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Home»Daily News»Mad Monday with Brisneyland Local #70: Can Super Rugby get Any Better?
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Mad Monday with Brisneyland Local #70: Can Super Rugby get Any Better?

Mad Monday with Brisneyland Local
By Brisneyland LocalMay 19, 202579 Comments
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Gday GAGRs. Well another cracking round os super rugby Pacific. And to be honest with you all, I have given up on my tips for this year. As they have been all over the shop like a mad persons 💩. Too many surprise results and upsets. But hell I am loving every minute of it. My beloved Reddies lost to the Puppy Killers, but am not too upset because the Tahs got flogged. And a loss for the Waratahs, is good for Rugby!

So lets dive into the SRP with a game-by-game review, Brisney style. Pour a large cup of the good stuff☕, and let’s talk about the game they play in heaven.

Super Rugby Pacific round 14

Hurricanes 24 Defeated Highlanders 20

Roigard’s Heroics Save the Canes in Last-Gasp Thriller – What a belter of a game we witnessed! In a match that had more swings than a toddler’s playground, it was Cam ‘bloody’ Roigard—aka the Hurricanes’ Superman in a Captain America jersey—who lit the fuse and blew the Highlanders’ finals dreams to smithereens. The Canes, dressed like patriotic Marvel heroes (because why not?), have scraped through with a 24-20 win that’ll go straight to the Super Rugby highlight reels. And once again, it’s that man Roigard who gets the last laugh—and the last try. Two meat pies for the ABs No. 9, including the match-winner after 22 phases and the siren. Goosebumps? Oh yeah.

The Match: A Game of Inches and Insanity – The Highlanders came out swinging, with James Lowe (yes, that James Lowe back from the Land of the Shamrock) stretching out for the opening five-pointer. It was clear from the get-go the Landers were playing like their season depended on it—because, well, it did.

Then came a double blow for the home side—flanker Brayden Iose limped off with what looked like an ankle injury, and Bailyn Sullivan, after bulldozing his way to a try in the corner, was forced off with a head knock. That’s two starters in the bin before oranges. Not ideal. Still, the Canes kept hammering. Lowe, who clearly had a point to prove, dotted down again after a classic Kiwi backline movement that included fullback Jacob Ratumaitavuki-Kneepkens (try saying that after a few rum and cokes) and a rampaging Tanielu Tele’a.

Then came the 🧀—Timoci Tavatavanawai earning ten in the bin for going a tad too high. But the Canes couldn’t capitalise, with big unit Pasilio Tosi being stopped just shy. Half-time: 14-7 to the visitors, and a few concerned looks in the stands.

Enter Cam Roigard.

This bloke must eat jet fuel for breakfast. First, he latches onto a break from Fehi Fineanganofo and says “I’ll take it from here, cheers,” to dive over and square it up. Not done, he nearly slices through again, before Callum Harkin fumbles what would’ve been a certain try. Momentum now with the home side, Ruben Love slots a penalty, and for the first time in the match, the Hurricanes take the lead.

But the Landers weren’t done. Taine Robinson—cooler than a Speight’s in a Dunedin winter—nails two penalties to snatch the lead back with just minutes to play. The Canes, in a moment that’ll be studied in Coaching 101 for years to come, turn down a gimme penalty to go for the scrum. Ball ends up in touch. Cue facepalms from Wellington to Waikikamukau. But hold the phone—Ruben Love channels his inner Beauden Barrett, scythes through the line, and sets the platform. And who else but Roigard? One last dart. One last dive. One last broken Highlanders heart. Try time. Ball game.

Three Things We Learned

  1. Cam Roigard is Him – Seriously, how is this bloke not the starting All Blacks 9 every week? Ice in the veins, pace in the boots, and a nose for the tryline. If there’s one player you want with the game on the line, it’s Cam Roigard.
  2. The Hurricanes have guts—and flaws – Credit where it’s due, the Canes fought through injuries, cards, and poor decisions. But their inability to convert pressure while up a man, and nearly fumbling a golden chance late, shows they’re still a work-in-progress.
  3. Highlanders: Close but no cigar – It’s been the story of their season—so near, yet so far. They had the lead, the physicality, and the grit, but they just couldn’t ice it when it mattered. Finals hopes now hanging by the thinnest of threads.

Crusaders 48 defeated Horrortahs 33

Tahs Torch Their Finals Hopes Under Red Hot Crusaders – Well at the Ponderosa Hoss is pouring Bourbon down his neck like a mad man, looking at the post-apocalypse that is the Waratahs’ 2025 Super Rugby Pacific season. Strap yourselves in, comrades – this one’s a doozy.

