The Crooked Feed is G&GR’s occasional column of rugby tidbits and trivia, compiled by Lee Grant. It’s based on the “Non-set pieces” thread in the Rugby Discussion Forum — a repository for things seen, heard, overheard and otherwise soon forgotten, gathered at the grounds, online and over the airwaves.
Players
- Isa Nacewa of Leinster has been one of the most valuable recent overseas acquisitions for any European club. It was no surprise that he was named in the Magners League Dream Team for this season, nor that he was the Leinster Players’ Player of the Year, nor Ireland’s RUPA Players’ Player of the Oear — the first overseas player to be so honoured by his peers. As of last week he had played in all but one of Leinster’s 28 matches to date and played all 80 minutes in 23 of them. Incidentally, before he left New Zealand for Ireland he was voted NPC Player of the Year too. Well done that man.
- According to Sireli Bobo, there are 400 Fijians playing rugby in Europe. They get paid quite well down to 3rd Division in France and there is boot money in 4th Division also. Sireli, now 35, has been at Racing Métro 92 since 2007. He’s played in Portugal, Spain, Japan (7s), Italy and New Zealand (for Wellington in the NPC), earned five Super caps with the Hurricanes (2003–04), and went to the 2007 RWC for Fiji, where they played the Springboks in a quarter-final. He was here last year, for the Fiji v. Wallabies Test match in June.
- Will Genia was humbled by Nick Phipps on the night of the Reds–Rebels Round 12 clash. He played well enough, but in the interviews after the game Phipps got the word ‘definitely’ in three times while Genia could manage only two. Definitely not good enough, Will.
Referees
- Stu Dickinson (Tahs v. Force) to some complaining forwards: ‘Stop whingeing – just get on with the game.’ More refs should say that. They should try it with captains who come up to query every penalty against them. Just my opinion.
- Craig Joubert (Lions v. Cheetahs) when Lions skipper Doppies La Grange, a centre, had a whinge about the scrums: ‘If they show me dominance they’ll get rewarded.’ Refereeing with the vibe – I like it.
- Another time, when Wilhelm Steenkamp of the Cheetahs was jabbering while David de Villiers of the Lions was trying to call the lineout, Joubert said: ‘Give this guy a bit of respect when he’s making his call. Just keep it down. Choose your time but not when he’s making his call.’ More good stuff that, Craig.
- Chris Pollock (Stormers v. Crusaders) must have being watching James Jones in the Magners League. He also was saying: ‘Crouch – Touch – Pause – Gage.’ Makes sense to use one syllable to trigger the hit.
- Nigel Owens talking to stroppy front rowers after several scrum collapses in the Munster v. Ospreys Magners League semi-final: ‘The last four games I refereed the scrums haven’t been a problem. It’s got nothing to do with my refereeing. I suggest we start scrummaging within the law because if you don’t you’re going to go to the bin. It’s as simple as that lads; is that clear?’ It was clear, but the Ospreys LHP went down in the reset scrum all the same and got pinged. Just before oranges Owens got pissed off again. He warned the front row that if one from each side went down then he would send them both off. The ball got out of the scrum that time.
- David Wilkinson (Munster v. Connacht) called over Munster No. 8 Denis Leamy for rucking somebody. His skipper Paul O’Connell fronted too. The conversation went something like this:Wilkinson: You can’t use your feet; the touch judge has reported you.
Leamy: They’ve done it all night.
POC: They shoed Quinny 5 minutes ago.
Wilkinson: Do you want me to move you 10 metres?
Leamy: Yeah.
Wilkinson: Fair enough.And he marched them 10. The look that POC gave Leamy was priceless.
Commentators
- Greg Martin (Rebels v. Reds) offering practical advice on how referees can judge if a prop has had his arm on the ground: ‘The grass on the tape on your elbow would be a giveaway.’ Come to think of it, the tape on Yoda’s elbow had a few green patches — didn’t it?
- Matt Pearce (Stormers v Crusaders) was lamenting a not-straight throw from Stormers hooker Deon Fourie, and said: ‘I heard the lineout call from Andries Bekker in Afrikaans: “piesang”, which means “banana”, and that’s never straight.’ Point: maybe they should use calls like ‘arrow’ and ‘bullseye’, no matter what the intended flight path.
- Gavin Cowley (Lions v. Cheetahs) remarked with about 15 minutes to go: ‘The Lions are out on their feet – they’ve made 93 tackles in the match.’ This would raise a few eyebrows with our league cousins. Poor lambs, they will be thinking, one-and-half tackles a minute. I’m not sure what the typical tackle count in an NRL game is, but two years ago Michael Luck of the Titans averaged 46 tackles per game over 23 matches. Sure, league forwards don’t have to ruck and scrummage, but I don’t think it’s any coincidence that Jarrod Saffy of the Rebels, ex-NRL Dragons, had the highest tackle count in Super Rugby after Round 12.
- Matt Williams on the Rugby Breakdown show, talking about a fine-looking catch of a cross kick for a try by Leinster winger, Shane Horgan, in the Leinster v. Glasgow game: ‘Shane Horgan is to cross-field kicks what Kylie Minogue is to backsides: simply the best – and the most beautiful.’ A fine sight indeed, and the catch looked reasonable also.
- Commentators usually like to talk up a dog of a game they are commentating on but Robbie Nock of Eurosports doesn’t pull any punches. Nor did his guest co-commentator, sports journalist Gavin Mortimer, who said after the Castres v. Montpellier play-off match: ‘It was a very, very poor game of rugby, not helped by the referee. Countless errors by two very nervous sides. It was 78 minutes of poor rugby and two minutes of quite intense excitement.’
Teulet: out of order That match, by the way, was the worst game of professional rugby I have seen since the 5-6 Sharks v. Reds Super 12 thriller in 2004 in Durban: truly horrible, and included many collapsed scrums — which prompted Nock to comment after one was completed: ‘A scrum that stayed up more than 10 seconds – I like it!’. Fat referee Franck Marcello, the worst in France (which is saying something), was groaningly poor —though in fairness, the players were just as inept. The end of the game was enthralling, in a Keystone Cops way. The best goal-kicker in France, Romain ‘Robocop’ Teulet, missed three penalties overall, including one to win the match with two minutes to go.
Trivia
- Did anybody notice that the poor old Crusaders were disadvantaged in Round 12 by having the lightest pack fielded so far this year, at 860 kilograms according to the TV caption, when playing the Stormers, who had the heaviest at 925kg? No, I didn’t notice either. The Saders were lighter by 11kg lighter in the front row, 25kg in the second row, and 29kg in the back row. Maybe technique played a part. Just guessing.
- And talking about the Stormers pack: in Round 13, against the Chiefs, their back row (Burger–Louw–Vermeulen) weighed more than their front row (Blaauw–Fourie–Harris).
- Do we give too much credence to stats? You’d think that a Super Rugby team with 49% possession at half-time would be going OK, but the Rebels were already 40 points behind the Bulls in their Round 12 match. It’s what you do with your ball that counts, and the Bulls scored 6 tries — 1 for about every 4 possessions.
- Anybody else notice that during that match, the TV broadcaster put up the score 47–10 before Steyn had actually added the 46th and 47th points with a conversion? Trivial? Exactly.
