Welcome disciples of the book of Hoss – it’s Friday time!
And just like that, the summer of discontent for the followers of ‘Jehovah-Ball’ has ended. No more public assassinations of cricket coaches, or the ‘oi-oi-oi-ing’ of those that follow that insipid game of tennis. No more cultural cringe of ‘Our Ash’ or ‘The Special Ks’ (whom I’d personally like to punch both in the uvular), that’s right it’s rugby time. It’s tribal, it’s guttural, it’s visceral, it’s ‘my lot’ versus ‘your lot’. ‘It’s time to get it on cause we don’t get along’
Today’s let’s tip-toe through the tulips and look at this week’s round #1 teams, coverage & fearless predictions. Look deeper into the north revisiting a ‘global calendar’ & squirm as NZR jumps into bed with American money, I mean what could possibly go wrong! And round it all out with Friday’s Fast 5 Bonus – 83% scientifically proven to be 38% accurate.
Let’s get it on!
I love the smell of tiger balm in the morning, it means things are about to ‘get real’ and what could be realer than the Tahs, Rugby’s Chosen Ones, to kick off the all new ‘Super Rugby Pacific‘ 2022 season proper!
All games, time & coverage can be found here, courtesy of rugby.com.au and the one, the only and the ‘technically’ innocent until proven guilty, Mr William Nathanson.
As for match previews & fearless predictions, what could be safer than putting your money on my Hosstradamus selections
- Tahs v Drua.
- Friday 18 February 7:45 pm AEDT – Waratahs v Fijian Drua at CommBank Stadium, ad-free, live and on demand on Stan Sport
- Fijians to play with the flair and beauty that only they can conjure. Expect breathtaking attack, sublime skills and electric athleticism – all brutally nullified by a Tahs defensive effort and team looking to lay a marker for the season ahead. Tahs by 19
- Chiefs v Hurricanes.
- Saturday 19 February 2:35 pm AEDT – Chiefs v Highlanders at Wakatipu Rugby Park, ad-free, live and on demand on Stan Sport
- It may shock some here, but I couldn’t give a tinker’s cuss about NZ sides unless they are playing an Oz side. Prediction? A kiwi side to prevail by 8.
- Crusaders v Hurricanes.
- Saturday 19 February 5:05 pm AEDT – Crusaders v Hurricanes at Forsyth Barr Stadium, ad-free, live and on demand on Stan Sport
- Rinse & repeat comment above. Crusaders by 12.
- Reds v Rebels.
- Saturday 19 February 7:45 pm AEDT – Reds v Rebels at Suncorp Stadium, ad-free, live and on demand on Stan Sport and Channel Nine
- The Communists v The Scum. The Rebels have always been, well since they white-anted, hoodwinked,
bribed, sorry ‘financially cajoled’ RA into canning The Force 1.0 and subsequently stealing said playing roster, coaches and administration, have always been a good team on paper. It is somewhat unfortunate then, that the game is not played on paper, it’s played on turf and on turf, well, the Rebels suck. Man for man, the Communists have them covered ALL and I mean ALL, across the paddock and me thinks its Reds by 21 for this one and in a canter. - The Brumbies v The Force.
- Sunday 20 February 2:00 pm AEDT – Brumbies v Force at GIO Stadium, ad-free, live and on demand on Stan Sport
- Sunday arvo in the smut capital of the universe AND the gents from The Republic of McGowanville have always been a thorn in the Ponies side. Dry weather, first game up, I actually find this the hardest game of the round to pick. I am leaning, just, to the The Puppy Killers and mainly on the back of an expected Nic ‘The Lip’ White smart kicking game. Home ground, more established 9 & 10 combination, a well drilled forward pack with size and grunt. Sprinkle that with a heady mix of Orange experience across the Ponies and that should be enough to get them home. Ponies by 5, but a WA win would not shock me either. For when it’s all said and done, there is fight in the Western blow-ins.
For added shits & giggles over the season, you can also register for the OFFICIAL G&GR SRPP tipping contest.
Back to the future?
My, my, my, seems COVID ain’t all bad after all, well, except when it hits the coffers of the once arrogant NH Rugby power brokers.
