‘There can be only one!’
Happy Friday to all.
I come to you live from the gulag formerly known as The Hunter Valley, as we enter week #2 of enhanced drinking-at-home protocols.
The second Bledisloe is soon upon us and I say there is nothing to fear but fear itself. All is not lost. Now is not a time of doom & gloom, but of daring to believe and of dreaming the impossible dream. As verily I say to thee I witness a faint light o’er the eastern horizon. Perchance is it a beacon of hope, or perhaps a bonfire of warning, could it signal pending doom from the fires of middle earth and of Mordor itself? Or is that the small dwarfish, hairy footed, backwater Hobbit inhabitants of NZ instead setting fire to their thatched roof, earthen floor huts at the fulltime whistle, as gold WINS at Eden Park and the hoodoo of Eden Park is forever broken?
Today let’s dive into AB’s ‘tidying up’ their discipline (yeah, I laughed too) look at the new Wallabies squad for Test #2 and a quick revisit on some cracking rugby insights & commentary from around the globe. All this PLUS this weeks Friday Fast 5 Bonus – Australia’s most least-read Rugby Bonus** section by those with English as a second language (**Australian 2021 Census Data)
Bledisloe Test #2 – let slip the dogs of war.
Some interesting calls from Moses and co for Game #2 tomorrow from Middle Earth and on some reflection – I bloody like it, I like it a lot. One could reasonably argue the point that the selectors & coaching panel have picked a starting team that’s more abrasive, direct and with more mongrel than that of the first test.
I thought during the game and have cemented that opinion now, that the first test was Sideshow-Bob’s best in gold by some way so far. He imposed himself physically on both sides of the ball and looked more ‘at home’ in gold, in his role and in himself. I am also a card-carrying fan of Mr Lachie ‘Mad Dog’ Swinton, full-stop. I like his abrasiveness, his physicality, his engine and his just sheer bloody minded, sleeves-up, ‘lets get this sorted’ approach. I’ve said during some of my previous articles, that Swinton’s only indiscretions have been marginal at best and more ‘technique related’, more so than anything deep seeded or ill disciplined. Every team with aspirations of greatness needs an enforcer & Swinton is ours.
The fairies really picked themselves and if Two-Cows can deliver a 50-60 minute outing like last week’s we could be well in this deep into the game. I think with JOC injured this backline for Test #2, with Ikitau on the pine is a really sharp one. In The Exocet & The Ginger Ninja you have explosiveness and smarts out wide.
I was sparring with KARL during Wednesday’s News that I believe this current Nearlies mob with a few noticeable exemptions – The Hodors, The Dunny Rooter, Soul Glo, Beauden Barret & Bon Jovi that the rest aren’t nuthin to be wary of. In fact I think the AB’s 1-3 are tradesmen like at best, their vaunted loosies were invisible and their outside backs are ok, but hardly Nonu – Smith – Lomu – esque!
Nope, for mine, this current AB’s outfit are exceedingly beatable. I acknowledge doing so will take a whole gold squad of 23 to ply their skills in unison, be tidier at lineout, have no ‘fade-outs’ at all that allow soft, cheap tries. But unlike the great AB sides of recent, this mob don’t have you psychologically ‘beaten’ before you take the field.
So with more abrasive players, the ‘learnings’ of game #1 and a second back-to-back Eden Park test (that I actually think helps us more than hinders us) what are my realistic expectations of the result?
Gold by 9 of course. Hoodoo broken, as too the ‘aura’ of these current AB impostors and fires all across Hobbit-ville.
‘All Blacks out to fix glaring discipline issues’
Translation – Nearlies to cheat more effectively
Former GAGR Legend, now Rugby.com.au Car Park Attendant & Social Club co-executive chairman Nathan Williamson, has written a coded article on rugby.com.au about the side from New Zealand addressing (snigger) their ‘discipline issues’ from Test #1. I honestly don’t know why they’d bother even talking about it. I mean 18 penalties, including 114% of these in their own 22 when under the pump never cost them a yellow, I’d encourage them to give away more & dare the local ref to act.
Look, you could read the article, but after extensive studies involving slow, dim-witted, small native animals, I actually can translate the coded article from NW back into it’s native tongue, or ‘reverse Darwinism’ if you will:
Sam ‘Hodor’ Whitelock – “You want to look at some of the things we did really well but then the things we want to improve on. It’s no secret we gave away 18 penalties, that was something that allowed them to get in the game,”
Translation – ‘Shit cuzzy bro, wuzza Kiwi riff too bro, watt givs? Those pasty mofo’s from the bug isle – weed shit on em, ah cuzzy bro, if our bro with the whustle duz hiz bit ah bro’ end stop looking at us at all. Yi know, like Nigel uzed too.’
Hodor – ‘As we said after the game, in the first 15 and the last 15. That’s something we need to be better at, making sure that we are taking the ref out of it.’
