Mad Monday with Brisneyland Local #63: Aussie teams do it ugly, but still do it.

What a Monday, G&GRs. It was a great rugby weekend. My team won! Ugly, but won anyway. The Ponies also did it ugly. The winners must’ve listened to Hoss’s advice, something about “Go ugly early, it is better than going fat late”. Not sure what he meant, but the teams did listen. There was a major upset, go Moana Pasifika, a Kiwi team lost in Australia, and most importantly the Tahs got pantsed. All is where it should be in the rugby universe.

We’ll go game by game in the SRP, and also start looking at our Wallaby contenders. I’ll leave the Super Rugby Women and the Sevens to RAWF for Tuesday’s news, can’t be downright greedy. So wheel your office chair up to the sit/stand desk, set it to low, get comfortable, log onto your ‘puter, grab yourself a cup of that ‘wonderful stuff’ and let’s talk rugby.

Super Rugby Pacific Round 7

Wellington Hurricanes 57 flogged NSW Waratahs 12

Tahs get blown off the park in windy Wellington – Well that was ugly. The Waratahs rocked up to Wellington hoping to snap a decade-long losing streak in the Kiwi capital, but instead they got a first-class lesson in what not to do when playing the Hurricanes. The scoreboard at the end? A brutal 57-12 pantsing. Six of the best, old school, trousers down.

It started with a glimmer of hope—Tahs fans had barely settled into their seats before Lawson Creighton crossed early. “Could this be the day?” they might’ve wondered. Short answer: no, absolutely not. What followed was 35 unanswered points as the Canes flicked the switch and turned Sky Stadium into their personal tryfest. Winger Kini Naholo bagged a hat trick, the hosts ran in eight tries to two, and the Tahs could only look on like a bloke watching his wallet float away down the Parramatta River (yes, that’s west of Anzac Parade for all you eastern suburbs types).

Adding insult to injury (quite literally), NSW lost Max Jorgensen early to what looked like a nasty ankle injury after what could generously be called a hip-drop tackle. Flyhalf Lawson Creighton and winger Darby Lancaster also didn’t last the first half, which meant the Waratahs had more blokes in the casualty ward than on the scoreboard .

By the time stand-in skipper Joey Walton decided to channel his inner villain and cynically collapse a Canes maul, the referee had seen enough to award a penalty try, , and the beginning of the end. The Tahs conceded 19 points during Walton’s 10 minute stint in the naughty chair, and from there, it was nothing but pain.

Final result: Hurricanes 57, Waratahs 12. A hiding. A shellacking. A proper drubbing. Whatever you want to call it Dan McKellar’s men have a lot to fix before next week, assuming they have enough fit bodies left to name a squad. Despite the injuries it was a really poor performance from the Tahs. Insipid defence and little heart. There are some serious issues at the Tahs and Chuckles has got some difficult work to do.

ACT Brumbies 34 defeated Otago Highlanders 27

Brumbies dig deep to outlast Highlanders in SRP epic – Well, that was a belter! The Brumbies have clawed their way back into the top four edging out the Highlanders 34-27 in a good old-fashioned ding-dong battle in ‘Peter Harvey Land’. This one had more lead changes than a dodgy GPS with the home side finally steadying the ship late to snatch a thriller.

Andy Muirhead came up with the goods in the 83rd minute to put the Brums ahead before Len Ikitau iced it with a try that had every punter in Canberra breathing a sigh of relief. It was nearly an all-time Brumbies blunder, but they held on to keep the Highlanders at bay. Larkham’s boys looked the real deal in the first 40, playing smart, possession-heavy footy and starving the visitors of the ball. At 15-5 up at halftime, with close to 75% of the territory and possession, it looked like a straightforward night at the office. A return to the ‘Puppy-killing’ ways of old.

But the Highlanders clearly didn’t read the script. They came out of the sheds breathing fire, running in two quick tries to flip the game on its head. Four points up and sniffing a famous away win, the Clan were right in it. And in true Highlanders fashion, they pushed it to the death, even threatening to take it to the last second, before a crucial knock-on in the 84th minute ended their hopes.

The Brumbies didn’t make it easy for themselves, either. Corey Toole found himself in the naughty chair eating , just 15 seconds in, thanks to a clunky head clash straight from kick-off (which totally resembled last week’s effort, except this week it wasn’t BOK with the whistle). With the extra man, Jona Nareki wasted no time in teeing up Caleb Tangitau for the opening try, and Brumbies fans were shifting uncomfortably in their seats.

