Greetings one and greetings all. It’s Friday Rugby News time again and what a rugby Friday it is. Games everywhere, squad announcements and more. So strap yourself in and press ‘go’.
First up we ponder rugby shenanigans in ‘Rope-a-dope hope?’ . Pause for a moment of deep reflection with ‘The Sounds of Silence’. Await the release of the Wallabies squad in ‘Here Kitty Kitty’. Travel to Adelaide for something other than serial killings with ‘The ANZAT spirits’. Drop in on camp Wallaroo for ‘Mt Mordor Awaits’. Preview the second AB test in ‘Over the rainbow?’. Tackle a growing problem in rugby with ‘Anti Zammitism’. Before finally reaching ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss’, so deep, you may get the bends.
Rope-a-dope hope?
Today, I find myself a tad wonderous folks. Some might even say ‘ponderous at the Ponderosa’ (good one Hoss, thanks other me). Did St Joe pull a rope-a-dope in Newcastle? Has he left a selection card or two up his sleeve? For sure and certain I reckon he instructed the players not to use certain moves or calls in the match against the Fijians, that much I am confident of. But just how much better can they be? Because on what was shown last week they need to get a whole lot better, and fast.
Equally, Lions king Andy ‘Mufasa’ Farrell may also have been keeping his powder dry on tactics and combos. The Lions roared out of the gates when they landed, racking up 50+ points against Australia’s two weakest sides followed by a stiffer examination against Australia’s most successful side of the past 11 years, the Waratahs, before accounting for the Brumbies on Wednesday. For the fact-based statisticians out there, yes, the Tahs have been the most successful side so far this tour against the Lions, thought you’d like to know.
Many consider the starting XV against the Ponies to be the Lions starting test side and while they showed that in glimpses, they hardly put on an emphatic performance.
That all aside, just who’s been tanking and with whom, remains to be seen. As an Aussie fan, let’s hope our rope-a-dope has been better than their rope-a-dope. Otherwise, as they say in China when dealing with student uprisings: ‘tanks, for the memories’.
The Sounds of Silence.
Come on Gaggers, get ready to make some noise. Let’s go absolutely American for…………………….
You know, apart from Coinsland, I’ve always found rugby crowds to be fairly knowledgeable and understanding about the rhythm and flow of a rugby match. You might even say the crowds are rugby educated. They know there’ll be times when their team is under sustained pressure, and usually as that pressure rises the chant of the fan softens somewhat as anxiety and pending doom take hold. Equally, there’s the rising exhilaration and roar when your team is on attack and there’s a chance to score, a sweeping ecstasy washes over the faithful and the feeling of euphoria and triumph translates to a roar. Souls are replenished, hope is restored and balance returned to the crowd overall.
But not no more Gaggers. For it appears what we all needed, even if we didn’t realise we needed it, was someone constantly telling us how we feel and exactly when we should be feeling it. Enter stage right ‘the ground announcer’, or the modern day essential, the crowd whisperer. You know, ‘come on Gaggers, get ready to make some noise‘: which is confusing in and of itself. Am I ‘getting ready to make some noise’ by clearing my throat and humming a concert pitch C in anticipation. Or am I actually required to make a noise, which is in direct violation of the instruction of getting ready to make some noise to begin with? Is there a rule book or a video I could watch first?
It would seem that silence borne by fluctuations or anxiety around your teams fortunes, or any silence at all for that matter, is now a complete anathema to the packaging of rugby as ‘entertainment’. Ball goes into touch? No problem blast some ACCA-DACCA into the stands. A knock-on in your own 22, a bit of ABBA’s Dancing Queen should fix that. Your team playing like a busted arse and you’re sitting there with the a rancid dose of the deja vus? Never mind, the announcer will fix your blues: come on Newcastle let us hear you: when I say Go, you say Wallabies: let the Wallabies hear you!
And it got me thinking: what if the Wallabies could hear me, or perhaps, hear us? So in another Friday’s Rugby News exclusive idea, why doesn’t the ground announcer work for us fans instead? Maybe the announcer should instead talk to the players and match officials on our behalf: come on Noah get that shit sorted. FFS someone tackle him: you call that a kick for touch you dickhead: pass the pill Hunter, you’re not Catholic: or wake up you French moron, he was offside‘.
