Hello keyboard my old friend. I’ve come to type with you again. That’s right earthlings the wait’s over, and so is mine. It’s Friday’s Rugby News time again. So suspend all fact checking apps, kick the back window of the taxi loose and come with me on the year’s first Friday rugby adventure.
A big thank you to RA for sitting on this news until I returned and to help kickstart Fridays again with ‘St Joe 2.0’. Look at the great pretenders for the gig in ‘There can be only one’. We’ll then head north for a gander at the world’s best rugby comp for uncompetitive World Cup sides in ‘Treepeat’. Question what’s involved and who decides on rugby ascension with ‘In search of greatness’. Before welcoming the year’s first ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss’ wondering why Trump can’t bulldoze Perth as well. No one would notice.
St Joe 2.0.
To quote Mrs Hoss, ‘thank Christ that’s over’.
The ongoing uncertainty regarding St Joe’s tenure as Wallabies coach has finally been put to rest. With rugby.com.au confirming Joe will stay on till the end of the TRC 2025 with 4 October being his last gig in the head coaching role of the Wallabies.
Frankly, I think the news is possibly the best outcome for all involved, including us fans. Players looking at contract renewal now have more, but not complete, certainty (more on this a wee bit later). RA now has a clear timetable ahead and can plan accordingly with time available to make a considered decision as opposed to a rushed band aid solution.
The by-product of all this? Us fans win big time. For one might easily imagine the main currency for Wallaby coach selection will be consistent winning form from Australian sides in this year’s SRP. And by consistent I mean making the semi-finals as an absolute minimum.
If expectations for our 5 4 sides’ success this season weren’t already amped up, they just got a jumbo shot of adrenalin into Oz rugby’s buttocks.
There can be only one.
So, who’s in with a shot and who are the roughies? Forget public declarations of ‘see the contract through’. Or ‘my only focus is the Tahs, Reds, Brumbies, Tigers, etc.’. We’re talking about a Wallabies head coaching role for a home Rugby World Cup. Whatever’s been said by the contenders before last night’s confirmation, well it just doesn’t matter no more.
The game within the game has commenced and these are the main candidates for the role:
Les Kiss.
Seemingly well respected by all in rugby. Has vastly improved a solid yet underperforming Reds team since his appointment. The Oz side that now plays most like a Kiwi one. Runs a good programme, recruits well and his charges play a very attractive brand of rugby. Spectacular in attack, hungry in defence. Not to mention he’s probably more likely to continue the Joe Schmidt style of coaching. Highly skilled, fit, robust players, who are held to account. Yet with selection stability to allow growth and connection. Also not adverse to backing youth.
Factor in he also has a previous working relationship with Peter Horne and his appointment would almost guarantee the signatures of those Wallabies off contract at the end of ’25. Like Fat Boy Slim McReight and co, you know, the next generation of a key group of Wallaby centurions in the making
My point? You could plug Les Kiss into the RA apparatus when Joe leaves with barely a noticeable glitch. Indeed, the machine may even run better.
G&GR Odds: 3:2 on
Dan McKellar
Now Chuckles is at the Tahs, I can finally say out loud that he never got the credit he deserved when he was at the Brumbies. They were, under his tenure, the most consistent Oz side of the past decade. Abrasive either side of the ball, disciplined, ruthless, and the only side that challenged/ruffled Kiwi feathers. And forever and a day (well, since 2014) the best Oz side, consistently, by some distance.
He has proven his ability to run a tight program and develop talent. Has experience (under Dave Rennie) as an international coach and has inherited a Tahs side brimming with plenty of big boppers and some Ferraris out wide as well. While success isn’t assured at the Tahs (let’s face it, it kinda is) he has a terrific launch pad to go deep into the 25 competition.
Chuckles is probably starting out just behind Wendy Matthews in the pecking order, but as I said above, SRP form and ladder finish will, in my opinion, be the deciding casting vote for the head job in gold.
G&GR odds: 5:1
Stephen Larkham
Wallaby great, international coaching experience and a successful coach in his own right. The Hossecution presents one Stephen ‘Bernie’ Larkham.
In my humble opinion, the greatest Wallaby #10 of my lifetime. His spatial awareness, kicking, running, distribution and game management are without peer. And it’s easy to overlook his coaching record on its own merits.
