Welcome one, welcome all to another Fridays Rugby News on rugbydownunder.com, the highest rating rugby fan site called rugbydownunder.com in Australia. Kudos to rugby bodies for taking the week off to let the lesser known codes like Women’s Football World Cup, The 4th Ashes test & some royal & ancient Scottish game called ‘whack-fudge’ have their moment in the sun.
No rugby this week? No worries, today lets snuggle up with Fraser Mac on the couch with ‘Be a Goldfish’. Drink the Cool-Aid in ‘Cadbury Favourites‘. Lock the doors of the car as we cross the northern border for ‘Kiss & Make Up’. Look at a century old tradition in ‘Not Just Biscuits!’ And wrap it all up with Friday’s Goss with Hoss, now crowdfunding for all Victorians #you’reaknobdan.
Be a Goldfish!
Ok, for the record I love Ted Lasso. The corny jokes, the apple pie & ice cream philosophy and ‘aww shucks’ nature of the show, so I was pleasantly surprised to hear ‘Deborah Kerr’ (Fraser Mac) quote Ted after the all too familiar, brave yet ultimately self-inflicted loss, to a team we really should be beating and beating often, well, always actually.
But, did Deborah mean ‘be a goldfish’ and continually swim around in your own excrement, oblivious to the crap the rest of us can plainly see? Did he mean that every 7 seconds the Wallabies forget just how consistently inconsistent they’ve been now for a decade? Or did he mean we should just flush them down the dunny when we get sick of caring about them? Perhaps what he really meant was, the side should compartmentalise the loss and cauterize yet another deep and soul scarring wound and move forward?
As a personal reflection, all night, even with the ebb and flow of the match, the excrement hurled at those in Orange from twin South African match officials & comedy duo, ‘dom dinge’. Even after The Funky Bunch ran 114m to score a cracking intercept try. After all of that, I experienced a zen-like clarity that as sure as night followed day and that Queenslanders are rather dim, the Wallabies would find a way to lose it.
And therein lies the rub. The Wallabies of the past 10 years have been world champions at finding a way to lose. A kick out on the full, a pass to no one, a dumb option, taking too long to kick a penalty to touch, you name it, they’ve done it. In fact the only thing I am yet to see is one of our players snap a ‘home’ drop goal to give the win to the other side! And you should never say never!
Now, granted, the sins of the past do not necessarily stain all hands in this side. You have Elsa Frost, The Funky Bunch, Deborah, The Bull, The Abattoir, Flash Gordon and many more who’s rugby souls are not completely eroded from multiple wounds of past Wallaby failures. So it got me thinking, was Deborah’s Goldfish message really aimed at the coaches and selectors?
There are brave and hardened warriors amongst these Wallabies. They have tried, they have battled and they have given their all to the side and to the jersey. But what exactly have we achieved with many of these warriors, say from the 2015 RWC final to now? What have we won, what have been the great triumphs and the lasting legacy of the last 7 years? Would a scale of ‘really poor, to mediocre, to ok at times’ be a tad too harsh?
So to Fraser Mac, I say ‘yep’, we should all be a goldfish, but let’s first be a goldfish at the selection table. No more sentiment, no more favours, no more selections from the warm bosom and fuzzied memories of yore when a player was perhaps more than they are today. Be goldfish, wipe it from memory and pick for now, pick for today and for tomorrow, but not for yesterday.
As a long time fan of our Wallabies, there are many a times I wish I could do just what you say Deb, forget the past & just be a goldfish.
Cadbury Favourites?
Damn straight!
Apparently a cunning deception is afoot. As part of a masterful plan, it seems with the two losses we have endured, those uppity sheep shaggers from middle earth are right where we want ’em. That’s right, our two losses are, in fact, part of a master blue print to lull the Orcs of Auckland into a false sense of security and actually win the Bledisloe back and wait for it, this year at that!
Sure, those cheating farmyard fiddlers might have played 20 minutes of imperious rugby to completely pants the reigning world champs, but obviously our fumble and stumble-a-thons so far have all been a ruse, a con, a play, a sting to hide the fact we are in fact quite possibly odds on favourites to beat them, twice and bring back Lord Bledisloe’s chamber pot to our shores for the first time in living memory, well certainly living goldfish memory anyway.