But the Highlanders’ attack dried up after that as the Brumbies took the reins. Billy Pollard bulldozed over after a whopping 17-phase buildup and 7As crashed through after a classic rolling maul (splitting his ear for his troubles). The Highlanders had their chances, but a couple of critical handling errors—one from Sam Gilbert, another from Thomas Umaga-Jensen—kept them chasing shadows.

Then came the second-half ambush. The Highlanders found their groove, slapping on 14 points in as many minutes. Gilbert made up for his earlier fumble with a slick finish after a Tangitau assist, before Nareki cut through like a hot knife through butter for the try of the night. Sensing trouble, Larkham pulled Rob Valetini—still working his way back from a dodgy hammy—on the hour mark, as the match teetered on a knife’s edge. The Brumbies dug in, reverting to their first-half patience, and it paid off. Toole, fresh from his early sin-bin stint, danced his way over the line after 13 phases to put the Brums back on top at 20-19.

But, in a game like this, the drama wasn’t done. Gilbert slotted a penalty to give the Highlanders yet another lead, but the Brumbies had one last punch to throw. Muirhead’s 83rd-minute try turned the tide for good, and Ikitau’s late score sealed the deal securing a win that keeps the Brumbies’ fortress intact with 18 wins from their last 21 home games.

For the Highlanders, it’s another case of “close but no cigar.” All six of their matches this season have been decided by eight points or less, but they’ve ended up on the wrong side of the scoreboard in four of them. They’ll be left wondering what might have been, again. As for the Brumbies, it wasn’t perfect, but they’ll take it. The business end of the season is looming and results like this show they’ve got the ticker to go deep. Bring on next week.

“We did well to hold them out at the end but we shouldn’t be in that situation,” Ikitau stated at full-time. “We switched off (in the second half) but just happy we got the win in a tough game; very physical.”

Moana Pasifika 45 defeated Canterbury Crusaders 29

Well, well, well. Who had Moana Pasifika flipping the script and putting the Crusaders in a blender on their bingo card? Not many, I’d wager. But that’s exactly what happened in Christchurch, where the perennial powerhouse The Dark Ones got well and truly pantsed by a rampant Moana Pasifika, going down 45-29 in one of the biggest boilovers Super Rugby’s seen in yonks.

Coming into this one, the Crusaders had been treating Moana Pasifika like their personal tackling bags, flogging them by an average of 25 points at home. But from the opening whistle, it was clear this was a different beast. Enter Ardie Savea, wearing the captain’s armband like a man possessed. He crossed for a double in the first 15 minutes, and when Cullen Grace got himself an enforced 10 minute smoko, the visitors smelt blood in the water.

Late call-up Danny Toala decided to introduce himself to the scoreboard by bulldozing his way over, stretching the lead to 21-10. And just when the Crusaders thought it couldn’t get worse, Patrick Pellegrini added his name to the try column in the 34th minute. By oranges, the hosts were looking like a bunch of blokes who’d just realised they left the kettle on at home—completely rattled and scrambling for answers.

Macca Springer tried to spark a Crusaders revival, and when Codie Taylor came off the pine to add his name to the try scorers, you could almost hear the inevitability creeping in. Surely the mighty Crusaders wouldn’t let this slip, right? Wrong.

Tana Umaga’s men flicked the switch, and from that moment on it was a Moana Pasifika masterclass. Miracle Faiilagi, who is having himself quite the breakout season, went over just after the hour mark, restoring a 16-point buffer. And just in case there were any doubters left, Pepesana Patafilo dived over three minutes later to officially slam the door shut. Mitchell Drummond snagged a late consolation try but make no mistake, this was Moana Pasifika’s night, and they soaked it up accordingly.

The win propels them into ninth place, leapfrogging none other than their Auckland neighbours, the Blues. Meanwhile, the Crusaders are left kicking cans down the road, ruing a golden chance to take pole position on the ladder. Not the kind of Super Rugby script we’re used to, but hey—who doesn’t love a bit of chaos?

Queensland Reds 28 defeated Western Force 24

Reds pull off another heist, McDermott the master thief – Ahh, the Queensland Reds. Masters of the cardiac finish, purveyors of the scrappy win, and now proud owners of back-to-back daylight robberies against the Force. This time the stage was Suncorp, and despite a horror show of a lineout that resembled a circus act rather than a set piece the Reds somehow pinched another 28-24 win.

