Greetings rugby lovers, as we gather for another Friday’s Rugby News on the vinegar stroke of rugby’s test year and the naming of St Joe’s first ever Cadbury Wallaby squad, around noon today.
Before we get started with today’s literary gold, big shout out to RAWF who filled in admirably last Friday while once again I made a complete mockery of our legal system and was acquitted of all charges. Thanks RAWF, you did your best.
Off we go today with my Wallaby squad in ‘Camp Ponderosa’. We’ll update the official squad, when released, in ‘And Lead Us Not Into Frustration’. Preview this weekend SRP final with ‘Who Gives A ……’ See if anyone is listening at RA in ‘Make A Bloody Decision Already!’ And take us home with a ‘Friday’s Goss With Hoss’, so full, so action packed that Peter Dutton wants it spread over seven disparate locations. State laws and future investment monies be damned. Good one, Dutto.
Camp Ponderosa.
St Joe and his crack team of assistants will name their first ever official Wallaby squad this morning (NSW time) to take on the Gatland Battlers starting on 6 July in the NSW capital of Australia, Sydney. And in a coup for G&GR, the squad will assemble at the Ponderosa for a week of team bonding, fine tuning of play and game management, and supply copious amounts of unpaid labour as well. What’s not to like!
Much anticipation among us rugby folk as to the ins and outs for the first squad. Me personally? Well I expect state combinations to feature among those picked. With that in mind, here’s the Hoss Squad of 38:
Props: 7As, The Abattoir, Jimmy Slips, Zane Nonggorr, Matt Gibbon and that Kiwi Queensland guy.
Sex Workers: The Fez, BIlly Pollard, Jordan Uelese.
Locks: FKA, Rodda, Canham, Ryan Smith, Frost, Amatosero, Will Skelton.
Loosies: Liam Wright, Seru Uru, Fraser McReight, Charlie Gamble, Charlie Cale, Sideshow Bob, Rory Scott, Rob Leota
Halves: Joe Dirt, The Lip, Commissioner Gordon.
62.50%’s: Ben Donno, Tom Lynagh, Phil Collins.
Fairies: Wright, Kellaway, Pietsch, Jock Campbell, Hunter Paisami, Josk Flook, Len Ikitau, Bayley Kuenzle, Darby Lancaster, Marika Koroibete.
There’re murmurs that prop whisperer, Mike Cron, got his hands on Tupou straight after the Rebs extinction event. So it wouldn’t surprise to see a much sharper, somewhat leaner Nella come 6 July. Here’s hoping. A fit and happy Nella is a thing of beauty for our test chances this season. Indeed so much does he mean to Oz rugby if Nella were to come to the Tahs next season and I came home one night to find him in bed with Mrs Hoss, I’d tuck him in, get him some warm milk and a biscuit.
Of equal interest who is skipper and vice captain? How does Fraser McReight for captain and Nic White (vc) sound?
Who makes your Wallaby 38?
And Lead Us Not Into Frustration.
And here it is. rugby.com.au has the full story.
Forwards (21)
Allan Alaalatoa (#896, West Harbour Juniors)
Angus Blyth (uncapped, Casuarina Beach Rugby Club)
Charlie Cale (uncapped, Beecroft Junior Rugby Club)
Matt Faessler (#969, USQ Saints)
Nick Frost (#953, Hornsby Lions)
Langi Gleeson (#960, Harbord Harlequins)
Alex Hodgman (uncapped, Sunnybank Dragons)
Tom Hooper (#964, Bathurst Bulldogs)
Isaac Kailea (uncapped, Harlequin Junior Rugby Club)
Fraser McReight (#937, Albany Creek Brumbies)
Josh Nasser (uncapped, Easts Rugby (Brisbane))
Zane Nonggorr (#966, Gold Coast Eagles)
Billy Pollard (#958, Lindfield Junior Rugby Club)
Lukhan Salakaia-Loto (#914, Randwick)
Ryan Smith (uncapped, Caboolture Snakes)
James Slipper (#843, Bond Pirates)
Taniela Tupou (#917, Brothers Rugby (Brisbane))
Rob Valetini (#929, Harlequin Junior Rugby Club)
Jeremy Williams (uncapped, Wahroonga Tigers)
Harry Wilson (#933, Gunnedah Red Devils)
Liam Wright (#928, Easts Rugby (Brisbane))
Backs (17)
Kurtley Beale (#836, Northern Suburbs (Sydney))
Filipo Daugunu (#931, Wests Rugby Club (Brisbane))
Ben Donaldson (#962, Clovelly Eagles)
David Feliuai (uncapped, Sunnybank Dragons)
Josh Flook (uncapped, Brothers Rugby (Brisbane))
Jake Gordon (#925, Canterbury Juniors)
Len Ikitau (#944, Tuggeranong Vikings)
Andrew Kellaway (#943, Hunters Hill Rugby Club)
Darby Lancaster (uncapped, Kempsey Cannonballs)
Noah Lolesio (#934, Tuggeranong Vikings)
Tom Lynagh (uncapped, University of Queensland)
Tate McDermott (#936, Flinders Rugby Club)
Hunter Paisami (#932, Harlequin Junior Rugby Club)
Dylan Pietsch (uncapped, Leeton Phantoms)
Hamish Stewart (uncapped, Toowoomba Bears)
Nic White (#875, Maitland Blacks)
Tom Wright (#939, Clovelly Eagles)
Unavailable for selection
Recovering from injury
Angus Bell
Harry Johnson-Holmes
Max Jorgensen
Rob Leota
Lachlan Lonergan
David Porecki
Blake Schoupp
Australia Sevens
Corey Toole
Who gives a ………..
