Welcome to Friday Gaggers and all you education deprived, melanin depleted, binary gendered, children born out of wedlock. As we celebrate International Women’s Day, Sam Kerr style. So wipe the vomit from the taxi floor and come with me down this week’s rugby rabbit hole of wonder, amazement and adventure.
We kick start today by looking at a ‘Record Breaking Result’. Then shake ourselves off and bask in the reflective sky blue glory of possibly the greatest rugby win ever by an Australian side in ‘Tahriffic Performance’. Switch gears completely and revisit the Brumbies capitulation in ‘Weakened at Bernie’s?’. Before diving head long into Round #3 of SRP and ‘Read the Signs’. Then put an exclamation mark in your rugby week with ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss’ now in discussions with Ms Kerr, to play the main role in the upcoming biopic, ‘I am Sam. F@@@@@g Deal With it You F@@@@@g Stupid White B@@@@@d’
Record Breaking Result?
Well, depends on your definition of record huh? Yes, it certainly was a ‘record’, the same way Yowie also has a ‘record’ for performing the ‘squashed frog’ on a rec-room window to unsuspecting residents at a Beenleigh nursing home. As always, the devil is in the detail.
What do you get when have an ailing coach, surrounded by hand picked-sycophants, then presenting the deluded dictator with the logins to the company bank account? And all this without any oversight? Why a $2.6 million dollar World Cup overspend, that’s what.
Yep Gaggers, the RA reports are in, the dust has settled and the self proclaimed messiah of Oz Rugby, the man who left Australian Rugby in a ‘better position’ while simultaneously applying for other coaching jobs and leading us to World Cup humiliation, also overspent on the dismal campaign by a cool $2.6m. Imagine if we had, somehow, gone deeper in the RWC!
The news of the budget butchering blowout is just one of a series of findings from a review instigated by RA and overseen by Andrew Slack, Justin Harrison, Darlene Harrison and Moana Leilua.
The SMH has the full story from Scoop Decent, for those that can’t access the SMH, at a glance:
- 94 participants
- 23 recommendations
Phil Waugh “The over-investment that was unapproved was $2.6 million, which covered three main elements: team costs, staff travel and player benefits. Delegation of authority is important. Clearly there were breaches in that area and we’ve made personnel changes on the back of some of those breaches. I think it’s just the transparency of how a team is selected and then ensuring once that team is selected, making sure that the players are communicated to appropriately.”
“It’s making sure there are clear channels for players to raise any concerns that within an environment and there’s no consequences” Waugh said. “Clearly, there’s been a breakdown in trust from leadership, the organisation and the players. Since the end of the World Cup, it’s my responsibility to ensure that the players are in the right environment and one that’s world-class. I think that it came through that we didn’t create that environment for the players.”
I understand we’ve flogged the dead horse that is Eddie Jones and his coaching. But seriously Gaggers, read between the lines above at the absolute madness, lunacy and total ineptitude of life in Camp Wallaby under Dr Evil and the coaches he hired. In my opinion Jones clearly suffers a psychopathy that a medical team really should evaluate. At his own expense of course.
Tahriffic Performance.
A question for all today’s readers and asking for a friend: what Australian side has complete dominance and the most winningest record over the Crusaders this decade?
Recently I read a telling, deep and encyclopedic insight into the kicking woes of the NSW Waratahs. This magnificent piece stated, in order for their season to improve, their kicking needed to improve by metrics not measured in any tangible number. Unless of course you’re Elon Musk’s accountant and you just make numbers up that don’t exist. It was such a quantum improvement in their kicking that helped the Tahs to yet another well-deserved victory over serial bunnies, the Christchurch Book of Christianity Middle Eastern Enforcement Division. However, it was more, much more than that. For the first time in a rugby eon, the Tahs were actually greater than the sum of their parts.
