This season of Super Rugby Pacific just can’t get any better. Just when you think you know how a game is going to turn out, these things happen. It just makes me love rugby more and more. And to be honest, I didn’t think that was possible.
Firstly, let’s look at the Wallaroos v Black Ferns game in Newcastle, and then we will get into the SRP with a game-by-game review, Brisney style. Pour a large cup of the good stuff☕, and let’s talk rugby.
Black Ferns 31 defeated Wallaroos 12
Wallaroos show guts, but Black Ferns still boss the O’Reilly Cup — Well, it wasn’t 62-0 this time, so that’s a start. The Wallaroos fronted up against the all-conquering Black Ferns and showed genuine ticker, but class is class, and the Kiwis walked away with a 38-12 win and yet another O’Reilly Cup in the cabinet. Things looked grim early, the Black Ferns came out hotter than a servo pie at halftime, piling on 19 unanswered points in the first stanza. Winger Ayesha Leti-I’iga, apparently tired of defending, decided to just score tries instead — two of them in fact, both made to look easier than they had any right to be.
The Wallaroos’ D was far more organised than last year’s revolving door effort, but the cracks showed eventually, and 18-year-old Braxton Sorensen-McGee — yes, eighteen — dotted down on debut. A few of us were still figuring out how to use a washing machine at that age. Down 19- zip at the break, things could’ve gone full 2023 again. But credit to Jo Yapp’s mob — they came out swinging. After another try from the Ferns (prop Chryss Viliko doing her best bowling ball impression), the Aussies found some rhythm.
Scrumhalf Layne Morgan spotted space down the blindside, fed big Eva Karpani, and the wrecking ball did the rest. Georgina Friedrichs nearly backed it up with a second, only to fumble at the line, and Siokapesi Palu was heartbreakingly held up. Close, but no Tim Tam. Eventually, the Wallaroos mauled one over through Ashley Marsters, who’s rapidly becoming our guaranteed try scorer off the bench.
But the Black Ferns, being the rugby terminators they are, had the last word. Sylvia Brunt crossed before Sorensen-McGee grabbed her second try, rubbing a bit more salt in the wound and proving that the Kiwis have depth for years.
Three Things We Learned
1. The gap is closing (kind of) – Sure, 38-12 isn’t a W, but compared to last year’s 62-point shutout, it’s practically a photo finish. The Wallaroos are fitter, more structured, and finally showing some attacking creativity. There’s still a gulf, but it’s narrowing — slowly.
2. Youth is the way forward – Jo Yapp is blooding young talent, and it’s paying off. Tia Hinds showed vision, and Sorensen-McGee looks like the real deal — fast, fearless, and apparently immune to nerves. It’s not quite a golden generation yet, but it’s glimmering.
3. Eva Karpani needs the ball more – Simple. Give her the rock and let her truck some poor defenders into next week. She’s not just a battering ram — she’s becoming a genuine game-changer.
The scoreboard still favours the Ferns, but there’s a different feeling this time. Hope. Fire. A sense that we’re finally in the same postcode. Next stop: beating them. Maybe.
What did you think of the Wallaroos’ performance — false dawn or real progress?
Super Rugby Pacific round 12
Auckland Blues 34 defeated Fiji Drua 5
Blue wrecking balls feast on Fijian fare
Wasn’t that a proper serving of Blue brutality dished up in the islands? The Auckland Blues have charged back into finals contention with a 34–5 thumping of the Fijian Drua that was about as subtle as a front-rower at an all-you-can-eat buffet. And speaking of front-rowers… this one was a love letter to the big boppers up front. A Nutta fantasy! Not one, not two, but three—count ’em—THREE props got their name on the score sheet. This wasn’t a game of fancy footwork or razzle-dazzle backline brilliance. This was trench warfare, and the Blues brought the tanks.
Let’s break it down. The Blues came out of the sheds looking like they’d had an extra kava session the night before—cool, calm and collected. After an early disallowed try (harsh but fair), tighthead Marcel Renata rumbled over from close range in the 6th minute to get things properly underway. It was the rugby equivalent of a semi-trailer rolling downhill with no brakes.
