Springbok Splatter: Wallabies Pull Off an All-Timer at Ellis Park
G’day GAGR faithful, well bugger me sideways with a lineout call – if you’d told me the Wallabies would come back from 22-zip down at Ellis bloody Park to roll the reigning world champs, I’d have asked what you were smoking and could I have some (just asking for a friend). But here we are. Wallabies 38, Springboks 22. Let that sink in. I mean, sit back and really let that sink in!
This wasn’t just a win, this was the win. First time in South Africa in over a decade. First time at Ellis Park in 62 years. And they did it the hard way – or maybe the Wallaby way: start like a busted lawnmower, finish like a runaway freight train.
The Shaky Start – Eighteen minutes in, it looked uglier than a hungover front rower at Sunday brunch. Arendse opened the scoring, Libbok’s boot was purring, Kriel and Esterhuizen carved us up like a Christmas ham, and then Kolisi strolled over under the posts. 22-0. Game over, right? Yeah nah. Not today.
The Turnaround – Cue the fightback. Dylan Pietsch got the party started thanks to some lovely work from Len “The Loper” Ikitau and a vintage O’Connor flick. Then Angus Bell came on after oranges and immediately started throwing hands like he was in a pub brawl – silky hands, that is – setting up Wilson for his first. Suaalii then pulled off the sort of intercept that makes highlight reels for decades, galloping 60 metres to bring it within a penalty kick. Suddenly, the Boks looked rattled.
From there, it was all one-way traffic. Tom Wright carved them up to set Wilson’s second, young Max Jorgensen stepped Libbok so hard the bloke’s still looking for his ankles, and then Wright iced it with eight minutes to play after the Boks coughed it up. All the while, Fraser McReight was absolutely everywhere – pilfering like a seagull at a fish and chip shop. Deserved man of the match, no questions asked.
The Cost – Of course, it wasn’t all beer and skittles. Skipper Wilson hobbled off, and Pietsch looked worse for wear after colliding with Kolisi. But those bruises will feel a lot lighter on the flight home with that scoreboard glowing in the background. This win isn’t just a result – it’s a statement. The Wallabies aren’t back yet, but by god, they’ve reminded the rugby world they’re not dead and buried.
Three Things Learned
- Fraser McReight = Wallaby Glue – Every good comeback needs a heart-and-soul performance, and McReight delivered. His breakdown work turned the tide, plain and simple. He’s not just filling Hooper’s boots – he’s making everyone ask why Hooper was kept on so long.
- The O’Connor Renaissance is Real – That long ball to Jorgensen? That offload to Pietsch? That calm head when things were melting down? Vintage Quade-vibes, but it was JOC. If he stays fit, he’s the string-puller we’ve been crying out for.
- Belief Beats Brawn – Down 22-0, most sides crumble at Ellis Park. Instead, the Wallabies found something deep and dragged themselves back into it. That’s the sort of belief that can define a season.
Wallabies Player Ratings – Beer Edition 🍺
1. James Slipper – 7/10 – XXXX Gold
Reliable, steady, always there when you need one. Not flashy, but it does the job and keeps you upright.
2. Pollard – 6.5/10 – Coopers Mild Ale
Not the strongest drop on the shelf, but it goes down smooth and won’t let you down. Solid in the tight stuff, with a couple of tidy lineouts.
3. Taniela Tupou – 6.5/10 – Espresso Stout
Only on the park for a while, but left an impression. Big, bold, and left the Boks a bit jittery.
4. Will Skelton – 7.5/10 – Steinlager Jug
Big, heavy, and sometimes unwieldy, but when it hits you, you know. Monstered some collisions and reminded the Boks who’s boss.
5. Nick Frost – 6.5/10 – Carlton Draught
Gets the job done without the frills. A couple of lineout takes, a couple of big hits – nothing fancy, just honest graft.
6. Tom Hooper – 7/10 – Craft Pale Ale
Young, raw, and a bit zesty around the edges. Not every sip is perfect, but you can see the quality in there.
7. Fraser McReight – 9.5/10 – Guinness on Tap
Thick, rich, everywhere you look – and the longer the game went, the better he got. Absolute class, set the tone. Best on ground.
8. Harry Wilson – 8.5/10 – Double IPA
Strong, packs a punch, and leaves you wobbling after a couple. Two tries, huge carries, and only lost points for limping off.
9. Nick White – 8/10 – Caffereys
Smooth, creamy texture and balanced – pinpoint kicking.
10. James O’Connor – 8/10 – Penfolds Shiraz (served at the pub by mistake)
Wait, this is too classy for the menu? Yep. Silky offloads, classy long balls, and calm game management. Vintage JOC.
11. Dylan Pietsch – 7/10 – Canadian Club & Dry
Starts off smooth, ends up leaving you a bit battered after a big collision. Got the comeback rolling with his try.
12. Len Ikitau – 7.5/10 – Sapporo Can
Clean, crisp, no-nonsense. Set up Pietsch beautifully and defended like a warrior.
13. Joseph Suaalii – 8/10 – Tequila Shot
You don’t always know what you’re going to get, but when it lands, it’s electric. That intercept was the turning point.
14. Tom Wright – 8.5/10 – Bundy Rum
Bit reckless, bit wild, but bloody effective when unleashed. Linebreaks, tries, and a match-sealer. Chaos in a good way.
15. Max Jorgensen – 8/10 – Espresso Martini
Slick, sharp, and made the Boks look silly with that sidestep. Young gun playing like a seasoned pro.
Finishers:
Angus Bell – 8/10 – Reschs Pilsener – Old school, tasty, and highly underrated. Turned the match with power and silky hands.
The Rest – 6.5/10 – Mid-strength Tinny – Did their bit, nothing tragic, kept the ship steady while the stars did their thing.
Tate McDermott – 7.5/10 – Vodka Red Bull (in a plastic cup)
Zippy, cheeky, and sometimes a bit too quick for its good. But when it clicks, it sparks the whole team.
Anyway, there you go, GAGRs! Off to write the Monday news, which for once will be joyous and overflowing.
