Welcome to Friday’s Rugby News on this holiest of days on the rugby calendar, Friday. And it’s not just a boring ol’ Good Friday, today is a great Friday for rugby fans. So crack open one of the kids’ chocolates, settle in and off we go.
Today we look at coaching rumours with ‘Kiss Off?’ Polish our year 8 French skills in ‘Au Revoir?’. Preview this weekend’s round of SRW via ‘More Superer’. Then seek clarification with ‘Please Explain’. Take a walk along RA’s financial tightrope in ‘First loss: Best loss‘. Review the Blues v Tahs women’s final in ‘Careful what you wish for’. And finish off this great Friday with ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss’, surprise third guest for the next leader’s debate #vote1hosstraliaparty.
Kiss off?
It would seem so. Several sites were buzzing last night that RA would announce current QPRQ coach, Les Kiss, this Good Friday in the role of head Wallabies coach. The timing of the announcement today would also coincide with the millions of views and global publicity that G&GR rugby generates every Friday.
Indeed, some stories circulate that the QRU have agreed in principle to his move to the Wallabies and met Wednesday night to discuss both his imminent departure and what would represent fair and equitable compensation for his loss. Especially as his Reds tenure wasn’t slated to end until the end of 2026. Plus the Reds are progressing well in this year’s SRP after what’s been a 136 year rebuild. And despite Phil Waugh earlier discussing a possible job share role (state and national) it seems the practicalities of doing so aren’t ideal. Also, it would open up the perception of state bias when it comes to national selection. As we all agree, the best Tah should always be picked for the Wallabies first.
Earlier this week RA top dog and baldness denier, Phil Waugh, said: “We want to give clarity to the Australian public and we are working as quickly as we can. The next coach will lead us into a home Rugby World Cup in 2027.”
Although this intrepid reporter (?) is yet to go mono-a-Leso with the incoming coach, if we had a chance to chat I think it’s fair to say Mr Kiss would say something akin to: ‘Really excited Hoss, I couldn’t get the Tahs head coaching gig, so I had to settle for the Reds. Can’t wait to get into Wallabies camp and finally get my hands on the 16 or so Tahs in the set-up. Exciting times.’
Come on Mr Waugh, help G&GR make a Good Friday, a great Friday and announce it today.
Au Revoir?
News last night about the pending departure from the Tahs of backrower Rob Leota and also that the Tahs are prepping for life without the $1,000,000.00 pedestrian, Mr T Tupou, both reportedly France bound. Can I say for the record, as both a Tahs and Oz rugby fan: so what, we’ll meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when. But we’ll meet again some sunny day.
I’ve long banged on, on these pages, that the major impediment to Oz rugby is the Giteau Law and I reckon that pre the FUKIRS tour, the Giteau will be consigned to the scrap bin in Nathan Williamson’s stationery cupboard office.
As for the two gents rumoured to be off, a combination of injury, rotten luck and being anywhere near the Rebels organisation probably saw Rob ‘the Mule’ Leota slide down the pecking order of Oz backrowers. Plus the rise of others in those positions also saw The Mule’s dollar value to Oz rugby diminish somewhat. As for Mr Tupou, if RA are looking for someone to walk around, do not much, watch players run past him and hope team mates cover and also pay $1,000,000.00 to do so, then please call my agent, I’m available. I’d even do it for $850k, so it’s a win-win. You save some coin and I get a bit of walking-around money.
One simple rule change, abolishing Giteau, will see the tables reversed. The French can poach, conjole, raid, steal and pinch our players. They can train ’em, teach ’em, prep ’em and pay ’em and then, with Giteau abolished, you get to give them back to us on demand. No wonder Germany muscled you guys around, you probably trained their troops for them. Suckers.
I wish both gents good health, good rugby and good fortune. Besides most players return better after their time in France anyway. So, as they say in France since the 1940s, Auf Wiedersehen.
More Superer.
Is there anything better than four days off and watching rugby? I think not. So special thanks to Jehovah for inventing chocolate all those centuries ago and giving a a cracking long weekend. You can catch all the team news on Happy’s Thursday News; as for the rest, dive in.
Friday April 18 5:05 pm AEST – Crusaders v Blues at Eden Park, Auckland on Stan Sport
Better game than many think. The Blues were better last week, albeit off a rather low base. The Crusaders on the other hand are nearly flying under the radar a bit, all the while being in #1 place at that. Go figure.
Just before my tip, what odds JOC3.0 being in the Wallabies Lions squad? For me, it’s a ‘hell yeah’.
Also, spare a thought for KARL tonight with his favourite Kiwi player, Rieko Ioane, announcing he’s off to Ireland next season for a sabbatical. #thoughts&prayers4KARL
Fearless Prediction: A Blues win would be bad for the Oz teams in 4th and 5th place. Saders by enough.