Next up, little halfback Taufa Funaki pulled out the ol’ show-and-go to dart over right on the chalk, and before you could say ‘Where’s the Drua D?’, Joshua Fusitu’a barged over for his first ever Super Rugby try after 35 games in blue. You could almost see the relief on the big fella’s face—probably wondering why it took so long.
The Blues went into the sheds up 22–donut, and they weren’t done yet. Enter Angus Ta’avao, stage left. First touch, big spin, over he goes. Try number three for the front-rowers. At this point, we needed someone on the sidelines handing out oxygen tanks to the front five from all that try-scoring excitement. To cap things off, Cole Forbes strolled over after the Drua defence resembled Swiss cheese in the final quarter. The Fijians did manage to avoid the dreaded donut themselves with fan-favourite Selestino Ravutaumada muscling over in the corner late in the match, giving the home fans something to cheer.
So, where does that leave us? The Blues rocket up to fifth spot, overtaking the Canes and Moana Pasifika, while the Drua still sit at the wrong end of the ladder, scratching their heads and prepping for a showdown with the Western Force next week.
Three things we learned
- Front-row renaissance: Props scoring tries is like spotting a unicorn in the wild—rare and glorious. Renata, Fusitu’a, and Ta’avao all dotted down, making this a night for the big boys to remember. Maybe we need a new stat: ‘Tries Per Sandwich Consume’.
- Blue collar dominance: The Blues pack was utterly dominant, setting the tone and keeping the Drua on the back foot from minute one. When your props are scoring more than your wingers, that’s a statement of intent.
- Drua’s defence in disarray: The Fijian Drua looked flat, especially in the first half. They lacked spark and were manhandled at the breakdown and in the set-piece. Plenty to work on before facing the Force, or they’ll be swept away again.
Queensland Reds 28 defeated NSW Waratahs 21
Reds crush Tahs’ dreams in a derby of carnage and chaos – Well, the Reds have not only sunk the Tahs’ finals hopes but also managed to blow up half of their backline in the process. A dramatic night at Allianz saw the scoreboard flip, bodies drop, and Queensland walk away with the points and the bragging rights. It all kicked off like a Tahs fever dream—14-zip up inside 20 minutes. Henry O’Donnell crossed early, looking like he’d just jogged down to the shops, and Jake Gordon snuck over from close range while the Reds were still waking up from the bus ride. Even the rain seemed to be on NSW’s side.
But then… chaos. Joseph Suaalii, the man who could sidestep a greyhound, got poleaxed in a horror friendly fire incident—accidentally kneed in the jaw by his own teammate, Andrew Kellaway. It was like watching two mates at the pub go for the same chip and end up knocking out a tooth. Poor Suaalii was stretchered off in a neck brace, sending a shiver through Allianz and straight into Wallabies coach Joe Schmidt’s notepad. Adding insult to injury, Queensland scored on a penalty advantage 30 seconds later. Hooker Richie Asiata flopped over and suddenly it was 14-14 at oranges.
The second half? Mate, it was a mess. Cards flying everywhere like it was Uno night at grandma’s. Daniel Botha went to the naughty corner with a serve of 🧀 for flipping Josh Canham like a pancake. Canham returned the favour with a 🧀 of his own for lifting David Porecki like he was trying to move furniture alone. In between the referee’s parade of pocket calls, big Taniela Tupou—yes, wearing blue now, still weird—bulldozed over for his first Waratahs try. Cue celebrations… for about two minutes. Then bang! Head-on-head contact with Dre Pakeho, and it was TMO time. 🧀. Off you go, big fella.
Queensland smelled blood and pounced. Josh Nasser drove over from a rolling maul that had more legs than a centipede, levelling things up with 10 to go. But the dagger? Oh, the dagger. Andrew Kellaway had one job. One. Job. Put Darby Lancaster away. Instead? He threw it at his ankles like a man who mistook a rugby pass for a cricket yorker. Seconds later, Filipo Daugunu threw a peach of a cross-field kick and Lachlan Anderson said ‘thank you very much’, dotting down to steal the win and shatter the hearts of Tahs fans everywhere.
