The Wrebel Wrap
There’s just so much to cover this week. After two week’s absence from these pages, he’s back by overwhelmingly popular demand… our lovable larrikin Lipdogg. He’s a crusading “dogg” this week – fighting for truth, justice and dubious hairstyling.
In other Rebels news…
Luke Jones is quite the catch: he’s non-ugly, fashion-conscious, young, literate, and on top of all that I have heard being a professional footballer in and of itself can be quite the aphrodisiac with the lady-folk. There’s just one thing that I think might hold him back: hygiene.
You see, Merlin only showers in the morning, so if, as my sources tell me, it’s customary for Rebels players to sweat multiple times throughout a day; assuming it’s a non-contact day he will be going to bed with at least 2 sweats worth of grime on himself. If he’s done a scrum session, then it’s his grime as well as that of the body and armpit of his locking partner, the backsides of his hooker and prop, and the shoulder(s) of his loose forwards. If it’s a contact session, it can be anyone’s! In a game? And headgear? Yes please! That dermal detritus can belong to upwards of forty other people during a game. Now that all gets deposited on his sheets on a nightly basis. Ladies, apply in the comments section to lie beside him on those festering sheets, below a doona that provides a warm environment for bacteria to really flourish. Doesn’t it just make you want to cuddle?
Digby’s back with his ex! Yes, the bromance that was on the rocks last week, has been rekindled. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and all is right with the world. How do we know? We have another shirtless photo of Digby – this time on a bus.
He was supposed to be wearing a singlet in the photo on the back of the bus, but at the shoot, the photographer’s assistant accidentally set his own shirt alight on one of the 1496 candles they were using to illuminate Digby’s face to give the illusion his cheekbones were carved out of granite. Obviously Digby felt bad and gave him the singlet he was wearing. Such a great guy.
The Waratahs have done stuff! On Monday we learnt just how harshly Michael Foley and the Waratahs dealt with their underperforming forwards. It’s our understanding that captain Fat Cat himself selected those to be sacrificed. I personally thought they had a really good performance against the Crusaders, but what would I know? I’ve never played professional rugby.
I’ve spoken to Rocky da Vinci to find out where he was when this frivolity and merriment was going on. He said “I was in the kitchen, making dinner- my signature Brandade de Moreu a la Marseilles. As I can’t tolerate the din of the television, I was listening to a Sonata in B Minor by Franz Liszt on the vintage HMV Gramophone I purchased at auction last year (Model VI, with a self-installed horizontal governor and worm drive).”
Good guys on twitter
This week we’re recognizing those Super Rugby players who give back to their clubs even when no one is watching them do it. I’m sure it happens more than this, but this week, the Faingaa Twins went out on a very wet and dreary day to watch their team, GPS, take on Norths; and they were out at Ballymore again last night watching their brother’s game, which only kicked off at 8pm. Beau Robinson and Van Humphries were out at the Souths v Sunnybank game last night.
I have no doubt there were many more Super rugby players out and about at club games over the weekend across all franchises, but I can only go off twitter. From a club-rugby tragic, boys we really appreciate you promoting our games on twitter and supporting the third tier of rugby.
Dom Shipperley shows he’s passionate about playing for his state over in Auckland
In honour of Sanchez’ magnificent contract-acrobatics (and the fact that I did an Interview Bingo within 8min on Monday!) I’ve decided to reintroduce my
loyal subjects readers to what inspired Interview Bingo, whilst also showing why the Reds are so happy he’s re-signed. Ladies and gentlemen: Captain Cliche