Greetings one, greetings all and welcome to another Friday’s Rugby News. There’s test match rugby in all four corners of the globe, which really makes no sense at all as a globe is round. But anyway, you get my drift.
Today is all about test match rugby and first up, let’s look at all things Wallabies with ‘Chicken Schmidty?’ Visit 1986 when we hop across the ditch in ‘The Enemy of my Enemy are English’. Head up to the rainbow nation for the best of Afrikaans hospitality for ‘Cheats Always Prosper?‘ Check out who’s playing whom in ‘Rugby Palooza’. Drop into camp Wallaroos for ‘Enough Already’. And grab the pickle juice to ward off cramp, as we wrap up a massive rugby week with ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss’, currently with no plans to cancel the weekly ‘Pork & Port’ nights with new and incoming members of the crossbench.
Chicken Schmidty?
Australia v Wales. Saturday, 6 July Allianz Stadium Sydney. 7.45pm AEST.
No sirreee, Bob. A new captain and not just that, a captain who has never actually started a test for the Wallabies. The most debutants in a Wallaby side for over 40 years and yet a side picked on form and on loyalty, a side picked on merit, on reason, on combinations and, seemingly, on common sense. Test match rugby is back Gaggers, and the grown ups are also back in charge of running rugby in Australia. Although the slimy tentacles of former coach ‘Edzilla’ have also reached out, with him telling Japanese tabloid, The Nippon Daily that it was all ‘part of my master plan for rugby in Australia’.
In an uncanny coincidence, the team is also as speculated on that other site. In fact, it’s nearly identical to that predicted by ‘Linford’ Christy Doran at The Roar. But more than all of that, the side chosen is almost controversy free. You might quibble at the margins if you’re fussy. But who among the XXIII chosen shouldn’t be there? And before you banjo-loving, toothless yokels of the QPRQ yell from the vat: ‘It’s Gordon, it’s Gordon, it’s Gordon’, I’d refer you to the team sheet and simply say, ‘his form warrants it’.
One universally popular call is our new skipper, Liam ‘Wrongaz’ Wright. I’m a huge fan of this young man as a player and a person. His manner is always calm, respectful and unruffled. His form more than warrants him starting in the side and I can think of no finer person to lead us into a new frontier. From all on G&GR, congratulations Wrongaz, and go well.
Given the short preparation, team combinations were always going to play a significant role in these early tests and you can see those combos dotted across the side. From the loose forwards, to the centre pairings and the props, and even the pine.
And on the pine I will eagerly await the entrance of Tom Lynagh. I’ve said during the year that the young gent looks built for test rugby. His demeanour, kicking, his defence (he tackles like a player 20 kegs heavier), the time he has on the ball and the space he creates for others makes him, in my opinion, someone to fill the gold #10 for many a year.
While it would be completely disrespectful to write off Wales and their chances of a victory for this first encounter, they are really poor and have no chance of winning. So, RWC2023 be damned.
I love the fact that St Joe, Lord Laurie and Huey Lewis have been brave with their selections. It would have been easy to call the old guard of Kerevi, Koroibete, Spanners, Arnold and co, into the fold. But to what end? No, instead our new head coach has been brave and has both shown a path forward, but also an eye to instant results.
Now, I for one am not expecting exhilarating rugby. Nor do I anticipate rapid ball movement and whiz-bang attacking moves. Well not yet anyway. This Wallaby side will be one committed to doing the basics well, almost tradesman-like. And once these basics are ingrained in the side, only then can expansion and growth be achieved. What I am excited for though, is a team that will fight for every inch, compete at every breakdown and stay composed. On that front, this is an excellent squad. The selectors are commended for being brave. Chicken Schmidty? No chance.
A new dawn is upon us and Wallaby fans have nothing to fear but fear itself. Well, that and a French referee and Marius Jonker as TMO (insert spooky music).
Fearless prediction: Wallabies by 18 and Wrongaz to be one from one as skipper and all to be right in the universe.
Wallabies (1-15): James Slipper, Matt Faessler, Taniela Tupou, Jeremy Williams, Lukhan Salakaia-Loto, Liam Wright (c), Fraser McReight, Rob Valetini, Jake Gordon, Noah Lolesio, Filipo Daugunu, Hunter Paisami, Josh Flook, Andrew Kellaway, Tom Wright
Replacements: Billy Pollard, Isaac Kailea, Allan Alaalatoa, Angus Blyth, Charlie Cale, Tate McDermott, Tom Lyngah, Dylan Pietsch
Wales (1-15): Gareth Thomas, Dewi Lake (c), Archie Griffin, Christ Tshiunza, Dafydd Jenkins, Taine Plumtree, Tommy Reffell, Aaron Wainwright, Ellis Bevan, Ben Thomas, Rio Dyer, Mason Grady, Owen Watkin, Josh Hathaway, Liam Williams
Replacements: Evan Lloyd, Kemsley Mathias, Harri O’Connor, Cory Hill, James Botham, Kieran Hardy, Sam Costelow, Nick Tompkins
Match Officials: Referee: Pierre Brousset (FFR) Assistant Referee 1: Ben O’Keeffe (NZR) Assistant Referee 2: James Doleman (NZR) TMO: Marius Jonker (SARU)
The Enemy of my Enemy are English.