Reds are home with the chocolates. Tahs left with nothing but bruises, confusion, broken dreams and the Hossman crying in his bourbon.
Three things we learned
1. Friendly fire Isn’t – Poor Suaalii. In a moment that would make even WWE cringe, Kellaway turned his teammate’s jaw into a trampoline. Let’s hope the young gun recovers quickly—rugby and the Wallabies need him upright and conscious.
2. The Reds are the kings of chaos rugby – Give ‘em a yellow card and they’ll find a way. Down a man? No worries. Momentum killer? Don’t need it. This Reds team thrives in the madness. Unpredictable, gritty, and loving every second of the chaos.
3. The Tahs are inventing new ways to lose – They led 14-0, had control, and still managed to fall apart like a cheap tent in a cyclone. Between brain farts, bad passes, and butchered chances, they’re finding new creative ways to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
Waikato Chiefs 35 defeated Canterbury Crusaders 19
Chiefs drop the hammer in Christchurch – Oh boy, if you’re a Crusaders fan, I hope the bourbon was strong and the tissues were nearby—because the Chiefs just rolled into the Garden City and gave the reigning champs a good old-fashioned paddling. The final score: Chiefs 35, Crusaders 19. And trust me, it wasn’t even that close in the second half.
Let’s get into it. The First Half: a game of broken bodies and boot leather. Things started as expected in Crusaderland—clinical, physical, and with a touch of class. Chay Fihaki dropped a glorious 50-22 like it was hot, and Tom Christie did the honours by crossing early. Nice. But then the rugby gods got hungry for blood; Will Jordan did his knee, again (insert collective Kiwi groan), while Daniel Rona and Brodie McAlister were removed via the HIA express lane. It turned into a war of attrition, and the Saders looked like they’d wear down the visitors early. Scott Barrett muscled over to build the lead, Antonio Shalfoon chimed in, and the Crusaders were humming along at 19–3. All seemed well in red-and-black land.
The Turning Point: Narawa lights the fuse. Just when the hosts were thinking about halftime oranges and game management, Emoni Narawa went all Mission Impossible and dotted down two minutes after the bell rang. Bang—momentum shift. Whatever the Chiefs had in the sheds at halftime, I want two. Maybe it was Red Bull. Maybe it was a stirring McMillan spray. Whatever it was, it worked. Damian McKenzie—Super Rugby’s resident jester/assassin—threw a dummy so filthy it should come with a PG rating and scored. Then Leroy Carter decided to go full road-runner, zipped past half the Crusaders, and suddenly the Chiefs were in front, looking cocky and composed.
And that was that. The Saders never recovered. The final blow: McKenzie’s boot and Sititi’s stamp.
D-Mac added a couple more penalties just to twist the knife and stretch the lead past the seven-point safety zone. Then up stepped Wallace Sititi, charging over from close range like a bouncer at 2:00am. Try. Game. Statement. The Chiefs now sit top of the table with a four-point buffer, albeit with one extra game played. The Crusaders? Well, they’re licking their wounds and looking nervously at a desperate Waratahs side next week. That could get spicy.
Three things we learned
- The Chiefs are legitimate title threats – No more “yeah, but wait for the finals” chat. They just marched into Christchurch and made the Crusaders look mortal. That’s no easy feat.
- D-Mac is the best rugby agent of chaos since Larkham – Damian McKenzie is playing like a bloke with cheat codes. If he stays healthy, the Chiefs will go deep.
- Crusaders’ depth is being tested—and might be found wanting – With injuries mounting and young replacements not quite up to snuff, the cracks are starting to show in Penney’s first-year armour.
ACT Brumbies 33 defeated Western Force 14
Monday’s rugby hangover: Lolesio laid low in Brumbies’ bashfest – The Brumbies did what they had to do, knocking over the Force 33-14 in Perth, but it came at the cost of their playmaking prince, Noah bloody Lolesio. Yep, if you’re feeling déjà vu, it’s not just the hangover talking – we’ve had another Wallaby stretchered off in a neck brace, and it’s starting to feel less like Super Rugby and more like a bloody M*A*S*H unit.
