Dead Men Walking Everywhere?
Welcome to Friday GAGR’s!
This week, the Tah’s hook their second choice, Moses looks at hiring mercenaries for the Northern Tour, you get to play Wallaby selector (twice) and time to extract the urine in ‘Friday’s Fast 5′.
So sit back, relax (we’re all in lockdown anyway), let the worries of the world seep away & let all ‘facts’ be damned.
Here we go………..
Tahs Future Ex-Coach.
The man who isn’t Simon Cron, Mr Darren Coleman, has been appointed to the ‘plum’ role of Head Coach of God’s chosen ones – the NSW Waratahs, for a period of three years from season 2022.
What immediately jumps out is the description of the role as ‘plum’ – that’s a fruit shop you just never want to visit or shop at, as someone has defecated all over the produce consistently for many years. The second point of interest is ‘3 years’. According to NSW Waratah actuary’s their definition of ‘3 years’ is one season and 5 consecutive losses.
Naturally those from the incestuous swamp that has made NSW rugby a basket-case for decades (remember NSW has one title since Super Rugby began back in 1847), known as Shute Shield, are heralding the decision as ‘one of their own’ has ascended the throne. Coleman is not without merit during his coaching career, with success in the little leagues (Shite Shield) and success over one season in with Glamour LA side ‘Giltinis’ in the infancy of America’s Major League Rugby (MLR) competition. One can’t help but ponder that said ‘success’ is somewhat akin to domination against 5 year olds in basketball. Yes technically you won, but the standard of competition is, well………….
One interesting dynamic to watch unfold from 2022 onwards though is the looming relationship between the $6 Million Dollar Man and the new coach. This next snippet from an article from FUX on the 18th June, which by my reckoning aint that long ago. The theme reminds me of when Mrs Hoss told me she really wanted to ‘marry the other guy, but you’ll do for now’……….
‘it’s understood Hooper wants Cron to coach the Waratahs – and the Wallabies captain is an influential voice at the table, even if he does not get an official vote’
Coleman is expected to return to the ‘Land of the Lockdown’ by August and one would imagine that ‘recruitment’ and a cuppa tea with Lee Majors would be high atop his ‘to do’ list.
For all of the above, I still wish ‘Gary’ Coleman (‘what you talkin bout Hoss’) every success and I will be cheering Gary and my beloved loudly in 2022.
Go you Blue things.
Rugby Mercenaries?
Interesting read by Sam Phillips in the SMH regarding the proposed (planned, hoped for, fingers crossed, doomed) Wallabies Northern Hemisphere Tour for late 2021. Rugby Australia chief executive Lex Marinos has conceded that the Wallabies may be forced to pick players based in Europe to join the Spring Tour squad.
RA and the Wallabies are forging on with plans to tour Europe at the end of the year, having already locked in Tests against Scotland, England and Wales on November 7, 14 and 21 respectively. There is still some hope of adding a Test against Ireland to make the tour the first ‘grand slam’ tour since 2016.
For mine it’s clever by RA and shows a willingness to be proactive and flexible with their thinking given that unforeseen obstacles in the form of COVID hand grenades will surely be lobbed at them along the way.
Todays first challenge for GAGR’s – what does your Northern Tour Wallaby squad look like based on the avails of NH based Oz players?
Matchday XXIII with no more than 10 x NH based players allowed in your squad – get cracking below.
Your Wallaby XXIII v Tadpoles
We’re all experts here no doubt, me some of us more than others. Well now’s your chance to select your Wallaby XXIII for the First Test stolen from Sydney by Commandant Palaszczuk and her minions in the QPRQ.
I have had my IT boffins create a site for you to go and pick your match day Wallaby side for the first test next week in Brisvegas.
I will tabulate the results and post the official GAGR Wallabies XXIII next week to coincide with the ‘official’ team announcement. No doubt Moses, Sherlock and co will be keenly checking our selections too.
Simply click the link below, enter your credit card numbers and DOB and off you go……………..just kidding, you don’t need your DOB.
Feel free to share it with fellow rugby lovers, the more metadata votes the better.
The reserves split is set at 5 x Pigs & 3 x Fairies.
https://forms.gle/sJLWXRQ5f4jDh9S66
Pot-Kettle-Black??
Sometimes you simply have to laugh it off or exclaim out loud (as my former priest would yell during my time at confession) ‘WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT?’
Lex Marinos and NZR have indicated to stuffnz The Brave Blossoms ‘could’ be part of the RC from 2024 subject to certain criteria.
Without the slightest hint of irony or any discernable evidence of self-awareness, Lex goes on to say that RA:
‘Are actively tracking Japan’s high-performance and commercial readiness.’