Saturday April 19 12:05 pm AEST – Fijian Drua v NSW Waratahs at Churchill Park, Lautoka on Stan Sport
I don’t know if anyone caught the news last week, but the NSW WARATAHS HAMMERED THE CHIEFS in a masterclass of defence and brutality. All with a ref, who it must be said seemed a lighter shade of Ergon Seconds for rank incompetence, and a citing commission which must be made up of relatives of that cheating Chief bastard outside back who used a step ladder, cable ties and a forged steel hammer to clobber Caitlyn Jenner in the melon and……………….got away with it.
This week the Tahs are off to Fiji, sans a few Wallaby regulars, to face the underwhelming Drua side. The Bull, The Pedestrian and The Mule all stayed in Sydney as part of RA’s rotation and negotiate with French clubs policy. On top of that, and after big minutes, Clubba Langi Gleeson will play from the pine this week. But in other good news, Isaac Kailea will get a much needed start. Many forget that Kailea was a Wallaby last year and didn’t look out of place, so the more minutes the better for mine.
As for the Drua? Who really cares. They blow more chunks than Dutton’s election campaign so far. Only the weather will save them and with rain, rain and more rain over the next two days, combined with 30 degree temperatures will make the margins much finer.
Fearless Prediction: Tahs by 17
Saturday April 19 2:35 pm AEST – Moana Pasifika v ACT Brumbies at Navigation Homes Stadium, Pukekohe on Stan Sport
A resurgent MP, bought back to earth with a thud last week and their task is no easier this week, when they face a brutal and beast mode Brumbies.
Let it be said, the scoreboard flattered the Reds last week. Such was the Brumbies physical dominance in the forwards it looked like men v boys. Or perhaps men v those who identify as young men. I don’t know what the pronoun for shite is, but whatever it is, the Reds were made to look so by the Brumbies. I think.
The backrow combo of Elsa, Not Michael, Sideshow Bob, Scott and workhorse number eight Tualima were head and shoulders above the Benny Hill Reds bunch. It should also be said that Noah-san comprehensively outplayed Sleepy and Lonergan looks to have regained his 2023 form that had him on the verge of gold.
Although there’s some tinkering by the Brumbies with starters and finishers, they look to be in finals mode already and will be far to good for Ardie’s adventurers in this one.
Fearless Prediction: Brumbies by 22. The ACT juggernaut is starting to chug along folks. Toot-toot.
Saturday April 19 5:05 pm AEST – Chiefs v Highlanders at FMG Stadium Waikato, Hamilton on Stan Sport
The chastened Chiefs return to their spiritual home this week somewhere in NZ after suffering an upset loss to the Tahs that I don’t believe anybody saw coming. Not even the most ardent, rusted on Tahs fan.
Last week the Chiefs were only as good as the Tahs let them be. Indeed, from the first legal and thumping hit on D-Mac from Tahs hooking sensation Dave Dobbins D-Mac was a shot duck. His confidence and hands deserted him extinguishing the Chiefs’ biggest attacking threat.
No doubt the Chiefs wouldn’t’ve enjoyed replaying the game or result in their mind’s eye this week. Not even a sympathetic ref and TMO could help them last week, so their best course of revenge is to come out firing against the Highlanders. And on paper they are some team. But then again they were last week too.
Fearless Prediction: Festering on last week’s result, at home, angry, and with a point to prove to themselves. They’ll be more dangerous than a 2GB elevator ride. Allegedly. Chiefs by 30.
Saturday April 19 7:35 pm AEST – Western Force v Hurricanes at HBF Park, Perth on Stan Sport
Match of the round? Based on form and ladder placements, hell yeah.
The 6th placed Force (20 points) are at home and with what must be nearly their best starting XV, minus an injured Dylan Pietsch, to face the 8th placed Canes (16 points). With the Highlanders in 7th on 17 points (and I’ve predicted a loss for them) a win for both the Tahs and the Force will see them put 8-9 points between them and the chasing Canes, Landers, Blues rugby triumvirate, and while not entirely safe they’ll at least be masters of their own domains.
The Canes team on paper looks like it should be top three material. Outstanding forwards, the best #9 in SRP and some dangerous backs, but to quote KARL: the Canes have been rubbish this year and will be lucky to make the top 6. He might be on to something there.
Fearless Prediction: Force by 7 and Aussie sides to solidify their finals spots. Canes, Landers and Blues agree to plan a joint Mad Monday to save on costs.
Check out the full SRP ladder here.
Please explain?