Translation – ‘ Coodant beleeve it bro. Hear iz a bro, from UNZED, like peenalizing Brodie bro. Thoz boys in orange cuz, that muddle 50, with all those forward passes we threw, the constant offside play, dodgie callz going our way and stuff, we shoulda wunned by fuffty cuz. But noooooo, cuz blew the pee outda whistle and tried to impose the rewls. Since wen dat apply to us bro?
Hodor – “Being clearly onside, making good clear, accurate decisions at the breakdown and go from there.”
Translation – ‘Uzz a team thus uz iggzactly thu stuff weez wull try to completely ugnaw as bist we kin – like uny uther normull game’ Ah cuzz, chilly broo cuzz.’
Friday Fast 5 Bonus
She said what? No, really – what did she say?
Stumbled across this bit on rugypass with the Kiwi pundits from Sky Sports NZ reviewing Bled #1 and previews for Bled #2. Once I got over the confronting fashion choices of Messrs Wilson and aging boy-band lead man JK, they turned to 24 cap former Black Fern, Chelsea Alley for her insight (1.30 minutes into clip). I have two words for the show, ‘SUB-TITLES’. WTF did she say and what was that bit at the end about ‘fixing their testicle clearance’? Was this in reference to body height at scrum time? I mean, there’s Kiwi accents and then there’s Kiwi accents. But even for a nation that ranks as #1 for butchery of Her Majesty’s diction and remember I am INCLUDING Glaswegians in this statement, that’s a WHOLE next level mutilation right there! Maybe ‘Chelsea Alley’ is Polynesian for the Brownish Bomber himself, the one, the only ‘Milo Kerrigan’
Never fear New Zulland are here!
I get Mark Reason is an ‘acquired taste’, like vegemite or congenital herpes, but gimme a break. This from nzstuff.com on how we should all pay homage that NZ are saving world rugby. The irony in this is he sites the Soul Glo ‘no try’ from Bledisloe 1 as the greatness of our rugby liberators. You remember the ‘no try’ from Bledisloe #1 don’t you? It had three distinct forward passes in it yet they only looked at the last one, which for mine, was the least of the three that was forward. Yep, if it weren’t for the damn inconvenience of laws being adjudicated fairly and equitably and that opposing teams had the temerity to, well, oppose NZ, than we should all show penitence and worship at the alter that is Nearly All Black Rugby……
‘We’re a scary beast’
I remember a time when snozberries tasted like snozberries, when it was polite to say ‘please’ & ‘thank you’. China was a quaint little nation that made cheap ‘Sydney souvenirs’ and the Rugby side from NZ were humble, self-effacing and dare I say ‘likeable’ individuals. Roll forward to today and now we have the Nearlies being self-proclaimed ‘scary beasts’ according to this Rugbypass chat with and I quote All Black ‘stars’ Brad Weber & Dalton Papalii’. No doubt the AB’s sides of years gone past earned the title of ‘stars’ & ‘scary beasts’ through the power of their deeds over words. Yes, the jersey has a fantastic record and yes they have some unbelievable current talent, but what exactly has this generation achieved again……………………that’s right three parts of Sweet Fanny-Adam’s. Take away some friendly ref calls and ‘trading on’ the reputation of AB’s of past and I would say this current team as as scary as old meatloaf and as hard to swallow too.
Pressure – what pressure?
Interesting quotes reported by Moore Park car park supremo at rugby.com.au. A couple of our orange ones rightly feel the ‘pressure’ of Eden Park lies on those in Nearly All Black. The Ginger Ninja & Jordan Hercules Uelese are 100% spot on. No one expects gold to win, but every man and his dog expects, nay, demands the Nearlies win. Pressure? Yep, squarely on those in mostly black. Imagine being the ones to lose at the spiritual home, what about ‘legacies’, it’s shocking to even countenance. If they’re not the fearsome, ‘scary beast’, invincibles, just what are they exactly………….
Of course he could.
To round out a week of complete gibberish from the sidelines of the Rugby Universe, I have saved the best for last. This pearl from Matt Dawson at rugbyplanet . Apparently Finn Russell ‘could be the next Dan Carter’. Yep, that’s right, 69 minutes off the bench in a losing game to lose the series and at age 30, yes 30, Finn Russell has ‘arrived’ and obviously now matched the career efforts of the perhaps the AB’s (and possibly worlds) best ever #10, the man who almost single handedly won a Lions series on his own – Dan Carter. Maybe though I’ve misinterpreted the article? Perhaps he simply means that at age 30, Russell’s best days are behind him and he should retire like Dan Carter? It’s a bit like saying I am like Elvis, except for the lack of good looks, no singing ability whatsoever and I don’t necessarily enjoy deep fried peanut butter sandwiches – apart from that I am basically a shoe-in to be the next King of Rock n Roll.
Hoss has left the building.
