I’m sitting in my living room. It’s 4am. There is no chance of me getting to sleep so here I am.
I had started this post with four minutes to play. It was titled ‘notes on a heartbreak’. I’ve fortunately had to change the title but I’m still bloody emotional. And for long-time readers of the site- I’m stone cold sober.
Scotland played a belter. They played with flair and skill, and never took a backward step. About six or seven time I thought to myself ‘we’ve got this now, surely’. And on every occasion I was wrong… except once.
There will be plenty of time for analysis, ratings, reviews and prognostications, but this is not that time. It is the time to sit back and bask in the emotional roller coaster that is World Cup Rugby, and to let the emotions wash over you like a cold shower.
For four minutes late in the second half I was utterly heartbroken. Just shattered. A shell of a man. And in those four minutes a whole lot of thoughts ran through my head. The first, weirdly, was ‘this is how the All Black fans must have felt so often in World Cups gone by’. And I’m not saying we were ever the favourites for the competition as they have been, but the feeling of hope and promise before utter devastation is so well associated with them, and for four minutes I felt their pain.
Those four minutes were excruciating. But they were also utterly brilliant. Those four minutes are part and parcel of being a die hard fan. You celebrate the success but you have to take the pain, too. We had four minutes of pain, and I am so fucking thankful that it won’t be four years worth.
I had no idea how to react when the final whistle blew. It’s hard when you’re alone in your living room at 4am on a Monday. I wanted to shout, I wanted to cry, I wanted to hug someone. I just sort of wandered around the room with my fists in balls, trying not to shout and wake my housemates who were sleeping blissfully, completely unaware of my emotional torment just metres away.
I suppose the point of this article is this: we need to savour this moment. We were led to the gallows, but our execution was stopped as the hangmans noose was placed around our neck. We were treated to agony, then euphoria. Most people don’t get the second bit.
Just for a second forget who did what, forget next weekend, or the one after, and just bask in the glory of rugby. And smile. It can be a cruel game, and we were treated to the full range of what she can offer tonight, and came away with a win. Just.
And I’m still not sure how I get to sleep. Whats good on TV at 4am guys, because I think the replay would just about kill me.
