G’day G&GRs. Will the first BIL test has occurred, and the results are there for all to see. Not as good as hoped, but not as bad as many predicted. There were also several other test matches played over the weekend, so we will dive into a few of those as well.
So prepare yourself for another bumper edition, Brisney style. So pour a large cup of the good stuff☕, and let’s talk ruggers, the game they play in heaven!
South Africa 55 defeated Georgia 10
Bok Bungle and Bash Georgia in Nine-Try Stumblethon – The Boks have given the Georgians a proper Nelspruit nudging, running in nine tries on their way to a 55–10 win that was equal parts dazzling and dreadful. Think of it as a pre-season hit-out where the scoreboard says “cruising” but the performance says “more polish than a Bunnings aisle”.
With one eye on their Rugby Championship opener against the Wallabies in four weeks’ time, Rassie’s Mob took to the park with a mix of old heads and fresh blood — and somehow managed to look both world-beating and wobbly. Debutant hooker Marnus van der Merwe bagged a meat pie double, which’ll look good in the press release, but it was far from smooth sailing.
In between highlight reel finishes from the likes of Canan Moodie, Kurt-Lee Arendse, Edwill van der Merwe (who bagged a brace), and Damian Willemse, there was enough dropped pill to fill an U11s coaching nightmare. Seriously, at times it felt like the Boks were auditioning for the Springbok Ballet Company rather than a test side. The lineout went from functional to funereal in the second half, the breakdown was as clean as a backpacker’s sharehouse, and if you’re looking for any meaningful scrum dominance — you might want to check the archives instead.
To their credit, Georgia came out firing and actually crossed first through a good ol’ fashioned lineout-maul special, with hooker Vano Karkadze doing the honours. But that was as good as it got for the Lelos, who spent most of the match tackling shadows and chasing green jerseys. Still, there’s a bit to like from the Bok perspective. Siya Kolisi got some valuable game time after injury, Rassie blooded three more debutants — Boan Venter, Marnus van der Merwe, and Neethling Fouche — and the overall headcount of players used in three tests this year now sits at a whopping 46. Not quite Queensland Reds rotation levels, but not far off.
Three Things We Learned
- Rust Never Sleeps (But Sometimes Scores Tries) – The Boks were as rusty as a ute left out in the rain, with handling errors galore. But class tells — and they’ve got try-scorers across the park. Against better sides, though? That sloppiness will cost them.
- Georgia Aren’t Just Cannon Fodder – The Lelos brought the heat early and had some solid moments in the contact zone. They’re building towards 2027, and while they still lack a cutting edge, you’d be mad to sleep on them.
- Rassie’s Rotation Roulette Rolls On – Three more debutants and a squad list longer than a Centrelink queue. Whether it’s tactical genius or selection spaghetti remains to be seen — but no one can say South Africa aren’t testing depth ahead of the Champs.
New Zealand 29 defeated France 19
Kiwi Clean Sweep: All Blacks Edge Gritty French in Series Finale – Well, well, well – another year, another 3-0 series sweep for the All Blacks over Les Bleus (aka The Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys). But don’t let the final scoreline fool ya – this wasn’t some walk in the park for the lads in black. Nope, the French turned up to Hamilton with a chip on their baguette-laden shoulders and very nearly stole the third Test. But in the end, a more composed, if still heavily rotated, Kiwi outfit held firm to grind out a 29-19 win and shut the door on any dreams of a French consolation win.
With 10 changes to the starting XV, New Zealand looked more like a Super Rugby Barbarians side early on – and they played like it too. Knock-ons, missed tackles, and a serious case of the yips saw them trail 10-0 in no time. French scrumhalf Nolann Le Garrec was on fire, scoring a sneaky darting try down the blindside and racking up points like he was playing Fantasy Rugby.
The All Blacks eventually got their act together, with Will Jordan doing what Will Jordan does – pouncing on a perfect grubber from Ratima and making it look easier than it should be. But despite that, France kept the scoreboard ticking with two more Le Garrec penalties and a cheeky drop goal from Antoine Hastoy. The half looked to end with the French up by nine, but the Kiwis struck after the buzzer with Anton Lienert-Brown sliding in to close the gap to 19-17. Game on.
The third quarter was tighter than a front-rower’s jersey after Christmas – missed shots at goal, brutal contact, and neither side giving an inch. But finally, it was Du’Plessis Kirifi – a late inclusion for Luke Jacobson – who broke the deadlock, scooping up a loose ball after the French back three forgot how to catch a McKenzie cross-kick. He crashed over for his first Test meat pie and gave the home crowd something to cheer about.
Then came the cherry on top – debutant hooker Brodie McAlister, fresh off the pine, latching onto a Jordie Barrett break and galloping over like a young Dane Coles to seal the deal. Not the prettiest match you’ll see, but a win’s a win, and the ABs finish 3-0 against a spirited but undercooked French touring side.
Three Things We Learned
- Kiwi depth still delivers – just!– Ten changes and still got the job done. That’s the All Blacks for you. Even when clunky and out of sync, the talent pool runs deep. Debutants like Kirifi and McAlister stepped up when it mattered.
