Prior to this year’s Grand Slam tour, the ARU proclaimed that pin-up boy James O’Connor would be compiling a tour diary which could be viewed via the ARU web-site. Well, three weeks into the tour and nothing from the Wunderkind.
Not to worry rugby tragics, G&GR has come into possession of what purports to be JO’C’s written tour diary. While we have no way of verifying the authenticity of these diaries, in true tabloid style we decided to publish them anyway.
Below is a selection of entries – keep an eye out for more in the coming weeks as they come to hand.
19 th October – Pre tour training camp
I hate training; it’s like, just so boring. I mean, like, apart from the odd catch and pass drill, there’s not much else that interests me.
Rocky is the new captain and is throwing his weight around, he pushed me over after a drill and told me I was, like, as soft as a soggy lamington. He like, so better watch his back, the last dude who teased me was, like, Phil Waugh and after I dobbed to Robbie, he has never played for my team again.
After training, like, these old guys came to talk to us. It always happens that some old dudes who used to play for my team turn up and tell us how good they used to be. Like, I mean, who cares? Did they get paid a million bucks, like, no-way!!!
It wasn’t too bad as these weren’t the really old guys that smell like moth-balls who sometimes come to talk to us, but, like, I mean – whatever!!!
One of the old dudes named Simon came over to talk to me, and I’m like, no-way. I told him I was too busy and that if he left his facebook link with the team Manager I’d make sure my PA would get some Wallaby stuff I’d signed to him.
He walked off in a huff saying that Phil Waugh should have done a proper job and decked me – like, and they reckon us young dudes are ungrateful!
24th October – Night before we depart for Tokyo
I don’t normally get nervous, I’m just, like, way too talented for that, but tonight I’m a bit on edge.
This will be a big tour for me as I’ve realised over the last few weeks just how much I’ve got to learn. I mean, like, the next month could be make-or-break for me so I’ve really got to knuckle down. I’ve got to learn these scripts for the range of products I’ll be doing TV ads for when I get home. If I don’t get it right, it will, like, seriously damage my brand.
I’ve got my bags packed and really looking forward to the trip. I’m most excited about picking up my face-creams duty free as they are, like, so expensive!!
There is one thing that is really, like, just so unfair. I have to carry around this teddy-bear thing for the whole tour ‘cause I’m, like, the youngest or something. It’s some stupid rule they came up with last year or something I think.
I’ve downloaded a pod-cast of an audio book to pass the time on the flight. It’s Pup Clarke’s soon to be released book, “How to be young, rich and pretentious” read by Lleyton Hewitt – my two favourite sportsmen.
30th October – Tokyo
I love Japan, there is just, like, so much culture and history about the place – stuff like Sushi, Pokemon and Atari. The other great thing is that I’m taller than most people, like, without over-stating my height in the media guide.
Gerrado dropped in a training today, it was great to see him, especially not in a Wallaby tracksuit. He was saying, like, how fantastic playing in Japan is. The pay is great and you don’t really have to put in 100%, like, how is that different to the Wallabies I wondered?
I’m not looking forward to the game on Saturday. Like, why do we have to play the All Blacks again, I mean, like, we’ve already lost that Bledisloe thingy so why can’t we just have another run against Italy?
Berrick went home injured today and I was stoked to hear that Matt Toomua was coming over to join my team. I mean, like, stoked until I found out he was older than me by, like, 5 months that is – I am so over this teddy-bear thing.
5 November – Team named for England test
I’m like, so pissed off!
Why do I get dropped to the bench? Gitty played heaps worse than me and he still gets to run on. I rang Mum to complain and see if she could write a note to Robbie to get him to, like, put me back in the team but she won’t – why is everyone ganging up on me?!?!
Mum told me to keep working hard and concentrate on my preparation so I’m taking my endorsement scripts to the game, may as well go over them while I’m, like, sitting on the bench.
Some old bloke handed out the jersey’s this week – I’m not sure who he was but he had a funny name and smelled like Camel cigarettes. He looked really old, maybe he played in the 1920’s, like, before anything was invented.
He asked me what I wanted out of the Test. I told him, like, if could nail at least one of my scripts I’d be, like, stoked.
Well, this old dude, he flicked a lit Camel at me! It hit me on the fringe and ‘cause I had just done my hair, it, like, made my hair catch fire ‘cause of the product. Lucky Robbie was there to tip a bucket of cold water over me – again.