Saturday night footy at Allianz quickly turned into a Christchurch clinic, as the Crusaders did what the Crusaders do: dismantled an Aussie team with ruthless precision, putting the Tahs to the sword 48-33. And just like that, NSW’s finals hopes have slipped quietly into the night like a schooner of Reschs at closing time. Coach Dan McKellar, clearly channeling his inner Gordon Ramsay, gave the lads a serve at halftime that could curdle milk. And for about eight glorious minutes, it looked like it might’ve worked. Langi Gleeson bagged his second meat pie and Miles Amatosero bulldozed over to bring the Tahs within sniffing distance – just 10 points adrift. Hope! Glory! Belief!

But alas, it was fool’s gold. Right off the restart, Gleeson put the ball down like it was a hot potato and Sevu bloody Reece – who’s apparently made a personal hobby of haunting Australian teams – didn’t need a second invitation. He zipped over the line, equalling TJ Perenara’s all-time Super Rugby Pacific try record in the process. Insert collective Aussie sigh here. Triston Reilly got himself a late five-pointer that did little more than pad the stats. Tom Christie had already crashed over minutes before to put the cherry on top of a dominant Kiwi performance. Final score: 48–33. And that might’ve been flattering for the home side.

Adding salt to the gaping wound? Joseph Suaalii – the much-hyped, much-paid Messiah – was nowhere to be seen, still nursing a busted jaw. But don’t expect Dan McKellar to trot out the injury card at the presser. No sir. The Waratahs coach was fuming – and rightfully so. Commitment, hunger, intensity – all AWOL at crucial moments.

One glimmer in the darkness? Enter veteran journeyman James O’Connor – yep, him again JOC 3.0. In just 25 minutes off the pine for the Crusaders (because 2025 is weird), he looked sharper than a Brumbies maul. Set up a try, saved one with a cover tackle on Reilly, and reminded Wallabies coach Joe Schmidt that there’s still life in those legs. Lions tour, anyone?

Three Things We Learned

  1. Commitment Issues Are Killing the Tahs – McKellar didn’t mince words and neither will we – this team goes missing at key moments. You can’t switch off against the Crusaders. Hell, you can’t switch off against the Force.
  2. Sevu Reece Is a Certified Aussie Menace – Sevu Reece has turned punishing Australian teams into an art form. He’s now co-holder of the Super Rugby try record, and most of them have probably come against the Tahs.
  3. Jimmy O’Connor: Like a Fine Wine – He’s 34, playing for the Crusaders, and still turning heads. Whether it’s a late-career swan song or one last Wallabies hurrah, JOC is putting his hand up for Schmidt in style.

Fiji Drua 38 defeated Western Force 7

Super Season Over: Force Get Flattened in Fiji – Well, folks, that’s all she wrote for the Western Force’s 2024 Super Rugby Pacific campaign. Finals dreams? Dead. Hopes and prayers? Tossed in the bin behind the Lautoka grandstand. After being shellacked 38-7 by a fired-up Fijian Drua outfit, the Force are heading home with sunburns, bruises, and absolutely nothing to show for their 49,050km of travel this season except sore hammies and existential dread.

Let’s give them this: they actually scored first. Yep, Sio Tomkinson dotted down in the third minute after a lovely bit of broken play sparked by Henry Robertson, who moments later would be cooling his jets in the naughty chair witha 🧀. But after that? Mate, it was a one-way flogging. Drua flicked the switch, threw the pill around like a backyard BBQ match, and ran rings around a weary Force side that was more gassed than a sausage sizzle on Grand Final day. Five tries later, the scoreboard read 38-7 and the match was over. Fijians dancing, fans cheering, and the Force… well, they were already mentally boarding their Qantas flight home.

Let’s not beat around the kava bowl here — the Force were missing a lot of cattle. No White, no Stewart, no Potter. Tizzano and Champion de Crespigny were also out. And Benny Donaldson was bubble-wrapped on the pine for the first half. With nearly half their first-choice side sidelined or snoozing, it was always going to be a tough day at the island office.

Fixture Frustration: Cron Cracks It – Simon Cron didn’t hold back in the post-match. And fair enough. This year’s Force fixture has been more stitched together than Frankenstein’s monster on a pub crawl. Australia to New Zealand, back to Perth, over to Fiji… the poor buggers have seen more tarmac than the Royal Flying Doctor Service. Cron’s squad have now gone two years without a win outside Australia — and this one never looked like breaking that streak. Handling errors, missed tackles, and a second half that resembled a training run for the Drua were just more nails in the Force’s wooden spoon-shaped coffin.