- France brought the mongrel – Despite leaving the big names at home, the French pack brought physicality in spades. Le Garrec was brilliant, and they rattled the All Blacks for big chunks of this series. The future’s bright for Les Bleus.
- Discipline is still a worry for Kiwis and Frogs!– Both teams left points out there with poor decision-making and missed opportunities. The third quarter was a pillow fight when it could’ve been a shootout. Come World Cup time, that’ll bite.
Final Word: Credit where it’s due – the All Blacks were tested, and France didn’t roll over despite the jet lag and B-side status. But in the end, the Kiwis remain the only ones dancing at the afterparty, clean sweep in hand. Santé, lads. But one has to be worried about the depth that the Froggies are building 3 years out from the next World Cup!
Scotland 41 defeated Samoa 12
Scots Pack a Punch to Flatten Faltering Samoa in Auckland – Scotland wrapped up their Pacific Island jaunt with a commanding 41-12 win over Samoa at Eden Park—yes, that’s Eden Park. But don’t let the sacred turf fool you; this one was more Highland fling than Samoan siva.
Now, before we get too deep into the thistles and coconuts, let’s be fair: this wasn’t a full-strength Samoan side. Six debutants, and a grand total of zero international hit-outs since last September, meant they were always gonna be underdone. And Scotland? Well, they may’ve had a bunch of their best sipping flat whites with the BILs in Oz, but they still brought enough firepower to turn the screws early and never let go.
The first half? All blue and white. Scotland ran in four meat pies before the halftime oranges, with wee Jamie Dobie at scrumhalf proving slipperier than a politician on budget day. His deft kicks and slick distribution carved up the Samoan defence like a Saturday night spit roast. Tries to Ashman, Hutchinson, Reed, and Steyn had the Scots dancing their own haka en route to a 22-zip lead.
Second stanza? More of the same. Gilchrist barged over early, and even though the Scots got a bit too casual and let big Benjamin Petaia Nee-Nee intercept one and stroll in, they never looked like coughing it up. Rowe’s acrobatic finish was a highlight, and while Samoa found a little spark through Paia’aua, it was too little, too late. Turner’s late try from yet another dominant maul put the icing on the haggis.
For the record, that’s seven tries to two, and a nice wee send-off after knocking off the Maori ABs and falling to Fiji in Suva last week. Job done for the kilty ones.
Three Things We Learned
- Jamie Dobie might just be the next big thing – With some of the regulars away Lion-taming, Dobie grabbed the 9 jersey and said, “Mine now.” His kicking, vision, and tempo controlled the first half, and he had a hand (or a boot) in almost every early try. One to watch.
- Samoa needs time and cohesion, not just passion – Plenty of heart and a packed Eden Park backing them, but rust and inexperience cost them dearly. Six debutants and a year without a Test match will do that to you. The bones are there, but they need more minutes together, fast.
- Scotland’s depth is quietly impressive – Even with nine blokes touring with the Lions, Scotland didn’t just fill the gaps—they played sharp, controlled rugby with real flair and forward dominance. Gregor Townsend’s got a serious player pool brewing up north, and the Scots might be a handful come Autumn.
British and Irish Lions 27 defeated the Wallabies 19
If you haven’t already done so, please read the GAGR game review located here.
I have had a bit of time to dwell on the game, and a second screening that wasn’t fuelled by the metric shit loads of the amber ale that I had consumed prior. So, on second thought, the game to me, isn’t as bad as I initially thought.
Brisney’s Mad Ramblings in no Particular Order
- This is only our second test together in the last god knows how long. We have some cohesiveness issues to work through (especially in our backs), but inserting a couple of specific players I think will fix this.
- Our lineout, which we thought was going to be one of our strong points, actually sucked ass. Like, really struggled.
- Our scrum held solid. Even when the front row changed over, we held ground, which if you had said to me before the BIL arrived and had played any of their warm up games I would have taken that straight away.
- Our playmaking axis isn’t working. Although I thought Lynagh had a reasonable game, all things considered. But Commissioner Gordon, as I predicted before the game, sucked! Tate to start for me, paired with his regular 10.
- Our centres are just not working properly either. Icky sticky is a 13, and JAS ain’t no 12. So, some changes need to be made there.
- Here are the changes Bris would make to the squad:
- Angus Bell
- The Fez
- 7As,
- LSL,
- Skelton,
- Dirty Harry,
- Fraser McFraz,
- Big Bobby V,
- Tate McD,
- Noddy Jnr
- Jorgo
- Hunter Paisami
- Icky Sticky
- JAS,
- Tom ‘John Denver’Wright
- Bench
- Porecki, Jimmy Slips, Tupou, Williams, Hooper, Tizzano, White, JOC 3.0
New Referump for the next game, so it is unlikely that the breakdown would be the total shit show that it was on Saturday night. Also, I think some of those potential card issues may get a closer review in the next game as well. BO’K had a bit of a ‘Barry Crocker’ in my opinion, but for the breakdown, it did go both ways.
Anyway, GAGRs, I would love to hear your thoughts on changes you would make. Over to you lot! Have at it!
