Greetings one and greetings all and welcome to another Friday’s Rugby News. Wall to wall rugby this weekend, so off we go.
Today we kickoff with a letter to a Nordic pensioner with a thyroid problem in ‘Dear Santa’. Dive deep into Planet Joe with some insights from someone who knows what that looks like, with ‘Space Invaders’. Preview the Irish test match in ‘Tragedy?’ Then fill up the fridge and order the pizza for a cracking test match weekend with ‘Square Eyes’. Before farewelling the working week with another ‘Friday’s Goss’ with Hoss’ now calling for Dave Rennie’s immediate reinstatement. Bloody Italians.
Dear Santa.
This year, for a change, I have been good. Well, ok, maybe not ‘good’ per se, but perhaps ‘less bad’ than before. And after accidentally poisoning Rudolf last year, that’s a fair improvement (how did I know he would eat the carrots I had baited for the rabbits?). Besides, I certainly have not been arrested this year thus far. So small steps you might say. Besides, this is not a letter requesting gifts for myself, but rather a letter requesting gifts for others I know. So if it’s not too much to ask, could I please ask for Christmas:
- Harry Wilson: a set of legs that keep pumping in contact from even mild tackles. Either that or airbags built into the back of his shorts, to absorb the impact each time time he gets dumped on his arse.
- Full set of replacement parts for Will Skelton, so that he might eventually be able to play two games in a row for the Wallabies when something breaks.
- A book called ‘how to play smart, attacking rugby’ for our #10’s to read.
- a #10 who can read
- Two gifts for St Joe please: a compass, so he might be able to find the east & west sides of a rugby field. And some binoculars so he can see his reserves bench and understand he can use those reserves at any time.
- A cloning kit for Beaver McReight
- An eye test / seeing eye dog for Andrea Piardi
- A microphone for Goog, either always on mute, or with preset filters, that shuts down for the whole coverage, if it intercept weasel words like: ‘ecosystem’, ‘macro’, ‘stakeholders’, ‘linear’ or ‘this thing we call rugby’, or any reference to the 2001 FUKIRs tour.
- A gift voucher for entry to a Catholic Seminary for Hunter Paisami, for he too just won’t pass the pill, may as well make it a career.
- A platinum coated money clip for JAS, embossed: ‘a reminder: these wads must be earnt’
- Some Airbuds for Jake Gordon, so he can stream the excellent Nick Farr-Jones podcast series: ‘You know, you don’t always have to box kick’.
- A winning record % that starts with a ‘6’ and not a ‘3’
- Free return business class airfare to Oz for Sticky, Mongo Hooper, JOC, their families & dog.
- And finally for self-medication: a limitless & reusable gift card for all Wallabies fans to Uncle Dan’s.
Thanks Santa
Hoss.
Space Invaders.
I enjoyed listening to Jimmy Slips on B2P this week. The recently retired, 272 test veteran, could speak to current tactics, coaching and intriguingly, the attacking philosophies of on St Joe Schmidt (becoming dangerously close to being Patron Saint of Losing). And one little tidbit really piqued my interest. Slips said something like: the reason Joe likes to attack so narrowly, is to ‘preserve’ the attacking space out wide. But ‘preserve’ it for what exactly? Future generations? Posterity? An investment for a rainy day?
I understand that some defending teams will present the mirage of ‘width’ to entice attacking sides to venture wide chasing the fools gold, only to be pickpocketed and pay the price. But why exactly are we preserving width at the expense of fatiguing our forwards, while extracting so little physical toil from the opposition? Why do we think that this preserving space will yield results, especially given the forwards are on the opposite side of the field and fatigued from repeated, narrow assaults into the teeth of the opposition pack and unable to help secure the pill on said wide expansive plays anyway? Thus requiring those holding width to forfeit their width to begin with in order to secure the ball from turnover: thus negating the width they were preserving in the first place?
With 5 losses from their last 6 outings and a record of 4 wins from 13 tests this season (and remember two of those wins were with with tries on, or after the hooter), it’s fair to say this attacking philosophy is simply not working. Or perhaps, it’s not suited to the players we have. However you look at it, somethings broken and needs urgent replacing.
Of course, this season could also just be rope-a-dope. Perhaps Joe’s only brief for this season, BIL aside, may have been to get as many players as possible exposed to test footy. Build depth and a base for 2027 and maybe the results are secondary? I would hope not.
That aside, the Wallabies desperately need an attacking reset, they simply must use width when the opportunity presents. Stop playing pre-programmed, ‘rugby by numbers’ and play some heads-up freestyle rugby instead. Be daring. Be bold, be brave and be space invaders, not space preservers.
Tragedy?
Andy v Joe: Round IV. ‘The Piardi Payback’. Aviva Stadium Dublin. Sunday 16th November. 6.00am AEDT on STAN
Wallabies. When the feelings gone and they can’t go on. It’s Wallabies. When they’re bombing tries and you don’t know why. It’s Wallabies.
Wallabies. When they lose control and there got no goals. It’s Wallabies. When they make you cry & you don’t know why, it’s Wallabies. It’s hard to bare, when the team that you love, are just going nowhere.
It’s a little known fact, but when this song was first released it was called ‘Wallabies’ and only changed to ‘Tragedy’ because the Seppos thought it ‘Wall-a-byes” and a song about open-plan living.
