Greetings earthlings. No KARL or Yowser today, who are instead taking their vows atop Mount Alota-Ewesoften, overlooking the windswept valleys and rolling dales of NZ’s South Island Werdefarkarwicuz region. With a string quartet, tote bags of lanolin products for their guests and entertainment from local mime group, Silence of the Lambs, the two will participate in a private commitment ceremony in front of gathered loved ones and under the watchful eye of an licensed animal husbandry official. All at G&GR wish them a lifetime of love and happiness as they start their journey together. As a result you’re stuck with me and an abridged version of Wednesday’s Rugby News. Deal with it you lucky, lucky bastards.
Mad Max, mad, maybe.
Ho hum news for Tahs fans (those six of us left anyway and three of those are my multiple personalities) but better news for Wallabies fans. Mad Max Jorgo has been ruled out for the remainder of SRP. Jorgensen left the field after a cough-hip-drop-tackle cough incident against the perpetual filthy dirty NZ Hurricane players last week.
Tahs coach Chuckles McKellar confirming the in-form Mad Max has suffered an injury to his syndesmosis (which Kiwi teams would’ve sought to treat as a HIA injury) and will miss 6-8 weeks minimum, which is essentially the rest of SRP. Shame too, the young bloke was in the groove and playing exceptionally well .
However in s strange twist, the injury could’ve been worse (there could’ve been two Kiwi tacklers) and Mad Max should be recovered in time to make the BILS squad. Some light at the end of the tunnel for Max and all rugby fans.
Shoe me the many!
While in the land of the illegal tackle, news yesterday that the NZR and runaway sponsor INEOS have done a Jeffrey Epstein without the prison sheets and have reached a settlement for an undisclosed sum to finalise their differences that looked headed to the courts. INEOS had welched on the minor issue of being in breach of a legally binding contract with the NZR, who had in response issued a directive to ‘minn the ligill kinnoos’ to get that to which they were legally entitled.
At least this way both parties can walk away with a small limp but some cash in the sky rocket to show for it. NZR are said to be in discussions with ‘my word is my bond’ Australian businessman, Clive Palmer, to replace INEOS.
Ladder control.
Whoda thunk it! Seven rounds in, an Aussie team in #1 place and all Oz teams within the top six. Albeit with one of those teams recently leaking more points than an unhappy opposition caucus
That’s where we find ourselves folks. The Queensland Reds haven’t been on top of any ladder in the last decade (unless it was for results about poor dental hygiene or banjo sales per capita) but here they are, seven rounds in and #1 on the SRP ladder and deservedly so. The Force were probably the better side yet the Reds found a way to win.
Having said that, this week the Reds welcome back a whole heap of returning stars to their team. Matt Faesler, Jock Campbell, Hunter Paisami and Fraser Mac all back on deck to face the Chiefs in a mouth watering clash of the titans. Dirty Harry Wilson and Josh Canham will also return for the battle.
In some disappointing news. Coach Kiss conformed that injured co-captain Liam ‘Wrongaz’ Wright is still out longer term (2-8 weeks more) and will only return when Wrongaz feels right. Gotta feel sorry for the big unit. Great guy, good player, Wallaby skipper and then injured again. He certainly doesn’t deserve such crappy luck.
As for the other Oz sides, the Brumbies are sneaking under the radar a bit and sit 4th. The Tahs and Force round out the top six. What odds would that’ve paid before kickoff this season? Come on Aussies, come on.
Results in: Hooper clearly the best.