With the upheavals of the past 2 and a bit years it seems these once imperious NH Rugby deities may have had a rethink about a truly global competition after all.
Excellent read from Georgina Robinson of SMH fame (just on that, how good is it that GR is back, is it just me or does there seem to be more content with her return!). For those who can’t access SMH……
‘The main change to the current calendar would be that every Test would be played for competition points, including the Six Nations, the Rugby Championship and the six extra Tests played in the July and November touring windows.
The Six Nations and Rugby Championship would stay as competitions in their own rights but also contribute to the overall ladder. Then, instead of an England team touring Australia for a three-Test series or an Ireland team touring New Zealand, the Wallabies, All Blacks, Springboks and Pumas would host three different countries each July. If Fiji and Japan join the Rugby Championship in 2024, they would also host inbound Tests in that period.
In November, the Rugby Championship nations would head north for the final three rounds of the championship, potentially with a fourth week added on to crown a global champion in a blockbuster final Test.’
For Sale Sold: the Soul of a nation
Look, EVERYBODY knows a Kiwi will do anything for a price, it simply comes down to negotiation:
‘Imptee ya buns Musta Hoss’ – yep $5.60 / hour
‘Be a brikees libara’ – yep $8.80 / hour
‘Irrict sciffold for ya’ yep – $16.45 / hour
‘Be a drain on ya social siccurity for a lifetime chilly bro’ – yep, $1200 / fortnight.
But FUX Sports reports that now money can even buy the dark soul of the fabled nearly All Black jumper, the same jersey that represents the very essence of what it means to be a Kiwi, well, that and a well documented livestock fetish that is.
New Zealand Rugby (NZR) says it has secured a lucrative investment from US private equity firm Silver Lake worth NZ$200 million (AUD$37.85) with NZR retaining a staggering 90 percent control of a ‘joint commercial entity’.
While a prima facie case can be made pointing to a solid deal, especially with NZR retaining 90% control, the deal should be roundly congratulated. But why does the capitalist in me still think $200 million buys you a BIG seat at the table and a hell of a lot of lube?
Watch this space.
Friday’s Fast 5 Bonus.
Sitaleki Djokovic?
It seems ‘Sitaleki’ is also Polynesian for ‘Novak’?
Rather than get the required jabs like 95% of his fellow citizens, this 7 foot 18′, 165kg giant has chosen he would rather scarper than do his bit for fellow citizens. Why does this ring a bell again…oh, that’s right, some colossal turd got knocked out of a tennis tournament recently for missing just two shots…?
Dr in da house?
No rugby CV is EVER complete without a run for the Sky Blue of the NSW Waratahs. Welsh legend and all round good guy Dr Jamie Roberts has been included in the XXIII to play the Fijians in Sydney tonight. Go well ‘Dr Dreamy’. Mrs Hoss’ nickname for him, not mine.
What’s eating Gilbert’s grapes?
Another RWC shot that’s what. SMH reports ‘Gilbert’ Beale is focused on a 4th RWC appearance in 2023 and it seems none other than Moses is also in his corner. I am all for competition for spots, but just currently where would he fit into a Wallaby 30 and who gets shafted to accommodate him? It’s good to have a goal, but….
The Pope’s lot confess?
stuff.co.nz reports The Catholics (SAFFERs) are all but gone from TRC and good riddance for mine. I am not upset with the players, they hook in and seem a pretty decent bunch, apart from prick-guts coach Jaco Johan that is. But for too long the governing rugby bodies of Oz & The Sheep Shaggers have been treated like poor cousins at the SANZAR round table. If they are ‘thinking’ about leaving, FFS someone grab the suitcase before they change their minds.
I say don’t let the door hit you on the arse on the way out.
Orange to be paid more for wins than losses. Flying pigs to also get more $$$
With news of ‘increased player payments’ for Wallaby wins, RA must be laughing all the way to the bank. On most recent Wallaby form, RA could’ve offered $175,000 player payment per win and still saved money. 2022 must be the year of ‘doing’ for those in orange. Potential must marry with results. For the reasons I stated two weeks back in Friday’s News, this year is the start of the MOST important period in Oz rugby EVER.
So no pressure then.
Until next week – Go the Tahs
Hosstalavista.
