Greetings one and greetings all and welcome to week two of the Lions Tour and another Friday’s Rugby News.
With rugby tests and tournaments all around the globe let’s jump straight in. All set? Off we go with ‘The Men from Rugby Deliver’. Preview Saturday’s match in ‘Lion Tamers?’ Look to Sunday’s Newcastle test in ‘Groundhog Day?’ Play judge, jury and executioner with ‘Crimes Against Hairmanity’. Tug at the heartstrings in ‘Family Ties’. Check in on our forgotten Wallaroos with ‘What About Me?’. And then put the cherry on top of a massive rugby week with ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss’, now available as an aphrodisiac.
The Men of Rugby Deliver.
There was movement across our rugby nation, for the word had passed around
That Saffas, Kiwis, Brits and turncoats had blown some of ours away.
They’d rolled the Force and spanked the Reds, smashed ’em on their grounds
And the rugby hacks had gathered down our way.
All our tried and tested players, from regions near and far
Had mustered at Tahs HQ, to set the tally right.
The men in blue, those gifted few, the mighty Waratahs
And rugby fans curse and cuss the battle with delight.
Tahs fan Banjo Paterson’s little-known first draft.
Lion Tamers?
NSW Waratahs v FUKIRS. Saturday 7.30pm. 8.00 pm kick-off. Allianz Stadium Sydney.
The Former United Kingdom & Irish Rugby Side wagon rolls into Sydney town tomorrow night with more Aussies in their team than do the Tahs. And they arrive undefeated, and with it the weight of expectation from players, pundits and fans alike that they’ll remain so in this match, indeed, on these shores. Well, we’ll see about that.
The Lions have been rather imperious so far. Finn Russell looks like he could create acres of space in a phone booth. His ability to identify and create width, isolate and target defenders has been joyous to the rugby fan in us all, yet at the same time horrifying for those Wallaby fans among us. Their loose forwards are terrific and they are really spoiled for choice as evidenced by the token Welshman Jac Morgan midweek. Their skipper, Super Maro, was magnificent against the Reds and he played with a maturity and calmness I hitherto hadn’t ever identified in his game. Gibson-Park is proper quality and then you have outstanding options in the centres as well as size, speed and grunt work ethic on the wings. You name it, they’ve got it.
But.
Their props and set piece in general have been largely underwhelming thus far. And I include the kick-restart as the ‘4th set piece’ (as defined in the Googtionary) in that assessment. They are wobbly at the lineout, solid but not spectacular at scrum time, but hardly the fire breathing behemoths of Lions tours past. Plus, their props are huge, genuinely block out the sun, backsides with their own postcodes, huge. Watching Pommy prop Stuart walk around the field on Wednesday night and his shorts looked like six men wrestling in a three man tent. Now such voluminous beef in the paddock may sound like a real asset right? Well, maybe. But move them around often enough, keep the ball in play for long enough and get a ref who will speed the game up and not fall for ‘fat-man-itis’ incidents and a possible strength can not only be manipulated, but also targeted and exposed as a flaw. Just a thought.
Now for the Waratahs.
Is there enough size, skill, experience and internal fortitude to roll these Lions? Nope. There just ain’t no way and ain’t no how it can happen. Not even I am that deluded. But then again, these are the Tahs we’re talking about. A team that could beat the Chiefs one week and then lose by 308 points to an invitational Finnish Farmers touring side the next. And to be honest, in the scheme of things the Tahs, and therefore the Wallabies, have absolutely nothing to lose in this game. Let’s say, by some complete miracle, the Tahs win and in doing so throw a giant sky blue spanner into the FUKIRS preparations. Equally (and let’s be honest, far more likely) they lose by 70, they still throw a giant sky blue spanner into the works and deny the Lions any sort of serious contest, or hit-out, that still leaves the Lions coaches none the wiser as to a test XXIII. It’s a win-win-lose-win scenario for St Joe, the Wallabies and us fans. How good is that!
Fearless Prediction: Lions by 45.
WARATAHS (1-15): Tim Lambert, Ethan Dobbins, Taniela Tupou, Fergus Lee-Warner, Miles Amatosero, Rob Leota, Charlie Gamble, Hugh Sinclair (c), Teddy Wilson, Jack Bowen, Darby Lancaster, Joey Walton, Lalakai Foketi, Andrew Kellaway, Lawson Creighton.
