Is it Friday again already? Greetings one, greetings all and welcome to another Friday’s Rugby News. Test rugby again beckons, so what are you waiting for. All aboard the insanity express.
Today we start of with ‘The St Joe Show: Part II’. Get the head scratcher ready for ‘Makes No Sense?’. Celebrate a record equalling effort and a promise of things to come in ‘It’s Miller Time’. Hop across the ditch and beat the stop clock with ‘Garden of Eden’. Visit the Rainbow Nation for ‘Lowe Blow’. And bid farewell to yet another Friday with ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss’. Officially apologising to AOC members for my video submission and total misunderstanding of the qualifying criteria for the ‘clean and jerk’. You live and learn.
The St Joe Show: Part II.
Wallabies v Wales at AAMI Park in Melbourne on Saturday 13 July, 7:00pm AEST. Kick-off 7.55pm
How sweet it is to be won by you! As a Tahs and Wallabies fan, I’d almost forgotten just how good the nectar of victory can taste. And that’s not a bad thing. It’s probably the humbling I needed, given the Tahs will most likely win the whole comp in ’25 with Chuckles McKellar now at the helm.
The performance on Saturday night was precisely in the mould of the Wallaby side selected. The quality of football played never stuck its head above the sands of mediocrity and that’s quite all right with me. The side selected were honest, reliable, rugby grafters. Rugby toilers, if you will. Now before you get all ancy, that’s not an insult, but indeed a compliment. What Australian rugby needs right now is rugby pragmatism and that’s exactly what we got. There will be time to add the eleven secret herbs and spices of attacking finesse and intricacy. But for now, our lot simply just need to evolve to life under St Joe and become brilliant at the basics. From that foundation, excitement awaits.
We got forwards who performed their core roles well. Just on that front, we, as a rugby public, seriously undervalue Sideshow Bob Valetini. The gent is world class and, possibly at present, our only serious contender for a world XV. The volume of work and the quality of his work is absolutely outstanding. We had a 9-10 combo who likewise did very well. In fact most sites had Commissioner Gordon as a deserved MotM. Gordon’s distribution and kicking were (I’m betting) exactly what the coach ordered. His box kicks were either high and contestable or long and sailed into touch, thus giving the side some certainty and confidence on exits. Indeed, in typing this, I am reminded of just how our exits have ‘ blown chunks’ for so many a year.
Our backs did OK. Well, until Tom Wright got that try anyway. For a man of size (he’s a big boy for a #15), his ability this season to glide onto a ball, identify and exploit space has been truly world class. And that try form 60+ metres out, well covered and seemingly with only a kick option at his disposal, was indeed, world class. I’d also like to’ve seen young dynamo Josh Flook with more ball in hand for the match and I do blame The Squatter for not enough pill to the wider channels. The Squatter’s incessant and poorly performed kicking had me rather annoyed, when perhaps time and tide could’ve/should’ve allowed for the freeing of the Gilbert to players outside. If Hunter is to grow into Bundi Paisami of the Wallabies, then he must either a) shelve his shite kicks entirely, or, b) practise the living spit out of them and get much better. They were atrocious, ill timed, really frustrating and stole momentum from his side at the wrong times. But, I do allow for the possible instructions of coaching staff and being the first test of the year as an interim ‘get out of jail free’ card, for now.
So to this week. Wallabies skipper with best ever winning record, Liam ‘Wrongaz’ Wright, is out with a shoulder injury, opening the door for stolen Sydney talent (things that make you go hmm) Charlie Cale, to make his run on debut. At 195cm and 105 kg The Music Factory isn’t small in terms of human physique, but did seem a tad undersized up against the Welsh, who in and of themselves don’t appear a big side compared to others. However, the proof as always, is in the size of the fight in the dog, not the size of the dog in the fight. On the pine, St Joe has invited The Lip and other WA outcast Ben Donno for a gig, Clubba Langi Gleeson fills Cale’s spot and Josh Nasser is in line for a debut, replacing Billy Pollard.
