Greetings one and greetings all and welcome to the last Lions week for 12 years. How quickly did that all happen!
Today we dust ourselves off and look backwards and forwards at the same time with ‘IQ Test’. Preview the third Lions test in Dead Rubber? Fare-thee-well a loyal servant of our game with ‘The Lip is Leaving’. Ask the Wallaroos ‘What the bloody hell was that?’. Before farewelling the Lions series with ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss’, humbled by today being known in the Southern Hemisphere as ‘The Hoss’s Birthday’. Thank you to all the little people.
IQ Test.
The dust has settled on an emotional week for me and I reckon many a gold fan too. Late last Saturday evening I convened a war cabinet with Australian allies and the Orange one (who took time from burning his doodlings to Epstein), to discuss a possible nuclear strike on, firstly Italy, then England, Ireland and Scotland (we decided against Wales as who could tell the difference anyway). By Sunday morning, however, cooler heads had prevailed and I awoke with a sombre acquiescence that, pure and simple, the Wallabies had blown it.
Now to clarify, I will never accept that Jac Morgan’s cleanout was legal. However, I also accept that those of the North will argue their non-acceptance of my non-acceptance to accept, I think. I’d also like to say on the G&GR Hansard, I thought the referee actually had one of the better games by a match official I had seen in an age. Referee Andrea Piardi was calm, composed, communicated exceptionally well and provided a canvas for what was a brilliant, high class, engaging and thrilling spectacle. Sure, I’ll still hate him forever, but I don’t think any fair minded rugby fan can begrudge the quality of the performance he gave. Now, that doesn’t mean that his fellow MOs were of similar ilk. For how is it BOK, who is an ophthamologist, can’t see an elbow on the ground 5 metres from where he’s standing, with an absolutely uninterrupted view? I also can’t understand his failure to act, when at scrum time, there was more arse pointing directly at him than at Freddie Mercury on a bender, that he didn’t give some pause and think there may well be some hijinks and hoodwinks afoot from the Lions props?
But I digress. What truly beat our Wallabies was our Wallabies. In crucial moments where rugby IQ was required, it was missing. None more so in that seven minutes before half time that effectively cost us the match. Leading by 18, with three tries scored in rapid succession ourselves, our boys let in two extremely soft tries and effectively defecated on their own bed linen. In doing so handing momentum, confidence and belief back to those cloaked in red, who hitherto looked decidedly like they were going to get the pantsing they so richly deserved. But in the space of seven Benny Hill-esque minutes, our lot:
- Ran it back from a kick, with no supporting players, in a poor part of the field, 5 metres in from touch, in no man’s land, just inside their half and with no discernible attacking options our #15 ran it, when a contestable kick would have seen the Lions batting to leave their 22.
- Two rucks later, our #13 hits our attacking ruck from a near 90 degree angle. Penalty Lions.
- From the ensuing penalty, the Wallabies are mostly back turned and meandering like dairy cattle heading for an afternoon milking, instead of racing back to attempt to intercept the kick to touch. The Scottish wizard notices this and launches a 55m touch finder that clears the touch line by 30-40cm. Having said that, he kicked it a full 5m in front of the mark. The same mark the referee was standing on and let go anyway. But the point is, there was not a single Wallaby patrolling the touchline to intercept that kick. So now the Lions have an attacking 5m lineout from what started as Wallaby ball from a kick return just our side of half way.
- The Lions spread the ball to the centre, create some deception and mismatches in D and Huw Jones scores a simple try. And in seven minutes an 18 point lead is now 6.
I appreciate that hindsight is a wonderful thing and the players involved also had good games with flashes of brilliance, pace, power and poise, but I’ll say it again, the genesis of this Lions try, hell the Lions ultimate victory, started with the Wallabies running when we should’ve kicked. When some rugby nous (rugby IQ?) was needed, none was offered. When there should’ve been an on the spot risk-reward analysis done, none was evident. Instead we got error, after error, after error, compounding the initial poor choice and the rest is history.
When the time came for rugby smarts and the application of some rugby IQ, our lot failed the test and it cost us the test. For well might you be ‘brave’, or ‘resilient’ and have been ‘willing’ and have a ‘great attitude’. But if it ain’t underwritten by rugby smarts, well then you leave yourself open to last minute howlers like we saw last week.
Let’s hope the sting of last week’s loss, a series defining loss, sparks a rugby awakening for our team. If that happens the loss will be just that little bit more bearable for our Wallabies and us fans. And it starts this Saturday night with some much needed rugby IQ on display. For make no mistake, this will be a rugby IQ Test. Who shows it most will win.
Dead Rubber?
Wallabies v British & Irish Lions Saturday, August 2 at Accor Stadium, Sydney. 7.00pm AEST on Stan & NINE.
It’s hard to believe this is the last game. 12 years in the making, the Lions have been here for five weeks and this is it! My how the time flies, yet here we are. One side unashamedly chasing greatness and rugby immortality. The other chasing their own redemption, while also sewing the seeds of doubt, or at least a question mark over this Lions and their legacy. Whatever way you lean, this third test is anything but a dead rubber.