To a man, the Tah forward pack hunted and played as one. The Gambler, Kenny Rogers at #7 was Herculesesque and topped the tackle count at 20-odd and it wasn’t just that he tackled the house down, he disrupted rucks and slowed the Crusaders at every opportunity, often with enough pressure for the Saders to fluff their lines while he linked extremely well on attack. I also witnessed a real statement of intent from Flanders Hanigan. Flanders was second on 16 tackles (@ 100% completion mind you) from his stellar 28 minutes off the pine. And he hit hard as well as hitting often, and he showed real smarts (as did other Tahs) in executing a fair few choke tackles when they held up the Saders ball runners thus evoking a maul and subsequent turnovers. The props both had great shifts with ‘The Bull’ growing into the set piece battle; I love seeing him run and pop the pass. ‘Tony Soprano’ (HJH) had a huge shift. Starting the game and then coming on again later as an injury replacement after his first shift was over. He was strong at the meat and potatoes and also had some fine gravy moments as well.
Commissioner Gordon led beautifully, and like a conductor atop of his game led the Tahs orchestra magnificently. It’s easy to forget that not only did he pull off two intercepts that saw him score a try himself and then set up the Tahs the next phase on the opposite wing. But, it was also he who sprinted back and put in the last ditch dive to force the knock on from the guy voted least likely to win an IWD award, Sevu Reece. With the Saders threatening a very Sader-like last 10 minutes and a growing sense of ‘oh spit, hold on, here they come’, it was moments like this effort from The Commissioner that proved a true insight into team Tah spirit.
I know ‘Alfred E Neuman’ (Edmed) got the chocolates on the night, but my MotM, just ahead of Gordon, was one Jethro Holloway. Jethro was epic; he didn’t have one highlight reel moment, or runaway try, or miracle pass, but what he did do is the stuff coaches and teammates adore. Secured lineout pill, disrupted and stole theirs, made crucial tackles and held some up to secure turnover possession, tackled everything, linked beautifully on attack and produced his best game for 12 months. The same type of form that saw him rightly become a Wallaby. Long may it last.
This win was deserved, more than that it was earned. We as spectators got a glimpse behind the curtain to the type of soul this Tahs team has, that can lead to a performance and result like last week’s, and credit must go to Yowie who first spotted it at Suncorp stadium in round one. Three shandies deep and over the din of the crowd and the crackling of banjoes, I could hear him often yell to me: ‘Hoss, you Tah soul!’
Yes indeed Yowser, yes indeed.
Weakened at Bernies?
Wow! Just what, exactly, was that? Last week the Brumbies weren’t just off or poor, or listless, or fatigued or out of kilter, were they? Nope, they were pure and utter rancid. I don’t recall ever seeing a Brumbies side play like that. Not ever. To a man their pack were powder puffs: soft and showed the sort of resistance I’d expect from half-set bowls of jelly sitting on a counter top. Actually, that’s probably a tad unfair; at some stage jelly sets harder and its resistance improves.
And it wasn’t a team of newbies or injury enforced changes. This was a team of current Wallaby players, Australia A players and long-term and proven performers at Super Rugby level. And while it wasn’t just a single Ponies player who failed the character test, the one I’ve highlighted as indicative of a wider malaise for soiling one’s rugby sheets is Andy Sewerhead. For when it came to his rugby outing last week, every rugby thought or execution he displayed, wreaked of him being inflicted with the rugby equivalent of sh*t for brains.
And it was just so very confronting and confusing. Because on these very Friday pages I have stated my admiration for him as a very good, very consistent and high performing rugby player! So just who was this other guy that looked like him, had the man-bun like him, had the same manscaping as him, yet played so goddam awfully, so unlike him? And when I say ‘awful’ you know I’ve watched a lot of Western Force games, so I know awful when I see it.
I don’t know that I saw him complete a single solitary tackle. I saw plenty of arm grabbing, turn style, ‘this way to the exit’ type defence. I saw ‘bugger I am out of position again’ type panic. But not one effective tackle, not one shoulder on type attempt. And the cherry on top, the signature edition moment that best summed up his and the team’s performance? His kick late in the game that lead to another Chuffs score. Well, technically it was a ‘kick’ because his foot was involved, albeit unwillingly it would seem. And that sums up the Brumbies last week, even the players limbs were refusing to contribute to the utter dog’s breakfast they served up to Oz rugby fans.
Bulldog meet porridge: go your hardest. Actually that’s also unfair, cause at least the bulldog has intent. The Brumbies sure didn’t, well not any that I could decipher anyway. The kicking was atrocious. The tackling was insipid. Their attack uninspired and generally the ACT Brumbies looked uncertain and timid. It was extremely ‘unBrumby-like’ and very much boys against men, with a result that at fulltime actually flattered the Brumbies.
