Mad Monday with Brisneyland Local #65: what a topsy-turvy weekend!

What a round that wa.! All over the place like a Mad Brisneyland Local’s shit. Some real surprises. And yes, Waratahs, I’m looking at you. My Reddies totally pickled it, Moana Pasifika resumed their previous programming and the Blues look to have their back in one sock.

So let’s have a look at this round game by game and then take a peek at the Super W Grand Final. So pull up a pew, and log onto that wonderful place of unjudged rugby love. Pour yourself a big cup of that wonderful brown stuff and let’s talk rugby.

Super Rugby Pacific Round 9

Crusaders 31 Defeated Hurricanes 24

Crusaders escape Wellington with a win – just barely The Crusaders nearly cooked it in the Cake Tin but somehow limped away with a 31-24 win over the Hurricanes. And let me tell ya, this was a game of two halves—one where the Saders looked like world beaters and another where they resembled headless chooks in a wind tunnel.

First Half: the Ioane Moananu show Things started off all sunshine and lollipops for the home side with Peter Umaga-Jensen reminding everyone he’s got more footwork than a Riverdance audition, slicing through near the line for the opener. But that must’ve poked the bear ’cause next thing you know Crusaders hooker Ioane Moananu went full beast mode. The big fella bagged a hat trick like he was playing against the local Colts team—first off a maul, then trailing a Scott Barrett break like a savvy tradie on smoko sniffing out a sausage sizzle.

Enter stage right: James O’Connor. Yep, old ‘Quade Lite’ himself. Chucked on late one after Taha Kemara went for a little HIA holiday and didn’t waste time: snagged an overthrow at the lineout, did the spin cycle through two defenders and dotted down like it was 2010 again. Chay Fihaki joined the party with a slick finish in the corner, and before you could say ‘Can someone tackle Moananu?’ the Crusaders were out to a cruisy 31-10 lead.

Second Half: cue the panic stations Then it all went pear-shaped. The Canes, suddenly remembering they were playing a contact sport, woke up and started throwing some real punches. Peter Lakai crossed to get the ball rolling, and then the Crusaders went self-sabotage mode. Two blokes in the bin, Ethan Blackadder and Antonio Shalfoon, left them with 13 on the park and it was all hands on deck.

Umaga-Jensen took full advantage, bagging his second and slicing through a defensive line that was about as watertight as a soggy Weet-Bix. The Canes parked the bus in the Crusaders’ 22 and looked like they were gonna steal it at the death. But credit where it’s due, the Saders pinched a rolling maul turnover after the hooter and held on like your uncle clinging to his last beer at a wedding.

The Wrap The Crusaders jump temporarily to the top of the ladder while KARL’s Canes will be wondering if they are bigger chokers than Greg Norman after blowing a golden shot to break into the top six. They sit one point behind the Waratahs, who are prepping for a Friday night slap-fight with the Chiefs. Not the prettiest win from the red-and-black machine, but a win’s a win, and they’ll take it any day of the week, especially with half their team in the naughty chair by the end.

Waratahs 21 defeated Chiefs 14

Well knock me over with a Waratahs membership card, the boys in blue have somehow gone and done it. The RA favoured ones pulled off an absolute stunner at Allianz on Friday night, toppling the ladder-leading Chiefs 21-14 in a match that had everything but the kitchen sink, and I reckon someone in Bay 38 might’ve chucked that in too.

This wasn’t just a win, this was one of those wins. A knees-to-the-turf, hearts-in-mouths, hang-on-for-dear-life kind of night that reminds you why we love this game. After two weeks of copping an absolute bath in Kiwiland (102 points shipped, and don’t remind Hoss), Dan McKellar’s lads showed up like a pub bouncer at 3:00am: unforgiving, unrelenting, and not letting anyone through the door.

Let’s talk about that defence at the death. 28 phases, one man down, the Chiefs hammering the line like they were trying to break into Fort Knox. And the Tahs? They just said, ‘Not tonight, fellas’. That’s guts. That’s ticker. That’s the kind of stuff that makes you lose your voice and your mind simultaneously. But, also highly unusual for the Waratahs.

