awaits Walloped Wallaroos.
Saturday, 21 September. Wales v Wallaroos. England somewhere. Kickoff 3.45am.
The heading has more Ws in it than the Wallaroos season thus far, and from what I saw last weekend their next W seems some way off.
The Wallaroos were just awful, consistently so, they were awful in every aspect of their play. Basic skills were horrid, the passing from our #9 was third grade Maitland U9s level (probably unfair to the Maitland players) and the set piece was rubbish. The side played like a team who first met in the car park 25 minutes before kickoff and thought they were there for a Gaelic dance festival, not rugby.
Here we had the 5th ranked team in the world (us) taking on the #10 side in Oirland and the difference in class was seismic, a gulf, a yawning bloody chasm! The Wallaroos were disjointed, lacked clarity and played like 15 strangers on the field. All of them unsure what the other is doing and worse, what they were meant to be doing themselves.
With the World Cup in the land that gave us smallpox, curried everything and the uber respectful terra nullius, the Wallaroos pack had better soon discover a backbone and some cohesive forward based play or it’s a waste of airfares flying back over there next year. May as well stay at home and send cardboard cutouts in their place. The cutouts would arguably offer more resistance.
This week the Wallaroos play a test against the Welsh before again meeting them next week in what is the official commencement of the WXV2 competition. To be frank, the Wallaroos team has regressed substantially since Jay Tregonning left as coach. There seems to be no clear idea of who our best players are in any given position. The tactics seem to be ‘get it to Maya’ on the wing, and if that doesn’t work it’s goodnight nurse. 2024 has seen a slide in rankings, quality of play and no surprises, unacceptably poor results.
Let’s hope that we see that slide arrested somewhat this weekend. Even if only in clarity of play and improved execution of basic skills. Happy has all the team news here.
I’ll be thankful for small steps.
Friday’s Goss with Hoss.
Harry Potter & The Virgin Force.
Both a terrific headline and, coincidentally, the name of a very disturbing manifesto Yowie once showed me. The very same manifesto at the heart of my most recent thesis ‘Reducing Victims: Identifying The Criminally Insane Early’.
But where was I? Oh yes. Long injured Force wizard Harry Potter is back for their next up game against Perth Gold, before the Force heads to SA for a three match tour. Potter is joined for the match by three Gryffindor Force debutants, Nic Dolly, Josh Thompson and Nick Champion something hyphenated something. The Force tour includes games against the Toyota Cheetahs, Emerging Ireland and DHL WP XV and will be available to watch the Force play (yawn) on STAN.
Scotland A. Jimmy!
News this week that Scotland will roll out the Scotland A format for a match against Chile. (pronounced Ch-eye-l, otherwise that watercourse in Egypt would be pronounced ‘Nilly’. Which would just be silly). This writer admits to being confused as the test team, known as the Scottish C side, were crap in the 6N. So is the A side better than the test side or, perhaps more likely, is the SRU simply dexlysic?
The A side will host Chilli in November the day before their main test side (the Cs) host the Wallabies at Scottish Gas Murrayfield (so called due to the effects of haggis consumption).
Andy Farrell Finishes Up!
Yep. Breaking news yesterday on skysports.com that Andy Farrell will leave his Oirish coaching job in December and be replaced by Irish U20s coach, Simon Easterby.
Who says Friday’s Rugby News doesn’t have scoops and verified facts? Infidels.
Liar, Liar, Rassie’s on Fire.
Interesting news out of the land of quiet, humble rugby opinions that young #10 sensation (whose name I couldn’t be bothered looking up for spelling each time I want to write about him, but now realise looking it up would save time writing a sentence like this) ‘hid’ a knee injury from South African chieftain, Induna Rassie.
It seems Sid Francis Moctezuma (close enough) injured himself during the first AB test, yet was so desperate to play the second match he kept news of the injury from Erasmus and staff. And SFM’s reward for ‘lying’ to Rassie: a rocket from the coach, surgery and now racing against the clock to make the NH tour. You can read Rassie’s response and insight at stuff.co.stealingozwelfare.nz.
Until next week.
Congrats Jimmy Slips & go the Wallabies.
Hoss – out.