Both sides have been named, with the Wallabies having the most changes due to injury and perhaps some load management. Those missing from last week include 7As with a pectoral injury, Sideshow Bob has a calf strain, Mad Dog Tizzano, recovering from a completely legitimate, last minute tackle (use the Windows 11 ‘bullshit font translator’ for that bit), Commissioner Gordon (replaced by The Lip I reckon for the very wet conditions and his longer kicking game), Harry Potter injured (and filming a new movie ‘Harry and the Hogwarts Hammy’) and Dr Throbba who blew chunks at scrum time. In their starting places come The Abattoir, Tom Hooper and Peaches with Scrabble and the Ginger Ninja returning to the pine as part of a revised 5:3 bench.
As for the Lions they’ve kept a strong nucleus of their successful side: in the starting XV Kinghorn and Ryan replace James Lowe and Ollie Chessum, respectively, while Ben Earl returns to the bench as part of a 6:2 bench.
Serious rain is expected in and around Sydney for Saturday with 40-60mm possible and that on top of 25mm today. So, it’ll be heavy underfoot, one reason I reckon Nic White has been chosen to start. The Lip spent five years up north, knows this type of rugby and has the best long kicking game of any of the #9s in camp. And let’s face it, territory is king in these sodden slugfests and Whitey’s boot can give the Wallabies proper distance.
As for the game itself, it’s a study in the man-managing skills of the coaches, and it’s bloody fascinating. Can St Joe get his charges ‘up’ after a massive emotional massacre? Can Mufasa keep his Lions minds on the job as they chase greatness, knowing the nucleus of his side would be a tad fatigued, plus the job’s already done, is there a proclivity for one or two of the Lions to emotionally ‘clock off’ perhaps? This coaching battle really will be Master up against Padwan and it’s a contest within the contest. Just who’s Master and who’s Padwan remains to be seen.
Then of course you have the sub-text of a Wallabies win and how that might leave an indelible stain on these Lions legacy. Sure they’ve won the series, but a 2-1 series win, with the help of ‘that’ decision in the background? Well that’s an itch that’s always going to be there. A nagging doubt, a tiny voice that visits in the still of night when you’re alone and wondering ‘what if’ we didn’t get ‘that’ call. And of course, what happens if the Wallabies win this test by 12? The points differential is 11 after two tests, so just how does a better for and against, plus a test won on ‘that’ decision sit in the annals of Lions history? Are they really the ‘greatest Lions side ever’? For sure they will always be series victors, but maybe only ‘just’ another Lions team. Maybe even just a team that got lucky on the back of one shocking decision and conceded more points than the hosts in the tests? Imagine that. The best of four nations who only won the series on one referee’s call. Ouch, that’s gotta hurt.
Fearless Prediction: Wallabies by 12. Cue spooky music and a lifetime of nagging Lions doubt. Oh the humanity.
WALLABIES (15-1): Tom Wright, Max Jorgensen, Joseph-Aukuso Suaalii, Len Ikitau, Dylan Pietsch, Tom Lynagh, Nic White; Harry Wilson (capt), Fraser McReight, Tom Hooper; Will Skelton, Nick Frost, Taniela Tupou, Billy Pollard, James Slipper.
Replacements: Brandon Paenga-Amosa, Angus Bell, Zane Nonggorr, Jeremy Williams, Langi Gleeson, Tate McDermott, Ben Donaldson, Andrew Kellaway.
British & Irish Lions (15-1): Hugo Keenan, Tommy Freeman, Huw Jones, Bundee ‘n’ Coke’ Aki, Blair Kinghorn, Finn Russell, Jurassic Gibson-Park, Jack ‘Late Night’ Conan, Tom Curry, Tadhg Beirne, James Ryan, Maro Itoje (c), Tadhg Furlong, Dan Sheehan, Andrew Porter.
Replacements: Ronan Kelleher, Elbows Genge, Will ‘Barge Arse’ Stuart, Ollie Chessum, Jac ‘The Jedi’ Morgan, Ben Earl, Alex Mitchell, Andy’s boy.
The Lip is leaving.
From Scone local to Maitland junior, Brumby, Force member and 70+ tests for the Wallabies, the only referee to never make a wrong call, Nic ‘The Lip’ White is calling time on his rugby career. That’s right, Whitey is playing his last test tomorrow night and will retire from professional rugby at the end of the new 2025 Super Rugby AUS comp with the Force. And in my opinion, we’ll all be the sadder for it.
Say what you will, but I love the way The Bow Legged Bandit, The Moustachioed Menace has played his rugby. Aggressive, combative, annoying and edgey and always trying his best for the team. In fact if some players 30-40kg heavier than The Lip had shown the same spirit, resolve and fight over his years in gold, perhaps our W-L record might be higher than it currently stands.