Replacements: Mahe Vailanu, Jack Barrett, Daniel Botha, Matt Philip, Jamie Adamson, Jack Grant, Tane Edmed, Henry O’Donnell.
BRITISH & IRISH LIONS (15-1): Hugo Keenan, Mack Hansen, Huw Jones, Sione Tuipulotu, Blair Kinghorn, Fin Smith, Alex Mitchell, Ben Earl, Josh van der Flier, Henry Pollock, James Ryan, Tadhg Beirne (c), Finlay Bealham, Luke Cowan-Dickie, Pierre Schoeman
Replacements: Dan Sheehan, Ellis Genge, Tadhg Furlong, Joe McCarthy, Scott Cummings, Jac Morgan, Ben White, Marcus Smith
Groundhog Day?
Another East Coast low, torrential rain and howling winds: must be another Newcastle test match with the Wallabies in town!
At the time of writing the teams were yet to be announced. However, with recent squad member releases back to their state sides to face the Lions, coupled with rumoured injuries, the selection dust is starting to settle. Whispers have Big Will Skelton and Sideshow Bob Valetini both out with soft tissue injuries. Skelton in particular may not be fit in time for the 19 July Lions test. So much so that Lukhan Salakaia-Loto and Josh Canham were flown to Newcastle on Thursday to join the wider training squad.
As for Valetini’s possible absence for the Fijian match, this might open the door for a Dirty Harry Wilson, Fraser Mac and Nick Champion de Crespigny loose forward combination. Similarly Commissioner Jake Gordon is also rumoured to be injured meaning Tate Mac would be the obvious starter.
I had the occasion to take the little Cartwrights to a Wallaby fan day last Saturday in Newcastle where most of the Wallaby squad were on hand and engaged really well with fans. I noted that Caitlyn Jenner was sporting some fresh stitches on the left cheek and separately that The Bulldog, Carlo Tizzano had the remains of a black eye. Speaking with Tizzano, he said with a smile that the squad had been ripping into each other at training in preparation for Fiji and some team that comes after that.
I’m going to the match on Sunday and can’t wait to see the team in action. Being year #2 under St Joe I expect to see more awareness, more cohesion and more ruthlessness. The team and we fans don’t have the luxury of ‘rust’ in any part of this match. They simply must get into their rhythm from the first whistle for sterner challenges ahead. And with some of the performances in state games from Pietsch, Paisami and co, all players are still playing for a place against the Lions.
Wallabies: James Slipper, David Porecki, Allan Alaalatoa, Nick Frost, Jeremy Williams, Langi Gleeson, Fraser McReight, Harry Wilson (c), Tate McDermott, Noah Lolesio, Max Jorgensen, Len Ikitau, Joseph-Aukuso Suaalii, Harry Potter, Tom Wright.
Replacements: Bill Pollard, Angus Bell, Zane Nonnggorr, Tom Hooper, Carlo Tizzano, Nic White, Ben Donaldson, Filipou Daugunu
Crimes Against Hairmanity.
As someone with a full and lustrous thick hair no longer on my skull but spread across my shoulder blades, I do rather enjoy a good head of hair. For me it’s like a nice full-bodied bourbon, something to savour and enjoy, and also like a bourbon, a good head of hair communicates to you without speaking. Maybe it’s a customised coiffed style, bespoke to the individual, pleasing to the eye and whispers the values and beliefs, their virtues and self respect of the individual sporting said ‘do’. Equally, they can act as nature’s warning sign. You know, ‘cross to the other side of the road just in case’ type styles.
And then, in a league of their own there’s the Coinsland Reds of last Wednesday night.
As an avid rugby consumer over many years I don’t recall seeing so many crimes against hairmanity on the one field at the same time ever in my life. From my reckoning, I identified any number of hairtrocities on display. Or perhaps there’s a shortage of mirrors in Coinsland? We had ‘The Beaver Tail’ of Seru Uru, ‘The Kitchen Combo’ of George Blake. Bleached scouring pad on top, tea towel out the back. Not to be outdone there was the ‘Logan Legal Aid’ of Werchon and Henry. Then there was Jefferey Toomuga-Allen and his ‘Rat-or-two-ee’ sporting multiple rats tails. To top it off the Lions kicked in with some cultural misappropriation of Rastafarian heritage by Australian Oirishman and reggae lover, Finlay Bealham. How unusual the Motherlands would steal something from the lands they hold dominion over. Shocking, huh.