The Brumbies coach of post 2023 is a vastly improved operator than the one who left these shores some years earlier. Yes, he inherited a good side and rugby program, but few could argue he hasn’t enhanced that. While most of the Rebels side now wear the fabled sky blue or whatever colour the Queensland side are supposed to be (the Queensland Garnets?), the Brumbies have quietly developed more local talent while also retaining much of their established and consistent stars. Stars they identified and nurtured along the way. You might even say ‘in typical Brumbies fashion’.
I think few could argue he is somewhat behind Wendy and Chuckles. Equally, few should right off his chances. As I said above, history dictates that the Brumbies are the yardstick by which other Ozzy sides must measure against.
G&GR Odds: 10:1.
Michael Cheika
The smokey. It’s fair to say Cheik stirs a fair bit of emotion on these pages. Some rightly so, some completely misplaced. So, for the record:
- 2014 Super Rugby winning coach. Making him Australia’s most successful Super Rugby Coach of the last decade. Plus he was 2015 SR semi-finalist while juggling two coaching roles.
- Still the only coach to win both the Northern and Southern Hemispheres premier competitions.
- Coached the Wallabies to 2015 Rugby World Cup final where Nigel Owens beat them.
- 2015 International Rugby Coach of the year (Nigel Owens didn’t get to vote).
- Head coach of Argentina when they beat Australia, NZ in NZ and the Saffas.
- Current head coach of some Pommy side who are doing alright.
My point? Love him or loathe him, the guy gets results. Consistent, winning results. Many point to the fact that his ‘method’ is only suited to short tenures. Remind me again, when is the home RWC?
Then again, maybe I am completely wrong about Cheik. Maybe instead, he’ll fill the role at the Reds when Kiss steps up. I’d friggin’ love that.
G&GR Odds: 12:1 and closing
Summary: Who will get the gig and why? Buggered if I know. But it’s gonna be one hell of a ride till we find out and us Aussie fans have front row seats.
Treepeat.
It seems the Kiwi team based in Europe (aka Ireland) have some lofty ambitions when it comes to this year’s Six Nations competition. A series win will give them what their captain Fergus O’Shanessy called a ‘treepeat’. Which is something I thought was used in the distillation of Irish whiskey, but there you go.
In typical Oirish fashion, they came from behind to surprise the English first up in what was a reasonable outing for those in emerald, and completely underwhelming rugby-by-numbers by Borthwick’s bumblers.
The Irish Kiwi players, Gibson-Park, James Lowe and Bundy Rum Aki, had strong games with some exceptional skill, vision, and in Aki’s case, a brutal physical masterclass. Although I’m convinced that humility is something James Lowe orders on a falafel; the gigantic p###k certainly doesn’t display any when on a rugby field. Well, on a home rugby field anyway.
On week one of the 6Ns comp what was clear is that this year’s contest is a two horse race. France were simply imperious. Their combination of forwards that look like two people stitched into one, they are that big. The pace on offer out wide, the flair of Dupont and the work ethic of their loose trio (Aldritt is a phenomenal player) is unmatched. Add to that the laser guided boot of Ramos and they are a very complete side. The killer is that they don’t even do anything overly flamboyant, exotic or with fabled French flair. Each player simply knows their roles and executes them accordingly, and the results are consistently très bien.
Ireland, well, less impressive as a team, more so relying on some stellar performances from individuals to get the chocolates. No doubt they’ll improve, but enough to roll the French and capture a treepeat? Yeah, not so much.
As for the rest? Well, it’s a battle for lower placings I’m afraid. Scotland and The Soap Dodgers are effectively playing for 3rd or 4th (with 4th spot seeing Borthwick dispatched). Borthwick seems to be the key contributor to his side’s defeats, primarily with his head-scratching use of the bench. As for Wales and the pasta lovers it’s a battle of the spoon, and on the evidence it looks like it’s already engraved with Wales on it. One can imagine a CV arriving at the inbox of HR at RA HQ next week outlining the life and rugby times of one W Gatland seeking imminent employment. Stranger things have happened.
In Search of Greatness.
I should clarify for Hansard: if it were not for a genuine lack of agility and any sort of work ethic, being devoid of any discernible rugby talent, no understanding of the game (its laws, methods, objectives or tactics), a pathological distaste for exercise, an inability to follow instructions, a violent disposition to shared accommodation and a complete failing to meet any merit-based selection criteria, I probably could’ve been a Wallaby. Actually it’s probably fair to say, like Sam Kerr, I too am a victim. In my case, a victim of discrimination and small minded, w###e officialdom. But I digress.