No really, please explain! What is it with Justin ‘Goog’ Harrison this year? Especially so when he appears on Stan’s ‘Inside Line’. Is he being paid by word count? Let the G&GR Hansard show I don’t mind the big unit’s unorthodox orthodoxy. He has a slightly different perspective that allows you to ponder the deeper meaning of rugby and life and stuff. His CEO role with RUPA allows him to be a conduit between RA and the players and sometimes offers rather insighful glimpses behind the curtains of those worlds. But lately, he sounds more and more like a Commodore 64 with the cartridge jammed on waffling shite mode.
This week’s Inside Line listening was extremely hard going, it was akin to observing a post-boxing career Mohammad Ali explain Greek philosophy to a dim-witted cat. The boxer did his best, the cat just sat there and licked itself while occasionally making eye contact. Or perhaps something like the pre-sat nav days when giving Mrs Hoss a map and simple directions landed us somewhere, unsure of where we were, just how we got there, or even where we were headed to begin with.
My question was a simple one: just WTF was he actually saying?
So, I perambulated and pontificated for a while. I percolated possible permutations and thought perhaps I’m not the only one who can’t understand a single bloody word he says. Was the feeling I had while listening to Goog something akin to sperlunking, sans ropes or safety equipment, unique to me? Was the matrix and hierarchy of understanding I had about the rugby eco-system, leveraged against the quality of information delivered to me in a linear manner delivered in a framework of consultation and respect? Why couldn’t I shake the feeling of falling into an intellectual abyss far beyond my comprehension? Or was it that the mechanism for delivery of information was corrupted with a virus and the fault laid with the informer and not the receiver of said information? In other words, was he talking complete and utter shite?
Whatever it was I needed a solution, and fast. So I turned to my own faithful AI companion, Jack Daniels neat, and created a ‘G&GR Compendium to understand the vagaries of the Goog’, or as I have patented it, ‘The Googshinary’.
He said: ‘The balance sheet is needing to repair itself. The business needs to understand now, what is the growth strategy moving forward, ring fencing and apportioning funds for legacy and growth in what the asset is, and we know what the asset is, it’s the player. That is ultimately the delivery tool and success of the rugby ecosystem depends on successful teams in gold jerseys.’
The Googshinary: The players are rubbing their hands together and are gonna bend RA over at contract renewal time.
He said: ‘That allows a waterfall effect to the community down into the funding regimes’.
The Googshinary: If there’s any money left after the above, let the grassroot peasants eat cake.
He Said: ‘it’s a harsh number to retrospectively look at.’
The Googshinary: Fudge, it was a big loss wasn’t it!
He said: ‘This thing we call rugby.’
The Googshinary: Rugby.
He said: ‘The macro issues are still there.’
The Googshinary: RA still has some shit to sort out.
He said: ‘It’s a federated model, its a confused model, trying to bundle things in together to be a leverageable asset is difficult at the moment.’
The Googshinary: The state unions are arseholes.
He said: ‘That needs to go hand in foot with that?‘
The Googshinary: Weird Kiwi sex move? Perhaps an adults-only twister party favourite? Meaning unknown.
He Said: ‘North and South hemispheres need to find a cohesive model to leverage the entirety of the rugby ecosystem on a global pattern.’
The Googshinary: I like overseas travel.
He said: ‘That’s an extra test, giving meaning to the July and then November test, an extra test inside a window that took a lot of negotiation to get across the line as well. And ultimately it’s asking the players to still have the same travel regime and a more expensive cost structure without that competition alignment, so we’re giving some relevance to the competition in and around test matches as those points get carried into November but we’re still in the same operating model, that’s the big macro change we’d like to see I think, the game and the players to have a linear progression.’
The Googshinary: Yes Nick, there will be more rugby with the advent of the Nations Cup.
I could go on and on and on and on with ‘funding matrix’ and more, but all of the above, yes, all of the above, was in the first six minutes of the show. I tells ya Gaggers, research is exhausting, and much like the Sky News attitude it should be avoided at all costs. And a tip to Stan, when the big unit is next on, maybe you should consider sub-titles using my patented Googshinary translator. Happy to discuss fees.
In the meantime, Goog, buddy, less is more. Less shite is actually more concise communication.
First loss: Best loss.
Sure it’s a few days old, but the size and scale of last year’s reported deficit by RA this week put into context with the size and scale of the recalibration of the code in our sunburnt country, a land of sweeping planes during the federal election campaign, sits ok with me.
There was some interesting fine print about an extra $2.5m into the women’s game, improved funding to grassroots (as a % of spending far greater than that of gaol ball or the Mexican ‘Reward for Mediocrity’ Ball (imagine in rugby if you got a point for being tackled within 15m of the try line?)). It was also reported that participation rates are up, especially among female participants, and although the $80m overdraft is $60m drawn the short-term projections (end of ’25) point to a debt free organisation who will commence a new 5 year – $215m TV deal (potentially up to $240m based on agreed performance KPIs) from Jan ’26. Then a ’27 men’s home World Cup, a ’29 women’s home World Cup, culminating with the Brisbane Olympics in 2032, will/should result in an RA legacy fund in the hundreds of millions of dollars to invest outside of rugby and provide additional income streams to leave the code in a position unimaginable two years ago.