As for Wales, they have lost their best player to injury in Aaron Wainwright. Wainwright was simply outstanding last week and was very close to best on ground for either side. His hunger for work and post contact metres was outstanding. Indeed, whatever chances Wales might have had in Melbourne, ended with his omission. Wainwright looks set for a 4 month spell on the sidelines, but given his form you’d expect to see him again on our shores for next year’s FUKIRS tour.
And a big well done to our own Joe Biden, James Slipper who has the little (c) next to his name for the Mexican bash. Go well Slips, and well deserved.
Fearless Prediction: Wallabies will be better for the outing. If they can extend that first 20 minutes form from the first test into a whole 40 minutes, it will be all over by halftime. Wallabies by 22.
Wallabies (15-1): Tom Wright, Andrew Kellaway, Josh Flook, Hunter Paisami, Filipo Daugunu, Noah Lolesio, Jake Gordon, Rob Valetini, Fraser McReight, Liam Wright (c), Lukhan Salakaia-Loto, Jeremy Williams, Taniela Tupou, Matt Faessler, James Slipper Replacements: Josh Nasser, Isaac Kailea, Allan Alaalatoa, Angus Blyth, Langi Gleeson, Nic White, Ben Donaldson, Dylan Pietsch
Wales (who really cares) (15-1): Cameron Winnett; Liam Williams, Owen Watkin, Mason Grady, Rio Dyer; Ben Thomas, Ellis Bevan; Taine Plumtree, Tommy Reffell, James Botham; Dafydd Jenkins, Christ Tshiunza; Archie Griffin, Dewi Lake (capt), Gareth Thomas Replacements: Evan Lloyd, Kemsley Mathias, Harri O’Connor, Cory Hill, Mackenzie Martin, Kieran Hardy, Sam Costelow, Nick Tompkins
Match Officials: Referee: Nika Amashukeli (GRU) Assistant Referee 1: Matthew Carley (RFU) Assistant Referee 2: Paul Williams (NZR) TMO: Glenn Newman (NZR)
Makes No Sense?
In a week of geriatric confusion, bombings on hospitals, boring federal political betrayals and the usual BS from around the planet, one item really stood out and confronted yours truly: what gives with the new All Blacks jersey?
What part of being ‘all black’ do you think the NZR and jersey partner Adidas just don’t get? For years I have called them The Nearlies, obviously because the previous jerseys weren’t all black, but nearly all black. But when it comes to these latest jerseys, WTF? If it wasn’t for the Springbok sides of the early 90s already holding the copyright, the Kiwi team should really change their name to the we hate quotas ‘Mostly White’.
One of the great things about NZ rugby (if there are any) has been the sacred traditions that their rugby team has tried to honour. The Hakarena or, as it’s known elsewhere ‘white men can’t jump’, the fabled nearly all black jersey, the constant offsides and Jedi mind control manipulation of match officials. But ruddle me thus Gaggers: with NZR already selling the family jewels to private equity, with the code facing a civil war regarding governance structures, is now really the time to be messing with the very soul of NZ rugby, the ABs jersey?
And noooo, it weren’t just me who thought it a pox on this mighty rugby nation. Those Kiwis who can read also thought the same. A poll on stuff.co.nz delivered a result of 113% against, with only 16% in favour.
In a world that bombs children in hospitals, delivers far right governments, elects Labour in the UK to exit Brexit (Exbrex?), that has two 80 year olds battling for control over the world’s largest nuclear arsenal (ponder that for a minute), can we please just make rugby a safe space. A space we can retreat to and escape the horrors and bedlam of the everyday. A place where I can hurl faeces projectiles towards the LG in disgust/despair and a space where gold is good and black, all black, is truly evil.
Is that too much too ask?
It’s Miller Time!
Wallaroos v Black & White Minstrels Ferns. Sunday 14th July. Suncorp Stadium. 1.40pm AEST coverage. 2.00pm kick-off.
Where has that form been?
