A new periodic table element has been confirmed today. Called “Wobblanium” [Wb], it has split the Rugby world’s scientific opinion – between those who find its mysterious origin a source of untold frustration – and everyone else who finds it “piss funny”.
The problem with Wobblanium is its wild instability. One minute it is a lustrous gold and “looks a million dollars”, the next minute it quite literally turns to shit. This sudden variation in form often seems to come about under pressure or in the presence of water, although a total collapse in structure can happen seemingly randomly and without either of these two factors.
Some have put its erratic behaviour down to the unusually light atomic weight of Wobblanium, relative to the other elements it rests near on the periodic table – [Sa] and [Nz]. Researchers can also find no rhyme or reason for the sudden appearance of the erratic element, evidence for which first came to light in 2008.
Chancellor O’Neill of the Australian Institute of Mediocrity said
“It’s got us absolutely stumped. For whole weeks it can sit there on the bench just gleaming away, knocking out cures for cancer and solving the world’s energy crisis. Then you come in one morning and it looks like Dean Lukin dropped his guts in your fume cupboard. All your hard work quite literally flushed down the dunny.
For a while there just recently we thought we had it under some control, as the half life between catastrophic failures had seemed to lengthen a bit – but then it went all fukashima on us last weekend.”
One theory gaining momentum, is that that the instability in Wobblanium was initiated when it came in contact with Dingonese, an element who’s properties few understand. Those arguing this theory believe introducing Link Oxide could well stabilise the situation.
In response to the hypothesis, Chancellor O’Neill replied curtly
“No it fucken wouldn’t.”
before abruptly ending the interview.
One thing is for sure, while this discovery may have scientists the world over baffled, like any nuclear nasty, it seems to be here to stay for some time to come.
