Wednesday
There’s something special about a Bledisloe week in Sydney, particularly if you don’t have to buy your own piss. A deserved perk of battling for our struggling players.
Rang Kafe yesterday about how well we are going. He didn’t answer but I left him a message asking him to do a chalkboard on the issues surrounding the investigation we’re pursuant to. I’m sure he’ll think it over as usual.
Said investigation is going really well. At this juncture in proceedings no-one has actually spoken to us as yet but I rang Mat Rogers knowing he never misses a chance to shit-can the ARU. Should be able to get some dirt on that prick O’Neil as well, just waiting for Matty to call me back; I thought I would have heard from him by now.
Thursday
Nuthin’ better, sunshine and another lunch on the RUPA credit card. Held a briefing at The Rockpool with my learned colleague and lead counsel for the inquiry, Johnny “Big” Spender QC. His opinion is that it’s going really well, but the whole thing might slip over budget. No worries I said, the players realise the invaluable role we played back in 1996 and will surely understand an increase in contributions.
Johnny reckoned O’Neil will be shitting bricks knowing the “Demolition Demo” is on the war path. If only I could get hold of those pictures he got from that fact finding tour in Thailand!
Rang Wendell this morning to see if he had anything to say. Left a message. He’s very busy these days.
Friday
Kafe rang me this morning, I was hoping it was Matty or Big Dell, never mind. The rumour is that Lote’s conferencing with the ARU today. Fucken beauty, the inquiry idea has worked! Stick to your guns Sharkie, with RUPA on your side there is no way any further mal afides could possibly occur.
Up your fucking hole O’Neil, just wait until Lote and I have finished with you!!!
Dictated Lote a ‘Tweet’ just before lunch, it’s all the rage these days apparently – helps fans get in touch with their heroes. Told him not to worry about a thing and for him not to make any decisions until we have finished our inquiry so he has maximum leverage – how long do replies take in Twitter?
Saturday
It’s important to give something back to your members so we thought we’d organise a sausage sizzle for the boys on Sunday morning at RUPA head-quarters. Rang Morty to see if he could spread the word.
He seemed a bit pissed that all we were putting on was sausages but as I explained to him the budget was running a bit thin and the kind of head-kicker representation RUPA gave the players didn’t come cheap.
Got to the corporate boxes at the Stadium and the first person I saw was O’Neil. I snarled and mouthed the word “asshole” to him. He loudly offered a glass of “O’Neil’s Own Chardonnary, best served at body temperature”, much to the mirth of his entourage. Bastard.
The game was really intense and no-one seemed in the mood for a chat, well at least not to me anyway. I saw some bloke hiding behind a pot-plant trying to look inconspicuous. Bugger me, it was Gary Flowers – we talked for hours.
Sunday
The sausage sizzle went really well, even if it was only me, Kearnsey and Kafe that showed up. Got word that O’Neil had trumped my idea with a harbour cruise and seafood lunch for the players. I took heart from the fact that RUPA had again produced a great outcome for its members.
Kearnsey and Kafe decided on a sausage eating comp which Kafe won 4 kilos to 3.
I rang Matt Henjak to see if he wanted to take part in the inquiry but he told me to “fuck off”. He is such a joker, just ask Haig.
Monday
For a bit of fun I thought I’d ring O’Neil first thing in the morning and put the shits up him. Had to pretend I was a potential sponsor to get through. I told him how well the inquiry was going and how such an influential organisation like RUPA would not back down. When I told him about the blokes who had been punted by the ARU lining up to get their own back, I knew he was really packing it.
I saved the best until last and told him what I had tweeted to Lote on Friday, strangely his whole mood changed at this point and he rang off laughing and invited me over for another coffee….I’ve got him where I want him!!!
Tuesday
Well that’s it, we’ve won, another great victory for RUPA!
Clearly the threat of our inquiry made O’Neil capitulate and roll-over to Sharkies demands. I reckon I’ll ring Kafe and Clarkie and try and get a spot on this week’s edition of ‘The RUPA Club’.
My work here is done. Where’s lunch?
*According to Juan Cote and Gagger