‘We saw they did really well against the Lions at the weekend, so I don’t think anyone is doubting that (ability), but you’ve got to be able to back that up week in, week out, and I’m sure that they can.
“And then it’s understanding what are the commercials around that, because it has to pay for itself. That’s crystal clear for everybody. We can’t be subsidising anyone any more.”
When this intrepid reporter asked about RA’s financial position, the Government grant received simply to stay afloat, our teams ability to ‘back up’ given our provincial teams recent 92% loss ratio in the TT and the fact that our national side haven’t held the Bledisloe since dirt was invented the line unexpectedly ‘dropped out’.
When Lex’s claims were put to Japanese Rugby a spokesperson replied incredulously ‘he say bruddy what?’
Friday’s Fast 5.
Ghost of Coaches Past?
There’s a reason the Wallabies changed training colours last year to a colour resembling army fatigues & camo. The ghost of coaches past appears to loom large over this 4077th Wallaby Camp. With JOC2.0 racing to be fit for the first test, Two-Cows borderline, Sio out, Nic White out and Jimmy Slips and The Commissioner carrying injuries into camp and wth the clock ticking down for the first test, it really is a case of the ‘Wallaby Walking Dead’ at present.
No doubt Moses & co are looking to ‘load’ the players with a ‘fitness bank’ for the 11 day, 3 test format. But at what cost? I get that the days between tests will need to be spent on R&R instead of fitness works, but this ‘loading’ could also fatigue / injure the team for the actual three games and beyond.
I wonder how forgiving Oz fans will be if we lose the series? I recall a fair amount of diatribe launched at a previous coach over similar thinking, a boom box & infamous sand hills………..
We could be contenders, well technically.
Ahhh the confidence and brashness of youth. Fresh off our 23 of 25 losses to Kiwis in the TT and not having held the Bledisloe since Jehovah was a gangly winger for Nazareth (but a whiz at after match catering), our very own Rob ‘Sideshow Bob’ Valentini has declared to SMH scribes ‘we could be the #1 ranked Rugby Nation in the cosmos by end of 2021’.
I like this young man, I like everything about him and I understand his confidence & desire and absolutely you must aim high or why bother getting out of bed in the morning. But, as one GAGR contributor and consumer of gifted whisky might say ‘Sideshow, first meat, then vege’s and lets worry about the gravy last – ok son’. Translated – actions first, words later, ok!
Jumping Jack Jumps Off.
Wasted talent and fellow ‘Gilberts’ sufferer, Jumping Jack Maddocks has said ‘Au revoir’ to the Tahs and instead will be chasing French pastry for a few seasons. Maddocks who vacillated somewhere between shithouse & sublime during his tenure at the Tahs, but thought he should be in gold anyway (refer M Cheika Waratahs ‘gold policy’), is packing his bags and heading to French Top 14 side Pau
On the flip side he is a young man and hopefully will come back a more consistent and well rounded rugby player, just like Gilbert did after his time in the Old Dart – ahhhh, forget it.
Kiwi selection tips
Rugby’s Yoda, Mr Wayne Smith of SHM fame, writes an interesting article calling on the Kiwis to ‘drop Hubris‘ for the sake of the ‘ANZAC alliance‘. Not having followed the Kiwi sides much this year, I am not entirely sure what position Hubris plays in the AB’s side, but those inside RA rate him highly, as privately they have said to me ‘that Hubris is everywhere in Kiwi rugby’. The Hubris’ are either a big rugby playing family or he is just some kinda player indeed, no wonder Smithy wants him gone.
Sanchez Traitor.
The usually reserved and humble former Reds & Gold #9 has told stuff NZ he has a ‘soft spot’ for NZ and always wanted to play there.
Referring to Sanchez as a ‘Wallaby’s Great’ (what exactly did we win when Sanchez wore gold #9 again?) the article goes on to state his desire to maybe round-out his notable career (note my word ‘notable’ – instead of ‘great’) in the land of the Mutton Molesters. Willy G then waxes lyrical of his love of NZ playing fields, the great time he had in Auckland (that’s a list that now tallies #1) and his views on Barret v Princess Mo’unga, for the nearly All Black #10 jersey.
Sanchez rounds out the NZ love-fest by offering to sell the same NZ media outlet classified documents, spare doses of our C19 vaccines, schematics for our new French subs and said ‘ I never really liked Australia anyway’, before breaking into a version of the Kiwi National Anthem, ‘Slice of Heaven’ in G-minor.
‘Back yourself’ Will, ‘back yourself’.
Adieu
Hoss.
