Today we welcome back John Tynan to the pages of G&GR. Take it away JT.
It’s been a hectic few weeks at the brewery with a number of off-site events and the joys of being an active owner in a small business. I’m really appreciating the efforts of the guys who put regular articles in every week, so a golf clap/hat tip to you all.
Anyway, that’s enough soft landing for the Hoss, time to strap yourself in for another version of The Pub Test, where rugby opinions flow as freely as the beer and everyone’s an expert by their third schooner. Each episode I’ll be sharing what’s been bouncing around the bar at our little brewpub in SE Queensland where the Reds reign supreme and every patron’s got a take hotter than a summer Sunday session.
We’re high on opinions and big calls while also being low on facts and stats, but never let truth get in the way of a good pub yarn. Pull up a stool, grab a beer, and let’s see what’s got the pub talking over the last few week.
The Tasting Paddle.
A quick recap of our view of the most relevant events (to us) since we last posted our wisdom.
Saturday, 15 March 2025
Chiefs 32 v 31 Blues
Last year’s championship replay didn’t disappoint, unless you’re a New Zealand Waratah supporter. Everyone sees the parallels—”they represent the biggest city,” “they wear Blue,” “they’re flogs from the big city,” “NZ/Oz rugby is strong when Auckland/Sydney is strong”, the list goes on. A great game, but the right team won with the power game deserting the Blues and the skill game benefiting the Chiefs. NZ rugby, Super Rugby, World Rugby thanks you. Through gritted teeth, but a thank you anyway
Reds 35 v 15 NSW Waratahs
Finally! After weeks of (and believe me, this hurts to put down in permanent, globally searchable form) Tahs over-performance, we get to launch the official Tahs Tear Tracker™. And the bastard children in sky blue actually had us worried for half of the first half, until the Ginger Ninja went full Loigie with a spear tackle on God’s Own Honest Harry High Pants. From there it was a bridge too far for the Tahs, who according to our man ExRebel, “looked lethargic” in the second half. Perhaps they were just reverting to their natural state? As ExRebel wisely noted, “the crash and bash style all Aussie teams seem to be adopting isn’t going to work against the Kiwis.” But it didn’t even work against the Good Guys, who triumphed over Evil yet again. 20 Scott Pilgrim v The World Tears into the Tahs Tear Tracker™.
Saturday, 22 March 2025
Highlanders 23 v 29 Queensland Reds
Tabling my conflicts up front, the Highlanders have always been my Kiwi team. I’m very sympathetic to their cause—when they aren’t playing Queensland. This was a proper ding-dong battle with the result in question until the final whistle. The Highlanders, much like the Force, have recruited well and are playing attractive rugby, but are missing key pieces—specifically in the front row, even with All Black Ethan de Groot.
The turning point came when Aussie Alex Hodgman entered the fray in the second half and turned the Highlanders prop M’au into the human hinge that Bill Young aspired to be. Hodgman’s current form has Schmidt grinning like he’s just found a four-leaf clover in a field of three-leaf imposters.
Blues 19 v 42 Crusaders.
In another Red v Blue contest, the Blues took a giant step backwards in their title defence, giving the DarkSaders a leg up off their Penney-less 2024 low tide mark. Blues simply can’t take a trick in the NZ derbies, and long may it continue. One dimensional, size over skill, bash it up Northern Hemisphere rugby has no place in Super Rugby, or even a future-looking Global Rugby. Crusaders were played into form all over the field by a Blues team that currently couldn’t win a chook raffle if they bought all the tickets.
NSW Waratahs 28 v 23 ACT Brumbies
Everyone (your Publican included) expected this to be an addition to the Tahs’ Tear Tracker™, but someone forgot to tell the Tahs. Another positive start by the Tahs – along with a big helping of everyone’s favourite ref BOK – seemed to rattle the Brumbies They lost their composure faster than a Gifted and Talented Student’s Mum getting the shits with their teacher for lack of special treatment. ExRebel ironically observed “Ex-Rebels (players not punter) carrying the Tahs tonight,”, hence proving (once again) that Sydney’s greatest exports are disappointment and underachievement while their greatest imports are players from literally anywhere else (JacPot anyone?).