Big Joey Walton? My word. The bloke played like he’d taken the TMO decisions personally, and after that first half, who could blame him? He was bashing blokes, setting the tempo, and looked like he’d sold his soul to the rugby gods for an extra engine. Then there’s Suaalii. Cross-code, crossfield, cross your heart and hope he never leaves. He had a hand in everything, three tries with his fingerprints all over them. He might well be worth the money that RA paid for him.

And how about Teddy bloody Wilson? That 120 metre special, get it on a t-shirt. Started it, linked up, and finished it like a bloke who’s been running touch footy at Woollahra Oval since he could walk. That try was footy poetry with Creighton’s no look tap-on in the middle of it absolute sauce. The Tahs should’ve been up 21-zip at the break, easy. But instead, thanks to a series of ‘interpretive’ decisions from the TMO and the world’s loosest forward pass review system, they were stuck on 14-7 and the Chiefs are back in it. Don’t get me started on Wrampling’s headshot on Suaalii; yet another case of the officiators missing some serious impacts to the head this season.

But in the end, it didn’t matter. The Tahs dug in. They brought the aforementioned missing mongrel. Five from five in Sydney this year, Allianz is a fortress again. From the corporate boxes to the punters in the stands the whole joint was buzzing. This win puts the Tahs up to fourth on the ladder, and if you squint just right, the finals don’t look like a pipe dream anymore. Momentum’s building, confidence is back, and the best part, there’s still room to grow. The question is, are they going to do a Waratahs special on all of their faithful and blow it out of their arses again?

So crack open a cold one, Waratahs fans. That win was for belief. That was special. And we know we’re never going to hear the end of it. So bask in that glory, just not for too long.

Blues 36 defeated Moana Pasifika 17

Bragging rights, Blues bury Moana. Aucklanders too slick in local derby Chalk up another W for the Auckland aristocrats, the Blues have once again put Moana Pasifika back in their place with a 36-17 win at Eden Park. That’s five on the trot for the defending champs over their Pacific neighbours, who just can’t seem to buy a win in this fixture.

From the start the Blues looked like they’d sniffed blood in the water (or maybe just knew where Maaaaaaaaaary was). Hooker Ricky Riccitelli opened the account early, crashing over after a few meaty phases. Barely time to sip your flat white before Beaudy Barrett pulled out a party trick – chip over the top, regather, plant it down. All class. All day.

Moana did have a few moments of pride – Miracle Faiʻilagi doing his best to live up to his name with a tidy finish, but it was about the only miracle Moana got all night. The Blues forwards responded like only Kiwi packs do: with a rolling maul straight out of the Crusaders’ playbook, Kurt Eklund getting the meat pie this time. The All Blacks brigade then chimed in: Paddy Tuipulotu and Mark Tele’a strolled over like they were in Sunday park footy, while Hoskins Sotutu added his name to the try-scorers and future millionaires list after the oranges.

Moana Pasifika threw a bit of late spice into the mix with Semisi Tupou Ta’eiloa and Kyren Taumouefolau grabbing consolation tries – but by then the Blues were halfway through their post-match protein shakes.

Final score: Blues 36 – Moana Pasifika 17 – So what does it all mean? The Blues leapfrog Moana into eighth spot, tied on points with the Canes but looking the better bet for finals footy if they keep this form up. Next stop: Good Friday bash with the Crusaders in Christchurch. Strap yourselves in for that one, it’ll be like Easter eggs but with more bruises. As for Moana Pasifika – they’ll be licking their wounds and praying for a Pasifika-sized miracle against the Brumbies in Pukekohe. It’s do-or-die time if they want to stay in the finals convo.

Highlanders 43 defeated Fiji Drua 20

Highlanders hold off Flying Fijians in Dunedin dust-up The Landers have finally remembered how to string two halves of footy together running out 43–20 winners over a Drua side that brought all the flair, fire and Fijian fury you’d expect. But while the visitors did their best impression of a runaway cyclone in the second stanza, the Highlanders held firm, bagging a bonus point and keeping their finals hopes humming along nicely.

