Welcome to the first instalment of Understanding Players: a Guide to Professional Rugby. This course will give you a thorough grounding in how to better understand and appreciate those complex creatures whose every word and action we analyse and ponder. The first lesson? Understanding interview subtext.
These witty wordsmiths are masters of euphemism, creating layered prose bursting with subtext. I think it was Matthew Burke who said that unless you’d played rugby at the top level, you couldn’t possibly understand. Well Matthew, we are now a step closer.
Describing teammates and opponents
- He’s a real character of the game = He’s a wanker
- He always gives 110% = He tackles blokes during a touch game
- He’s hard to stop once he gets a roll on = He’s fat
- He’s passionate about playing for his country = He wears his rep gear to the shops
- He’s a tough competitor = He’s a prick
- He’s unpredictable = He can only concentrate for 140 characters
- He’s a larrikin = He’s a pisshead
- He’s an experienced campaigner = He’s an old bastard who talks about the old days incessantly
- He’s confident = He has a lot of photos of himself on his phone. Also he walks around the sheds naked.
Self-reflection
- I just try to concentrate on doing the little things right = If distracted, I have the ball skills of a blind lesbian – I can’t see the ball to catch it, andwhen I eventually catch it I have no idea what to do with it.
- I just try to contribute to the team = I’m in shit-hot form – a little bit disappointed with the way some of the other boys have been playing though
Team talk
- Full credit to the boys = We tried really hard, so don’t hate us, m’kay?
- It was a disappointing result = FAAAAAARRRRRRRKKKKKKK!!! Who do you have to root for a win around here?
- We’re excited for the challenge = I reckon we’ll get belted by 30
- They’re the form side in the comp = Probably closer to 50
- Coach has got some really interesting ideas = I have no fuckin’ idea what he’s on about so I just nod a lot
Will Genia – mastered Team Talk early in his career