Imagine the music choices we could also instruct them to play on a whim:
- NZ national anthem ‘Slice of Heaven’: Dave Dobbins
- Dropped ball or injured player – ‘Another one bites the dust’: Queen
- Poor ref decision, or constant AB infringing – ‘I’m an asshole’: Dennis Leary
- Sub-standard team showing – ‘We’re not gonna take it’: Twisted Sister
- Push and shove approaching halftime – ‘Hit me with your best shot’: Pat Benatar
- LGBTQ+ player facing off against Israel Falou – ‘God save the Queen’: BBC Choir
- Tah player on the big screen – ‘I will always love you’: The snow queen, Whitney Houston
The applications are endless and would add real bang for our bucks spent on attendance, merchandise, food, programs, transport, accommodation and support of our team. Wouldn’t that be a nice change as opposed to being told what to feel, when to feel it and how and exactly when we should express those feelings.
Or maybe silence in certain instances, does capture the state of the game and mood of the rugby masses. Perhaps even more so than some college graduate with a degree in communication studies, barking instructions in search of a sound byte.
Here Kitty Kitty.
The Wallaby squad to face the Lions will be announced this afternoon Australian NSW time. Who’s in and who missed out, you’ll find out here when the squad news drops.
Straight from rugby.com.au
Forwards (20)
Allan Alaalatoa (#896, West Harbour Juniors, ACT Brumbies, 81)
Angus Bell (#940, Hunters Hill Rugby Club, NSW Waratahs, 36)
Josh Canham (#987, Harlequin Junior Rugby Club, Queensland Reds, 1)
Nick Champion de Crespigny (uncapped, Canberra Grammar School, Western Force, 0)
Matt Faessler (#969, USQ Saints, Queensland Reds, 14)
Nick Frost (#953, Hornsby Lions, ACT Brumbies, 26)
Langi Gleeson (#960, Harbord Harlequins, NSW Waratahs, 15)
Tom Hooper (#964, Bathurst Bulldogs, ACT Brumbies, 11)
Fraser McReight (#937, Albany Creek Brumbies, Queensland Reds, 26)
Zane Nonggorr (#966, Gold Coast Eagles, Queensland Reds, 11)
Billy Pollard (#958, Lindfield Junior Rugby Club, ACT Brumbies, 7)
David Porecki (#952, Seaforth Raiders, NSW Waratahs, 20)
Tom Robertson (#898, Dubbo Kangaroos, Western Force, 31)
Will Skelton (#883, The Hills Sports High School, Stade Rochelais (France), 32)
James Slipper (#843, Bond Pirates, ACT Brumbies, 144)
Carlo Tizzano (#982, University of Western Australia, Western Force, 6)
Taniela Tupou (#917, Brothers Rugby (Brisbane), NSW Waratahs, 58)
Rob Valetini (#929, Harlequin Junior Rugby Club, ACT Brumbies, 52)
Jeremy Williams (#973, Wahroonga Tigers, Western Force, 11)
Harry Wilson (#933, Gunnedah Red Devils, Queensland Reds, 23)
Backs (16)
Filipo Daugunu (#931, Wests Rugby Club (Brisbane), Queensland Reds, 12)
Ben Donaldson (#962, Clovelly Eagles, Western Force, 17)
Jake Gordon (#925, Canterbury Juniors, NSW Waratahs, 29)
Len Ikitau (#944, Tuggeranong Vikings, ACT Brumbies, 40)
Max Jorgensen (#984, Balmain Wolves, NSW Waratahs, 8)
Andrew Kellaway (#943, Hunters Hill Rugby Club, NSW Waratahs, 39)
Tom Lynagh (#977, University of Queensland, Queensland Reds, 3)
Tate McDermott (#936, Flinders Rugby Club, Queensland Reds, 42)
James O’Connor (#832, St Joseph’s College, Nudgee, Crusaders (New Zealand), 64)
Hunter Paisami (#932, Harlequin Junior Rugby Club, Queensland Reds, 31)
Dylan Pietsch (#978, Leeton Phantoms, Western Force, 5)
Harry Potter (#989, Moorabbin Rams, Western Force, 3)
Joseph-Aukuso Suaalii (#988, The Kings School, NSW Waratahs, 5)
Corey Toole (uncapped, Wagga Waratahs, ACT Brumbies, 0)
Nic White (#875, Maitland Blacks, Western Force, 72)
Tom Wright (#939, Clovelly Eagles, ACT Brumbies, 38)
The ANZAT spirits.
Adelaide Oval. Saturday, 12 July 7.30pm (8.00pm AEST kick off). Live on Stan.
What do you call a Barbarians team when it’s not a Barbarians team? Why the ANZATs of course. And it seems the Australian & New Zealand Barbarians have embraced this strange marriage of sheep fornicator with Aussie rugby player by also embracing traditional BaaBaa customs of a drink or six during the week.