The Match – On paper, it looks like a solid win. The Ponies out-muscled and out-thought a gutsy but ultimately outclassed Force outfit. The scoreline flattered the home team, to be fair. The Brumbies’ set piece was humming, their backs clicked when needed, and their depth came to the fore – particularly when hooker Liam Bowron barrell-rolled over for a cheeky bonus-point try after the hooter. That point could be worth its weight in Vegemite come finals time.
With the W, the Brums leapfrog the Crusaders into second on the ladder, giving them a golden shot at a home playoff. Cue Canberra locals wiping the frost off their eskies and sharpening the BBQ tools. But let’s be real – the footy gods gave us one hand and took away with the other. Lolesio’s injury was the storyline nobody wanted.
The injury – around the 20-minute mark, with the Brumbies defending their line like it was the last beer at a bush doof, Lolesio was caught in an awkward off-the-ball tangle. No foul play, just bad luck and poor timing. The sight of him writhing in pain, neck immobilised, and sucking on the green whistle like it was his only friend was as grim as it gets. Even Timmy Horan, not one to go full Chicken Little, said, “That’s not a great sign.” No kidding, mate.
The bloke’s off to Japan at season’s end, which had already put him on the naughty list for Wallabies selection under Joe Schmidt’s ‘no passport, no play’ regime. But with the Lions looming and Carter Gordon still finding his feet, losing Lolesio – even just as depth – could sting like a jellyfish in your budgie smugglers. And for the sadists keeping count: that’s two Wallabies in two days carted off the field looking like crash-test dummies. Suaalii copped it Friday night for the Tahs. Someone check if the Wallabies’ physio staff have updated their LinkedIn to ’emergency trauma unit’.
Three things we learned
- The Brumbies have depth and guts. – Despite losing their chief playmaker early, the Ponies kept their heads, played smart footy, and got the job done. Bowron’s buzzer-beater showed they’ve got impact off the pine.
- Australian rugby can’t catch a break (or a tackle without casualties) – Two neck injuries in two derbies? Come on, footy gods, cut us some slack. If these knocks keep up, the Wallabies’ pre-Lions camp might look more like a triage tent.
- The Force are full of ticker but short on finish – They had moments, especially in the first half, but couldn’t crack the Brumbies’ defensive wall often enough. It’s been the tale of their season – gutsy, but not quite good enough.
Super Rugby Pacific Ladder
1. Chiefs – Top of the pops with 41 points. Their 35–19 comeback win over the Crusaders in Christchurch was a statement.
2. Brumbies – Holding strong at second with 39 points. Their 33–14 victory over the Force in Perth keeps them in the mix.
3. Crusaders – Sitting third with 37 points. That loss to the Chiefs stings, but they’re still in the hunt.
4. Reds – Climbing to fourth with 32 points after a gritty 28–21 win over the Waratahs. The Queenslanders are finding form at the right time.
5. Blues – Back in the top six with 27 points. A solid 34–5 bonus-point win over the Drua in Suva shows they’re not done yet.
6. Hurricanes – On 26 points and still in the playoff picture. They’ll need to finish strong to stay there.
7. Moana Pasifika – Tied on 24 points. Their attacking flair is keeping them in contention.
8. Waratahs – Also on 24 points. That loss to the Reds hurts; theoretically, they are still in the race, but it is a whole lot of uphill from here, and with games like that Brisney says 2 chances,. Buckley’s and bugger all.
9. Western Force – Sitting on 22 points. They’ll need a late surge to make the finals.
10. Highlanders – With 18 points, their season is slipping away.
11. Fijian Drua – On 15 points. A tough season, but they’ve shown flashes of brilliance.
With just a few rounds to go, the race to the finals is heating up. The top four are looking strong, but spots five to eight are still up for grabs. Expect fireworks in the coming weeks as teams jostle for position.
Anyway enough of this crazy old man gibbering shit. Over to you, G&GRs. Have at it.
