Dr K: John, thanks for coming in again. Do you know why you’re here?
JM: WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?!
Dr K: Who? Where?
JM: Over there in the corner! IS THAT FUCKEN CHEIKA? WHAT’S THAT PUBE HEADED C*NT DOING HERE?!?
Dr K: John there’s no one here besides ourselves
JM: You fucken sure? FAHK! I keep seeing that C*NT wherever I go. Ever since they put his name on my door by mistake last month. The PRICKS reckon it was just a mixup but I don’t see how as he’s never fucken worked there….
Dr K: John, please sit down or we’ll need to use the arm straps again like last time.
JM: Oh yeah, well I’ll give that fat c*nt ANOTHER black eye if he tries that again! If I sit down it’s because I FUCKEN WANT TO!
Dr K: OK, yes of course. Thanks, that’s better. Now, as I said before, do you know why you’re here?
JM: Yeah, well according to some FUCKSTICKS who reckon they’ve got some say in it….
Dr K: You mean the board of he Western Force?
JM: ….yeah, those dickheads. Supposedly according to them I shouldn’t have been talking to or coaching MY FUCKING TEAM.
Dr K: John, I think we both know that it’s a little more involved than that. I’m told that last weekend after the match in Brisbane you made the team face the changeroom wall naked, while you hosed them with the high pressure fire hose shouting “HAVE ANOTHER SHAFTING YOU LITTLE BITCHES”, ‘waterboarded’ someone with the initials DHP, and caused several thousand dollars worth of damage. Is this correct?
JM: Yeah, so fucken what?
Dr K: John, this is not only anti-social and bullying behaviour, you’ve also violated the Geneva convention on acts of torture.
JM: IT FUCKEN IS NOT! It’s only SIMULATED drowning! I mean fuck, you ask George W Bush – no harm no foul! What has the fucken world come to….
Dr K: Well John, the fact that you don’t see this as a problem, kind of IS the problem.
JM: What THE FUCK are you talking about pencil neck?
Dr K: There’s no need to get abusive John. The reason you’re here is that you need to learn how to modify your behaviour to be more acceptable in the face of setbacks. Sometimes you just need to roll with the punch…
JM: What THE FUCK did you just say?
Dr K: You need to mod…
JM: No, the last fucken bit MORON
Dr K: Um, roll with the…
JM: Oh, so you’re a fucken SMART ARSE too are ya? WHO put you up to that? That COCKSUCKER Humphries??
Dr K: John, John, look I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you need to calm down a little….
JM: CALM DOWN?! What the FUCK? I’ll calm down when certain little FAGGOTS now in Sydney and Canberra stop carrying on and sending me messages through the fucking TELEVISION!
Dr K: How are they sending you messages?
JM: THROUGH THE FUCKING TELLY! No one else can see them, BUT I CAN. Matt’s saying “Look at me, I’m playing shit but the team’s still winning”, and the other one keeps scoring loadsa FUCKING TRIES just to FUCKING SPITE ME.
Dr K: Riiight. John, I really don’t think that everything they’re doing is just to spite you. Don’t you think that’s unlikely?
JM: Fuck, I just don’t know if it’s worth it any more. I’ve got a really good offer somewhere else….
Dr K: THAT”S GREAT JOHN! That sounds like real progress! What’s the opportunity?
JM: Well, the Waratahs have been in contact. Apparently there’s a certain senior player there that “just wont take the FUCKEN hint and FUCK OFF”. They reckon I have a GIFT for pissing off senior players and so really want some of my management technique. At last someone recognising how I get RESULTS.
Dr K: Indeed John. Indeed