The drama kicked into high gear in the 68th minute when John Bryant decided to test the limits of gravity on Carlo Tizzano, earning himself a well-deserved for a dangerous cleanout. With the Reds clinging to a three point lead and a man down, things looked dicey. But enter Tate McDermott, the Reds’ captain and certified escape artist, who sniped his way over in the 73rd minute to snatch the win.

The Force, bless ‘em, had revenge on their minds after the last-minute heartbreak they suffered at home against The Angry Koalas a month ago. But the rugby gods (and the Reds) had other plans. Despite the Force stealing lineouts at will (seriously, it was like watching a pickpocket convention), the visitors couldn’t make it count when it mattered most. Speaking of those lineouts, eight lost. Eight! That’s not a stat, that’s a cry for help. Darcy Swain and Jeremy Williams had a field day pilfering Reds’ throws, turning the set piece into an all-you-can-eat buffet of Queensland mistakes.

Despite all this, the match was anything but a slugfest. Heavy rain in Brissy had people expecting a mud-wrestling contest, but by the time the game kicked off, the skies had cleared and both sides decided to put on a first half tryfest, heading into the sheds locked at 21-21.

The Reds fired the opening shot when Filipo Daugunu, who is having a blinder of a season, burrowed over from close range after turning down an easy penalty goal. That decision looked a bit shaky when the Force responded with a collector’s item—a 45-metre sprint from prop Tom Robertson. (Yep, a prop. Running. Fast. What is happening?) Nutta would have been losing his watching that one. Even though it was from a forward pass, we won’t ruin Dr Tom’s big moment.

Then came the Tom Lynagh magic show. The young flyhalf turned an overthrown lineout disaster into a highlight reel moment, weaving past two defenders before flicking a peach of a pass to Dre Pakeho for the try. That effort sandwiched a Carlo Tizzano double act, as the Force flanker bagged tries numbers nine and ten for the season, just to remind everyone that he’s really, really good at this whole rugby thing.

Ben Donaldson’s boot nudged the Force ahead 24-21 with 20 minutes to go, and when Bryant saw , it looked like Queensland’s night was cooked. But finally, finally, the Reds won a lineout when it mattered, setting up a rolling maul that gave McDermott just enough room to do what he does best: sneak in for the winner.

The only real downside for the Reds was Hunter Paisami copping a busted nose, joining an already hefty injury list featuring Harry Wilson, Liam Wright, and Fraser McReight. But hey, no one ever said winning ugly was easy. Next up? A trip to the land of the long white cloud for a proper top-of-the-table punch-on with the Chiefs. If the Reds can somehow fix their lineout and keep 15 men on the field, they might just pull off another heist.

Then again, this is Queensland Rugby. Nothing ever comes easy.

Super Rugby Pacific 2025 – Ladder

Wallaby Contenders

After watching the games this week, and seeing #InJoeWeTrust in the crowd, I thought I’d write up the players who might’ve played themselves into favour after this round’s performances. This isn’t a Ben Darwin ‘body of work’ piece, more a ‘who looked good in this game’ piece.

Brumbies – Icky Sticky and Bobby V were the big standouts for the Ponies. Toole had some good moments, but that in the first 15 seconds may have blotted his copybook

Waratahs – No one! Not even Angus Bell would’ve gained himself any kudos during this week’s round. A totally insipid performance from all involved.

Force – Tizzano had a pearler, and is pushing hard for Wallabies selection. At this stage, it is Fraz starting and Carlo off the bench. But another two or three games like that and Carlo the Measto may find himself starting. Ex-Pony Darcy Swain had a blinder at the lineout. In fact he made the Reds lineout look terrible. With that performance he’ll have his name in contention.

Reds – The Reds had a lot of players in contention. Lynagh for starters, this kid has to be the front runner for the Wobs #10 jersey (followed by Donaldson, Lolo then Edmed). Tate McDermot has certainly put his hand up for the #9 jersey and this week would’ve gained him more merit points. Uru had another solid outing and Hodgman has had two great weeks in a row. Kalani Thomas is also starting to get some good runs on the board.

I’ll be interested to see RAWF’s Wobs squad tomorrow. But there were certainly many strong performances this round. Anyway, enough of this old man gibbering shite. Over to you G&GRs. Have at it.