Thanks to RA for the Thursday night announcement to capitalise on Australia’s best* Friday Rugby News coverage (* based on Gallop poll of one Hunter based resident).
There’s no bigger news to kick off Friday than with our RWC squad announcement with ‘Holy Grail Part 1: The Search’. Take a respectful look at what should be our one national sporting chant in: ‘Holy Grail Part II: Shut-up Stupid’. Scour the Rugby cosmos for opinion & comment on our squad in ‘Holy Grail Part III: Who said what?’ And wrap up a fantastic week of Rugby excitement with ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss‘. Now boarding at gate 43 for Charles De Gaulle.
The Holy Grail Part 1: The Search.
You know what Rudders, you can take the last few losses, the unusual selections, the good form, the not so good form and wrap it all up, stick it in a vape thingy, throw in some strawberry poison essence and sell it to some ‘tweenies’ for all I care. All that matters today is that finally, finally, all the speculation and the ‘talk’ is done! You know, ‘is he or isn’t he, ‘he could maybe, ‘he should probably’, ‘he will, but he won’t’. Well, its all just whispers in the wind now and we have been delivered what I opined for a few weeks back: a new future.
I absolutely frigging love the squad. The two stand outs for me:
- The changing of the guard
- Will Skelton as Captain (stay with me here)
I said in Mr Sully’s announcement last night, that for toooooooooooooo long both the Wallabies & us fans have become accustomed to losing, kinda like Kiwis in the great game of life. It’s become ingrained & it’s become a habit, a ‘we need therapy’ to shake this thing, life altering, soul destroying, craving the next loss habit! We just accept that the ref was a turd, that (insert any Nearlies player name here) is always offside, that ‘if only we’d kicked that conversion / drop goal / penalty’
Well guess bloody what? Dr Eddie has just come along and put aside all the mamby-pamby ‘it’s not you, you’re a victim’ crap and kicked us collectively in the groin and said ‘it’s time to wake up mate’ and forge your own futures.
Sure there’s a few ‘Pauline Hanson’ calls in the squad of 33, but who cares! Matt Gitteau was one of those in 2003, Phil Kearns in 1990 and so on. I dare you to tell me on form, who was unlucky to miss out? Now please note the key word ‘form’. Not ‘history’, not ‘reputation’, not deeds of yore, not ‘he had a good 40 minutes once’, but the only rugby currency that truly matters: ‘form’
And you know what, it don’t matter what we think, do it? For these are our Wallabies. Our new Wallabies, our new leaders and what’s more, they aren’t soaked in blood from a decade of horrid results.
Enter stage right Captain Skelton.
Name me one other Wallaby of the past 10 years who has won what this gent has won? Forget the fact he’s a former Tah for now and tell me which current player that has a better Rugby resume in Australia than this guy? Put it this way:
- Will Skelton is a W-I-N-N-E-R in every sense of the word.
He has won both Northern & Southern Hemisphere titles, players player gongs wherever his been and at 31 is in his prime as a lock. The guy oozes success. Add in his PI background as well and I reckon the call to make him skipper is just brilliant on so many levels. So if you’re looking for a remedy cure the ails of losing? Well, perhaps appointing a ‘winner’ would be a good place to start I reckon
Come on Aussies, this is our team now. The talk is done, the dye is cast and it’s time we all got behind this lot. The road to a better tomorrow starts today.
The Holy Grail Part II: Shut up Stupid.
‘Woke up this morning
From the strangest dream
I was in a golden army
Like the world had never seen
We were marching as one
On the road to the Holy Grail’
Don’t know about you, but I’d be ok belting this one out at any sports ground around the globe where one of our national sides were playing. Be it the Matilda’s, the Hockeyroos, Socceroos (I am sensing a theme here) the Ollyroos or the Kookaroos, its a distinctly Australian anthem in every sense of the word.
There’s no ‘hittin’ some Hong Kong mattress all night long‘. ‘No Vegemite sandwich’ reference, no ditty about the cowardice of a house deprived vagabond, turned sheep thief & his act of brazen cowardice in drowning himself as the cops arrive. Nope, none of that, just a proper national rock anthem, that I reckon would rouse a crowd and our team.
Which brings me nicely to the ‘singing’ of ‘Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi, Oi’
Three words and three, well, ‘air expulsions’ that firmly tell the stadium and all those that sit around you, that you are a complete dickhead. So too, those who chant it back.
I am yet to witness, anywhere in the world, in any venue, a better example of a nations moronic masses being in the same spot, at the same time, well, apart from a Queensland Voting booth during a QPRQ state election anyway.
The game’s on the line, your team is defending, they’re fatigued, they’re struggling, their will is being tested and what’s the best the crowd can muster to lift them for one more fight, to steel them against those who dare try and take what is ours by birthright: glory of the sporting field and what happens? Some soccer-mum, or frustrated accountant, wannabe gangster dad stands up in row 16 and leads off with…………….
And a little piece of me dies every time.
So today I issue a general warning to those who start off, or participate in said moronic melody.