While the Brums mounted a comeback in the second half, the Tahs held strong and (as much as it pains me) five Tears of Exultation get deducted from the Tears Tracker™—standing count = 15 Tears in the Tear Tracker™.
And so to round 7.
Hurricanes 57 v 12 NSW Waratahs
After over-achieving against Aussie teams at the command of major sponsor Rugby Australia, a trip across the ditch proved a step too far for a team on serious rebuild, BUT WITH 10 WALLABIES! As Stan texted during the carnage the Canes “looked better man by man EVEN against Joey,” and the Tahs showed “slow feed from the backs recycle and some poor options taken by both halves.” The one bright spot? “Great to see Wests Brisbane Bulldog Ethan Dobbin get some game time.”
Silver linings, folks, silver linings. Blown away (get it, Hurricanes) from the start, they mostly tried hard but looked like the team they actually are at the moment—up on injuries, low on cohesion, one pre-season into a new set of playing patterns, and too heavy into the main sponsor’s press releases. Tupou continues to play like he’s mentally counting euros for his upcoming French food truck venture. The second half of the season could turn ugly for the RA poster boys. 45 Tears into the Tahs Tear Tracker™ for a standing count of 60. At this rate, we’ll need a bigger bucket.
Crusaders 29 v 45 Moana Pasifika
Ardie Savea’s Moana Pasifika (ASMP) went to Christchurch and kicked arse! With a game of minimal mistakes and the halo of Ardie Savea (hail the great man!) rubbing off on the team, dare we write off a Pasifika team that suddenly finds confidence and belief?
As ExRebel texted during the match: “Refreshing to watch what confidence and momentum can do.” Stan chimed in with the key observation: “Moana just aren’t making errors,” while ExRebel added they were “Dominant and great ball handling.” Was Ardie playing? You bet he was. And as I commented, “seeing the DarkSaders go down is always good anyway”, a sentiment shared by anyone outside Canterbury. Obviously we respect this result as one that got the Reds to the top of the ladder by
the end of the week, but even people outside of Qld would’ve found a reason to cherish this result. God forbid they actually start delivering on potential.
Queensland Reds 28 v 24 Western Force
In a replay of the earlier round, the Force did their damnedest to spoil the result here, and even the most one eyed of me says they may have deserved to win. Note the “MAY”. The Good Guys, however, triumphed over the lesser of evils. Again. Winning ugly is a very underappreciated skill in Australia, but a key plank to any team with end of year aspirations.
The Force were “all over us in the lineout,” as I noted during the match. Jeremy Williams and Darcy Swain stole lineout ball like they had GPS trackers on it, and after a couple of good weeks as starting hooker, “Richie Asiata couldn’t throw a leg over in a wild west saloon.” The man couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a boat.
The Tizzanator used McReight’s absence to put his dirty ball stealing, try scoring fingerprints all over this game, and must have had McReight wondering what he’d look like with a reserve number on his back. As Red Dog proclaimed, “Tizzanator is a machine. Def wallaby #7.” While your Publican had to remind him that Tizz is “only keeping it warm for Fraser,” I acknowledge that second try was “pure strength.” In other top moments, Robertson scored a try that had Stan “off in prop heaven with a sock”. While we were lucky, “Michael’s Boy had his kicking boots this week” or we might’ve been in real trouble.
Donno was flaky with flashes of brilliance, while Michael’s Boy was steadily directing backline play with flashes of individual skill setting his team up for meat pies. Tate shaded White, even coming off the bench, and Champion de Crespigny continues to cement his status as a Publican favourite/first picked.
Looking ahead.
As we roll into April the ladder is shaping up nicely with the Good Guys on top where they belong. The Blues and Tahs are experiencing similar levels of cosmic justice and Moana Pasifika has given us all something to smile about. The Tahs Tear Tracker™ stands at 60 and counting, with the return fixtures against Kiwi teams still to come. At this rate we might need to invest in industrial-sized collection containers. And as Breadstick suggested, we might even tackle the burning question of whether “Christian Cullen is turning into the blonde actor from the Cargo movie” in a future edition. The Pub Test will return in the coming weeks, hopefully with fewer demands from the brewery, but the same level of unbiased, completely objective rugby analysis you’ve come to expect.
Cheers!
The Publican.
