G’day G&GRs. Another week, another round of amazing rugby, and really unpredictable results. Just all over the shop. Who really saw those results coming? Now with only one round to go, the board is looking reasonably stable, bar a few minor changes.
So let’s dive into the SRP with a game-by-game review, Brisney style. Pour a large cup of the good stuff☕, and let’s talk about the game they play in heaven.
Super Rugby Pacific Round 14
Crusaders 15 defeated Highlanders 12
Reece the Rocket as Crusaders Pip Landers in a Kiwi Grit-Fest – In a match that had more plot twists than a MAFS reunion special, the Crusaders snuck home 15–12 over a plucky-as-anything Highlanders outfit. It was tense. It was gritty. It was a full-blown arm wrestle in the trenches, and it took every ounce of class, chaos, and controversy to separate them.
Sevu Reece – The Try-Scoring Terminator – First things first – a massive hats off to Sevu Reece. The bloke now sits atop the Super Rugby try-scoring summit with a record-breaking 66 meat pies, pushing past Hurricanes legend TJ “You Shall Not Pass” Perenara. The record-breaker came in the 14th minute after one of the weirdest, most TMO-infested sequences in recent memory.
Picture this: ruck forms, players everywhere, chaos reigns, and there’s Reece casually dotting it down like he’s seen the script already. The ref looked more confused than a Queenslander ordering a latte in Ponsonby, but up stepped the TMO like Gandalf with receipts. Try awarded. History made.
Highlanders: Brave But Broken – The Landers, bless ’em, didn’t lie down. After being 10-zip down, they dragged themselves back into the fight like Rocky in the 12th round. Taine Robinson missed a few chances, slipped over twice (seriously, someone check those boots), but managed to snake through for a try and edge the visitors in front 12-10. For a brief moment, it looked like the Southern Men might pull off the upset of the season. Their defence was nothing short of biblical. Every tackle a sermon. Every turnover an act of desperation.
Crusaders Finish Stronger Than a Waikato Draught – But of course, this is the Crusaders we’re talking about. You can’t leave the back door open for long or they’ll sneak through it with a crowbar and a grin. Enter Tamaiti Williams – all 130kgs of him – smashing over the line with nine to go like a runaway logging truck. Lead regained. Highlanders rattled.
Still, the drama wasn’t done. With seconds left, Cameron Millar had a penalty to send the game into Super Time and give the Highlanders one last flicker of hope. He lined it up, struck it sweetly… and watched it sail wide like a misfired boomerang. Cue Crusaders celebrations. Cue Highlanders heartbreak. Cue Brisney with a cold beer and a grin.
Three Things We Learned
1. Sevu Reece is officially a machine – With 66 tries and counting, the Fijian flyer now has more meat pies than Four’N Twenty. And the scary part? He’s not done yet.
2. Highlanders have heart, but no luck – For a team with one of the thinnest squads in NZ rugby, they threw everything at the Saders. But footy gods are cruel, and this time, they weren’t on the Landers’ side.
3. The Crusaders are still the kings of the clutch – Even in a down year, even with the wheels looking wobbly, they find ways to win. They’re like that mate who always shows up late but somehow still gets the girl.
Hurricanes 31 defeated Queensland Reds 27
Reds Undone as Canes Keep the Curse Alive – Well dear readers, the Reds have once again been handed a lesson in Kiwi rugby efficiency as the Hurricanes rolled into Ballymore 2.0 (aka Suncorp) and walked away with their 10th straight win over our beloved Banana Benders. That’s a full decade of pain, for those counting—and we are.
The final score? 31–27 to the visitors. And while that looks respectable, it hides the gut punch that this result delivered: the Reds have been bumped from the top four, coughed up home final hopes, and now need to start praying to the rugby gods (and maybe even the TMO) that results fall their way next week.
First Minute Madness – Things went pear-shaped faster than a front-rower at an all-you-can-eat buffet. Just 60 seconds in, Ruben Love strolled over after a lucky bounce from a grubber. But hold the phone—Tate McDermott hit back quicker than a Queenslander with a pineapple at a pub trivia night. Two minutes gone, scores level. Breathless stuff. Tom Lynagh then slotted not one, but two penalty goals—and yes, they were the Reds’ first attempts of the season. Took long enough, lads. That settled things for a hot minute.
10-Minute Blitzkrieg – But as is often the case with NZ sides, the Canes flicked the switch and hit warp speed. Three tries in ten minutes. One of them from Cam Roigard, who channelled his inner Carlos Spencer with a cheeky chip and regather. At halftime, the Canes led by 11 and Queensland were wondering where it all went wrong—again.
The Fightback… and the Fade – Credit where it’s due—Jock Campbell sparked things beautifully after the break, carving up like a Christmas ham and setting up Tate for his second. Then, in what might be the try of the Reds’ season, Queensland strung together 20 phases from deep inside their own half, before Joe Brial barged over like a man possessed. Reds in front, momentum on their side. What could go wrong? Well… plenty.