Keeping a straight face, Eddie told the assembled media he was bullish about the Wallabies chances against perennial easy beats The Nearlies:
“They haven’t been put under pressure yet, and our job is to put them under pressure.
“You look at their first 20 minutes against South Africa, it was almost perfect rugby. Every kick they won in the air, they were good on the gain line, very smart about the way they played.
“If we’re able to match that in the first 20 minutes and put a bit of pressure on them, which they haven’t had this year, then funny things can happen.”
To that end, at least there are some selection calls made that are perhaps a glimpse that finally form matters. In naming his squad for the two Bled’s, Tom ‘John Denver’ Wright has been put out of his misery, as to ‘The Clydesdale’ Reece Hodge. Josh Kemeny and Matt Gibbon along with Reds prop Zane Nonggorr have also been cast aside, those calls aren’t entirely unexpected. But what is absolutely baffling is Vunivalu’s retention & Pistol Pete Samu’s axing? What is it that ‘Dozy’ Vunivalu offers over and above The Funky Bunch, The Exocet, Jordan of Nazareth, The Ginger Ninja, or for that matter Dylan Pietsch? And as for Samu, you talk about your ‘hybrid’ player covering multiple roles, surely Samu is your man?
Some media outlets even reported the sneaky suggestion that this squad of 34 was initially going to be Eddie’s actual RWC squad. The idea was to give both players and coaches certainly and allow them to really start to hone in on Paris. But it seems Eddie is still undecided on a few players, so this squad remains at least for now, ‘the Bledisloe squad’.
So what of JOC2.0, Dirty Harry, Pistol Pete & co? Only time will tell. Below is Brian’s Bledisloe Battlers:
Forwards: Allan Alaalatoa (29, ACT Brumbies, 66 Tests) Richie Arnold (33, Stade Toulousain, 2 Tests) Angus Bell (22, NSW Waratahs, 21 Tests) Pone Fa’amausili (26, Melbourne Rebels, 4 Tests)Matt Faessler (24, Queensland Reds, uncapped)Nick Frost (23, ACT Brumbies, 10 Tests) Langi Gleeson (21, NSW Waratahs, 3 Tests) Jed Holloway (30, NSW Waratahs, 11 Tests) Tom Hooper (22, ACT Brumbies, 1 Test) Rob Leota (26, Melbourne Rebels, 14 Tests) Fraser McReight (24, Queensland Reds, 11 Tests) Matt Philip (29, Melbourne Rebels, 28 Tests) David Porecki (30, NSW Waratahs, 12 Tests) Will Skelton (31, La Rochelle, 26 Tests) Blake Schoupp (23, ACT Brumbies, uncapped)James Slipper (co-captain) (34, ACT Brumbies, 129 Tests)Taniela Tupou (27, Queensland Reds, 47 Tests) Jordan Uelese (26, Melbourne Rebels, 17 Tests) Rob Valetini (24, ACT Brumbies, 32 Tests)
Skin Moisturisers: Quade Cooper (35, Kintetsu Liners, 78 Tests) Lalakai Foketi (28, NSW Waratahs, 5 Tests) Carter Gordon (22, Melbourne Rebels, 2 Tests) Andrew Kellaway (27, Melbourne Rebels, 21 Tests) Samu Kerevi (29, Urayasu D-Rocks, 43 Tests) Marika Koroibete (30, Saitama Wild Knights, 53 Tests) Ryan Lonergan (25, ACT Brumbies, uncapped) Tate McDermott (24, Queensland Reds, 23 Tests) Mark Nawaqanitawase (22, NSW Waratahs, 4 Tests) Izaia Perese (26, NSW Waratahs, 3 Tests) Jordan Petaia (23, Queensland Reds, 25 Tests) Suliasi Vunivalu (27, Queensland Reds, 2 Tests) Nic White (33, ACT Brumbies, 61 Tests)
Bag Carriers: Ben Donaldson (23, NSW Waratahs, 2 Tests) Dylan Pietsch (25, NSW Waratahs, uncapped)
Amy Winehouse: Michael Hooper (co-captain) (31, NSW Waratahs, 125 Tests)
Harden Up: Len Ikitau, Max Jorgensen, Tom Robertson, Izack Rodda
Kiss & Make Up.