Saturday, 6 July NZ v England. Dunedin. Kick off 5:05pm AEST.
Across the dutch there’s also a game of interest this weekend, with the man who knifed Fozzie B Bear, Scott Robinson, in charge for his first ever AB test when they take on The Soap Dodgers of Ingerlund.
And this game is also seasoned with a liberal sprinkling of spite as well. For you see, technically the darkness have not beaten the infrequent bathers since 2019. It was 2019 when the Voldemort coached side rolled and bowled the ABs in Japan. Roll forward to 2022 and when the Poms got an historic draw on their home soil of India, Canada, Australia, NZ, parts of Africa, Jamaica Twickenham, with a Marcus Smith lead fightback from 25-6 down, to share the spoils at 25-25. So, technically, in a period spanning almost 5 years the red rose is unbeaten against those of middle earth. And borrowing from the Ben Stokes school of humility and compulsive self-grandeur, It seems the SDs have been telling anyone who will listen that they’re a chance, a real chance, of winning against NZ, in NZ.
I know, right, I laughed too.
The ABs side selected, has a staggering 934 caps across their match day XXIII, and such is the depth that reasonable plodder, Beauden, Barrett has been left on the pine. With their Australian props (you’re welcome NZ), Ethan de Groot and Tyrel Lomax, leading the charge up front and a big mobile abrasive pack behind them, I can’t see anything but misery and pain for the Poms. Not dissimilar to that experienced under 14 years of Tory rule.
The SDs aren’t entirely awful with their forwards, but the pack seems to have an average age of 43 (65 if you include Dan Coles on the pine) and, mono e mono, I don’t think they’ll do enough to stop those dressed nearly in all black. And if they don’t at least blunt the AB forward momentum, the AB backs will tear them to shreds.
After a season of SRP it appears to me that ,through the actions of the Blues in particular, NZ have added a shedload more physicality to their game, almost like The Catholics play, while maintaining electric pace and danger out wide and still being lethal on the counter. And then you throw someone like Ardie Savea back into the mix for shuts and goggles. How’s that for depth?
I must admit, I am hardly a neutral in this one. As an Oz fan, it’s always Wallabies against whomever, but I do love watching the Kiwis play whenever it ain’t against us. Sure, they’re a bunch of cheating, livestock loving mongrels, but the skill, pace, vision and daring makes them consistently one of the best sporting teams in the world, in any code, to watch. And I reckon we could bear witness to a terrific rugby spectacle this weekend.
Fearless Prediction: This match perfectly mirrors the British election. It’s not who will win, but by how much they win by. ABs by 25.
New Zealand (1-15): Ethan de Groot, Codie Taylor, Tyrel Lomax, Scott Barrett (c), Patrick Tuipulotu, Samipeni Finau, Dalton Papali’i, Ardie Savea, TJ Perenara, Damien McKenzie, Mark Tele’a, Jordie Barrett, Rieko Ioane, Sevu Reece, Stephen Perofeta
Replacements: Beauden Barrett, Anton Lienert-Brown, Finlay Christie, Luke Jacobson, Tupou Vaa’i, Fletcher Newell, Ofa Tu’ungafasi, Asafo Aumua.
England (1-15): Joe ‘Purty in yellow’ Marler, Jamie George (c), Will Stuart, Maro Itoje, George Martin, Chandler Cunningham-South, Sam Underhill, Ben Earl, Alex Mitchell, Marcus Smith, Tommy Freeman, Ollie Lawrence, Henry Slade, Immanuel Feyi-Waboso, George (so many choices) Furbank
Replacements: Ollie Sleightholme, Fin Smith, Ben Spencer, Tom Curry, Alex Coles, Dan Coles, Fin Baxter, Theo Dan.
Match Officials: Referee: Nika Amashukeli (GRU) Assistant Referee 1: Nic Berry (RA) Assistant Referee 2: Jordan Way (RA) TMO: Eric Gauzins (FFR)
Cheats Always Prosper?