Two handling errors—Harry Wilson spilling his lollies and Hunter Paisami ignoring an overlap that Stevie Wonder could’ve seen—cost the Reds dearly. The Canes capitalised through Fineanganofo (his second meat pie for the night), and then Du’Plessis Kirifi—looking like he was born to pilfer—shut down the Reds’ final charge with a breakdown masterclass. Game over. Hoodoo alive and well.
Three Things We Learned
- The Reds Still Can’t Kill Kiwi Kryptonite – That’s 10 straight losses to the Canes, and too many blown leads in big moments. Until the Reds can beat Kiwi sides when it counts, they’ll be finals pretenders, not contenders.
- Du’Plessis Kirifi Has Ice in His Veins – Man of the match performance. He made the breakdown his personal playground, and his late steal killed any hope the Reds had of snatching victory. Clinical stuff.
- Penalties Exist—Who Knew? – Tom Lynagh’s two penalty goals were the Reds’ first attempts all season. You read that right. Turns out, taking points when they’re on offer isn’t just a myth passed down by the Wallabies of old.
Chiefs 85 defeated Moana Pasifika 7
Chiefs Torch Moana in Rugby Crime Spree, 85-7 – Well GAGRs, grab your popcorn, a box of tissues (for Moana fans), and maybe a fire extinguisher because the Chiefs came out flaming and left nothing but smouldering wreckage in their wake. In what can only be described as a public flogging disguised as a rugby match, the Chiefs absolutely torched Moana Pasifika 85-7. That’s not a typo. That’s a cry for help. This wasn’t just a win — it was a rugby mugging on national television, and Moana were the poor buggers who forgot their mouthguards.
First Half: Chiefs Go Brrrrrrr – Things kicked off with Shaun “Step-and-Smoke” Stevenson dotting down in the 8th minute with all the urgency of someone late for happy hour. That set the tempo, and spoiler alert: it didn’t slow down. Tupou Vaa’i decided he wanted in on the fun and strolled over, shortly followed by Ratima and McKenzie carving up Moana’s defence like a Christmas ham. Quinn Tupaea added his name to the tryfest, and the Chiefs walked into the sheds at 31-zip. Moana, at this point, were probably wondering if they’d accidentally shown up to a sevens tournament… with 12 players.
Second Half: If You Thought That Was Bad… – Enter Ardie Savea. The big man gave Moana fans a glimmer of hope in the 48th with a meat pie that screamed “Comeback Time!” Unfortunately, it only served to poke the bear. And oh boy, did the bear bite. Leroy Carter turned into a one-man wrecking crew, picking up a hat-trick in just 16 minutes. Not to be outdone, Cortez Ratima said “Hold my Gatorade” and added two more to his tally to complete his own three-piece.
Daniel Rona joined the party, and just to make sure Moana’s weekend was fully ruined, the ref awarded a penalty try to round it all out. The Chiefs didn’t just book their finals spot — they kicked the door off the hinges and put their feet on the table.
Final Score: Chiefs 85 – Moana Pasifika 7 – Let that marinate for a second. That’s not just a hiding — that’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Three Things We Learned
1. The Chiefs Are Not Here to Make Friends – That wasn’t a rugby match, it was a warning shot. If anyone was wondering whether the Chiefs could go all the way — wonder no more. Ruthless, clinical, and nastier than a stubbed toe at midnight.
2. Leroy Carter and Cortez Ratima Are on Fire – Two hat-tricks in one game? That’s straight-up greedy. Moana had no answers, and these two looked like they were playing club footy against an under-12s B side.
3. Moana’s Finals Hopes Are on Life Support – After this beatdown, Moana now need a win and divine intervention to sneak into the finals. Their spirit’s not broken, but their defence sure is.
Waratahs 22 defeated Western Force 17
The Good Ship Waratah Sails On (Barely) – Tahs 22 def Force 17 – Well, if you thought the Waratahs’ season was deader than a cane toad on a Bruce Highway truck route, think again! The sky-blue boys from NSW have pulled a Houdini act worthy of a David Copperfield DVD box set, snatching a golden point win over the Force in the wild, wild west. It took 91 minutes, three meat pies from a bloke whose birth certificate probably still smells like ink (Darby Lancaster), and more missed opportunities than a hungover punter at Flemington, but somehow, some way, the Tahs are still breathing. Let’s dive into the carnage, shall we?
The Match – From the opening whistle, this game had all the finesse of a pub brawl at 1:00am on a Friday. Derby games between these two always carry a bit of spice, but this one was dripping in habanero sauce. The Force came out swinging, and by halftime they were up 17-14, thanks in no small part to a bit of zip, some big hits, and the Tahs looking like they’d left their set-piece on the team bus. But cometh the hour, cometh the comeback—NSW muscled up in the second stanza.
