Hello shaggers & welcome to a bursting Friday’s Rugby News.
Plenty happening around the Rugby cosmos, so without further adieu: Today we kickoff with ‘Now that’s interesting’. Head over west to discuss ‘Team Newes’. Farewell a rugby treasure in ‘Test 164: The Ballad of Big Sexy’. Also say goodbye to a quiet achiever in ‘Goodbye Mike Cron’. Drop in for a warm beer and a cold curry at ‘A galaxy far, far way’. Give free advice to RA via ‘Welcome to snore-fest’ . Make room for silverware at Daceyville with ‘Tahs trophy time’. Before putting the cue in the rack on a stonking rugby week with ‘Friday’s Goss’ with Hoss’ – categorically denying rumours I am behind Keith & Nicole’s break-up. Although he does have very soft hands.
Now that’s interesting!
Coincidence or just a beautifully timed announcement from WR?
Two rather large news releases this week from opposing camps. Perhaps with both parties looking to launch salvos at the other. But in effect, one party has knocked the other out, even before a ball has been kicked. Confused yet (well it is Friday).
In a breaking article on Goebbel’s Gazette (rugby.com.au) yesterday afternoon, propaganda practitioner and self-proclaimed ‘Staff Member of the Century’, Nathan Von Wilhemsboy, ran a story trumpeting a new decree from WR, surrounding ‘player load management’. This gist of which will be too:
- Save WR from future law suits
- Ensure player welfare
- And to save WR from future law suits.
The main points being:
- It covers ‘elite level ‘men’s & women’s games around the world’. I would need to check if that includes players from The Force. On first reading, perhaps not?
- Players will be ‘limited to 30 full games a season’ (unsure if ‘full games’ means actual full 80 minute outings, any participation in the match (off the bench) or simply just being in the match day XXIII? Hey, Van Wilhelmsboy – do your job and let me know, so I can post it before you do!)
- Players will be: ‘entitled to rest times after international selection and at least a five-week off-season’.
IRPA Chief of Rugby Operations, Conrad Smith, who entered the presser from the side, said: ‘The most material impact we can have on player injury rates is through management of player load, specifically through managing match numbers and contact training.”
For the record, I think this could be a tipping point for the explosion in our game. I think it’s a smart. sensible and commercially astute decision. But man-o-man, the knock-on effect across all existing and proposed competitions across the globe are E-N-O-R-M-O-U-S. Maybe none more so for the precocious newcomer: R360
Rather than run through the multitude of permutations, consider a few of these possible scenarios:
- Is the player value, or commercial appeal of a R360 now considerably diminished in other markets? If, as suggested by RA, any Aussie in R360 is ineligible for Wallaby/ Wallaroos selection, does that players commercial value also drop on the SRP / OS market?
- You think about it: if there are 6-8 R360 ‘caps’ counted towards the ’30 match limit’, that leaves 20-odd matches available (as a maximum) for potential club suitors.
- Rinse and repat that comment for the high volume English, French & Japanese leagues where players have more matches than an arsonist planning a bender.
- Or in the law of unintended consequences, does the new load management law make R360 even more attractive, and breed a new generation of ‘rugby mercenary’? Maybe making them devoid of any allegiance to ‘higher honours’. You know, like representing their country. If they can make millions in the R360. Tap out at 30 matches per annum, travel the world and retire a zillionaire at 32?
Call it what you will, but the next six months with R360 in the pipe, the Nations Cup coming online, a truncated TRC in 2026 and curveballs we haven’t spotted yet, the next 12 months is gonna be a wild ride. Now that’s interesting!
Team Newes.
Wallabies v New Zealand at 5:45pm AWST (7.00pm AEST) on Saturday October 4 at Optus Stadium, Perth
The Perth economy is in tatters. Scaffolding and garbage collection services are non-existent. And local butchers report an increase in legs of lamb arriving with ‘hickey’s’ on them. In fact when asked how they ‘wanted their lamb served’, Perth restaurant patrons largely reply: ‘unmolested’. The Kiwis are in town folks, and their fans are rather excited.