Thank you, Nic, for all you’ve done for the game in Oz and G&GR wishes you a happy and healthy retirement away from the game. We especially wish you a night to remember on Saturday and end your time in gold with a win while bringing those uppity Lions down a notch. Go well you good thing.
Oh and Nic, an invitation. I note in our back catalogue you were once a fairly prolific writer for G&GR, so with all that soon to be spare time on your hands come retirement, maybe writing and sharing your experiences, insight and expertise might be the next best thing to playing? Just a thought (hoss@greenandgoldrugby.com.au just in case you were wondering).
What the bloody hell was that?
What gives with the Wallaroos last week? Did they meet in a carpark 15 minutes before kick off somewhere and decide they should play together? They were horrid, amateurish, sloppy, undisciplined, unimaginative and just so bad. Very very bad. All this against a Welsh team who hadn’t won in over 800 days, yet they were comfortably too good for the Wallaroos. 800 long, barren days and they still beat the Wallaroos. What gives?
The game was so hard to watch, I ended up turning it over to watch my Hunter Wildfires in the Shute Shield. The Wallaroos were a rugby car crash, who didn’t nail any aspect of their core roles:
- Passes: hopeless.
- Catching: worse
- Kicks: woeful.
- Tackling: optional.
- Direction: rudderless
- Attack: impotent
Sure the weather conditions were on the crappy side of crap. But isn’t this World Cup being held in the crappy weather capital of the universe? So shouldn’t these conditions have been planned for, practised in and rehearsed? Good teams adapt to the conditions, not push on with a pre-programmed, inflexible game plan regardless of circumstance. Thankfully, the Wallaroos have a chance to make up for their last insipid offerings at North Sydney Oval tonight, and they need to vastly improve or they’ll be cannon fodder at the upcoming RWC.
Coincidentally, the weather is expected to be completely shite in Sydney as well, although we hope the lightning doesn’t interfere in this game. Outgoing coach Jo Yapp has made a few changes to the XXIII, and she needed to . I understand while these are still tests against Wales, there’s an element of final squad auditions for the RWC. Based on last week there’re still plenty of spots up for grabs.
That all said, lets hope for a better outing and performance form the Wallaroos this Saturday. Rugby.com.au has all the team news.
Fearless prediction: Just be better.
Friday’s Goss with Hoss.
It’s a bird, it’s a plane it’s….
A perfectly legal manoeuvre for evading tackles, apparently. Well at least until someone breaks their neck or there’s multiple facial fractures involved. Naturally we’re talking about Dan Sheehan’s try scoring action. I have no problem with his try as it’s the law, but bugger me if that law isn’t fraught with danger. The SMH has more, including some insight from Kiwi #24, Nigel Owens.
Richie who?
Our own Jimmy Sips will sit only one game behind a Kiwi guy, Richie something, when he takes the field tomorrow night. The NZ ref whisperer sits atop the pile of most tests played at 148 caps, our own Big Sexy at 147 with a TRC to come. What chance 150 ya reckon?
Kiss & tell.
Interesting points from Iain Payten on ‘Inside Lion’ on Wednesday night. With 12 tests to go this year and just 32 tests now left until the kickoff to RWC2027 and Les Kiss scheduled to take over mid next year, what say will Kiss have in selections and positions from post the Lions series, until his official take over?
One interesting hypothetical given was the centres. If Kiss sees a combination of Paisami and Sticky (for example) as ‘his’ centre pairing, what will RA and Joe do? Given that Kiss will have 20 tests before the RWC kicks off and underlying rugby wisdom says you need players and combinations with an average of 30 caps to be successful, the numbers dictate that Kiss probably needs to sit at the selectors’ table from Sunday morning onwards. Interesting.
Final Furlong?
Champion Irish and Lions prop Tadhg Furlong will equal Welsh legend Alun Wyn-Jones when he runs out this weekend for his ninth consecutive Lions test start. Furlong has started all Lions tests sine the 2017 tour of the Shaky Isles and will surely go down as one of the greats of Lions history. Skipper Itoje will also take part in his 9th consecutive test, although he came on as a replacement in one of the 2017 fixtures. What chance Super Maro makes the 2029 tour of the Poxy Isles?
Lions Fans.
To all the Lions fans who travelled for the tour (or those filthy traitors who live on our shores), G&GR says ‘thank you’. Our nation and these matches are richer, literally, for your patronage, passion and pint consumption. Together we’ve witnessed some cracking rugby, have stories to last a lifetime and hopefully started friendships. It’s been our privilege to host you and if you caught these pages, thanks for dropping in (there’s a donation section, top right hand side. You’ve murdered it on exchange rates so give generously). We’d love to see you back in 2027 when the home nations bow out in the quarter finals, as usual. Until we meet again, travel safe, thank you and come back soon.
But wait, there’s more.
I’ll be back on Sunday with a review of the third Lions test. The Cartwright clan are going to the big dance in Sydney, so I hope to bring all the action, atmosphere and adrenaline to these pages then.
Until next week. Come on gold, once more unto the breach.
Hoss – out.
