Well howdy there rugby lovers and welcome to another bursting Friday’s Rugby News. This week we keep a lid on the excitement and emotion of last week’s stunning success and kick off with ‘Grand Slam Here We Come!’. Look nervously into the Wallaby rear view mirror in ‘The Good. The Bad. The Wallabies?’ Drop in at RA HQ for ‘Show me the money!‘ Finally celebrate some good rugby news out of Mexico via ‘History Rolls On’, before hiring Elon Musk as head of culture, ethical and editorial standards for this week’s ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss’, now only available to those 16 and over.
Grand Slam Here We Come!
Wales v another team who’ll beat them. Principality Stadium. Monday, 18 November 3:10am AEDT.
The case for another Wallaby win.
Sure there’s technically a game to play this weekend, but a rugby ‘gimme’ is still a rugby ‘gimme’. Besides, as Japanese scientists always say, ‘righten up, it is ownry Whales, it doesn’t rearry matter’.
The all conquering, 100% win rate, 2024 northern tour Wallabies head to the principality this week for what’s been dubbed by some on here as the Warren Gatland Testimonial Farewell Match, or also known as the test against Wales.
And yes, one swallow doth not a summer make, but it is a hell of a first date though. And so it was the case at Twickers last Sunday, an awesome first up grand slam date. There was the ‘getting to know you’ phase of the first half. The awkward ‘will we, or won’t we’ dance of the 50-78 minute mark. Before you throw your clothes out the window, heat up the custard, crank up the Barry White, whack on the Ol’ Spice and douse yourself with the 5 litre baby oil value pack before running 25 metres, waving to onlookers on your way and performing a swan dive, sliding towards a sumptuous symphony of ecstasy and glory, just 84 minutes after it all began.
I need a cigarette.
The Wallabies looked fit, fast and functioning and a far cry from the fumble fingers of the Rugby Championship. The short pass interplay among our outstanding forwards finally stuck. Our fairies finally kept depth and held width to take advantage of the hard yards won up the guts by those in small numbers. The kicks had purpose. The kick chases had vigour and urgency. The bench had impetus and grunt. 7As remembered he could scrum. Slip shoved it sideways up perennial Oz scrum nemesis Cole. Lukhan knocked out a Poms tooth by not even looking at him, that’s the kinda day out the Wallabies had. It was riveting. It was salacious. It was spell binding. It was bee-oo-tee-full.
So to this week. Injuries dictate a number of changes. Dirty Harry will miss this match due to concussion stand down protocols and Dylan Pietsch has been sent home for putting up less resistance than Kamala Harris in Pennsylvania when he received a gentle love tap chasing through, in what suspiciously looked like a dive, for a kick chase. Perhaps the rugby gods decided to punish the Wallabies Greg Louganis and reward him with a calf injury later. At time of posting Wallaby XXIII is unknown, with most interest around will the excellent Jeremy Williams start at #6 and will 4N20 be named skipper?
Whatever happens with Wallaby selections, the simple truth is Wales are buggered. Ex players are scathing of the coach, who was their coach during the recent past. A team that’s lost 10 in a row. A media baying for blood. Team injuries, a broke union, a despondent fan base and the dawning and brutal reality that many of them still live in Wales means this game is simply a bridge too far.
Fearless Prediction: Australia by 17 and Wazza G checking the position vacant ads Monday.
WALES (15-1): Cameron Winnett; Tom Rogers, Max Llewellyn, Ben Thomas, Blair Murray; Gareth Anscombe, Ellis Bevan; Aaron Wainwright, Jac Morgan, James Botham; Adam Beard, Will Rowlands; Archie Griffin, Dewi Lake (capt), Gareth Thomas
Replacements: Ryan Elias, Nicky Smith, Keiron Assiratti, Christ Tshiunza, Tommy Reffell, Rhodri Williams, Sam Costelow, Eddie James
Wallabies: Not available at time of print.
Match Officials: Referee: James Doleman (NZR) ARs: Karl Dickson (Eng) & Angus Mabey (NZR)
TMO: Marius van der Westhuizen (SA)
The Good. The Bad. The Wallabies?
The case for another Wallaby wobble.
Is it just me, or is anyone else a tad nervous about our prospects in a match we really should win and win well? Some interesting reading from the SMH’s journo with more ‘Is’ than a coalition caucus room during a leadership spill, Iain Payten, reporting, ‘During the past 10 years, the Wallabies have only won two (or more) consecutive Tests on nine occasions. On a further 19 occasions, the Wallabies recorded just a single win before losing the following Test match.’
And he has a fair point. It was just on 70 days ago (cough) that our team having beaten the FISMs a week earlier then conceded near 70 points against them in a record loss. So there is form, of the negative kind, in this team. Indeed, last test hero Len Flikatau conceded it has been his experience with this side, since his debut in 21, that one week the team are roosters, yet the next are feather dusters.
Will the (likely) addition of Skelton and Kerevi add leadership, calm and experience against the lowly Welsh lot? Will St Joe & co be able to refocus and re-energise the side for this week’s bout? Will the good, the bad or the Wallaby stand up this week?
Show me the money!
Oz rugby in a financial crisis, what financial crisis? In a week where the grey clouds of misery parted over the code and Wallaby fans alike, more sunshine is streaming through on those at Moore Park with news in Thursday’s SMH by Jonathan Drennan about The Rugby Future Fund.
The future fund itself isn’t new news, but the fact it has already raised $12m in investments is not unsubstantial. The future fund will return 1% pa of gross assets to the Australian Rugby Foundation. Not only that, but investors will be able to choose which part of the game to support: women’s, Green & Gold Rugby, community, Green & Gold Rugby, high performance, or Green & Gold Rugby. Now admittedly, 1% on $12m woouldn’t fund Caitlyn Jenner’s lunch money for a week, but it’s a start.
