Hello.
Gene Gunston here.
Are you sick of golf? Of course you are! It’s a bloody stupid game! In case you haven’t noticed, the golf hole itself is ridiculously small. Especially compared to the massive acres of parkland you have to wander around to even find the little prick.
Well, rest easy because have we got the sport for you.
Rugby Golf!
All you have to do is tonk your ball over the rugby goalposts and that’s it. Hole finished. Par 5? Just tonk it over the posts and pencil in birdie or some shit. You’re getting the hang of it already! Fuck the green and the flag and the stupid little tinpot hole you can hardly even find. They can piss right off.
Let’s take a leisurely stroll around The Gunston Rugby Golf Links Course.
It is now available for bookings.
One round is $69,995.
Book now!
The 1st
The round starts now! Yes, as soon as you get out of your car. Start tonking!
The 2nd
What the hell is goign on here? Fuckit, just play through. Give yourself an albatross or something.
The 3rd
Pretty basic tonking action here. Straight through the uprights. Just like Mehrts.
The 4th
”WHAT’S THAT? SORRY, I CAN’T HEAR YOU.”
The 5th
Makeable par 5.
Unless you swing like a girl.
The 6th
Fairly simple 3-iron draw shot to make par here.
The 7th
What? “Where’s the fuckin goalposts” you say? Well, they’re about 200 metres behind that sheila standing by the hole. Start tonking!
The 8th
Piece of piss.
The 9th
Make sure you put your club right through the ball here. Might still be some time on the clock for a quick restart.
The 10th
Instant albatross.
The 11th
Back-to-back albatrosses. You are on fire!
The 12th
Come on, mum. Put your back into it.
Old people usually end up crying on this one.
The 13th
I recommend a lofted club on this one.
The 14th
Relive the magic and excitement of the waterlogged Eden Park test of 1975. Get tonking!
The 15th
Any goalposts will do. Definite birdie chance.
The 16th
Trickier than it looks
The 17th
Don’t worry. That little boat comes back like clockwork, once every week.
The 18th
The 18th, the showpiece of The Gunston Rugby Golf Links Course.
Be sure to stop off in the clubhouse after your round for a few beers and a yarn.
Don’t worry, this hole is perfectly safe. There’s no glass in the windows.