Fresh from an undeserved win in Bledisloe I (courtesy of a bias ref and his incompetent TMO), the Nearlies are back in the saddle for Game II and with more than a few changes to their XXIII from last week:
- Tyrell Lomax (feeding Jonkers dogs for him while Marius is away)
- Caleb Clarke (dehydrated from all the crying in Auckland. His dad wasn’t that bad?)
- Beauden Barrett (outstanding warrants in Adelaide)
- Ethan de Groot (carrying Piardi’s bags around London for him)
But the news isn’t all bad for those nearly in All Black. Skipper ‘Split Enz’ Barrett returns to the starting side, with local bookies 5:4 on that he’ll see red, he’ll see red, he’ll see red. Peter ‘Noodles’ Lakai gets a start in the #8 jersey. The Joker gets a start at #10. Dr Quinn: Medicine Woman starts at #13: Tamati ‘Showbags’ Williams and oddly named Kiwi, ‘Fletcher Newell’ get a start in the front row. The bench also gets a do-over with Wallace ‘& Grommet’ Sotiti given the role of finisher. While George Bower, Pasilio Tosi and KARL’s mate are all returning to the XXIII.
As for those dudded by match officials last week, there are some big ‘ins’ (literally) for this week. Plus-sized dudes Big Willy (starting) & Sideshow Bob (bench) are back in the matchday XXIII, as too Australia’s premier #9, Commissioner Gordon. Gordon will start alongside former Tahs team mate The Pavlova. Pav gets a start after JOC3.0, even with a water diviner, a map, a global satellite positioning device or an Indigenous tracker at his disposal, couldn’t find the sideline with his kicking last week. The other change to the starting side is the deserved promotion of Daugunu over Tool. Daggers was in outstanding form before his injury earlier this year and last week he picked up where he left of. Lethal with the ball and a bit of space and an outstanding defender as well. Contrast that to Keanu, who missed four tackles cold, fluffed the high ball and generally had a bit of a Barry Crocker. Although The Wizard did miss five tackles as well, which was pretty poor when he only attempted three tackles in total.
The bench sees the return of Houston, Dr Throbba and McFlook to its ranks, with The Abattoir swapping with 7A’s (who will start the match). The big omissions are Angus Bell & LSL missing the XXIII. Bell maybe just having a freshen up before the NH tour (given Slips has called time, one could reasonable expect Bell to play big minutes). But LSL was terrific last week, although I acknowledge you start Skelton for sure (we are yet to lose a half of football when he has been on the field in 2025) and likewise LSL is likely to get some enhanced game time up north.
With the ghosts of last week behind them and Piardi in London, the return of Skelton, Valetini & Gordon: a packed out Optus Stadium: a disrupted Kiwi side who are just not that good anyway and second place in the RC to play for, will our side rise to the occasion?
Fearless Prediction: Sure as spit they will. Wallabies by 17. Yep: 17.
Australia (15-1): Max Jorgensen; Harry Potter, Joseph-Aukuso Suaalii, Len Ikitau, Filipo Daugunu; Tane Edmed, Jake Gordon; Harry Wilson (capt), Fraser McReight, Tom Hooper; Will Skelton, Nick Frost; Allan Alaalatoa, Billy Pollard, James Slipper.
Replacements: Josh Nasser, Tom Robertson, Taniela Tupou, Jeremy Williams, Rob Valetini, Ryan Lonergan, James O’Connor, Josh Flook
New Zealand (15-1): Will Jordan; Leroy Carter, Quinn Tupaea, Jordie Barrett, Leicester Fainga’anuku, Damian McKenzie, Cam Roigard; Peter Lakai, Ardie Savea, Simon Parker; Tupou Vaa’i, Scott Barrett (capt); Fletcher Newell, Codie Taylor, Tamaiti Williams
Replacements: Samisoni Taukei’aho, George Bower, Pasilo Tosi, Patrick Tuipulotu, Wallace Sititi, Cortez Ratima, Rieko Ioane, Ruben Love
Referee: Matthew Carley (England) Assistant Referee 1: Karl Dickson (England) Assistant Referee 2: Morné Ferreira (South Africa) TMO: Andrew Jackson (England) FPRO: Marius Jonker (South Africa)
Test 164: The Ballad of Big Sexy.
Now I’ve got older, losing my hair:
Many years of toil.