Sunday, 7 July South Africa v Ireland. Somewhere in South Africa. Kick off 1.05am AEST
OK, OK, OK, so it’s not cheating per se, more like gamesmanship, which, by the way, the Hossaurus defines as ‘South Africans cheating in rugby’. But I can’t in good conscious ever cheer for a Jaco Johan coached side, there’s just something about him. They are worthy world champions, no doubt, and they’re lead by a truly world class person in Siya Kolesi, a bit on the chunky side maybe, but a real good human regardless. But when it comes to Rassie, well that’s a whole ‘nother story.
On the other hand we have the Oirish, who are just so damn loveable, maybe because they never win anything that matters and are non-threatening and vanilla. In the same way those with man buns or baristas are.
Sure the Oirish have won the NH trophy competition thing, but so what? It may as well be a merit award from the local kindie teacher because your kid hadn’t shat themselves for the day. It’s a competition for the mediocre that rewards mediocrity. It’s kinda like, ‘well you sucked the least, here’s a trophy’. And facing a rejuvenated Boks side at altitude at Loftus, they must be anything but mediocre to have any chance.
With an eye watering 1,017 caps in their run on side the Boks look to be simply imperious. Any side that can have The Communist, and RG Snyman, on the pine are just extracting the urine. Add to that the 194 caps on the pine and you see the results of a succession plan long in the making and a rugby destiny that could lead to a possible third consecutive RWC crown.
The Saffas look to be far too formidable and all class across every position (with the exception of Willie Le Roux, who can be as flakey as old lead paint), they’e surely specials to win this comfortably.
Fearless Prediction: Oirland by 1. Told you earlier, I will never cheer for The Catholics, but do accept they are an exceptional side.
South Africa (1-15): Ox Nche, Bongi Mbonambi, Frans Malherbe, Eben Etzebeth, Franco Mostert, Siya Kolesi (c), Pieter-Steph du Toit, Kwagga Smith, Tyrian Lannister, Handre Pollard, Kurt-Lee Arendse, Damian de Allende, Jesse Kriel, Cheslin Kolbe, Willie le Roux
Replacements: Malcolm Marx, Gerhard Steenkamp, Vincet Koch, Sakmaan Moerat, RG Snyman, marco Van Standen, Grant Williams, Sacha Feinberg-Mngomezulu
Ireland (1-15): Andrew Porter, Dan Sheehan, Tadhg Furlong, Joe McCarthy, Tadhg Beirne, Peter O’Mahony, Josh van der Flier, Caelan Doris, Craig Casey, Jack Crowley, James Lowe, Bundee Aki, Robbie Henshaw, Calvin Nash, Jamie Osborne
Match Officials: Referee: Luke Pearce (RFU) Assistant Referee 1: Karl Dickson (RFU) Assistant Referee 2: Mike Adamson (SRU) TMO: Ben Whitehouse (WRU)
Rugby Palooza.
After the emptiness of the last two weeks, rugby explodes back on to a channel near you this weekend:
- Samoa v Italy. Friday, 5 July. Apia Park Samoa. 2:00pm AEST. Coverage unknown
- Georgia v Fiji. Friday, 5 July. Adjarabet Arena, Georgia. 2:00am AEST. Coverage unknown
- USA v Romania. Friday, 5 July. SeatGeek Stadium, USA. 10:00am AEST. Coverage Unknown
- Japan v Maori All Black Saturday, 6 July. City of Toyota Stadium, Japan. 7:00pm AEST on STAN
- Argentina v France Sunday, 7 July. Estadio Malvinas Argentinas. Agentina. 5:00am AEST on STAN
- Chile v Hong Kong China. Saturday, 6 July. Estadio Fiscal. Chile. 5:00am AEST. Coverage unknown
- Canada v Scotland Sunday, 7 July. TD Place Stadium, Canada. 7:00am AEST. Coverage unknown
Enough Already!
Saturday, 6 July. Coverage from 4.30pm AEST. Kick off 5.00pm on STAN
Hmmmmm. It’s been an inauspicious start to Jo Yapp’s coaching tenure at the Wallaroos. The team have now slipped to WXV tier 2 status after their, well, shite performances so far this year. And this Saturday they run up against a Fijiana side with their international players back in the fold. So this could be a tricky one.
While any team takes time to gel, from the matches I’ve watched thus far the Wallaroos are disjointed and disconnected in their play. There’s proper size up front, athletic and skilful locks, dynamic and busy loosies, energetic, skilled halves and some Ferraris in the centres and out wide there are two try scoring machines, if only we could get them ball and space!. Sounds great so far doesn’t it? But the Wallaroos haven’t yet been able to utilise all those positives and deliver a whole of team performance.
The job doesn’t get any easier and, despite the SRW Waratahs title winning thumping of the Drua, the Fijiana national side will be a different beast entirely. Give them an in(ch) and they’ll run a mile. Coach Yapp has also named 4 debutants for this test with Biola Dawa, Allana Sikimeti, Lydia Kavoa and Natalie Wright all set to get their first cap. Sikimeti learned of the news on the day of her 20th birthday, 2 July, a day I’m sure she’ll never forget.