So just who would make your top #10 rugby offenders of all time? Having witnessed these Wednesday offenders, I actually appreciated my lack of hirsuteness for a change.
Family Ties.
Breaking news out of Lions central last night that the coach’s son, and player who has only ever used his arms in a tackle six times throughout his career, Owen ‘Shoulders’ Farrell (or Venus de Owen as he’s known down under), has been called into the squad as injury cover for the unlucky Elliott Daly who sustained a broken arm in Wednesday’s match.
That’s rotten luck for Daly who had two very good matches on tour and seemed a solid, seasoned, reliable player at #15 for the tourists. This reporter cannot confirm rumours that distant second cousins have also called ‘Uncle Andy” about a Lions gig as well.
What about me?
With the Lions on our shores it’s easy to forget the Wallaroos are creeping closer to the start of RWC2027 up north. Jo Yapp has finalised the squad and sees the return of some injured players in Piper Duck, Emily Chancellor and Maya Stewart. It also includes two players in line for their international debuts, Waiaria Ellis and Caitlin Urwin.
Katalina Amosa (ACT Brumbies). Bree-Anna Browne (Queensland Reds) Charlotte Caslick (Queensland Reds/) Emily Chancellor (NSW Waratahs) Annabelle Codey (NSW Waratahs) Lori Cramer (Queensland Reds) Piper Duck (NSW Waratahs) Waiaria Ellis (NSW WaratahsScorpions)* Ashley Fernandez (ACT Brumbies/) Caitlyn Halse (NSW Waratahs) Georgina Friedrichs (NSW Waratahs) Tia Hinds (ACT Brumbies) Brianna Hoy (NSW Waratahs) Eva Karpani (Queensland Reds) Lydia Kavoa (ACT Brumbies) Kaitlan Leaney (NSW Waratahs) Michaela Leonard (Western Force) Ashley Marsters (Western Force) Desiree Miller (NSW Waratahs) Faitala Moleka (ACT Brumbies) Layne Morgan (Queensland Reds) Tania Naden (ACT Brumbies) Bridie O’Gorman (NSW Waratahs) Siokapesi Palu (ACT Brumbies) Faliki Pohiva (NSW Waratahs) Trilleen Pomare (Western Force) Cecilia Smith (Western Force) Maya Stewart (NSW Waratahs) Adiana Talakai (NSW Waratahs) Tabua Tuinakauvadra (ACT Brumbies) Caitlin Urwin (Queensland Reds)* Samantha Wood (Western Force/)
Friday’s Goss with Hoss.
ANZAT spirit.
Fresh from the naming of a few reasonable sheep shaggers earlier in the week, RA have now announced three recent/former Wallabies will also join the invitational side. Marika Koroibete, Pete Samu and Brandon Paenga-Amosa will play as part of the ANZAT. Not a bad side they’re assembling.
The Darkness and The B Graders.
Somewhere in the Poxy Isles. Saturday, 5 July 3.45 AEST
Don’t forget the test series also kicks off over the dutch this weekend with Razor’s Rabble taking on the French B side. Razor has four debutants in his 23 with lock Fabian Holland and #8 Christian Lio-Willie starting in Dunedin on Saturday while prop Ollie Norris and flanker Du’Plessis Kirifi will come off the bench. The French have enlisted five backpackers they found in NZ on holidays, three government agents seen checking out some Greenpeace vessels and a disgruntled French chef from Queenstown as part of their squad. Sacre bleu!
Good clean fun for the kiddies.
Friday, 4 July 11:20pm AEST
Fresh from conceding over 70 points against the junior Dutch Dirt Farmers our U20s face Scotland this evening our time.
Rugby Fatigue.
Somewhere else in the Poxy Isles. Saturday, 5 July 5:30 pm AEST
Just in case too much rugby just ain’t enough, the NZ Maori are playing Scotland this Saturday as well.
But wait, there’s more.
Check back here tomorrow night for a Tahs v Lions recap. And on Sunday Brisneyland will have all the news from the Wallabies v Fiji test.
Until then. Go the Tahs and go you gold things.
Hoss – out.