The Waratahs lost Taniela “Tongan Thor” Tupou to the bin in with a slice of 🧀 in the second half, which could’ve been the death knell. But no! They dug in, clawed their way back, and Jack Bowen slotted a penalty in the 74th minute to square things up.
Enter golden point madness – Kurtley “You Miss 100% of the Shots You Don’t Take, but I am still human flotsam and jetsom” Beale lined up a 55-metre Hail Mary that dropped short. Then young Henry Robertson pulled the ol’ “step aside old man, I’ve got this” routine… only to fluff it worse than a possum in headlights. But the real story? Darby Lancaster. The kid—who was probably playing U18s last week—snags his third try of the night, diving over seven seconds after the extra time hooter. Cue scenes. Cue limbs. Cue confused Tahs fans wondering if it’s too soon to believe again.
The Garden of Gardner – Now, no Aussie rugby derby would be complete without a bit of aggro, and we got it in spades. Referee Angus Gardner had to turn into Supernanny mid-match. After reversing a penalty and watching the handbags fly, he pulled both skippers aside for a firm “Dad voice” lecture.
And credit where it’s due—Gardner laid down the law like Judge Dredd:
“Boys, I understand this is a local derby… but I’m not going to accept fracas and scuffle for the rest of this game.” – Translation: “Pull ya heads in before I start binning you like yesterday’s sushi.” Honestly, if he’d cracked out a whistle and sent everyone to timeout in the naughty corner, I wouldn’t have blinked.
Three Things We Learned
- Darby Lancaster = The Future – The lad bagged a hat-trick like it was school sport on a Thursday. Pace, instinct, and zero fear. Lock him in your fantasy team and throw him a long-term contract before the French clubs get sniffing.
- Beale and the Boot – Not a Love Story – KB nearly stole the show but in the end, his radar was wobblier than a one-legged stool. Fair play for having a go, but let’s not kid ourselves—it was more hopeful than helpful. And in addition to this his defence has not improved. Not one Iota!
- The Tahs Love Doing Things the Hard Way – True to form, NSW now have to beat the Blues in Auckland—something they haven’t done since Kevin Rudd was PM. But hey, they’re still in it. Just. Somehow. Miraculously.
Super Rugby Pacific Ladder
Well around round, and another bunch of unpredictable results. You may get the winner or loser correct, but picking margins in this round, hell in this season to be honest, has been damn near impossible. Lets see what the table looks like now.
- Chiefs – With 46 points from 12 games, the Chiefs are b;lazing Red Hot. Their attacking prowess has been evident, boasting a points difference of +214, the highest in the competition.
- Crusaders – The red and black machine from Christchurch continues to roll on, sitting second with 45 points from 13 matches. Their recent 15-12 victory over the Highlanders was not only a testament to their grit but also saw Sevu Reece become Super Rugby’s all-time leading try-scorer.
- Brumbies – The Canberra-based sit third on 43 points. With a record of 9 wins and 4 losses, the Brumbies are poised to grab a home final.
- Hurricanes – The ‘Canes have amassed 34 points, holding a narrow lead over the Reds. Their recent 31-27 win over Queensland in Brisbane was a statement performance, extending their winning streak to 10 games and maintaining dominance over the Reds for 12 years.
- Reds – 33 points, the Reds slipped behind the Hurricanes. Despite the recent loss, their season remains promising, and they’ll be eager to bounce back in the upcoming rounds.
- Moana Pasifika – With 28 points, Moana Pasifika has been one of the surprise packages this season. Their balanced record of 6 wins and 6 losses showcases their competitiveness in the league. BUt they will want to forget this round.
- Blues – Also Sitting on 28 points, the Blues are in a precarious position. Their inconsistent form has seen them drop crucial matches, and they’ll need a strong finish to secure a playoff spot.
- Waratahs – The Tahs, with 26 points, kept their finals hopes alive with a nail-biting 22-17 golden point win over the Western Force. It’s a glimmer of hope in what’s been a challenging season. BUt the Tahs fans wont get much hope out of that victory, it was an insipid performance.
- Western Force – On 23 points, the Force’s recent loss to the Waratahs was a setback. Their playoff aspirations are gone, and with a bye next week, there season is done.It is off to the pub for Mad Monday for this lot.
- Fijian Drua – 23 points, the Drua’s season has been a rollercoaster. Their attacking flair is undeniable, but defensive lapses have cost them dearly. This season isnt one they will remember well.
- Highlanders – With 20 points, the Highlanders’ narrow loss to the Crusaders epitomises their season—so close, yet so far. Their season is done. A Kiwi team last in Super Rugby. Not the look they want.
Well that is it for my mad rambligs! Over to you GAGRs! Have At it!