Let’s hope some time in camp and bedding in of better connections on the field can turn the side’s fortunes around.
Fearless Prediction: Wallaroos by 9. Go you good things.
Wallaroos (1-15): Brianna Hoy, Tania Naden, Eva Karpeni, Kaitlan Leaney, Michaela Leonard (c), Atasi Lafai, Leilani Nathan, Piper Duck, Layne Morgan, Arabella McKenzie, Desiree Miller, Cecilia Smith, Georgina Friedrichs, Biola Dawa, Lori Cramer
Replacements: Tiarna Molloy, Allana Sikimeti, Bridie O’Gorman, Siokapesi Palu, Lydia Kavoa, Natalie Wright, Trilleen Pomare, Faitala Moleka
Fijiana (1-15): Bitila Tawake, Keleni Marawa, Tiana Robakadavu, Mereoni Nakesa, Asinate Serevi, Nunia Daunimoala, Sulita Waisega, Kara Naisewa, Evivi Senikarivi, Jeniffer Ravutia, Adita Millinia, Liti Lawedrau, Atelaite Buna, Merewairita Neivosa, Luisa Tisolo
Replacements: Litia Marama, Loraini Senivutu, Vika Mararugu, Doreen Narokete, Ema Adivitaloga, Setaita Railumu, Salanieta Kinita, Repeka Tove
Friday’s Goss with Hoss.
Super Hooper’s Dreams Down Pooper.
Well, he gave it a red hot crack. News this week that Oz rugby legend Michael Hooper won’t get a chance for Olympic glory, missing the cut for the squad named for Paris. After a career spanning 35 years, a SR title, a World Cup final and more, Hooper has called time on his rugby career, but I’m sure he won’t be lost to the game overall and I quite enjoy his contributions on STAN. Olympic coach John Manenti opens up on Hoop’s crack at the 7’s team on rugby.com.au
Hogg Tied.
Oh dear. Recently unretired Scottish icon, Stuart Hogg, has been arrested for a second time this year; this time it’s for breach of bail conditions. planetrugby.com has more
Conrad Contemplates.
ABs legend and all round good guy, Conrad Smith, has weighed into the debate on stuff.co.aussiewelfareisawesomecuz.nz around the treatment of match officials. Especially since the disgraceful treatment of Wayne Barnes and the vile threats against him and his family after last year’s RWC final. And he’s spot on, match officials are sacrosanct and pivotal to our game and there must be zero tolerance for onfield invective and off field behaviour like that of which Mr Barnes endured.
This correspondent also asked Mr Smith where he stood on onfield throat slitting actions, professional cheating and perennial offside actions of certain sides. No response has yet been received.
Force Far Flung.
What’s better than leaving WA? Why leaving WA for a three match tour of the land of the Dutch Dirt Farmers, that’s what. The Force have announced a 3 match tour of SA over Sept/Oct and will face the Toyota Cheetahs, Emerging Ireland and the DHL Western Provence XV. rugby.com.au has more.
Bloody Williamson.
You know I’m a stickler for grammatic excellence Gaggers, so when I read this I thought, bloody hell, Liam Wright is now coach and captain. That’s a first for Oz rugby. Am I wrong?:
‘Joe Schmidt has elevated “natural leader” Liam Wright to Wallabies skipper for his first Test side since replacing Eddie Jones as coach’.
I hate it when professional journos write not good word things that confuse. If Natho is right (I know the odds are low), Wrongaz sure will sleep well.
Penney Pinching?
Stuff.co.chillycuzbro.nz reports that the Crusaders organisation is likely to retain Rob Penney’s services as coach for 2025. ‘Likely’ is such a cruel word. It’s neither a backing nor a sacking. Just some limp, half-pregnant approach. I was voted in my 1986 Year 12 as ‘most likely to succeed’. I sure showed them not to pre-judge.
Flash Slashed.
Ex Melbourne Dodos player, Carter ‘Flash’ Gordon, has been released early from his RA contract and will switch to the NRL Gold Coast Titans immediately. abcnews.net.au has more. Here’s wishing the young man well for his future.
Blowin’ in the wind.
Whispers dancing on the breeze have reached the Ponderosa that one David Nucifora will soon return to down under and, in a pre-arranged move, replace Lieutenant Dan as head of RA. Rugby doesn’t just have a pulse people, it’s jumped off life support and running down the road naked and with a smile on its face. Good times ahead for all.
You’re not the only one with scoops, Linford.
Until next week. Come on Aussie! Oh, and how many read The Nippon Daily article?
Hoss – out.