Congrats to the leadership team at RA. Over the course of 12-18 months their stewardship has lead us to the gateway to the promised financial lands.
Careful what you wish for!
A lot of talk on G&GR about an expanded SRW competition with the Oz sides combining with the SR Aupiki (Maori for ‘women’ or ‘female hobbits’, unsure on that one) for a joint SRW comp and all of that ASAP. But after watching the Tahs get belted last night, maybe we should all just pump the brakes a wee bit. Because watching that game was like watching the lions and the Christians, or more recently, the Tahs against The Chiefs (booya!).
Exhausted from my research earlier, I’m reliably informed the Blues beat the Tahs 115-20-something in a cold, windy and bruising affair, probably. No doubt the Blues scored some 16 tries and the Tahs, who were probably still drunk, couldn’t compete and just wondered why first prize for winning in Oz meant a trip to NZ. Was second prize two trips to NZ?
Luckily for me some Poindexter on rugby.com.au did research the match. I guess though, to be the best, you have to regularly compete with the best. You can’t just go around beating the Coinsland women’s team forever. Well, you can, but you get my drift.
Friday’s Goss with Hoss.
Huh?
You know there’re ‘journalistic stretches’ and then there’s ‘he’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic’. I’m not Rassie’s biggest fan, but I give credit where it’s due, He’s a deep rugby thinker, wonderful innovator and outstanding coach. But to have Aussie former Scottish coach, Matt Williams, deduce that the horrible injuries that saw Steven Kitshoff retire recently were somehow a result of the use of the ‘bomb squad’ and the DDF’s infatuation with scrums, you have to give pause and say to Williams: ‘mate, you’re a bloody idiot’.
planetrugby.com has more.
Fantasy Teams
A reminder to get your fantasy league tips. Always humble, I did come second in last week’s G&GR round, which sees me nicely placed at 26,014 in the overall comp and lurking dangerously at 110 of 183 in the G&GR ladder. And as the vicar said to the tabernacle choir: ‘be warned, I’m coming home hard’.
Thunks fuh nuthun, cuz.
Dick Knowler, which is both a Kiwi journo and a really useful Norwegian electrical appliance, says on stuff.co.nz that Kiwi rugby fans should bow down and pay homage to the man we call St Joe: It’s no fluke that the resurgence of the Australian teams in Super Rugby Pacific has occurred since Joe Schmidt left the NZ Rugby payroll to coach the Wallabies.
Schmidt, like a scientist who carts around a suitcase bulging with rugby bibles and magic potions, has provided the sport in Aussie with an overdue shot of adrenalin.
Friends like these.
Duplicitous, deceitful, dishonest, disliked and disloyal, and that’s just what his friends think of him. Dr Evil is back in Oz folks, crops are dying, milk is souring and the sun doth lose its lustre. The SMH has more.
French target schoolkids.
Well they can’t stand up to adults, can they. The nation that bought us shite coffee, Citroens and surrendering on an industrial scale are now pilfering our Gen Next rugby talent. Again the SMH has more.
Bloody horrible #1.
62 caps, two 6N titles and a World Cup semi-final, that’s the career retired French powerhouse Sebastien Chabal has been told he had, for he can’t remember a second of it. It’s certainly not the first time such an article has been written and it most certainly won’t be the last. Which makes the non-decision around JAS head contact last week very, very disturbing.
Bloody horrible #2.
A big G&GR shout out to injured Brumbies prop Blake Schoupp who ruptured his Achilles and is out for nine months. Well regarded on here by many, especially and creepily so by Nutta, it was unpleasant viewing and terrible luck last week when a Reds scrum caved and Schoupp got bent awkwardly and suffered the injury. While I never experienced such awful pain or injury in a match, I’ve been married three times, so I do know suffering. We wish you a speedy recovery of both spirit and body, And should you want to fill a few hours and write an article or two for G&GR, you might find it very cathartic. Go well.
If I may: Caitlyn, get ’em down.
Just on JAS, his tackling style is going to get him into trouble soon. Forgetting he was on the received end, he still has far too much loig tackling about him. Arms tucked, shoulders cocked, arms out wide and high, swinging even. I reckon he’s been lucky so far, and I do mean lucky. If he was a dirty Red or a boring Brumby, I might’ve been screaming blue murder at some of his shots this season. Sooner rather than later, there’s going to be a ‘check-check’ on one of his tackles. Someone needs to have a word in his ear and soonish: get ’em down or you’re gonna get a spell.
Until next week. Go the Tahs.
Hoss -out