The team gathered in Adelaide over the weekend and have set about their work establishing connections and plotting the downfall of the, so far, all conquering Lions. Both sides have now been announced, with the Lions changing the starting XV completely and the ANZATs picking a rather useful loosie trio of Frizzell, Samu and Hoskins to go up against Earl, Morgan and Pollock.
Both sides have limited preparation for this one. The Lions will have had only one captain’s run prior to the actual match. While ANZATs have been in camp a week, they come from a few far flung rugby outposts. Maybe it’s the rugby romantic in me, but I can see this side pushing the Lions to the brink. Just how might I feel cheering a Kiwi on if it means the invitational side causes the tour upset and gets a win? I’m actually ok with that. Oh and look who’s on the Lions bench.
Fearless Prediction: ANZATs by 1. Give ’em hell.
ANZAT (1-15): 1. Aidan Ross 2. Brandon Paenga-Amosa 3. Jeffery Toomaga-Allen 4. Angus Blyth 5. Lukhan Salakaia-Loto (cc) 6. Shannon Frizell 7. Pete Samu 8. Hoskins Sotutu 9. Folau Fakatava 10. Tane Edmed 11. Marika Koroibete 12. David Havili (cc) 13. Ngani Laumape 14. AJ Lam 15. Shaun Stevenson Replacements 16. Kurt Eklund 17. Joshua Fusitu’a 18. George Dyer 19. Matt Philip 20. Joe Brial 21. Kalani Thomas 22. Harry McLaughlin-Phillips 23. Jock Campbell
Head Coach: Les Kiss Assistant Coaches: Ian Foster, Simon Cron, Zane Hilton
British & Irish Lions (15-1): 15 Hugo Keenan, 14 Mack Hansen, 13 Huw Jones, 12 Sione Tuipulotu, 11 Duhan van der Merwe, 10 Fin Smith, 9 Ben White, 8 Ben Earl, 7 Jac Morgan, 6 Henry Pollock, 5 Tadhg Beirne (c), 4 James Ryan, 3 Will Stuart, 2 Luke Cowan-Dickie, 1 Pierre Schoeman Replacements: 16 Ronan Kelleher, 17 Andrew Porter, 18 Finlay Bealham, 19 Scott Cummings, 20 Josh van der Flier, 21 Alex Mitchell, 22 Marcus Smith, 23 Owen Farrell
Referee: Andrea Piardi (FIR) Assistant Referee 1: Nika Amashukeli (GRU) Assistant Referee 2: Pierre Brousset (FFR) TMO: Eric Gauzins (FFR) FPRO: Marius Jonker (SARU)
Mt Mordor awaits.
Black Ferns v Wallaroos. Saturday, 12 July 2.00pm AEST on Stan.
Another weekend, another test match, this time involving our very own golden girls against the hairy toed hobbits, the Black Ferns, in the shadows of Mordor. Coach Jo Yapp has included a few fresh faces in the matchday XXIII, with a debut to 17 year old Waiaria ‘Baba’ Ellis and the return of some injured stars as well.
rugby.com.au reports: ‘Ellis has been included on the wing as the Wallaroos look to snap a 28-game winning streak by the hosts, with Australia losing their most recent encounter 38-12. At 17 years and 305 days, Ellis falls short of the previous record set last year by Wallaroos teammate Caitlyn Halse (17 years and 242 days), and joins 18-year-old Ruby Anderson in a trio of teens to have debuted in the last 12 months under coach Jo Yapp.‘
Lock Annabelle Codey will play her first Test match in 631 days – coincidently at the same venue she played her last – after being included on the bench while backrower Piper Duck is in line for her first Test since July last year. Halfback Samantha Wood (back) and prop Lydia Kavoa (calf) are also on the bench after returning from injury through the Australia A side.
I’d list the team, but some tosser journo at RA insists on showing their names, clubs, caps, star sign and favourite song every time he prints the team list.
Fearless prediction: Our time will come, but not yet. Black Ferns by 27.
Over the rainbow?
NZ v France. Saturday, 12 July 4.30pm AEST on Stan.
What do you call a friend that sneaks onto your land and lets rip with some explosives? Me, I call them ‘co-accused’; the Kiwis, they call them ‘the French’.
I must admit I was genuinely surprised by the calibre of the French B.5 side last week. They were quick, skilful, breathtaking to watch and really put on a great show and pushed the Nearlies all the way. Sure there was some ‘assistance’ from Damon Murphy (who it turns out is equally as shite as TMO as he is with a whistle), but at least he’s consistent. They caught the Darkness off guard and surprised them somewhat. Surprised me too and left Justin Marshall ‘lust fuh woods’, which I think means an erection when camping?
