In the Aussie Super Rugby grudge match of the round, the little brother of Australian Rugby will be heading west to see if they can upset their slightly older sibling.
It may have gone unnoticed in the hallowed halls of the traditional Rugby states (who have become sidetracked trying decide which Chardonnay is their favourite) but out in the rugby wastelands where the ARU won’t buy you a former league star to keep you happy, there has been a fierce rivalry growing between the newest Aussie franchises.
In this spirit, “22meter” and I had a face off earlier today. As all good gentlemen do, I’ll let the Rebel supporter go first.
Melbourne Rebels
[one_half last=”no”]
by “22metre” [/one_half] [one_half last=”yes”] [/one_half]
The overlords of Green and Gold Rugby asked me to talk with a Western Force supporter about the greatest game in the Super Rugby Australian Conference between the two power houses of the competition, the mighty Rebels and the Force. *
The Force rugby team is called the Western Force so as not to be confused with the Star Wars saga. Otherwise someone following my beloved Western Bulldogs** based in Footscray would suppose they were the western force, but actually it happens that there is a bit of land west of Geelong and the Force rugby team is based in a distant city called Perth.
So instead of talking face to face with Scott, I sat in one of finest Franco Cozzo’s*** ”il modernissimo” golden plated lounge chair and picked up the phone to call overseas.
I imagined Scott had to take a break from digging a hole in the ground for ore in the middle of the desert (cashing up zillion of dollars) to answer to my call, but it was in the early hours of the morning and he was probably having breakfast with a can of warm beer, as they do over there.
REBELS WILL WIN
The Rebels will win because history is on our side: the Force (what a joke) is the only team we beat regularly: six wins out of eight, take that! We have won against them home and away, we even finished front of them at the end of the 2012 and 2013 seasons.
The Rebels will win because we have a great display of talent in the forwards, with young guns like Sean McMahon , Luke Jones and Lopeti Timani ready to shut down the Force’s opposition. There is a lot of talent in the backs as well, with Dom Shipperley ready to stop that guy with funny hair and witty tongue called the Bunny Cadger, or something like that.
We also have an insider in our team that can speak their language, Cruze Ah-Nau was born in Perth and therefore can speak Afrikaans, which is the official language over there, so no tricky calls will be a secret to our team!
If a better history, or pedigree, does not convince you, what about form? The Rebels were triumphant last week against The Bye whilst the Eastern South Africans were getting the crap knocked out of them by the Brumbies.
The boys in white, blue and red hoops with stars and blimps and unreadable numbers, had time to rest, take a tram to the CBD, get a latte or two, dine out in the lanes of the self-appointed world’s sporting capital, watch a match of cricket or the preparations for the highly profitable and most anticipated Formula One Grand Prix.
The week rest will have given our hookers time to learn the fine and obscure art of the lineout, and to have a look at the law book and understand why all the referees are unfairly against us.
The yellow card count has been reset and the boys are ready to take over the wild west.
Scott may be upset at us coming to his shores to conquer his team, but he should be used to it by now. Unless Obi-Wan Kenobi and Chewbacca show up to play for them, The Force will not be with the Westerners:
Rebels by 7+
* According to a dude at Flinders Station wearing a Collingwood jumper
** the Western Bulldogs, the reincarnation of the Footscray Bulldogs, one of the most successful teams of the VFL/AFL
*** Where I got my lounge chair in Footscray – watch if you are not from Melbourne :
. .
Western Force
[one_half last=”no”]
by Scott Rowe[/one_half][one_half last=”yes”] [/one_half]
My dear fellow Australians. I come before you to propose a tough but fair idea. At first it may seem a little unpalatable, but hear me out.
I feel we can no longer afford to subsidise the life style choices of a large number of Australians.
As net consumers of our GST revenue, its not reasonable for them to expect us to endlessly provide resources to satisfy their personal choices. Therefore, I propose we set off a targeted nuclear explosion to set Victoria adrift from the rest of Australia.
I once heard the comment that the only two good things to come out of Victoria were the beer, and the roads—and I can’t agree about the beer. Regardless, the above tripe from 22meter surely proves the sentiment of separating from them is correct.
FORCE WILL WIN
The reason the Force will win, is because we know the Rebels, deep to their core. We look at our little sibling and watch them make all of the mistakes we made. The rush of the blood to the head, causing you to splurge all your cash on ready made stars. The inevitable crash and burn as those stars abandon you for greener pastures.
Then the empowering bloom as you build a team based on foundations more solid than just “X factor”. While much commendation should be given to the Rebels, they are still just young Padawans on this journey, and the Jedi level Force are about to unleash a lesson they won’t soon forget.
The Rebels, whilst in a better position with injuries (with only Tom Kingston to return from injury), will be lackadaisical after a week off. The Force on the other hand are coming home from a tough encounter against the Brumbies and will be fired up to prove that 2014 wasn’t an anomaly.
With deeply embedded scars on the Rebels psyche from this fixture last year, the Honey Badger will be unleashed at home for the first time in 2015 to the rapturous delight of the Sea of Blue.
The Force may be missing five of their first choice players in Hodgson, van Wyk, Cottrell, Coleman and Haylett-Petty, but the Force have arguably the best reserve loose forwards in the comp with Alcock and Stander being quality stand-ins—and how good have Wykes and Mafi been in the second row?
Watch for the Force to show the best traits of a Foley-coached side—low body height, hunting as a pack and knowing when to compete.
Scott Higginbotham – one-eyed like the Rebels’ fans
The other secret weapon in the Force’s arsenal is the knowledge that we only have to create half as many points as the Rebels, then just get Eberhson to kick the other half from Scott Higginbotham penalties.
One-eyed Rebels fans – get ready for a defeat.
Force by 5
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