Reading an article or two on my summer weight gain hiatus, I was struck by a number of Australian rugby articles that reported the insights and opinions of former Wallaby greats, or FWGs. One article in particular stood out where a journo had ordained two players as FWGs and quoted them accordingly. Now to be fair, both players had a decent stint in the jersey. I would argue both were more effective in state jerseys than national ones, but both had their moments in gold. But entry into the pantheon of Wallaby godliness? Not so much.
Out of respect I won’t mention the names of said FWGs. Suffice to say, one led a communist side to their first SR title win in an age (thanks mostly to their former Tahs coach). The other, allegedly, gave a women (who didn’t identify as his wife) a guided tour of his hotel room during a test week in Melbourne as I recall. What is a matter of record, however, is that said player never wore the Wallabies gold again. Now, as I reflect on the Wallaby careers of these two anointed FWGs I thought: good careers in gold? Sure. Distinguished careers? Hmmmm, maybe. Former Wallaby greats? Pull the other one, it plays Brahms.
The stunning phraseology used even got me to put down the incredibly mellow and smooth tasting sensation that is Goodradigbee Ironbark Whisky (wholly Australian made aged in Australian hardwood maturation cubes and incredible value with a 20% G&GR member discount.) and it got me thinking: just what exactly, is the criteria to be considered as, indeed publicly referred to, as a Former Wallaby Great?
Surely the very essence of being a FWG would be, in no particular order, except for the descending order listed below:
- Being part of a World Champion (ie. RWC) winning side.
- Being part of a side who enjoyed sustained Bledisloe Cup success. Hell, any Bledisloe Cup series success.
- Being part of a team who had a series win against the Lions.
- Or, as Nutta might say: a player who’s consistently high deeds and contribution to the jersey leaves the jersey enriched by their time in it. Say, like the member for turnovers and vegan lifestyles, David Pocock.
I get why lazy journalists throw in the moniker of FWG. I get it’s to keep a relationship with the former player as a source for further articles, I get it’s to enhance, hell, fluff them even. But deserved? Well that’s another matter entirely.
So, barring those players whose careers spanned the end of the golden era and the transition back to the iron age (Gregan, Larkham, Roff for example), just which Wallabies since 2002 could truly, fairly and accurately merit being referred to in any article, apart from all the Tahs Wallabies players, as a former Wallaby great, and why?
Over to you Gaggers.
Friday’s Goss with Hoss.
Idiot box, talks.
No, not an interview with a South African player (well any South African really), but an update on pending finalisation of TV broadcast deal negotiations. Former Wallaby Great, Phil Waugh, has been in exclusive negotiations with Nine/Stan. for a renewed 5 year deal. Said deal contains both a per annum boost in the amount offered, but reportedly also has several performance bonus clauses in it based on Wallaby win rates. So as the Wallabies win more, they get more. Clever. reuters.com has more
Turning Japanese.
Little known Kiwi #10 and former Japanese domestic player, Beauden Barrett, is obviously a regular G&GR reader. For a few years this site has argued for the inclusion of Japanese teams to an expanded SRP comp as the benefits are numerous and commercially appealing. japan.co has more.
Melbourne Sucks.
Maybe not what he actually said, but it was 100% the vibe of his message. The big man, Nella Tupou, tells someone who isn’t Nathan Williamson at rugby.com.au about his love of Sydney and all things New South Wales. I’m getting all misty just typing this.
GOAT or show boat?
There’s no doubt Antoine Dupont can play rugby a bit. He has all the skills, is extremely consistent and has a reasonable record. But the GOAT? No way monsieur.
Where’s the World Cup medal, or medals? Where’s the body of work over a decade? Where are the 100 wins as French captain? Gather round G&GRs because I’m about to share a tightly held, dark, burning secret, one that shames me to the core. It goes against everything I believe and hold dear and it scorches my soul like no earthly flame can do. There’s only one GOAT in my lifetime thus far, and that bastard wore a mostly black jersey with a #7 on it.
There, I said it. And no, I don’t feel better. Actually, I’ll retract it. Where’s the scorched earth key on this Chinese Deep Fake Seek site? Filthy hobbits.
Until next week, time for a Goodradigbee.
Hoss – out.