Is it any wonder, then, that gaol ball exponents are starting to get a wee bit fidgety? Calling Channel 9 and demanding answers regarding the volume of rugby union coverage while others slag off hypothetical union raids on NRL stocks for the 27 World Cup. Or might it just be they’re waking up to the fact that ‘5 tackle kick’ is in fact one of the dullest sports on the planet. Perhaps too, that their code has reached market saturation in Auckland, Brookvale, Campbelltown and the global sporting and financial metropolis that is Papua New Guinea while it works its way down the sporting alphabet looking for some sort of intelligence. Perhaps it’s more likely the sound of the sleeping giant that is rugby union in Oz is finally stirring from its self-induced coma that has loig types a tad anxious.
(For those in loig ‘coma’ is pronounced ‘co’ (as in ‘coke’) and ‘ma’ as in that women who raised your best bro, but who you’re now shagging behind his back. As opposed to ‘com-ma’. A comma is something you see that appears just after the word ‘defendant’ and immediately before your surname. Don’t worry, that person in the suit sitting next to you will explain everything to you, again, when the wig wearing dude in the raised seating eventually stops speaking.)
A one game winning streak is enough to have NRL types flushing their white substance down the dunny, sitting up, paying attention and a tad nervous. Wow, insecure much?
History Rolls On.
In a world first there’s actually an inspiring rugby story out of Melbourne during the week. Melbourne local (nobody’s perfect) and wheelchair rugby ace, Shae Graham, has been named as captain for the upcoming four match development tour of Japan. Graham will skipper our gen-next of wheelchair rugby athletes in Tokyo for the Shibuya Cup.
The Rugby Victoria release says, ‘Shae’s path to wheelchair rugby started in an unexpected place—on the other side of the screen. After a car accident at 18 left her with a spinal cord injury, she watched Murderball, the iconic wheelchair rugby documentary, and, at first, thought the sport looked chaotic. But in 2013, she was encouraged to try it by her brother. The moment she took her first roll in a rugby chair, she was captivated by the sport’s intensity, speed, and strategy.‘
The release also went on to say that a consortium planned to relocate Victorian wheel chair rugby to Far Kew Netball Grounds with a capacity for 18 people to attend, that’s if they can stomach the 14 train changes, 2 bus rides and a 7.38km uphill walk, including outrunning or out rolling, rabid Rotties as they dare ‘tweaker alley’, to attend said home games. The consortium would only do this if RA agreed to fund the $165m expansion, absolve the consortium of all current & future debts, in perpetuity, including, but not limited to any accidental trading while insolvent issues and also throw in a 12 month subscription to STAN, so they could watch Yellowstone.
Congratulations to Shae Graham from all at G&GR. Great to see the building of depth and the leadership group for our national wheelchair rugby athletes. All the best to the team in the land of the rising sun. Go well.
Friday’s Goss with Hoss.
Sauce with your crow?
Interesting times. The noise up north about how shite our team are has dimmed to a faint whisper. It seems playing the imperious Bokke and growing Darkness on a regular basis may not be as easy as it seems from a distance after all.
The Soap Dodgers are 0 & 3 against the ABs this year, The Oirish 0 & 2 against the same team over the last 12 months. Ipso facto, we are currently as good as Oirland and the Slam is ours. And you can moan and whine about close results and all that shite (you should have a French ref in charge first), but the fact is, rankings and potential and all that stuff means nothing when you face the two greatest rugby nations of all time and on a regular basis at that.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the Six Nations is a merit award for those northern teams who can’t beat the south when it really matters. Turns out to be not so easy, huh?
Would you like sauce with that crow?
Southern Slam Continues
Teams not available at time of publication:
Ireland v Argentina Saturday, 16 November 7.00am AEDT
Scotland v Portugal Sunday, 17 November 2.00am AEDT
England v South Africa Sunday, 17 November 4.30am AEDT
France v New Zealand Sunday, 17 November 7.00am AEDT
‘Carpet’ record.
Never seen this guy pack a legal scrum, not ever. In fact he spends more time on the deck than my 1970s shag pile in the grotto at the Ponderosa. But still, this weekend Cian ‘Carpet’ Healy will equal the test appearance record of legendary Oirish outside back, and G&GR podcast guest Brian O’something, when he likely reaches 133 caps. Well played, Mr Healy.
Irish eyes are crying?
Not all the action will be on the rugby fields this weekend. World Rugby is voting for the next chair, with former Wallaby and Brumby Brett Robinson a real chance of assuming the rugby throne.
In what is a pivotal point globally for the game and a chance to make genuine generational change, the position looks likely to see Brett Robbo up against eye-gouging fan Abdel Benazzi. The vote comes down to what has been described as a rugby evolution (Robinson), or revolution (Benazzi).
It’s a fascinating story with twists and sub-plots galore and includes traditional north and south alliances fracturing, as voting parties break long standing partnerships to align with candidates from those unions previously considered enemies. For those who can, the SMH has more on the story and it’s really worth a read.
(ed. Late news, Robinson got up.)
You knob.
James, James, James. Your side is 10 points behind. You’ve had no pill, haven’t looked like scoring a try in ages, there’re 8 minutes to go and you pull off a super impressive 50-22. Well, played. But, you then turn to the crowd and carry on like a prize ponce, tongue out, Gene Simmons on a killer bass riff solo style, nodding your head and looking like a complete knob. If you could have your time back Mr Lowe, what would you have done differently? How ’bout everything. You knob.
Human DNA found in referee.
Ok, this from ref Matt Carley shows the guys and girls in the middle really are good people. Who knew?
Until next week. Roll on Grand Slam and go the Wallabies. Hoss – out.