As for the Chuffs, even at round two they are the raging favourites for the whole shebang. They can run around you, through you or over you. They have size a plenty, speed everywhere and with D-Mac alternating seamlessly between #10 and #15 they’re bloody fantastic to watch. They appear to have so many strings to their attacking bow that they don’t need to be invited to rumble straight over you. The Brumbies didn’t so much invite them as stand to the sides and watch the spectacle instead!
What really got my goat, though, was that the Tahs had already opened the doors for them for an Aussie avalanche of wins against the Kiwis in Mexico. Us fans had the very real opportunity to come out of Mexico with four wins to Kiwis one (1). The Brumbies, the real Brumbies might have still lost to the imperious Chuffs, but they would have had a dig. I don’t know who that lot was?
Read the Signs.
All aboard for Round #3 SRP action.
Team news here from Happy’s Thursday News.
Friday 8 March 5:05 pm AEDT – Moana Pasifika v Melbourne Rebels at FMG Stadium, Hamilton on Stan Sport
I must admit that MP were much better than I had given them credit for. They are fitter, faster and as a bonus, bloody large humans as well and they deserved their win against the Drua in what was a cracking game last week. Lotu Inisis at #8 for MP was extremely impressive and for me was the point of difference between the two sides.
For the Rebels. Well, I don’t know how they actually won it after being so comprehensively outgunned by those from the Western frontier. But I do know that The Abattoir will be one relieved Rebel prop for two reasons:
- They won.
- If it wasn’t for the spineless showing by the Ponies forwards, the Abattoir would have copped both barrels for the most pathetic, embarrassing and shameful hit up by a forward in the history of the game. Sure he can swear when mic’d up on STAN, but Nella, you’re 150kg and a battering ram, how ’bout playing like one!
Flash Gordon got an intercept starting a Rebels run that saw three tries in eight minutes to steamroll the Force. But, what really helped was Lukhan Salakaia-Loto (‘FKA’) playing his best ever game of SR and was the standout performer for mine. If it wasn’t for FKA I reckon the Force hold on and get the chocolates last week. FKA was ably supported by Josh Canham. I like this kid for higher honours. He burst on the scene second half of ’23 and has picked up where he left off. And the Rebels loosies who all had strong games.
If the Rebels forwards can show up as a cohesive pack and nullify the MP meat lovers then it’ll go a long way to winning this one. I actually find this the hardest game to tip this week. Start slow and it will be a long day out for the Mexican side. Let’s just hope it doesn’t come down to goal kicking though, because Flash has missed two in front this season and seems to be the Ian Baker-Finch of goal kicking. Yip, Yip, Yip.
Fearless Prediction: My gut tells me MP just, by 5. But equally, it could be Rebels by 20. Ah bugger it. A draw.
Referee: Brendon Pickerill Assistant Referees: Angus Mabey, Marcus Playle
Friday 8 March 7:35 pm AEDT – NSW Waratahs v Highlanders at Allianz Stadium on Stan Sport
The Sader slayers up against the worst of the Kiwi coven? It’s long been a Tahs failing that they win against all odds and lose when they should win.
Fearless Prediction: But not this time. There’s gold in dem dare Tah hills this season I tells ya. Tahs by 19.
Referee: Damon Murphy Assistant Referees: Matt Kellahan, James Palmer
Saturday 9 March 12:05 pm AEDT – Fijian Drua v Crusaders at Churchill Park on Stan Sport
First home game of the year. Hot, 118% humidity, boisterous home crowd, expectations high and playing against a side who used to resemble the Crusaders? Is it any wonder the Tahs sacked this coach years ago!
Fearless Prediction: ‘0 & 3’ for the Crusaders. Drua by 11. Oh dear.
Referee: Nic Berry Assistant Referees: George Myers, Jeremy Markey
Saturday 9 March 2:35 pm AEDT – ACT Brumbies v Western Force at GIO Stadium on Stan Sport
I said it all above, the Brumbies were so bad it beggars belief. The Force are brave, but without depth. The real interest will be if the Brumbies forwards can rise above that performance of last week?