Three Things We Learned

  1. Travel Sickness is Real – Forget jet lag — the Force are running a full-blown frequent flyer fatigue epidemic. You can’t build form or flow when you’re racking up more air miles than a flight attendant.
  2. Depth Matters, and the Force Don’t Have Enough – When over a third of your best XV are missing, your bench is undercooked, and your flyhalf is on load management duty… you’re in strife. Big, stinking, Fijian-humid strife.
  3. Churchill Park = Fortress – Drua are unbeaten in nine straight at home, and it’s not by accident. Between the heat, humidity, and a crowd louder than a Saturday night at the Caxton, teams crumble. Add one fatigued Force side, and you’ve got yourself a tropical beatdown.

Moana Pasifika 27 Defeated Auckland Blues 21

Moana Magic as Blues Battered in Blockbuster Boilover – Moana Pasifika, the lovable underdogs turned giant-slayers, just flipped the script and blew the Blues out of the water with a 27-21 stunner. Finals footy? Yep, they’re not just knocking – they’re bashing the bloody door down. This wasn’t just a win. This was a statement. And it was delivered loud and clear, with a Tongan thunderbolt named Kyren Taumoefolau putting on an absolute masterclass on the wing. Hat-trick? Oh yes. First ever W over the Blues? You bet. Booting the defending champs out of the top six? Get in!

Let’s dive into the madness.

First Half: A Slow Burn and Some Brotherly Biffo – Early doors, it was a bit of a snorefest. Moana’s flyhalf Patrick Pellegrini did the only scoring in the opening 20 with a neat penalty. The Blues, as they do, tried to bully their way in with the ol’ rolling maul. Eventually, the ref had enough of the shenanigans and Tito Tuipulotu got sent for a breather. And as if scripted by the rugby gods, big bro Patrick Tuipulotu took the opportunity to remind Tito who’s boss, crashing over for a meat pie to make it 14-6.

But just when it looked like Moana might crumble, up stepped Kyren “Watch Me Go” Taumoefolau, slicing through just before the break to keep the dream alive.

Second Half: Taumoefolau Turns It On – Right after oranges, Taumoefolau leapt like a salmon in mating season and bagged his second, sending the Moana crowd into raptures. A moment of controversy struck when Pepesana Patafilo got binned for clobbering Anton Segner, who limped off and looked about as chirpy as a wet Waratah. This gave the Blues a sniff, but Moana weren’t having it. Then came the try. THE try. Taumoefolau picked up the ball inside the 22, chipped ahead, regathered with a bounce even Hollywood would say was too far-fetched, and dotted down. The place went ballistic.

The Blues, to their credit, tried to claw back with a late Hoskins Sotutu special. But it was too little, too late. Ardie Savea, channeling some Richie McCaw dark arts, pinched the ball in the dying minutes to lock in the win – and maybe a cheeky MVP title while he was at it.

The Wash-Up – With this win, Moana leapfrog the Blues into sixth on the ladder – six wins apiece, but Pasifika with the better vibe (and one more W). The Blues go into a bye week licking their wounds, while Moana now turn their sights to a showdown with the Chiefs. Final match-ups? Moana v Hurricanes, Blues v Waratahs. Buckle up.

Three Things We Learned:

1. Kyren Taumoefolau is a BOSS– This bloke has pace, power, and footy smarts in spades. That third try? Try of the season stuff. Get him a long-term deal and a statue while you’re at it.

2. The Blues are a bit… mid? – Five wins and now behind Moana in the standings. For a team with championship pedigree, they’re playing like they’ve got the yips. Can they bounce back? Sure. Will they? Hmm.

3. Moana Pasifika are finals-bound – Ok, it’s not a lock, but they’re now properly in the hunt. And honestly, wouldn’t it be glorious? The vibes are immaculate, and they’re peaking at the right time. Chiefs and Canes beware.

ACT Brumbies 24 defeated Queensland Reds 14

Brumbies Rope-a-Dope Reds (Again) To Hit Top Spot – The Brumbies have done it again — turning Fortress Canberra into an absolute house of horrors for the Reds, grabbing a gritty 24–14 win and climbing to the summit of the Super Rugby Pacific ladder. Yep, top of the pops. But, like a Friday night out in Braddon, there’s a price to pay.

Let’s dive in.

The Good, The Gritty, and The Oh-No Not Alaalatoa – Rob Valetini and his merry band of ruck pirates were at it again — 12 turnovers pilfered like gold doubloons while the Reds camped out in Brumbies territory like it was Schoolies week. Territory? Possession? The Brumbies didn’t want it. They just wanted the Reds to have it so they could rip it away like a toddler with someone else’s toy.

But there’s a storm cloud over Canberra: Allan Alaalatoa went down clutching a wheel. That’s not just a Brumbies problem — that’s a Wallabies-sized headache with the Lions tour looming like a British tabloid at a scandal. The Brumbies now hit the bye, possibly with a few fingers crossed and MRIs humming.