Finally!
Those members of the ‘Committee for Mediocre Rugby from the Queensland Peoples Republic of Queensland, or the CMRFTQPRQ, have announced the worst kept secret since Joh Bjelke-Peterson may have been a touch ‘crooked’, that former QPRQ Loig player and rugby coaching vagabond, Les Kiss, will be the Communists head coach for season 2024 & beyond.
The news must be a relief for both Reds players, fans and their two sponsors alike and well might they be! For well placed sources within the Reds HQ (the Kremlin?) had one M.Cheika as the leading candidate for much of the journey. That is until Mr Cheika reaffirmed his commitment to Los Pumas and their RWC campaign first, which ‘allegedly’ ruffled a few feathers of those making the decision.
I know those Queenslanders amongst the RDU craparazzi who can read are quite excited about Les Kiss and I wish him well. A strong Reds team, means a strong Wallabies.
Not Just Biscuits!
The last man to captain an ‘ANZAC XV’ side last century, Nick Farr-Jones loves the idea of a ‘4th test’ against the 2025 Formal United Kingdom & Irish Rugby Side (FUKIRS) and is urging rugby type decision makers to make it so again.
Whilst we may give each other heaps, what actually underpins our two nations is a foundation that binds us as one. For when it matters, when it really matters, our nations would stand shoulder to lambs hind quarter with the other. Without hesitation, without expectation and for as long as it takes. Thats what ‘ANZAC’ means to me.
So in that spirit, who of the current Wallaby & Poxy Isles 2023 RC squads would make a 2025 ANZAC XXIII?
This should be fun!
The Goodness:
Forwards (18): Allan Alaalatoa, Richie Arnold, Matt Faessler, Nick Frost, Matt Gibbon, Jed Holloway, Michael Hooper, Tom Hooper, Rob Leota, Fraser McReight, Zane Nonggorr, David Porecki, Pete Samu, Will Skelton, James Slipper, Taniela Tupou, Jordan Uelese, Rob Valetini.
Backs (16): Quade Cooper, Lalakai Foketi, Carter Gordon, Reece Hodge, Len Ikitau, Marika Koroibete, Ryan Lonergan, Tate McDermott, Mark Nawaqanitawase, Izaia Perese, Suliasi Vunivalu, Nic White, Tom Wright, Ben Donaldson, Josh Kemeny, Dylan Pietsch.
The Darkness:
Forwards (20): Codie Taylor, Dane Coles, Samisoni Taukei’aho, Ethan de Groot, Fletcher Newell, Nepo Laulala, Ofa Tu’ungafasi, Tamaiti Williams, Tyrel Lomax, Brodie Retallick, Josh Lord, Samuel Whitelock, Scott Barrett, Tupou Vaa’i, Ardie Savea, Dalton Papali’i, Luke Jacobson, Sam Cane, Samipeni Finau*, Shannon Frizell.
Backs (16): Aaron Smith, Finlay Christie, Cam Roigard*, Beauden Barrett, Damian McKenzie, Richie Mo’unga, Anton Lienert-Brown, Jordie Barrett, Rieko Ioane, Braydon Ennor, Dallas McLeod*, Caleb Clarke, Emoni Narawa*, Leicester Fainga’anuku, Mark Telea, Will Jordan.
Friday’s Goss with Hoss.
Kiss & Dwell.
It seems the arrival of Gene Simmons at Ballymore has been enough to keep JOC2.0 up north a little bit longer. rugby.com.au has more.
Spit & Tell.
News from stuff.co.nz about a trial of the ‘spit test’ to identify player concussion. Stuff reports a trial will be held across Farah Palmer Cup players and backed by World Rugby
‘In the event of a brain injury chemicals are produced that can be detected in saliva, and although the current trial will involve sending the samples overseas for analysis, Rasmussen said the end-goal of pitchside concussion test was a step closer.‘
Anything that can eliminate the blight of CTE from the game is worth very serious investment.
Big Willy all class.
Good read on the SMH about Big Willy Skelton. Say what you will, but the guy is every inch a world class lock. You don’t accidentally win the titles he has.
Take that Japan!
Oh dear, current world men’s rankings.
Until next week. Go the Matildas!
Hoss – out.