I would expect with the Force thin up front and a fairly brutal ‘review’ and punishment week, sorry, ‘training’ week the Brumbies might front up for this one. But will it really count for much? It’s only the Force.
Fearless Prediction: Brumbies by 25.
Referee: Dan Waenga Assistant Referees: Graham Cooper, Jordan Kaminski
Saturday 9 March 5:05 pm AEDT – Hurricanes v Blues at Sky Stadium on Stan Sport
The Canes were very good against the Reds, especially from the perspective of another infringing and violent recidivist Barrett family member being shown yet another vino. On that note I reckon every time one of them takes the field they should be given an immediate yellow card just to save time later on.
The Blues look to be only second in term of all round game play to the Chuffs. Again they have size, speed and talent across the putch and can skin opposition sides in more ways than one.
For all of that I did think the Communists woz robbed last week. As Happy pointed out yesterday, what should’ve been a Reds ruck penalty and a goal attempt from Reds #10, Michael junior, instead saw a lineout 10m out from the Reds and a Canes try in golden point. Anyhoo.
Fearless Prediction: Could be a clanger. Blues by 5.
Referee: Jordan Way Assistant Referees: Nick Hogan, Natarsha Ganley
Saturday 9 March 7:35 pm AEDT – Queensland Reds v Chiefs at Suncorp Stadium on Stan Sport
Another potential cracking game to round out the week. The toothless, banjo-strumming, cousin- loving Red fans among the Gagger writing team (it’s OK they don’t read Fridays or, more to the point, have NSW friends read it to them) ‘celebrated’ the Reds loss last week, strangely because of how much improvement they had in them? No mention of playing a 14 man Canes team for 20 minutes, or enough pill to lower unplanned pregnancies in the Hunter. Nope, bizzarely they were really good, because they weren’t really good when they could’ve been? Riiiiiiight. Only in the QPRQ.
In all the hooha of who was best #10 last week between Alfred E Neuman: nope – got skinned twice on D that lead to Saders tries. Flash Gordon: nope – for the second week in a row missed from right in front and general kicking was poor. Or Benny D: to be fair was the pick of the three with a less ‘revered’ forward pack around him.
The winner, however, in my opinion was Tom Lynagh. He is rugby’s Mark Waugh. He appears to have so much time on the ball, unflustered, unhurried, seems to be able to compartmentalise, defends like a guy 15kg heavier, has a pure kicking game from hand or tee and despite his tender years, could be our Orange #10 for a decade. He’s the most complete #10 I’ve seen in a long while. No flash about his game, no flaws either. He looks made for test rugby. You heard it hear first folks: Tom Lynagh will be the Aussie Dan Carter.
And I must admit to developing a bit of a man crush of Liam Wright. Every inch a proper rugby player. Liam you’re welcome at the Tahs any time.
See above for comments around Chuffs and their dangers. The Commies, well, they have the materials, but can they refine the product?
Fearless Prediction: Yes they can. Reds by 1. Come on ‘slanders, turn out in numbers and get the job done.
Referee: Ben O’Keeffe Assistant Referees: Stu Curran, Jackson Henshaw
Friday’s Goss with Hoss
Moore Borthwick?
Not so much it appears. Former Pommy rake Brian Moore ain’t no fan. planetrugby.com has Moore.
Redneck Government?
The SMH reports:
‘The Hurricanes’ women’s Super Rugby side, known as the Poua, performed a haka that contained the words “karetao o te Kawana kakiwhero” which translates in English to “puppets of this redneck government”.‘
Allegedly inspired by Sam Kerr, the organisation is set to apologise to the government for the oversight. For what they really meant to say was……
stuff.co.nz also has a reply from Kiwi kingmaker, Sir Winston Peters.
Best Loser’s Plate Continues.
The northern hemisphere’s comp for best losing World Cup semi-final side continues this weekend. Check out all the details at sixnationsrugby.com/en
St Joe Pontificates.
New coach and universally good guy St Joe Schmidt opens up to planetrugby.com about next year’s inbound FUKIRs tour. And I may be surmising a bit, but essentially tells them: ‘we got this’. Indeed we do Joe.
Until next week. Go the Tahs.
Hoss – out.
