Dismal’s (un)Official RWC Guide Part 2

Hello, and Welcome to part two of  The Official IRB 2015 Rugby World Cup Guide. You can see part one here

Let me guide you through the key elements of the upcoming tournament, featuring a close-up in-depth look at all of the 19 foreign teams that are cruelly and viciously and, frankly, racistly looking to deny New Zealand their 3rd Rugby World Cup and second Rugby World Cup in succession.

France

**Threat Level**:

HUGELY TERRIFYING. 

I only know about three of the French players names but who cares, once France front up against NZ at a Rugby World Cup it’s as if every frog and his dog is a yippee kye-yay mothef**ker with both nuts strapped to a torpedo and their brains riddled with rainbow warrior garlic.

Player To Watch: Richie Mccaw (NZ)

Let’s hope Mccaw can toy with the frogs just like he toys with the slightly dim French chicks on twitter

Georgia

**Threat Level**:

Picking 15 forwards sounds like a cool idea on paper but never seems to pan out too well for Georgia.

Player To Watch: Tony Woodcock (NZ)

Is the centurion on his last legs? Will Wyatt Crockett supplant him in the NZ engine room? These are just two of the things I will be watching out for at the upcoming Rugby World Cup.

Ireland

**Threat Level**:

A real danger to NZ.

Despite having never defeated them.

Ever.

In history.

Never happened.

LET’S FACE FACTS, ALL BLACKS; lose to Ireland and you are all walking home

Player To Watch: Sam Whitelock (NZ in the rear)

At times, you really need to keep an eye on Sam Whitelock.

AT ALL TIMES.

Italy

**Threat Level**:

“Kirwan? Who the f**k is ‘Kirwan’? I’m looking for Luke Braid-Whitelock, you goddamn a******. Find him. We need him in September. You got two weeks. Motherf*****r.”

Player To Watch: Jerome Kaino (NZ)

Can Kaino resume his murder bash prowess circa 2011? Or will Liam Messam be preferred for the knock-out games? This is just one of the intriguing things that I, for one, will be watching out for at the upcoming Rugby World Cup.

Japan

**Threat Level**:

ZERO threat to NZ.

They mark up well, yes, but really its still just NPC blokes and some local casting extras.

Player to watch: Blue bra. Middle row. Don’t know her name.

Namibia

**Threat Level**:

Player To Watch:Richie Mccaw (NZ)

He’s everywhere!

Romania

**Threat Level**:

Romania. Wasn’t Dracula from Romania? Or was it Transylvania? Anyway. Righto.

Player To Watch: Still Mccaw isn’t it?