In a direct cut and paste from Nathan Williamson at rugby.com.au, a man whose main claim to fame was once getting stuck in a lift for 6.8 hours with Eddie Jones, and after only 36 minutes Eddie attempted to eat through the metal doors to escape the suffering, here is the current Super Rugby Pacific PotY ladder:
21 – Tom Hooper [BRU]
17 – Ardie Savea [MOA]
16 – Timoci Tavatavanawai [HIG]
14 – Carlo Tizzano [FOR]
13 – Harry Wilson [RED], Caleb Tangitau [HIG], Damian McKenzie [CHI], Patrick Pellegrini [MOA]
12 – Mac Grealy [FOR], Kini Naholo [HUR], Jeremy Williams [FOR]
11- Harry Godfrey [HUR], Sevu Reece [CRU], Peter Lakai [HUR], Vuate Karawalevu [DRU], Mark Telea [BLU], Darcy Swain [FOR]
10 – Will Jordan [CRU], Angus Bell [WAR], Charlie Cale [BRU], Filipo Daugunu [RED], Fraser McReight [RED], Patrick Tuipulotu [BLU], Quinn Tupaea [CHI], Tupou Vaa’i [CHI]
9 – Allan Alaalatoa [BRU], Ben Donaldson [FOR], Elia Canakaivata DRU], Motikiai Murray [DRU], Nathan Hastie [HIG]
8 – Tate McDermott [RED], Miracle Faiilagi [MOA], Max Jorgensen [WAR], Andy Muirhead [BRU], Christian Lio-Willie [CRU], Isaiah Armstrong-Ravula [DRU], Ponipate Loganimasi [DRU]
7 – Cam Roigard [HUR], David Havili [CRU], David Porecki [WAR], Du’Plessis Kirifi [HUR], Kyle Preston [CRU], Kyren Taumoefolau [MOA], Langi Gleeson [WAR]
6 – AJ Lam [BLU], Alex Hodgman [RED], Bailyn Sullivan [HUR], Cam Christie [BLU], Dalton Papali’I [BLU], Emoni Narawa [CHI], Ethan Blackadder [CRU], Fatafehi Fineanganofo [HUR], Finn Hurley [HIG], Heremaia Murray [RED], Luke Reimer [BRU], Macca Springer [CRU], Meli Derenalagi [DRU], Naitoa Ah Kuoi [CHI], Nic White [FOR], Simon Parker [CHI], Taniela Tele’a [HIG], Teddy Wilson [WAR], Jona Nareki [HIG], Ioane Moananu [CRU]
5 – Brayden Iose [HUR], Charlie Gamble [WAR], Etonia Waqa [DRU], Harry Potter [FOR], Jackson Garden-Bachop [MOA], Nic Dolly [FOR], Semisi Tupou Ta’eiloa [MOA], Tom Lynagh [RED], Tom Wright [BRU], Xavi Taele [BLU], Seru Uru [RED]
4 – Beauden Barrett [BLU], Len Ikitau [BRU], Leroy Carter [CHI], Corey Toole [BRU], Finley Christie [BLU], Sean Withy [HIG], Sione Havili Talitui [MOA], Tevita Ikanivere [DRU], Harrison Goddard [BRU]
3 – Andrew Kellaway [WAR], Declan Meredith [BRU], Folau Fakatava [HIG], Harry Plummer [BLU], Hoskins Sotutu [BLU], Hugh Sinclair [WAR], Jake Gordon [WAR], Joey Walton [WAR], Kaylum Boshier [CHI], Lalomilo Lalomilo [MOA], Lawson Creighton [WAR], Luke Jacobson [CHI], Nic Frost [BRU], Rieko Ioane [BLU], Rory Scott [BRU], Samipeni Finau [CHI], Simione Kuruvoli [DRU], Siosifa Amone [WAR], Soane Mikaele Vikena [HIG], Tamaiti Williams [CRU], Tane Edmed [WAR], Triston Reilly [WAR], Veveni Lasaqa [HIG], Lachie Anderson [RED]
2 – Anton Lienert-Brown [CHI], Anton Segner [BLU], Antonio Shalfoon [CRU], Ben Grant [WAR], Brad Shields [HUR], Caleb Clarke [BLU], Cam Suafoa [BLU], Chris Apoua [MOA], Danny Toala [MOA], Dylan Pietsch [FOR], Hamish Stewart [FOR], Hunter Paisami [RED], Isoa Nasilasila [DRU], Jacob Devery [HUR], Jahrome Brown [CHI], Jonathan Taumateine [MOA], Joseva Tamani [DRU], Josh Flook [RED], Josh Jacomb [CHI], Kurt Eklund [BLU], Nick Champion De Crespigny [FOR], Ricky Riccitelli [BLU], Ryan Lonergan [BRU], Shaun Stevenson [CHI], Will Harris [FOR], William Havili [MOA], Chay Fihaki [CRU], Codie Taylor [CRU], Julian Heaven [NSW], Fletcher Anderson [CRU]
1 –Joseph-Aukuso Suaalii [WAR], Asafo Aumua [HUR], Mitch Dunshea [HIG], Rob Valetini [BRU], Allan Craig [MOA], Caleb Delaney [HUR], Fabian Holland [HIG], Frank Lomani [DRU], Ilaisa Droasese [DRU], James Slipper [BRU], Kalani Thomas [RED], Marcel Renata [BLU], Max Burey [FOR], Mesake Vocevoce [DRU], Mesulame Dolokoto [Drua], Ryan Smith [RED], Sio Tomkinson [FOR], TK Howden [HIG], Tom Savage [MOA], Tuidraki Samusamuvodre [DRU], Xavier Numia [HUR]
Fat man flies.
Who doesn’t like watching a small legged, keg shaped, 30yo appear to be running up and down on the spot but instead covers 40+ metres to grab a meat pie? Rugby truly is a shape for all sizes, even Dr Tom Robbo. As I’ve said before, round is a shape. Watch his try against the Reds again at wwos.nine.com.au. Based on the number of steps he took I estimate he ran the equivalent of 2.36km for a normal person. Wonder if he gets a high chair for team dinners. Well done, Throbba.
Choose you must.
We’re seven weeks in, so just who makes your squad of 36 for the Wallabies to take on the Lions? You’re limited to 20 forwards and 16 fairies. Make your selections in the comments below.
See you Friday.
Hoss – out.