Saturday 22 June 5:05 PM AEST – Blues v Chiefs at Eden Park, Auckland
Yes, I am bitter and, yes, I’ll still watch it as it promises to be a cracking game. But where are the Aussie sides? Once again the Reds talk it up and crash like the Libs nuclear plant idea first week in. Sure the Brumbies had to travel and a had a six day turnaround and all the other BS excuses, but here’s a tip: win more regular season games and get a home SF and stop your moaning. Oh that, and maybe catch a farging kickoff every now and again! Those shambolic dropped kicks put a line through whatever Wallaby ambitions Lurch and Toole may’ve had.
After glimpses of improvement against the Kiwi sides this year, once again our best were miles away from being anywhere near good enough when it mattered most. Once again Australian sides rose to the dizzying heights of mediocrity. Once again we have no team in the final. And all this with a new Nearlies coach, who is both rugby cunning and very, very astute, lying in wait.
Maybe we should just play Tonga every year instead and forget the Bledisloe?
Fearless Prediction: Both teams have AB after AB after AB across their sides. There’s real size in both forward packs combined with skill, daring and pace in the backs. It’ll a great game as a neutral fan to watch. While there’s a lot of emotion and sentiment for the Chiefs (maybe cause they obliterated the Reds), that undersells just how good the Blues are. They can go around you or go through you and I reckon they will be to brutal for the Chiefs in this one. Blues by 12
Make a Bloody Decision Already!
What’s worse than the wrong decision? Why no decision at all, that’s what.
It would appear expressions of interest for the vacant NSW coaching gig closed Tuesday this week. Some of the names bandied about have taken roles elsewhere with team favourite, Jason Gilmore, heading off to the land of warm beers and infrequent bathing. Another name, Nathan Grey, reportedly accepting a defensive role in Japan, obviously from a side that never watched the 2016 Wallabies’ defensive efforts. Bugger me.
If the whole tawdry affair of Rebels, Coleman, Rebels, Coleman, No Rebels, No Coleman weren’t so sad it’d be side splittingly funny. SURELY with certain outcomes known months ago by power brokers at RA, contingency plans would’ve been well under way. SURELY there would’ve been gaming of strategies A-C so that when known events were publicly confirmed there would’ve been 1-3 options on the table ready to roll? There should’ve been a preferred option, a secondary option and a break glass in case of emergency option? So Whisky Tango Foxtrot wasn’t one of these revealed the day after the Rebels season finished?
Just what price is RA prepared to pay for this complete shit fight? We’ve already lost Flash Gordon to the worst performing sexual assault 13 in that comp. Whispers abound, rightfully if true, that the lack of a known Tahs coach has meant most Rebs want to go OS or, worse, Queensland. Tahs players want out, Rebs players are spooked and meanwhile RA sit round with a giant-sized thumb wedged up their collective clackers ticking off days like I tick off Tim Tams! And there’s still no action. It beggars belief.
As a simple person, who once identified as male (but now identifies as mainly tired), I fail to understand why contingency plans wouldn’t have looked something like:
- Kevin Foote – is it just me or is this a complete no brainer? Especially for player retention.
- Michael Cheika – 2 years only and with a nominated successor appointed at the same time.