Debut Delight: Filimone Fizzles & Pops. Let’s talk about the fairytale stuff first, 25-year-old winger Taniela Filimone, stepping onto the Super Rugby stage for the first time and, blammo, the Tongan speedster was in for a try within two minutes. Not bad for your first dance, eh? He doubled down a few minutes later, making it a brace in 12 and putting the Drua firmly on the back foot. The Highlanders, smelling blood like a pack of Otago hounds, kept piling on the pressure and had the scoreboard ticking faster than a New Zealander backing out of a Bledisloe handshake.

Drua Dig In. To their credit, the Drua didn’t roll over. Young gun Isaiah Armstrong-Ravula calmed things down with a penalty before Thomas Umaga-Jensen broke a couple of ankles and hearts with a slicing try just before oranges. At 26–3, it looked like the Landers were ready to send the Drua packing back to the islands with a lesson in Southern hospitality.

But Hold Your Horses! Whatever the Drua boys had at half-time (probably kava-infused rocket fuel) they came out breathing fire. Isikeli Rabitu lit the spark, and just when the crowd thought the Landers might cruise things went boom, a Fijian-born Highlander, Veveni Lasaqa, decided to crash the party with a try of his own. That’s gotta sting. Still, the Drua weren’t done. Simione Kuruvoli in tandem with Inia Tabuavou ran a pearler of a support line, slicing the margin, and then Ponipate Loganimasi did his best Play of the Round audition. Grubber, regather, try. Magic stuff! Suddenly, it was 27–23, the gap was four, and the Landers were wobbling like a Wallabies scrum in the rain.

Momentum Meltdown. But then the turning point. Kuruvoli decided he fancied a rest and took a 10 minute breather for a deliberate knockdown. The Highlanders didn’t need a second invite, Jack Taylor crashed over a minute later, and with the man advantage the home side shut the gates. Tanielu Tele’a dotted down, then Sam Gilbert iced the cake at the death, sealing the bonus point and sending the Dunedin faithful home smiling for once this season.

Final Whistle & Finals Watch. The Highlanders sit pretty in seventh, just two points behind the Brumbies and with a sniff of finals footy. As for the Drua, ah lads, still all flair and no fillet. The tough season continues, and it doesn’t get easier next week with the Tahs coming to Lautoka. But hey, that’s Super Rugby. One week you’re king, next week you’re cannon fodder.

Brumbies 39 defeated Reds 26

Brumbies bully Reds (again): another chapter in Brisbane misery In what’s becoming more predictable than a Kiwi ref forgetting his whistle when a Crusader’s offside, the ACT Brumbies waltzed into Suncorp and did it again, handing my beloved Reds their backside with a 39-26 clinic in composure, grunt and good old-fashioned forward dominance.

The night started with a bit of razzle-dazzle. Hunter Paisami got the punters excited with a chip and chase that actually worked (rare enough to warrant Lotto numbers), and Richie Asiata barged over to give the Reds a sexy little 14-zip head start. But like a bloke who shouts the first round and disappears when it’s his turn (Keith I’m looking at you), the Reds quickly went missing. Enter stage left: Rob bloody Valetini.

Big Rob, fresh off a steady diet of nails and steel for brekkie, decided enough was enough. With the Reds looking like a bunch of blokes who’d forgotten what tackle bags are for, Valetini steamrolled his way to a solo try that flipped the switch. From that moment on, the Brumbies looked like they were the only team with a clue.

Then it was Tuaina Tualima’s turn to crash over, followed by Alaalatoa (who now has more tries this season than some wingers) putting the Brumbies ahead 21-14 at the break. Apparently, Les Kiss had a few choice words for his troops at halftime, reportedly channelling his inner Gordon Ramsay but, if anything, it only seemed to wake up Billy Pollard, who must’ve thought he was playing sevens with the way he helped himself to a double early in the second half.