So to this weeks test and does yet another tragedy await our side and by association, traumatised Wallaby fans? Or will somebody, heck anybody, finally say ‘enough’ and put a smile back on the dial for a week, before we then get smashed by the French?
Reports circling late Thursday night AEDT suggest JOC will start at #10 and the run on side will also include Stick & Mad Max Jorgo in it’s ranks. There are also suggestions of ‘tweaks’ to the starting pack. Presumably in search of greater thrust in attack, as well as more starch in D. Professor Iain Payten has some interesting stats in the SMH pertaining to the effect Sticky has on gain line advantage. This alone highlights just how much better the Wallabies are just with Lenny in the side.
I will add more to this article Friday morning AEDT, after the sides are announced in the wee hours.
Ireland: TBA
Wallabies: TBA
Fearless Prediction:
Match Officials: Referee: Karl Dickson (RFU) Assistant Referee 1: Pierre Brousset (FFR) Assistant Referee 2: Adam Leal (RFU) TMO: Ian Tempest (RFU) FPRO: Dan Jones (RFU)
Square Eyes.
Too much rugby? No such thing. All times are AEDT:
Italy v Next World Champions: Saturday 15th Nov 11.30pm on STAN.
Fearless prediction: Boks by 25
Butcher Boys v ANZAC Bro’s: Sunday 16th November, 1:30am on STAN.
All Blacks: Will Jordan, Leroy Carter, Billy Proctor, Quinn Tupaea, Leicester Fainga’anuku, Beauden Barrett, Cameron Roigard, Peter Lakai, Ardie Savea, Simon Parker, Fabian Holland, Scott Barrett (captain), Fletcher Newell, Codie Taylor, Ethan de Groot. Reserves: Samisoni Taukei’aho, Tamaiti Williams, Pasilio Tosi, Josh Lord, Wallace Sititi, Cortez Ratima, Anton Lienert-Brown, Damian McKenzie.
England: Freddie Steward, Tom Roebuck, Ollie Lawrence, Fraser Dingwall, Immanuel Feyi-Waboso, George Ford, Alex Mitchell, Ben Earl, Sam Underhill, Guy Pepper, Alex Coles, Maro Itoje (captain), Joe Heyes, Jamie George, Fin Baxter. Reserves: Luke Cowan-Dickie, Ellis Genge, Will Stuart, Chandler Cunningham-South, Tom Curry, Henry Pollock, Ben Spencer, Marcus Smith.
Fearless Prediction:Cheer for the Poms? I’d rather scrape my face off with a desert spoon. Bros by 12 and the Grand Slam is all but assured with only Wales left to beat up. Besides, the Poms haven’t dusted the AB’s since the RWC of 2019 and they won’t in this one. But beware Cuz, everyone’s favourite Italian referee has the conch, so anything could happen. Yikes.
Wales v Japan. Sunday 16th November 4.30am on STAN.
Fearless Prediction: I love this fixture every year for the irony of the idea of Whales sticking it to the Japs. But this is the Welsh Rugby side we’re talking here and Dr Evil surely has one upset victory in him this season don’t he? UN of Japan by 2.
France v Fiji. Sunday 16th November on STAN.
Fearless Prediction: Les Bleus may have fluffed their lines last week, but they are the real deal.
Fearless Prediction: Frogs by 37
Haggis Lovers v Los Pumas: Starts: Monday 17th November 2.00 on STAN.
Fearless Prediction: Can’t help believing that the Scots may have climbed their Everest and faltered just shy of the summit last week and might be a wee bit ripe for the picking. Los Pumas by 16.
Friday’s Goss’ with Hoss.
Who are you & where’s Natho?
This excellent read about the Wallabies top #6 permutations is from rugby.com.au and someone purporting to be Von Wilhemsboy? The quality and insight would suggest otherwise. Although someone on here last week wrote a magnificent article about how the rankings really don’t matter to our lot as they are in Pool A rip, shit or bust and if they make it out will play a second place side from another pool anyhow.
How low can you go?
We told you so. Many on G&GR had wondered just when JAS’s gaol ball tackling technique would cost his side a cheese or vino and to be fair he dodged a bullet or two in the SRP season. He finally got pinged against the Ities for a lazy and very high shot. Let’s hope that’s the message he needs to get lower.
Australian Grandparents?
Want to see an ‘impact’ from your bench? You gotta watch D-Macs impact on the match against the Haggis XV. Late in the game, he peels off a match defining 50-22. An attacking lineout sees the ball go completely to the other side of the ground (Joe – watch the replay). D-Mac has two to beat, steps inside, gets creamed and somehow spins around, whilst twisting the ball behind his back and over the line to score the try. This puts them in front with just a handful of minutes left on the clock. Then for shits and giggles he slots a 50m penalty (on the angle) with 90 seconds left to seal the deal. Take a bow D-Mac. Outstanding.
Throw ’em a (Wallaby) bone
What odds the Wallabies have let a few games go, just to make the NH feel better? After all, so far on tour the TRC sides are five from eight. Total Southern Hemisphere domination would just be soooooo boring. Best wait till RWC’s for that to happen anyway.
Until next week.
Hoss – out.