- Jason Gilmore, Scott Wisemantel, Eddie Jones (just shitting) or Stephen Hoiles. Ideally the third person would be the nominated successor from Cheik.
But no, here we sit in late June, no Tahs coach appointed and RA almost inviting a generation of players to seek rugby employment elsewhere.
It’s bloody ridiculous. Enough already.
Friday’s Goss with Hoss.
Au revoir Monsieur Rodda.
News breaking last night that Izack Rodda is returning to France from 1 July to take up a two year deal with second division side, Provence, alongside Flanders Hanigan. It’s been reported that RA and Rodda had some back and forth trying to keep the big man here, but ultimately lots of money for second tier rugby, in a fair to middling part of the world too I might add, won out.
Seems a reasonable commercial decision by all. Rodda can’t be blamed for pursuing the euro; neither can RA for not splashing buckets of cash. If Rodda were a car would you pay top dollar for something that occasionally runs well, but more often than not is in the garage broken? I wouldn’t.
The Razor Gang.
Ut sims thut Razor and his coaching gang have been busy across the dutch. stuff.co.nz has more.
Big Willy impresses French.
And why wouldn’t it? Perpetual trophy and titles winner, Big Will Skelton is through to yet another semi-final this weekend when La Rochelle take on Toulouse in the semi-final of the Top 14. A win here would see La Rochelle-Rochelle make the final and a chance to win back-to-back titles in the Top 14.
The Eagle has Landed?
A member of the craparazzi noted the quiet return on one Quade Cooper into Brisbane last week as a sure sign of a Wallaby spot. When I pointed out his Japanese season had ended and he had family and loved ones living in bananaland, the learned gent swore at me, put his dentures back in and toddled back out to the surrounding hills and his moonshine distillery.
NFL? Not Farging Likely.
It seems our own Jordan of Nazareth Petaia is keen to emulate Jarryd Hayne Louis Rees-Zammit by having a crack at gridiron, or as it’s known in French, watching le paint dry, NFL. Props to the kid for dreaming big, but when was the last time he could string together 4-5 rugby games in a row? Just saying. planetrugby.com has more.
Siya Fatty.
Life coach and Racing 92 president Jacky Lorenzetti, doesn’t miss when he challenges Siya Kolesi’s girth and match impact here at planetrugby.com
Hooper re-signs with RA.
Almost a great headline for us all, but alas, it’s only Tom Hooper re-signing with RA until the end of 2025. I do like this young fella, but he has dropped down the gold pecking order this year.
Tahriffic Performance.
The Tahs have celebrated their wooden spoon winning year (for the men) by naming Mad Dog Swinton their players’ player of 2024. It must be said that the big unit had a very strong year in an otherwise lacklustre team.
In brighter news the all-conquering, undefeated Tahs SRW ladies also named their best with barnstorming lock Atasi Lafai getting the nod by one vote to Leilani Nathan (132-131).
Congrats to both Swinton and Lafai.
Make Up Your McMind!
Retired, not retired, and no longer an entrant for Scottish father of the year, Stewart Hogg, has decided it best if he was located on a separate land mass than that of his estranged wife and signed with French team Montpellier. Hogg joins Spanish police mobile taser target, Billy Vunipola, at the club and I’m salivating at the possible videos and stories to come from the pair next season.
Law Bender Returns.
Jaco Johan resumes his international coaching career this weekend when the Catholics take on the Tom Jones XXIII at home in the politically stable surrounds of far southern Holland. You can catch the action on STAN.
NEWSFLASH: Transferred to Twickenham as the South African police have run out of ammo.
- Sat. 22nd June South Africa v Wales. 10.50pm coverage. 11.00pm kick-off.
Hodor no more.
Wrapping up today’s Goss, the ageless warhorse Sam ‘Hodor” Whitelock calls time on his professional playing career when he runs out for the travelling drinking (and sometimes rugby playing) side, the BaaBaas, this weekend. The side coincidentally shares its name with NZ’s # 2 top watched adult entertainment film, just behind the Kiwi 50 Shades of Grey, ‘Silence of the Lambs’.
I’ve hated how Hodor and his AB sides have ground us into the dirt for over 20 years now, but I can’t help but admire the man. His humility and ability to play hard, but still be a good guy on and off the paddock is to be respected. Just a shame he was born in the wrong country, I guess.
- Sun. 23rd June. Fiji v Barbarians. 2.05am on STAN
Until we meet again. Go St Joe.
Hoss-out.