Reds Start Fast, Fade Faster – Tate McDermott looked slick early — sniping, juking, and setting up young buck Tim Ryan, who scooped up a pass like it was his nan’s pavlova and scooted in under the sticks. But that was about it for the Brisbanites. Seven entries into the Brumbies’ red zone in the first half and not a cracker to show for it after that. You could practically hear Les Kiss muttering into his headset, and not in the PG-rated way.

Then came the turning point — Hunter Paisami channelled his inner WWE star and got pinged for a high shot on Corey Toole and earnt himself a slice of 🧀. The Brumbies smelled blood, and like true apex predators, they struck: Andy Muirhead and Tom Wright cashed in quick, and suddenly it was 21–7. That’s all she wrote, bar a rolling maul from Josh Nasser and a few frantic final minutes that ended with a knock-on so cruel you could hear Queensland hearts breaking from Tuggeranong to Toowong.

Three Things We Learned

1. Rob Valetini Is a Human Wrecking Ball – Someone check that man’s tackle count. He’s out here turning breakdowns into demolition derbies and somehow still looks fresh at full-time. Wallabies fans, rejoice — we’ve got ourselves a weapon.

2. The Reds Need to Convert, Not Just Camp – Territory is lovely, but points are better. Seven trips to the Brumbies’ 22 in the first half, and they came away with less than a sausage roll. That’s not winning rugby — that’s heartbreak in phases.

3. Alaalatoa’s Injury Looms Large – If there’s one man the Wallabies can’t afford to lose, it’s Big Al. The scrum anchor, the spiritual heartbeat, and an absolute menace at the ruck. Fingers crossed the scans are kind — we’ll be lighting candles in rugby clubs across the land.

Super Rugby Pacific Ladder

  1. Brumbies – 13 matches, 9 wins, 4 losses, 43 points – The Brumbies are hanging tough, with a strong forward pack and disciplined play. They’re have nabbed top spot! Well done Ponies.
  2. Chiefs – 12 matches, 9 wins, 3 losses, 41 points – The Chiefs are close behind in second, showing the competition how it’s done. Their attacking prowess and solid defense make them the team to beat.
  3. Crusaders – 12 matches, 9 wins, 3 losses, 41 points – Despite a few hiccups, the Crusaders remain a formidable force. Their experience and depth will be crucial in the run-in.
  4. Reds – 12 matches, 7 wins, 5 losses, 32 points – The Reds are in the hunt, but inconsistency has plagued them. They’ll need to find their rhythm to secure a playoff spot.
  5. Hurricanes – 12 matches, 6 wins, 1 draw, 5 losses, 30 points – The Hurricanes have shown flashes of brilliance but need to string together consistent performances.
  6. Moana Pasifika – 12 matches, 6 wins, 6 losses, 28 points – Moana Pasifika are punching above their weight, with a balanced game plan and resilient mindset.
  7. Blues – 13 matches, 5 wins, 8 losses, 28 points – The Blues have had a mixed season, but their attacking flair keeps them in contention.
  8. Waratahs – 11 matches, 5 wins, 6 losses, 22 points – The Waratahs’ playoff hopes are hanging by a thread. Whilst it is theoretically possible that they can make the finals, they really only have two chances – Buckleys and None.
  9. Western Force – 12 matches, 4 wins, 7 losses, 22 points – The Force are struggling, but a couple of upsets could see them climb the ladder.
  10. Highlanders – 11 matches, 3 wins, 8 losses, 18 points – The Highlanders are out of the playoff race, but they’ll be looking to play the role of spoilers.
  11. Fijian Drua – 12 matches, 3 wins, 9 losses, 15 points – The Drua are finding the going tough, but their spirited play is always a highlight.

The Brumbies are leading the charge, but the Chiefsand Crusaders are hot on their heels. The Reds have the talent but need consistency, while the Hurricanes and Moana Pasifika are still in the mix. The Blues, Waratahs, and Force are clinging to their playoff dreams, and the Highlanders and Drua are looking to finish strong.

It’s shaping up to be a cracker of a finish, with every game counting. Strap in, folks – the run to the finals is going to be a beauty! Over to you GAGRs! Have at it!

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Brisneyland Local

A complete and utter Rugby tragic, former very average No.4, who loves the game and all that comes with it. Born In NSW, resides in QLD (Gods Sate), known for coming in off the long run up. Remember lads and laddettes :|"It all starts in the second row!" I take the mickey out of everyone, but mostly myself, so don’t get to worked up about the dribbling’s and rantings of an old second rower. Join in the fun!

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