Will you still be picking me on the pine?
Bledisloe battles? I’ll be just fine.
If I’d been out with a bung left knee,
Could you expect much more?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me:
For test 1-6-4?
Whitey will be older too
The belligerent turd, probably on retirement #22
I could be handy in the loose.
When The Bull is gone.
I promise I won’t bludge on the blind side.
Sunday recovery? I’ll just go hide.
Doing some training, mentoring kids:
Who could ask for more?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me:
For test 1-6-4?
Every summer, I’ll stay off the custard, only eat real light:
And stay off the beer
I will train & behave.
God damn bung left knee:
But it saw off Eddie, Cheik & Dave.
Bugger the postcards, I’ll be just fine, I should be there too.
I saw the Scottish pack blew you away
Wouldn’t have happened with me up that way.
Tell Joe I’m the answer to fix up the form:
Stiffen the scrum for sure.
You sure do still need me, you can still feed me:
For test 1-6-4! Woo.
(With apologies to John, Paul, George and the drummer guy)
Goodbye Mike Cron.
The Wallabies not only farewell Big Sexy this week, but we also lose our ‘Scrum Doctor’, Mike Cron, (rumoured to be the oldest living Kiwi on record). Whilst St Joe may be our favourite Kiwi since Rusty, Split Enz, Dragon, Phar Lap, Rens, or Dingo, the deeds of Dr Cron have been laid bare for all to witness. Our scrum is no longer shakier than a Liberal leader in opposition, instead its bloody rock solid and, cough-cough, a weapon. Evidenced by the fact that in the TRC this year, the Wallabies have not lost a scrum.
Immensely regarded by all who have been guided by him, Dr Cron will catch a slow boat back to the Poxy Isles after Bledisloe II. Cron’s position will be taken by former Tah (and some other club) John Ulugia, who will be known as ‘the scrum intern’ until he formally graduates.
Everything I’ve read about Mike reflects his humility, humour and his ability to convey technical aspects of scrum play in a simple and uncomplicated manner to slow thinking, dim-witted props. I’ve said before, at scrum time, the view from #8 is like looking backwards through evolution.
Cron has made a quantum difference to our pack and leaves our team and our code in better health than he found it. From all on G&GR, thank you for your legacy and commitment to Australian rugby Mike. I hope you’re proud when we march the Kiwi scrum back 15 metres this Saturday in salute to you.
A galaxy far, far away.
Argentina v South Africa: Saturday 04th October, 10.47pm AEST. Twickenham London on STAN
So Argentina are at ‘home’ in London for this one (just how badly did they lose the Falkland Island’s war again?) to face a rampaging and white-hot Springbok side. Sasha Borat Jarlsberg-Montezuma (couldn’t be bothered looking it up every time I want to spell it) was beyond outstanding last week. In fact he was decidedly Dan Carter-esque and put on the most sublime #10 performance I have seen by a #10 since a young Dan Carter beat the Lions 3-0 by himself 40 years ago.
The breadth of his vision, his speed, the mm perfect execution of each pass and that cross field kick to Cheslin Kolbe. I am equally excited (when he plays others) and terrified (when he plays us) for the future of this young man. It was quiet simply beautiful to watch.
The Argies? It won’t really matter. You don’t concede 67 points one week, concede home ground advantage the next, to the same opponent and expect to win.
Fearless Prediction: Borat’s bunch by 25.
Welcome to snore-fest.
Before this bit, I’d like to pay my respects to the owners of the land I bring this Friday’s Rugby News from: the Macquarie Bank Farms & Commercial Lending Division. I pay respects to those seniors and cadets in the credit assessment and settlements sections, and hope my recent application for new John Deere machinery and a substantial new hay shed, is looked on favourably.
Which leads me to ‘Welcome to Country’ (WTC) before each home test. Now before you start hand wringing, I am not against the principle or concept of the WTC, but instead I am peeved about the delivery of it by a repeat orator.
Like you, I’ve witnessed some fantastic, engaging, lively, uplifting and passionate WTC ceremony’s and it stirs the soul, fills me with national pride and makes me personally feel deeply Australian. And then there’s Lloyd Walkers’ welcome to country.