Someone on here last week claimed the Wallaroos may have been decidedly underwhelming in ’24, then wham bam, thank you mam, 65 points later, against Fiji no less. Four tries to Desiree Miller and a forward pack who decided to deliver on their job description made the Wallaroos world look much rosier.
That was a terrific performance from the side. Especially when you consider there were four debutants. Fiji scored first against the run of play, but from there, the team in gold got to work. Tahs skipper, Plucka Duck, was outstanding, as too dynamic lock Atasi Lafai. Indeed, there were no bad players in the Wallaroos side and they actually played as a cohesive unit.
But it was Tahs flyer, Desiree Miller, who stole the limelight. By half time Miller had already banked an international hat-trick. By full time, Miller had four tries to her name, equalling the record for tries scored by Ruan Sims against South Africa in 2006. Ever the wordsmith. Miller said ‘it’s awesome’ when talking about her record equalling impact.
Newly adopted Australian (only when we win, ‘uppity Pommy import’ when we lose) coach Jo Yapp, told WWOS: “The effort that the girls have put in since we started back in January, we’ve been building and Pac Four, we didn’t get that time together but you can see the results now,”
The Wallaroos attentions now switch to the Black Ferns this Sunday in Brisbane in their attempts to secure the O’Reilly Cup for the first time ever. Confidence is on the rise with Plucka telling rugby.com.au: “We understand that maybe we haven’t beaten them before but we have the correct people, mechanisms and facilities in place in order to put ourselves in the best place necessary to hopefully get this job done this weekend and we’re really excited.“
Teams: TBA
Fearless prediction: Records are made to be broken. Wallaroos by 1. Miller to score a ‘hatty’.
Garden of Eden.
NZ v England. Saturday 13th July. 4.00pm AEST coverage. 5.05pm kick-off.
It’s test #2 for those previously in mostly black (but now predominately in white) v the all whites this weekend. I must admit, I may’ve been a tad harsh on the Soap Dodgers and their skill and chances last week; they were significantly better than I’d imagined. Although I temper that with the fact they have played 38 tests this year already, so should be at their prime. On that basis they weren’t as good at how bad I’d projected. I think.
The Kiwis return to their spiritual home this week, an Australian Centrelink Office Eden Park. A quick check of rugby facts shows that the Nearlies haven’t lost a test at Eden Park since civilisation and electricity in the poxy islands began, 1994. And sure, it’s only a stadium, it’s the same length as other rugby fields around the world, but 30 years without losing at a venue is still 30 years without losing at a venue. You can look at this two ways:
- It’s a spiritual fortress with a mystique and challenge all of its own
- Every year they win, they’re one year closer to losing.
So to this week’s second test. Can the bathing averse of Kingsland be that team? Can they break the hoodoo of hoodoos? Will they be the ones to slay the evil of Eden? Maybe.
The Poms were outstanding last week and to quote Ben Stokes, ‘it was the best loss by a team to not win a trophy and therefore a resounding psychological victory’. Their rush defence, aggressive carries and in your face attitude well and truly rattled the Kiwis. I did find the timing of the substitution of Marcus Smith odd. He didn’t appear injured or gassed and was very much still pulling the strings of English attack. His replacement didn’t suck, as such, but nor did he add anything to the game.
For those previously in nearly all black, I thought they lost momentum after TJ Paranoia’s injury. I personally found Christie’s service, delivery and game control to be very much ‘meh’. The Kiwis will be sweating on big minutes from Christie as they have AB newbie, and Mexican sexually transmitted disease name sharer, Cortez Ratima on the pine.
And it’s the pine that’ll decide this one. I, for one, am surprised Asafo Aumua hasn’t been promoted to the starting side. He made more post contact metres than anybody from NZ, added pace and physicality to the game. Taylor is a safe player, Aumua is a match winner. Similarly, I thought Theo Dan was outstanding for the Poms when he came on.
A win, is a win, is a win. But the Kiwis looked like a side with a new coach and only 5 minutes together as a squad. Will they be better for the outing last week? Absolutely. But so too will the Labour party lovers and I can see this going right to the wire.