But here’s the thing with surprises. Dementia aside, they’re only useful once, and the Frogs have played that card now. Not only will the ABs be better prepared, they too will have blown out their rust and sharpened their combos and plans and will be itching for another crack at this young French outfit.
Before my fearless prediction, though, you just have to admire the depth of French rugby. They left a whole host of automatic first XV players at home yet still rolled out a team capable of scintillating rugby. That’s some pathways program they have. And let’s be honest, sooner or later the southern hemisphere’s grip on the Webb Ellis trophy will loosen and with the brand of rugby the French play, they seem the heir apparent.
Fearless Prediction: Nearlies by 18.
New Zealand (15-1): Will Jordan; Rieko Ioane, Billy Proctor, Jordie Barrett, Caleb Clarke; Beauden Barrett, Cam Roigard; Christian Lio-Willie, Ardie Savea (capt), Tupou Vaa’i; Fabian Holland, Patrick Tuipulotu; Fletcher Newell, Codie Taylor, Ethan de Groot
Replacements: Samisoni Taukei’aho, Ollie Norris, Pasilio Tosi, Samipeni Finau, Du’Plessis Kirifi, Cortez Ratima, Timoci Tavatavanawai, Damian McKenzie.
France (15-1): Leo Barre; Theo Attissogbe, Nicolas Depoortere, Pierre-Louis Barassi, Emilien Gailleton; Joris Segonds, Nolann Le Garrec; Esteban Abadie, Jacobus Van Tonder, Pierre Bochaton; Matthias Halagahu, Joshua Brennan; Georges-Henri Colombe, Gaetan Barlot, Baptiste Erdocio.
Replacements: Pierre Bourgarit, Paul Mallez, Regis Montagne, Romain Taofifenua, Cameron Woki, Bastien Vergnes-Taillefer, Thibault Daubagna, Antoine Hastoy.
Referee: Christophe Ridley (RFU) Assistant Referee 1: Nic Berry (RA) Assistant Referee 2: Takehito Namekawa (JRFU) TMO: Brett Cronan (RA) FPRO: Damon Murphy (RA)
Anti Zammitism
A moment if you will. G&GR wants to reaffirm our position on a very troubling trend, and in doing so aligns with President Albo on the serious issue of anti-Zammitism in rugby union.
As Emperor of G&GR I acknowledge that Louis Rees-Zammit is an easy target. He’s Welsh. He’s a winger. And he’s swapped codes to join the NFL. That’s a holy trinity of material to work with right there but, I ask you to resist the temptation to mock him based on his sporting beliefs and rise above it. Sure, he may prefer sheep in the boudoir and perfumed hair gel products while prancing about in tights and pads, wearing a helmet to stop his hair from getting messy during his six minutes on the field. But he’s still a person too.
I commit to thee that G&GR shall remain a safe space for all who play and follow our great game and anti-Zammitism will mostly not be tolerated.
Thank you.
Friday’s Goss with Hoss.
Life lessons.
The Australian U20s side has missed out on the semis of the WC being pipped by the Poms who kicked an 80th minute penalty to take the win 36-33. With 27 penalties in the match and coming from 19 points down, the loss will be particularly hard to digest for the side and coach Chris Whitaker. The side will now play for the 5th-8th finishing spots.
The Tavatavanawai tipple tip
The new drinking game: every time a Kiwi commentator says ‘Tavatavanawai’ you have to tip your favourite tipple down the hole. Best have a full bottle handy. Those Sky NZ boys love nothing better than wrapping their tongues around ‘Tavatavanawai’.
Goodbye Ruby Tui day?
stuff.com.au reports Black Ferns legend Ruby Tui has been called in for one last RWC audition this weekend against our Wallaroos. The 32yo has been added to the bench in her last chance to push for inclusion in the RWC squad.
Hello, is it me you’re looking for?
That’s what JOC4.0 is asking in planetrugby.com. Guess we’ll find out soon.
Frenemies.
Great to see friendships and some classic Aussie piss-taking in the ANZAT team. At least according Ian Foster on stuff.co.nz anyway.
Still need more rugby?
- Fiji v Scotland HFC Bank Stadium, Suva Saturday, 12 July. 12.50pm AEST on Stan.
- South Africa v Italy Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium, Gqeberha Sunday, 13 July. 1.00am AEST on Stan.
- Argentina v England Estadio San Juan del Bicentenario, San Juan Sunday, 13 July, 5.30am AEST on Stan.
- Japan also hosts Wales, but no TV coverage is available in Oz (that I could find).
Until next week, enjoy the rugby.
Hoss – out.
