Well holy 💩 Batman! I was sitting there at home watching that, and like the Mayor of Hiroshima Mrs BL sat there going “What the Fark was that?” The only response that I could come up with was that it looked like boys playing men. Or in simpler terms, that’s the magnitude of the task in front of Joe Schmidt and his coaching team.
Firstly, congrats to the Bokke. They were good. In fact that’s an understatement, they were fantastic. They’re a team that, despite what many pundits say about them, are evolving. They’ve conquered the power game and have now added flair and dimension to it. They are a level above how they were in the RWC (maybe except for discipline).
So let’s dive into that performance, as bad as it was. Don’t worry, I’m not going to go through it blow by blow. Purely because I’ll either be in therapy at the end of it or I’ll run a warm bath, put on The Doors ‘This is the end!’ and commit Seppeku. Yes it was that drastic. Also we can’t blame the referee because Luke Pearce had a great game.
First Half
Rugby’s a simple game, if you don’t have possession, you won’t win. No ball equals no points. And that sums up the first half really. Well that and stupid kicks by Lolo and Jake Gordon. Every scrum was a penalty, and pretty much every lineout was stolen or went to shite.
What we saw in the first half was a Dutch Dirt Farming masterclass. And what we saw from the Wallabies clearly demonstrated that the Wobs don’t have the cattle. This isn’t a coaching problem; the Wallabies skills, execution and discipline let them down. Penalty after penalty. Screw up after screw up. When the Ginger Ninja Kellaway was given a slice of 🧀 for a lifting tackle it just got worse. He shouldn’t have been surprised, in his head he was lifting the player to form a maul, but his body was horizontal from the start, so how the player was assisted to the ground was always going to be the telling factor. You can complain all you like, but that was a yellow every day of the week.
You can have a good, even simple, game plan. But if the muppets on the field can’t execute it, or get their skills right, then you’re going to get pasted. And pasted is exactly what happened, with the South Africans going into the sheds with a 21-0 lead.
Second Half
What ever deity, or in Hoss’s case, tree stump, that you pray to, I’m sure all Wallabies fans were praying to it at half time. Hopefully St Joe would come up with some magic, find some words to inspire the Wallabies players, but alas, it wasn’t to be. In fact what we saw was more of the same.
The reality is, the only thing that got us looking like we were doing something was when the South Africans started gettting lazy and their discipline went out the window. Three successive yellow cards 🧀, and the Wallabies playing against 13 players was the only thing that enabled us to get on the score board via Hunter Paisami. But only just, and only once. And that pretty much sums up the game.
Our scrum was crap. Our lineout was crap. Our skills were crap and our discipline was crap.
Hospital Ward
St Joe has a week to go back to the drawing board with his coaching staff and try and find something in this group to lift the team. Let’s face facts: we aren’t going to beat the Bokke. We just have to find a way to suck less, and attempt to be competitive.
We walk out of this game with a half full hospital ward with Jeremy Williams, Filipo Daugunu, Nick Frost and Jake Gordon all copping injurese during the thumping.
Thoughts on Wallabies Players
Below is a score card for all G&GRs to rate the players. But here’s a little commentary from BL to depress you further.
There weren’t many Wallaby players that covered themselves in anything that resembled glory. Most covered themselves in 💩. LSL had a half decent game, he toiled hard but to limited effect. Frost had a couple of good moments too. But that was really about it in my books.
The Gordon/Lolo experiment is over. Lolo had a bad game, Gordon not much better. Lynagh and Tate weren’t on long enough but appeared to gel better and certainly kicked better. The kicking by Lolo and Gordon was just terrible. The front row got towelled at scrum time and at the breakdown. Our lineout got towelled pretty much all the time. The Bokke rush defence had the forwards and distributors being caught receiveing the ball stationary and then getting smashed. Both Kellaway and Wright had Barry Crockers. Daugunu was trying hard till he was injured, and Hunter Paisami busted his arse, but to little effect.
Anyway there’re my thoughts, and I’m not watching that game again to confirm or deny them. You guys and gals fill your boots. Enough from this really cranky old man, over to you G&GRs. Have at it.
G&GR Player Review Scores
Australia v South Africa – 10th August