At 35-21, you could feel the Suncorp faithful slowly retreating into their $9 mid-strengths, already preparing their ‘next year’s our year’ speeches. The Brumbies didn’t just beat the Reds, they out-thought, out-muscled and out-coached them. Clinical, ruthless and never looked rattled, even down 14. Classic Brumbies.

So where does that leave us? Brumbies are up to third, Reds slipping to fourth, and Queensland fans once again wondering if the rugby gods just hate us or if we’re actually this inconsistent. Anyway, that’s enough salt for one night. Tip of the hat to the Brumbies , and a strong suggestion that someone at Ballymore checks if the lads actually trained defence this week.

Super Rugby Pacific 2025 – Ladder

Well low and behold, the Dark Saders are at the top of the list like it is 2023 again. Chiefs are hot on their tails and the Ponies and the Reds doing a ‘doe-si-do’. The Tahs and the Twiggy All-Stars round out the Top six. This homeward run to the finals is going to be crucial for everyone from the Tahs to Moana Pasifika. Remember, if you’re top 3 you get a home final.

Super Rugby Women’s Grand Final

Brisneyland Local’s breakdown – Tahs go B2B while Reds still searching for that W in SRW Yep, the NSW Waratahs have gone and done it again, back-to-back Super Rugby W titles, tallying up a spicy sixth crown in the cabinet. This one came with an emphatic 43-21 thumping of their favourite sparring partners, the Queensland Reds. The poor old Reds, always the bridesmaids, never the bride.

Desiree Miller and Georgina Friedrichs absolutely tore the joint up. Miller was hotter than a steel fence in February, busting tackles and laying on tries like a rugby-playing Oprah. ‘You get a break! You get a try assist! You get stepped!’ Friedrichs opened the account and closed the show like a proper bookend – classy, brutal, and with that smug ‘I’ve-been-here-before’ glow about her.

The Reds? Well, bless ‘em, they had some moments. They even owned some territory early on. But having territory without execution is like buying all the gear and forgetting where the campsite is.

Early doors

It only took nine minutes for the Tahs to say, ‘we’re on today’ as Miller streaked down the edge with pace to burn, tossed it to Caitlyn Halse, who threw a no-look flick pass so filthy it needs a PG rating. Friedrichs did the honours, dotting down the first. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, Miller got stuck into the breakdown like a woman possessed, nicked a pilfer near the line, and the big boppers took over. Rolling maul time! Kaitlan Leaney, thank you very much.

The Reds did manage to wake up thanks to Eva Karpani doing her best ‘remember me?’ impression with a try of her own. But the Tahs weren’t done. Faliki Pohiva barged over just before the break to make it 19-7, and the Reds headed for oranges with that familiar sinking feeling.

Second half surge… sorta

Credit where it’s , the Reds came out swinging after the break. Tiarna Molloy (AKA Morgan) caught the Tahs snoozing and tapped quickly for a sneaky five pointer. Momentum shift? Maybe. Then Seneti Kilisimasi got sent to the naughty corner for a high shot, and the Reds had their chance.

But that’s when Desiree ‘I’m Just Better’ Miller turned on the razzle-dazzle. Straightened the line, burned the fullback, and casually scored a contender for try of the tournament while everyone else looked like they were stuck in the mud. The Reds did hit back again but when Emily Robinson, cult hero, prop extraordinaire, burrowed over with a dozen to go it was curtains. One more from Friedrichs for good measure, and that was that.

Final whistle wrap – Waratahs: champions. Again.

Reds: Still building. Still brave. Still… not quite there. The Tahs now set their sights on the Super Rugby Championship decider against the winner of the Blues v Matatū Aupiki showdown. And on current form, it’s gonna take a bloody miracle, or at least a Miller injury and Friedrichs getting lost on the way to the ground for anyone to stop this sky-blue juggernaut.

Anyway, enough of this old man dribbling crap. Over to you G&GRs. Have at it.