Fearless Prediction: I can’t believe I’m typing this. England by 5.
New Zealand (15-1): Stephen Perofeta; Sevu Reece, Rieko Ioane, Jordie Barrett, Mark Tele’a; Damian McKenzie, Finlay Christie; Ardie Savea, Dalton Papali’i, Samipeni Finau; Patrick Tuipulotu, Scott Barrett (captain); Tyrel Lomax, Codie Taylor, Ethan De Groot. Replacements: Beauden Barrett, Anton Lienert-Brown, Cortez Ratima, Luke Jacobson, Tupou Vaa’i, Fletcher Newell, Ofa Tu’ungafasi, Asafo Aumua.
Not New Zealand (15-1): George Furbank, Immanuel Feyi-Waboso, Henry Slade, Ollie Lawrence, Tommy Freeman, Marcus Smith, Alex Mitchell, Ben Earl, Sam Underhill, Chandler Cunningham-South, George Martin, Maro Itoje, Will Stuart, Jamie George (captain), Fin Baxter. Replacements: Theo Dan, Bevan Rodd, Dan Cole, Alex Coles, Tom Curry, Ben Spencer, Fin Smith, Ollie Sleightholme.
Match Officials: Referee: Nic Berry (RA) Assistant Referee 1: Damon Murphy (RA) Assistant Referee 2: Pierre Brousset (FFR) TMO: Brett Cronan (RA)
Lowe Blow.
South Africa v Ireland. Sunday 14th July 12.00am AEST. Kick-off 1.05am. STAN
Occasionally (nah, always) I give Rassie Johan Erasmus a bit of stick, but when you’re king of the heap and constantly evolving your game, you become the big dogs that others hunt. And last week’s test v the Oirish, the Boks have shown, yet again, they’ll be the ones to be hunted all the way through to RWC2027.
The Catholics earnt their nickname over many years for their refusal to pass the pill. But the 2024 version has already shown a vastly different look. Loosies in the outside channels, the meat eaters and giraffes in the middle, the ability to play tight, expansive and either side of the ruck. Their porky captain Kolesi was immense. Their pack had all the brutality of years gone by, but now with a little more attacking adventure thrown in for good measure. The time and space they provide their #9 Tyrion Lannister is outstanding. Their only weakness? Perhaps an ageing #10 rooted to days gone by and not fully invested in the new way Well, not yet anyway. But under new attack coach, Tony Brown, the Boks already look a more complete and dangerous beast.
The Oirish, well what can you say. Competitive, aggressive, expressive, yet still fragile when it mattered most. Just what was James Lowe thinking? Even if he had kept the kick in play, where were his team mates? What was the play? How could it benefit his team? The answers as asked: he wasn’t, 40m up field, there was none, it couldn’t.
History will show Cheslin Kolbe yet again stole a test match try. His pace and unerring commitment to chase every ball once again yielded a try. And a try at a crucial point.
For the record, I love watching the Oirish play. They are my second, second favourite side when not playing us. They seem to just lack that ruthlessness that SA or NZ have. Don’t get me wrong, Australia don’t have it either, but the Oirish really should have more to show for their imperious and consistent form between World Cups. They have size and skill in the forwards, pace and size in the backs. They are supremely well coached and a joy to watch. But SA in SA is a scalp they simply must take. Every great side has a turning point, an ignition point in their march to greatness. If the emerald isle boys can find theirs in South Africa, then perhaps it might fulfill their destiny and march all the way to a 2027 World Cup SF and then a final. Where Australia will beat them 29-13 in a cake walk. But still.
Fearless Prediction: Ireland by 9
Teams: TBA when known.
Match Officials: Referee: Karl Dickson (RFU) Assistant Referee 1: Luke Pearce (RFU) Assistant Referee 2: Craig Evans (WRU) TMO: Ian Tempest (RFU)
Friday’s Goss with Hoss.
Hey! You’re in my chair.