I get the obvious symmetry of his First Nations heritage and Wallaby career making him a prime candidate to occasionally present a WTC. But when he is constantly trotted out: when it is constantly monotone: constantly drawn out and constantly a buzz-kill, can we maybe tap into another source for a rousing, spirited and uplifting WTC instead? I mean to hear Lloyd Walker delivering repeated WTC is akin to listening to the Haka being performed on the flute. It takes the wind from the sails of the crowd, sucks the fire out of the spectacle, and drains the entertainment value out of the gladiatorial theatre of rugby and frankly, it really kinda sucks. Its the broadcasting equivalent of taking Xanax, when Viagra’s been prescribed.
I go back to the anthem sung in the Eora dialect by Olivia Cox at the Wallabies v Argentina test in Sydney 2020. And how it lifted up all who witnessed it that night. I understand their are many, many different dialects of our First Nations people, but here was a world first. Or some of the inspiring WTC by those who engage with the crowd so it becomes both entertaining and educational at the same time. It unites us, it keeps the crowd humming, but serves as a reminder of times that came before us and invites us to share in a common bond as we move forward.
So please RA, can you put some thought into who you appoint for the next WTC and not just trot out old favourites or revert to the ‘devil you know’ and avoid the snore-fest?
Tahs trophy time.
Force losing to Tahs: Sunday 05th October. Kingsway Regional Sporting Complex. 1pm WST (4pm AEST) on STAN.
It’s all happening over West this weekend, Bledisloe II, cultural desecration by miners and the final of Super Rugby AUS between the table topping Western Farce & and those on the side of goodliness, the Tahs.
The two sides met in round one of the competition and details of the match have been lost in the echoes of time. However, last round the Force got hammered by the Reds, who themselves got hammered by the Tahs the week earlier. The Brumbies apparently also participated in the event, but when challenged Bernie Larkham replied: ‘I didn’t even know it was on. How’d we do?’
All that aside, and as an omen for SRP 2026, it’s Tahs by 65 in this one.
Friday’s Goss’ with Hoss
Australian Rugby Shield
You can catch all the results and match info of the Buildcorp Australian Rugby Shield at rugby.com.au
Le Strike
Trust the French. planet.rugby.com reports players at Pro D2 club Grenoble threatening o strike over the suspension issued to head coach Nicolaus Nadau for his alleged comments and treatment of support staff.
Hoss Butz
Not only a favourite amongst prisoners, but also a review a Bledisloe II by the sane and insane. You can choose who is who after the review. Check back in here tomorrow night and see what’s-what.
‘Hawaiian’ coming up.
Will Jordan is the latest player to reach an Hawaiian ‘5-0’ when he runs out in Bled II for test cap 50. I love watching him play: the way he just seems to glide over the turf is pretty special. Let’s hope he has a minor hamstring tear early, leaves the field, but makes a full recovery at full time. Congrats Mr Jordan.
A Jamie Joseph shaped shadow.
Maybe Razor might be getting a taste of his own ‘squeezing’ on former coach Ian Fozzie Foster? Jamie Joseph has just been contracted for 2 years to coach the AB XV team, thus tying hum to NZR for a while. You know: just in case.
Taking Shape.
It’s official, the 2027 RWC will kick off with the first game in Perth on October 1. In closer news, December 3rd this year has been confirmed for when the draw for the pool stages for all 24 teams will take place. Just a reminder: it’s top 6 by November 30th for our lot or bust! stuff.co.nz has a breakdown of how the 2027 format will work
Yeah-nah
A Kiwi to ref a Bledisloe? According to the SMH, Phil Waugh says he is open to the idea (and I saw the interview on TV where Mr Waugh said same). This is old news aint it? Wasn’t Nigel Owen a Kiwi? Could have fooled me.
Inside Line.
If you can, you should watch STANS excellent Inside Line this week. They had an hour long interview with RA CEO Phil Waugh and it’s abundantly clear: the grown ups are in charge of rugby in Oz again. Calm, composed and with clearly communicated long term plans, our code is in good shape peoples.
Last round fantasy.
Glory awaits. Only 190 points between 1st & 6th place.
See you back here for Bledisloe II review tomorrow night.
Go the Wallabies.
Hoss – out.
