All Blacks

The Man From Waiuku River – an Ode to Stephen Donald

The Man From Waiuku River – an Ode to Stephen Donald

There was movement on the sidelines, for the word had got around
Replacement fly-half Stephen Donald was soon to take the ground

The game was all-but over, the Darkness held the lead
The Wallabies were clearly shagged, it was time to about concede.

The Men-in-Gold were down by 12 and it had all been seen before
Sookface had just come on, as Gits was shown the door.

But just when all seemed hopeless and the only outcome was defeat
The Man from Waiuku River rose ungainly to his feet.

His warm-up on the sideline was something of a farce
He’s not very good at kicking, and he can hardly fucking pass

When Smug Ted dragged Dan Carter, ‘cause his ankle was near shot
The look on Richie’s face said “Ol’ Ted’s lost the fucking plot”

For DC on one leg is a better bet than Waiuku River’s two
Anyone who’d seen him butcher things for Mooloo, knew what he would do

So the Man from Waiuku River did stumble on into the line
And it was only seconds later, the sun began to shine

Gilbert ran the Gilbert with style, poise and grace
He timed a sweet ball to Shmoo, who had far too much pace

It was 24-19 as the conversion sailed over from near the 3rd row
Rocky gathered the boys’ round “With Donald on lads, we’ve got a fucking show!”

On the Man from Waiuku River did bungle, not stopping to draw breath
He even had a chance at a penalty goal to win it at the death.

But for those who know him best, it was always going to shank
He’s just so God-damn gawky; he’s like a fucking plank.

But still our Man kept plodding, he wasn’t done with yet
There was still one more balls-up, as bad as it could get

For the Man from Waiuku River, again had the ball in his hands
And to win the game he had to only kick it to the stands

But alas he stuffed the kick and downfield the ball did soar
You could almost hear JOC shout “Fuck me dead, I reckon I’m gonna score!”

And so he did just that, young JOC was now the hero
On the other side The Man from Waiuku River, a freshly minted zero

The Wallabies went wild, and the crowd they pissed it up
“Stick the 10 straight up your arse”, they screamed – they even won a Cup

And down by Waiuku Riverside, where the youngsters dream of greatness
They should remember their Stephen Donald, is completely fucking hopeless

All Blacks

Mr Consistently Average

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