Jamie ‘I am better than you as a head coach’ Joseph has moved from Director of Coaching at the Highlanders, to Head Coach at the Highlanders. In doing so Joseph replaces former head coach, now assistant coach Clarke Dermody. Highlanders board type members acknowledged it led to to some difficult conversations with Dermody from Joseph, along the lines of: ‘hey çuzzy brew, I know I am your bus, but I want your jub to hey cuzzy brew’ ‘O far out Jimmy, I wuz jist gittin good too brew’ ‘Çhur cuz, we git da place trippin’ Sonny Brew Williams was asked to translate but was busy getting an all over self tan and shopping for new, three sizes too small, singlets.
Just Pietschy, Now.
One really shouldn’t be surprised by the inner machinations of life in camp Wallaby under former coach Voldemort should one? But every now and again you read an article and think, ‘we really did escape a bullet by that impostor moving on early’. Dylan Pietsch shares his insight into the dark days of life in Camp Wallaby during 2023 with the SMH.
Nasser. We have lift off.
Another week, another father son combo ready to launch for the Wallabies. Josh Nasser has been named on the bench for a likely debut in this weekend’s return bout against the Gatland Battlers. Josh will follow in the foot steps of his 8 test Wallaby father Brendan. The week prior we had Tom Lynagh becoming a Wallaby as well, just like his little-known father did some time last century.
But the Nasser family news doesn’t stop there. Sister Bella last week was also named in the Olympics 7s side for Paris. That’s some sporting family. Good luck to both Bella and Josh. Go you good things.
Thunder from Downunder Wauchope.
A little birdy tells me that the Wauchope Thunder Rugby Club juniors made a guard of honour for the Wallabies last weekend. The NSW mid-north coast club has seen an increase of over 200% in their registered player numbers this season and are obviously doing something very right in their local community. Big props to the Thunder who take on local rivals, and a holiday spot of mine as a youngster, Old Bar this weekend.
Go well Thunder!
Wit Kant Not Playing Fair!
South African hooker and rugby race relationship counsellor Bongi Mbonambi, has accused the wit kants in green, Oirland, of not playing fair at scrum time. planetrugby.com has more
What happens in Argentina, ends in prison.
You know, when they’re not inviting right wing governments into power, those Frogs sure know how to to PAR-TAY. From headbutting Arabs to alleged sexual assault, the French side in Argentina has stumbled from one drama to another. Again planetrugby.com has the story
Who’s smiling now?
To quote much loved, yet underrated endurance runner, Donald Gump, ‘stupid is, as stupid does’. And when it comes to Kiwis, I don’t know who is the more stupid. Is it the crowd who break into a ridiculous cheer every time D-Mac looks like a toddler with gas and smiles during his place kick routine, thus encouraging him to repeatedly do so? Or is it D-Mac for believing that he has to have that ridiculous smile every time he kicks it, to entertain the morons who cheer?
Either way, I was the one smiling when the morons and their messiah exceeded the shot clock so he could smile as part of his place kick BS. If only it had cost them the test, hey. I wonder who’d be smiling then? Probably Princess Mo’unga as he would’ve been gifted the #10 jersey again.
And the Rest.
Still more test rugby around the globe this weekend:
Japan v Georgia. Sat 13th July. 7.55pm AEST. Kick-off 855pm. On STAN
Argentina v France. Sunday 14th July. 4.59am AEST. Kick-off 5.00am. On STAN
But wait, there’s more
G&GR continues to grow. For all Wallaby matches, a match review article will post soon after full time and we are introducing our very own Player Poll. You get to vote for each Wallaby on a score of 1-10. Where 1 = Poor (Wednesday Rugby News) and 10 = Simply Outstanding (modesty prevents me from saying Friday’s Rugby News), but you get my drift.
Reds and Wallabies Fan (RAWF) will kick off the first article tomorrow night. Voting closes 4:00pm Sunday. Your player poll results will be published on Monday’s Rugby News with BLL.
Until we meet again. Come on Aussies
Hoss – out.
