The BaaBaa’s Unplugged

Some interesting facts about the Baa-Baa’s squad to play the Wallabies tomorrow.

1 – Clarke Dermody (New Zealand)
Clarke is from Southland stock. His grandad is the Southland’s highest capped player wtih 124 games played. His old man played 62, and Clarke has run out 91 times for Southland.

2 – Sebastien Bruno (France)
Wikipedia describes the Sale Sharks rake as “one of the strongest scrummaging hookers at the international level”, which is code for lazy and can’t throw straight.

3 – BJ Botha (South Africa)
Brendan James is a powerful tighthead from Durban who has scored two tries in his 11 tests. There’s nothing funnier than a big fat bloke running.

4 – Chris Jack (New Zealand)
Chris Jack loves old cars and owns a vintage mustang. He’s returning to the Super 14 in 2010 and labelled playing in the Guinness Premiership as ‘easy’

5 – Paul Tito (uncapped)
At Paul Tito’s wedding Taranaki player Mark Stewart smashed his own fiancees jaw and was later charged. He’s also quite possibly the only red headed Maori. Ever.

6 – Jerry Collins (New Zealand)
This former Kiwi Samoan hard man’s notable achievments include pissing on the field [Video], continuing his work as a garbage man despite being loaded from rugby, and being Beau Robinson’s bitch [Videp].

7 – Phil Waugh (Australia, captain)
Playing for his Wallaby future, Phil will be dining on an entree of George Smith (assuming he comes in off the wing) and a main of Zimbabwean delicacy David Pocock. Captaining the Baa-Baa’s for the first time, Phil will look to improve his already impressive winning record at the SFS, with Rocky in the team I doubt he’s ever lost there.

8 – Rocky Elsom (Australia)
Fresh from his Man of the Match performances in the Heineken Cup Final where he apparently impressed Brian O’Driscoll, if “I would say he’s the best player I have ever played with and I have played with many good players” is anything to go by. Rocky returns to SFS to demand his inclusion in the oddly numbered 29 man Wallaby squad.

9 – Chris Whitaker (Australia)
Former Waratahs stalwart Chris has also tasted HK victory in recent weeks and will look to teach young Burgwan the ways of the scrumhalf. Nicknamed Anthems as this was the only time he got on the field during George Gregan’s career.

10 – Luke McAlister (New Zealand)
Returning from Europe this former All Bluck pinup is hoping to regain his fly-half role from Stephen Donald with a standout performance against Giteau.

11 – Josh Lewsey (England)
Never really done anything of note, so fair to say he’s held down a spot on the English wing for a decade.

12 – Seilala Mapusua (Samoa)
One of the form centres from the Top 14, look for powerful midfield running from Seilala to test Berrick’s hostpital cover

13 – Sonny Bill Williams (uncapped)
Taking on Stirling Mortlock will be the biggest challenge to date that Sonny Bill has faced in his short Rugby career since running out on the Bulldogs. Will the crowd treat SBW as a hero or a villain?

14 – Iain Balshaw (England)
The Paul Collingwood of English rugby. Received an MBE for coming on in extra time during the 03 world cup final.

15 – Geordan Murphy (Ireland)
Mastered the AFL banana kick during the week, now look for him to return AAC’s midfield bombs with great vengeance and furious anger.

Reserves:
16 – Schalk Brits (South Africa)
“Who is Schalk Brits? He has never even played SA under-21, has played one Super 12 season, his team is second from bottom on the log and, from what I hear, he is one of those players that don’t train on Mondays.” – Jake white’s response to Schalk’s threat to go overseas if not selected in 2005. Schalk never played for Jake White’s springboks, waiting until 2008 to earn his 3 caps under Pieter DeVilliers before buggering off to Saracens.

17 – Greg Somerville (New Zealand)
Nicknamed Yoda named after a likeness to the star wars figure.

18 – Martin Corry (England)
The 2007 England world cup Captain has recently retired from club rugby so this will be his swansong. He has pelvic and groin problems.

19 – Serge Betsen (France)
Born in Cameroon, this French warhorse was cited for kicking Matt Dawson in the 03 RWC and got 6 weeks. We are forever grateful for this act.

20 – Justin Marshall (New Zealand)
Part owns a bar in Christchurch called “The Grumpy Mole”, rumoured to be named after himself. He was named in the 2009 NZ Rugby almanacks best All Black team of the last 25 yrs, to the outrage of many who said he couldn’t pass.

21 – Glen Jackson (uncapped)
Many thought he should have been an All Black, a local legend in Rotorua parts.

22 – Ben Blair (New Zealand)
Scored 37 pts on debut for the all blacks in a non test match v ireland A

With thanks to chriscullen over on the GAGR Forums for some Kiwi facts.