Some time in the future you’re going to be at a rugby game (I wouldn’t pay to watch any of the rest, well Matilda’s maybe) and our 2023 world champion Wallabies are going to be under siege, most likely from a side dressed nearly all in black, clearly offside and with a chea referee making it hard on our own. As a reflex you might jump out of your seat, jaw open, first breath inhaled and ready to expel the battle cry of the bogan, but then. Before your jaw opens a second time, you are going to be hit by 145kgs of momentum and it will be messy. You will spill your plastic beer cup over your partner Epiphany, ruining her faux sheep skin slippers. For a few seconds you will be completely dazed and confused, like when you tried to complete the Census a few years back. One, or several of you facial orifices will leak plasma and you’ll barely be able to read the 4 tattoos on your arm that bare your children’s names ‘Brock’, ‘Brock Jnr’ ‘Brooklyn’ & your newest ‘TBA’ (well to be fair, it’s ‘Tabatha’, but you ran out of room).
Sure this 145kg person of interest will also likely tear a hammy in getting to you. Alternatively they may also cramp up 3 stairs later as they try to scarper off. But I am sure I speak for that person in saying ‘it will be worth it’ if it stops one more utterance of that moronic, low brow, unimaginative shite that for too long has lingered around stadia like day-after eaten Indian flatulence lingers on a crowded bus.
Alternatively we could all learn the inspirational words of Mr Seymour & Co of Hunters & Collectors fame and rip into ‘Holy Grail’, what you don’t know you can simply make up, but do not, under any circumstances revert to the mating call of the meathead.
Instead, just shut up stupid.
Holy Grail Part III: Who said what.
With a brand new skipper and 25 of our squad of 33 at their first world cup & an average age of 25.8 (with only 4 players over 30) and average caps of 19.5 (remember Jimmy Slips has 131 on his own, so the ‘average’ cap number is highly distorted) there’s been no shortage of coverage & comment from all corners of the rugby-verse:
SMH – ‘Crazy or Courageous’
Planet Rugby – ‘Bold Selection Calls’
stuff.co.nz – What Gives?
The Queensland Times – ‘He’s completely unhinged’
rugby.com.au – ‘Shocks Galore’
fuxsports.com.au – ‘End of an Era’
Perhaps though, the last word should go to Eddie himself and I completely and whole heartedly agree with him:
“I think the biggest risk is not to take the risk.
“Really difficult decisions. We need a bit of a change in generation. We have had a pretty skinny period for Australia … and we just feel this is the time to start bringing some of these young guys through. They deserve the opportunity’
Friday’s Goss’ with Hoss.
New Team, New ‘Hossary’.
A new generation of Wallaby calls for a new Hossary. Now is the perfect chance for new / updated nicknames for ‘The Hossary’ (which will soon be added to the ‘headings bar’ for easy reference). Here’s your chance to be famous, have your nickname on RDU forever (or at least till I edit it late one night and remove any reference to your contribution anyway). Here’s some thought starters:
- ‘Traffic’ Fines-Leleiwasa
- Suli ‘Pauline Hanson’ Vunivalu
- Rob ‘The Buttocks’ Leota
- ‘Mad Max’ Jorgenson
- ‘Sargeant’ Schoupp
- ‘Clubba’ Langi Gleeson
- Josh ‘Hilux’ Kemeny
- Izzy ‘Cement’ Perese.
Nowaddamean?
‘Hodor’ injured
In a sign of just how much Brodie ‘Hodor’ Retallick means to the Nearlies, he has been picked in their squad, despite raising the clock to be fit with a knee injury. stuff.co.nz has more.
Only reason to visit Melbourne – ever.
Melbourne, which is the Mexico of Australia, (which actually makes perfect sense when you realise that Queensland has a ‘Texas’, which is not to be confused with the Scottish band of the same name, who much like Mexico ‘just need a friend’) has been named once again to host the third iteration of SRP’s ‘Super Round’ in 2024.
The event, which to fair has been only modestly attended over the previous deux years will run over March 1 – March 3 at AAMI stadium. Go the Tahs.
Copy & Paste King
RA’s own Natho Williamsboy, who wont actually be going to France to cover the RWC (budget cutbacks), but instead will be sent with a Ham Baguette, no cheese, to la Peruse to recreate the ambience, has all the RWC squads thus announced over at rugby.com.au.
Merci Nathan.
Hunter, Hunter, Hunter……..
Our very own Hunter Wildfires have made their first ever Shute Shield Finals series this weekend when they take on some Sydney toffs, the Northern Suburbs in a ‘Quarter Final’ that only boasts 6 teams in total (Whisky Tango Foxtrot is that?) at North Sydney Oval.
From all in the Hunter, go well lads and leave no stone unturned and no Northerner unbloodied, in your quest for greatness.
Thank you.
For all of the above and the excitement of the squad announced, it would be remiss of me in not acknowledging the possible end of several international careers as well as the disappointment to those who missed the final 33 this time:
- Michael Hooper – most capped Wallaby Skipper of all time. Legend of the game and gave his all every time he took the field
- Quade Cooper. Like a fine Hunter Red got better with age and I for one have pangs of regret that perhaps we never got to fully realise his enormous talent during his prime years.
Thank you to those two legends of Oz Rugby for many years of toil and sacrifice. To those with time still left on their side, hard luck on missing the 3 spots so far. And I hope you can channel that disappointment into becoming the best rugby player you can. Then we all win.
All aboard the Wallaby express, headed north!
Hoss – out.
